Retaliation
by MommaKristine
Summary: A frustrating case, a victim with more enemies than friends, mob ties, gangs and something neither saw coming.  When Castle and Beckett find they are being hunted, will it drive them closer or push them further apart? Rated M for Chapters 35 and up.
1. Chapter 1

Retaliation

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, which is good, because I would have run out of great ideas a long time ago.

Prologue

The night sky had deepened to a rich navy blue. The last vestiges of light clinging on the horizon like a desperate lover begging for release as darkness blanketed the city. Rush hour commuters had settled comfortably in their homes leaving the streets desolate, the park dangerously shadowed.

The path of a lonely traveller forged in these harrowing hours, was one of darkest despair and a desperate need to keep moving. The cloying feeling of watchful eyes raking over him as his heart hammered in his chest made his feet move more quickly on the slippery cobblestone walkway.

He could feel the eyes on him. He could feel the footsteps getting closer.

Fear as he had never known, gripped him. With a strangled cry his feet began to move faster until her was running awkwardly over the uneven stone path. His feet slipped occasionally on the patches of ice that had formed from the melt off once the sun fell and temperatures dropped back below freezing.

Panting and exhausted he forced himself to move further to run faster, but his anxiety did not abate. Looking behind himself, sullenly, to take in the expression on the face of his purser he let the realization that this was to be the end of him take hold.

He found himself staring into dark nothingness as far as his eyes could see along the path.

A fresh wave of confusion brutally assaulted him as the icy fingers of a winter wind whipped through his jacket and bit at his flesh. Fear was rolling through his body as his legs continued to carry him along the path. Panting and breathless he moved further into the park, glancing back again just before his foot caught and he suddenly found himself barreling face first into the rocky footpath.

Stunned, for a moment, he knew he had to get up and move. He knew more than he knew his own name that if he didn't go now the night would end in bloodshed.

He almost laughed as he brought his hand to his face and found the warm wet evidence of a heavy trickle pouring out of his nose, but he could not feel the pain. He could do nothing but laugh as he was proven right from more blood pour through his fingers and splashing onto the stone near where he was still kneeling on the hard lumpy surface. Cold from the contact with the wet, icy rocks beneath him seemed to seep through his clothes, but he was already numb to this existence and feeling the cold was outside of his abilities.

Soon they would catch him. Soon they would make him pay, they would make him suffer and bleed and ache far more than this broken nose ever could.

He had to move.

He had stayed here too long already and he could feel their eyes as they closed in on him from every direction.

As he gathered his breath and clasped his hand tighter around the blood pouring from his nose, he gave a nervous glance around.

Eyes. Eyes in the bushes, staring out at him. They had found him and he was going to pay for what he had done. Fear and guilt gripped him with equally icy fingers.

He sprang to his feet, and disappeared into the darkness as swiftly as his feet would carry him over the slippery surface of the ice-patched stones underfoot.

Chapter One

Richard Castle was sleepily wandering through his loft apartment with his empty coffee cup in hand. His flannel pants and grey t-shirt were rumpled from his fitful night's sleep, or lack of sleep, and he hadn't even bothered with taming the mess that was his morning hair when he had padded into the kitchen in search of more caffeine.

Another night spent writing like a banshee, never feeling like he could sleep the few times he had tried to close his eyes. Here he was, up before Alexis, only because he hadn't been to sleep yet and finally the ideas had been purged and he felt himself ready for some much deserved and highly underrated sleep.

Setting his coffee on the kitchen counter, he allowed himself to free fall. He landed face first, into the comfortable cushions on his couch. Finally, his brain did not protest as his eyes slowly closed and just as sleep was grasping him, lapping anxiously on the edges of consciousness, he heard the normally thrilling, now frustrating sound of his phone ringing.

He knew who it was even before he managed to groggily roll off his pocket and pull the phone out. "Castle." He said.

"Wake up, we got a fresh one on your side of town and we're headed your way." Becket responded.

"When?" he asked. He realized he was apparently unable to pull more than a single word at a time through his tired mind.

"I'll be outside in five." She responded and he slammed his phone closed, before dragging himself back upstairs to put on something more presentable than his pajamas and do something about the mess on his head.

True to her word, Detective Kate Beckett pulled her car up to the curb out front of Castle's apartment five minutes later. He climbed in the passenger seat with a large thermos of coffee and a slight nod in greeting. He had been about to speak when a huge yawn interrupted him mid-thought.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty, you awake over there?" she asked in a teasing voice, but he didn't miss the hint of something else tingeing the words.

He cursed his over-tired state for not being able to put his finger on what that note in her voice meant. He knew that tone, but something just wasn't falling into place.

He couldn't tell if she was really just joking or if she was hoping he would stay home for once. He expected not, she had called him and offered to pick him up. More than his concern over whether she thought he should have stayed was the overwhelming thought in the back of his own mind that had him thinking that going with her in his current state of more than completely exhausted would be the bad decision it was starting to look like it was going to be.

Instead of focus on her tone too directly, Castle grasped at her words and gave her a lascivious smile, "You are welcome to wake me with a kiss whenever you want."

He saw the eye roll he had been expecting, and, even tired, he couldn't suppress a grin. She was most assuredly a creature of habit. Predictable and constant, except when she wasn't. Her chiding a moment later was also to be expected, "I was thinking more along the lines of having someone bring me your heart so I didn't have to worry about you spoiling my day again."

He felt a sudden devilish grin light his face as he noted the upper hand she had inadvertently handed him and he made a conscious effort to keep his tone low and serious, "It's yours, if you want it."

Speechless, Becket glared out the front window, that muscle along the edge of her jaw twitching slightly from the intense clenching she was doing with her teeth.

Score one for Castle, he thought and then he yawned again and that little quirk of her lips told him she was amused as it washed away the tension in her jawline. That left her absently biting her lip, he knew she was fighting saying something smart back, but the act drew his mind to decidedly erotic places and that's when he knew.

He definitely should have stayed home to sleep, because his focus was already proving to be less than stellar and they hadn't even made it to the crime scene yet.

He knew her long days, and supposing this was like most case, she would probably be at the precinct until well after most others had left. She had a drive that was more focused and directed than any he had ever seen.

Therefore, of course, as he pondered sleep, he felt the familiar tug of his protective instincts kicking in. If he didn't stick around, she would work herself into the ground without thought of food or rest.

He pictured himself as the heroic white night, riding in to rescue her and couldn't help the laugh at the ridiculousness of that mental picture. Katherine Beckett was anything but a damsel in distress and she could quickly snap him in half or put a bullet through him.

Not only _could_ she, but if he answered that little raise of her eyebrows that was asking him what was funny he was certain she _would_. He shrugged off her question and they continued to the crime scene in silence.

The park was empty, save for the emergency personnel, as Castle and Becket walked towards the yellow crime scene tape several hundred feet across a field from the parking lot.

Remnants of the snowfall from two days prior, crunched loudly under their feet as they cautiously made their way across the icy terrain.

Yesterday had been warm, in comparison to the days they had been having, and gave the snow a change to melt away. It was nearly gone now, but the plummet in temperatures last night brought with it a freeze of all that remained, resulting in their need to walk at a more reserved pace.

The cold wind was biting and he felt his eyes drifting to her again as he wondered if the cold was getting to her as much as it felt that it was slicing through him. She didn't seem bothered by it at all, as they walked and he felt a moment of silly giddiness as he realized her boots for the winter were much lower than her standard heels, and he was actually looking down slightly to take in her expression.

Her scarf was pulled around her neck, but it hung more loosely in front of her neck than behind. He suspected it was something to tuck her nose into if the frigid temperatures became too much to bear. He let his gaze shift to her face and was surprised to find her nose a rosy shade of pink. The cold was already getting to her, so he was left wonder why she wasn't using the scarf she had so obviously positioned for warmth.

He was still contemplating this when they reached the cobblestone walking path and the unexpected slickness of it caused his boot to suddenly slip out from underneath him, taking his foot and leg with it and knocking him completely off balance.

He saw the speed, like a snake attacking, as Beckett's hand shot out of her jacket pocket and grabbed his arm. She seemed to move faster than his brain could interpret, because suddenly she was turned towards him and her other hand had a firm grip on the lapels of his jacket. Holding firmly, she kept him from meeting his demise there on the rocks beneath their feet.

"Careful." She said, seemingly on autopilot. Her eyes scanned him as if verifying that he did indeed have full control of his stance and was not going to fall over.

She didn't step away and Castle felt a small grin tug at the corner of his mouth as he slowly leaned towards her, "If you wanted to hold me in the park, you didn't have to wait for someone to die."

He felt her hand tighten on his arm to the point where this had gone from rescuing to, "Ow. Ow. Ow." He said as she finally released him and pointed to where he had nearly fallen. There were several splotches of blood with yellow numbers labeling them.

"You can fall down in your own space. This is my crime scene and I don't need you rolling over all the evidence." She turned and strode purposefully away from him.

He had to walk more quickly then was probably advised to catch up, "Thanks, though. I really like this coat and would be very upset if it were covered in blood and evidence."

"What do you got, Lanie?" Becket asked as she and Castle approached the Medical Examiner crouching over the body of their victim.

Kate and Castle crouched down to join Lanie Parish next to the body of an older man wearing a very nice suit.

"That's Armani." Castle noted with a whistle, but both women seemed to ignore him as they looked down at the body of their victim.

"The victim is Charles Cooper. I'd put a preliminary time of death between ten and twelve last night." Lanie passed the man's wallet to Beckett.

"Not a robbery." Beckett responded absently as she opened it and fanned through the bills still inside.

Lanie responded, "There does seem to be some damage on his wrist, could be from the forceful removal of a watch or something. I won't know much else until I get him back to the lab."

Castle was only half listening to the M.E. as he glanced from the victim, obviously strangled, to Beckett. With his sleep-deprived brain, it took him a moment to realize what he was seeing. As Beckett looked down at the body, the lower half of her face and her nose disappeared into the loose loop of her scarf. He felt a silly grin play on his face.

He wasn't the only one feeling this biting cold that made his lungs burn with every breath, but Kate Beckett was not one to show weakness in any form. She was professional and independent, but he had never realized that the independence she carried so well masked a hidden darker side.

Apparently, her need to prove to the world that she was strong, powerful, and in control, extended to old man winter as well. She would show that frosty old man a thing or two. However, he knew if she were walking home after work, that scarf would be pulled tight and probably double looped to keep her warm.

One of these days he was going to have to have a talk with her about how there is a difference between showing that you're human and showing that you're weak.

"Castle!" Beckett snapped at him and he realized that both women were staring at him and he was still staring at Kate's scarf.

The two women stood back to their full heights, "Did you break writer boy?" Lanie asked with a wink at her friend.

"Why is _Castle_ being distracted always my fault?" Beckett asked as the two women started to move towards Lanie's bus to get the body bag and gurney. The way she said his name as if it were an insult made him grin; he knew exactly the expression on her face.

She would have the exasperated yet amused look that confounded him with its intricacy and contradiction. Her brow furrowed as if she were angry or coming down with a headache, but one corner of her mouth twitching as if anxious to spring into a smile that never fully formed.

"Girl, you don't seriously expect me to answer that, do you?" he heard Lanie respond with a laugh and she sounded far away now. He couldn't figure out why he was still squatting near the body, staring at the spot where Kate's scarf had been, now there was only patchy snow over yellowed grass.

A/N: This is my first Castle fic, though I'm new to writing fanfic in general, but I really love this show, it's characters, the humor, and the cases.

This story is currently a side project as I work like crazy to finish another. I got my characters in the middle of quite a mess on my other project and I have to get them out, but this story didn't want to wait for me to finish to have its turn.

These are complicated characters and I wouldn't want to go on if I'm not getting them right. Let me know how I'm doing on that, anything I can do better, or if I should scrap this and stick to my other favorite show.

Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Beckett walked with Lanie to get the supplies needed to transport their victim back to the morgue. She wasn't admitting that it was because of the bizarre behavior of her constant shadow, Richard Castle. She really didn't have to with her friend, as the medical examiner always seemed to see right through her.

Fortunately, Lanie didn't push as they worked in silence, but her expression told Beckett that soon they would be having a talk about what was with the both of them acting so strangely this morning.

She didn't know what there was to talk about. She had gone from fuming mad at him, to mildly aroused in the space of fifteen minutes and she was confounded, not only with him being out of sorts, but also with herself.

They always found a way to joke or laugh; it was something she appreciated that got her through the most difficult of days. Usually he would eventually spoil the ease or comfort of any moment by interjecting a lewd reference, a blatantly cheesy come-on line, or a compliment directed her way with a hint of sexual energy.

They had been joking this morning, something to distract her from asking about his night of apparently little sleep that she was sure she didn't want to know about, but his response was so far from the usually easy to shrug off tease that it had made her instantly angry.

He had joked about giving her his heart, but it wasn't something she had any desire to hear jokes about. It brought back too many negative connotations for a time, not long ago, when she would have gladly accepted that offer. For him to say it so glibly, had brought her out of the humor of the situation so quickly that it was like a slap to the face.

Then he had yawned, reminding her of her prior perception that he was obviously exhausted and looking entirely too much like the little boy he once was, cute with his hair slightly out of place like that and she had to fight a smile. She lost the battle and was about to make a joke to bring them back to the banter and away from the emotional, but she fought the urge to stoop to his level and they finished the drive in silence. She would get him back, but it would have to wait.

It wasn't until they were walking across the field towards the crime scene that it had occurred to her how uncharacteristically quiet he was being. Perhaps there was something more than exhaustion causing his shift in moods. She couldn't stop her detective brain from formulating possible causes for the unnatural quiet from the normally talkative and energetic writer.

Her least favorite flashes of theory involved late night sex-capades with his ex-wife turned current girlfriend. She felt her cheeks flush and hoped the cold would be an apt cover for the sudden change in color as those thoughts led to the mental picture of Rick Castle sweaty and naked.

She shook her head and glanced out of the corner of her eye to make sure he hadn't noticed the change in her. Seeing, as he wasn't wearing that cocky 'you're so busted' grin, she was probably safe, but just then he slipped and she caught him.

She had ended up nearly flush against him as she barely managed to keep him upright and she suddenly found herself in the mental picture she had conjured a moment before.

She felt a sudden wave of relief as he turned it all into a joke and she countered with a threat. It was very them. It was comfortable in its predictability.

They get close, but before things become awkward or even worse, before things become something that isn't awkward, he makes an outlandish observation or a joke, she makes a threat. They move back to a safe distance, emotionally or physically.

Perhaps that was why she had been so frustrated with his comment earlier. She had been in the uncomfortable position of finding herself concerned about him in a way that really wasn't her place as his partner.

She had been the one to start the teasing, trying to get her mind off asking him why he looked so tired, because she was certain she didn't want to know the answer, and he had countered. Her threat this time had been more veiled, but he had found a joke in there anyway.

His joke, however, had not been the buffer that their banter normally was. Instead of providing an outlet to drive them away from the problem, as she saw this whole mess, he had succeeded in making her mind go right back to it again.

She cursed her cyclical thinking as she continued to watch Castle stare at nothing near the body, but shook off the whole mess as she noticed Detectives Ryan and Esposito approaching through the park.

"Castle, you coming?" she asked, but watched as he didn't seem to have any reaction so she shrugged and headed over to meet the other detectives.

"He was found by a jogger this morning," Detective Kevin Ryan began as he consulted his notebook, "Heather Ballard."

Next to him, Detective Javier Esposito wrinkled his nose, "It's like playing with fire, running out here on this ice. Lady's not right in the head if you ask me."

Used to this sort of thing from Castle, Beckett had grown accustomed to a certain level of joking from these two as well, but still, she gave him the best steely glare she could conjure, "Nobody asked you." She responded and watched as her intimidation worked and both men seemed to straighten in their stance.

They quickly wrapped up the brief little they had gleaned in the few minutes since their arrival and then Esposito seemed to notice she was alone, "Where's Castle, I thought you were picking him up?"

She angled her head back towards the body and turned as the two detectives came up to flank her on either side.

"What is he doing?" Ryan asked as he tilted his head to the side to see if he could make out whatever it was the man found so intriguing on the ground. It only took a moment for Becket and Esposito to follow suit and they were all standing with their heads cocked when Lanie started laying out the body bag and Castle jump slightly as if startled out of whatever he was deeply engrossed in.

They watched with matching smirks as the writer rose quickly to his feet and began looking around as if gaging where he was and where Beckett had wandered off to. It took him a moment to spot the three of them and he mirrored their stance, tilting his head to look back at them and then raising a hand with a silly little wave before he started the several paces towards them.

"Go back and start checking through his financials. We need a warrant to get into his records and see what he's been working on." She told Ryan and Esposito who nodded in confirmation sent Castle matching waves that were far more masculine then the one he had sent their way, and turned to trudge through the snow to their vehicle.

"Where'd you go?" he asked as he finally reached her, turning to watch the two detective retreat from the scene.

"I could ask you the same question." She responded with a grin as she turned to head back over near the body and make sure CSU had everything they needed to get started pulling this evidence and getting it out to the lab.

This time he managed to keep up with her.

Back at the precinct, and after three espressos, Castle was finally starting to act like himself, though now that his rambunctiousness was back, Beckett was almost wishing to have the tired and quiet Castle back.

"Cooper's Troopers." He said, coming back with another refill on his coffee. "I knew I recognized that guy." He said, dropping into his chair next to her desk. He set the cup on her desk as he licked the drop that sloshed onto his hand as he sat.

Beckett snatched the cup as soon as it was out of his hands.

"Hey!" he was indignant, "Get your own."

"You're cut off, Castle." She said, taking a sip and letting a satisfied sigh escape her lips, "You're bouncing around like a Chihuahua after a line of coke."

He gave her an exasperated look, "I highly doubt it's that bad."

"Castle," she said, being conscious of her use of the serious tone that always seemed to get through even his most childish antics as she stood and propped her hands on the desk, leaning towards him menacingly, "You have another coffee and I will not be responsible for my actions."

"That actually sounds kind of hot, can you do that again, but," he sat a little higher in his chair as his gaze shifted down, "lean over a little further?"

"Go home. You're too tired to be helpful here." She rose and used the tone that whipped Esposito and Ryan into shape.

She saw him shrink back on himself a little, "Sorry, I know, I'm a pest, but if I go home now I'm going to fall asleep and then I'll be up by midnight and then up all night and we'll have another three days like this before I'm back to normal."

Beckett scoffed at that, "Normal isn't much better than this."

"You wound me, Detective." Castle used his finger to trace an X over his chest, "Cross my heart, I'll behave. I promise and no more coffee."

References to his heart had her back in a frame of mind she didn't want to think about so she turned from him and moved over to perch on the edge of her desk staring at the murder board.

She felt him as he came around to lean on the desk next to her.

"He was _The_ Charlie Cooper of 'Cooper's Troopers'. You remember those cheesy old commercials? He had that lame jingle with the dancing people in casts and neck braces?" Castle said as he pushed away from the desk and turned towards her to fake dancing with casts on his arm and leg as he sang the jingle, "If you're in a fender-bender, don't let your case be a never-ender. Just one call to Cooper's Troopers, We'll get you a settlement that's super-duper!"

Beckett remembered the stupid song and cursed him because she knew it was going to get stuck in her head for the entirety of this case, because that was just her luck. On the outside, however, she simply raised an eyebrow at him as if she were confused.

"Seriously?" he shook his head at her, "That's the classic lame commercial." He said with apparent disappointment that she couldn't share the humor with him.

"Nice moves, Castle." Esposito chided the writer as he and Ryan approached them.

Beckett noticed that Ryan had apparently finished his most recent Castle novel. Instead of the one he had been carting around for several weeks, he was now holding a copy of Heat Wave. The detective's notes were tucked into the page he was on as she noticed had become his habit. It seemed to be effective; not only for keeping track of his research notes, but also for knowing where to turn when they got a rare moment of down time.

She felt herself groan internally as she thought of him reading through the book again, though she knew the two guys already had their own suppositions about her and Castle, but that book did not help matters any. She wouldn't be surprised to find out if they had a betting pool going.

Perhaps she could get in on that and stack the deck. The whole precinct had to be in on it by now, knowing those two; she could retire on the proceeds. Wait, where was her head?

She sipped her coffee and raised an eyebrow at the two who had approached. "Did you come over here for something other than to make fun of Castle for being ridiculous, because you could do that any day of the week?"

"It appears that old Cooper has moved on from personal injury cases. For the past several years he has been working in the law offices of Mason and Associates." Ryan read off his notes.

"Wait a minute," Castle interrupted, "Mason, as in Harold Mason?"

Esposito gave him a curt nod, "Yep."

"Oh, wow. So, good ole Charlie Cooper got himself in too deep with some Russian mobsters. Maybe he had a case they thought he didn't try hard enough to win. They sent out a hit on him." Castle shook his head at himself, "Nah, I bet it was residual hate from someone who still had that song stuck in their head from back when he did those lame commercials." With a goofy grin, he started to mimic the broken leg and arm dancing again and to her chagrin, the other men joined in that lame jingle and started to move like broken dancers.

Perhaps there was something to that theory of his. The song was firmly embedded in her brain, sending her on an endless loop of misery. After only two minutes, she felt as if she were ready to commit murder herself. If someone had that in his or her head from the last time the commercial aired, around five years ago if she thought about it, that would be motive enough. She was certain they would either get involuntary manslaughter or be able to cop a believable insanity plea.

"Get a warrant, I want his file." She said in a voice that was probably a little more harshly than it needed to be.

"Already got a call in to the judge, we're just waiting on a signature." Esposito said, the first of the three men to come back to their senses.

"I'm going to grab a cup of coffee, Castle you in?" Ryan asked, starting towards the break room with Esposito and Castle following behind him.

Castle stopped suddenly and turned, veering around and coming back to stare at the murder board, "Almost forgot." She said by way of apology and flashed that smile that warned her of trouble as she felt herself returning it briefly before looking back at the sparse details they had yet accumulated.

A/N: Sorry for the delay in getting this up, as I said I'm really focused on another fic right now, but that's wrapping up, just another 5 or 10 chapters, so give me a couple of weeks and then these posts will start showing up faster.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The law office of Mason and Associates was in a towering grey building within walking distance to the park where they had found Cooper's body. Despite the generic and humble exterior, the interior of the office was lavish, not in a way that seemed comfortable or practical, just an ostentatious display of wealth.

It looked like it was decorated blindly by a checkbook. Leather chairs that appeared neither inviting nor comfortable scattered through the open areas, desks that were so large there was scarcely room used up by the amount of work each person seemed to be doing in the communal space, rugs and art that looked expensive, but didn't provide any kind of pleasure or inspire any contemplation upon viewing it.

Kate felt a distinct difference between this grotesque display of wealth and the more subdued and comfortable feeling in the Castle house, her only regular connection with the affluence in the city that wasn't tied to the work she did. At a crime scene she rarely made time to care much about the furnishings or if the art was coordinated with the other décor. She probably wouldn't have noticed here, either, if it hadn't been so glaringly pretentious and hollow.

As they walked towards the office of the deceased, she felt Castle lean into her space, a hand lightly brushing against the small of her back. It was just a contact to ensure they kept the same pace as he leaned near her ear to share an observation. That's what she told herself anyway.

"Is it just me," he began, his voice husky in its whispered state, though she heard the humor lacing each word, "Or does it look like a rabid pack of interior design students threw up in here?"

She had to fight the urge to smile at that, so she slipped her lower lip into her mouth and let her teeth gently squeeze the soft flesh. However, her next thought was more unsettling than letting a smile crop up here in the office of the deceased and there were people morning his death. How did Castle always seem to be inside her head? Worse, were they so much alike after their years together that their thoughts had synced?

A moment later, as the deep introspection allowed the humor to fade; she let her teeth slowly release her lower lip. She reached for the door to Cooper's office, feeling the roughness graze across her sensitive flesh before the tip of her tongue moved to absently caress the lip she had just released. Slowly, as if checking to be sure she had caused it no damage as she closed the office door behind them.

She glanced at him beside her, noting Castle's gaze seemed inextricably locked on the recently released pink flesh of her lips and she couldn't help moistening them again as if on reflex, watching his expression darken slightly as his eyelids poised at half-mast and his breathing was strong and slow as if her were consciously controlling it.

She would never be able to explain why she had the sudden vision of his teeth gently biting down, grazing across the bit of soft tissue and then soothing it with his tongue. She mimicked the motion again as she finally pulled her gaze from his face and turned into the room, needing a distraction.

He may have been the one that was tired, but she was letting his relaxed mood and lack of focus pull her in with him and she had to stop this. Moving to the man's desk, she slipped on rubber gloves from her pocket and started going through the man's life.

x.x.x

A few minutes after their arrival, Harold Mason walked into Cooper's office and greeted them unsmiling and without pleasantries. "I haven't got a lot of time, so if you have any questions get on with it; I'm a very busy man."

Taking his cue, Beckett jumped right into the questions, getting his quick and concise responses. "Can you think of anyone who might have wanted to hurt Mr. Cooper?"

Mason gave her a look as if to say she must be crazy and simply responded with, "He was a lawyer." Shaking his head in disbelief and not ruffling a single grey hair on his head.

"Had he received any threats?" she continued, noting Castle's silence, but shrugging it off.

Mason impatiently responded, "As I said, he's a lawyer. He kept a file around here somewhere; perhaps Annie Marks could help you find it."

Beckett and Castle shared a look, agreeing silently that this guy was going to stonewall them anyway, so there was no use in talking with him. "Is there anyone who worked closely with Mr. Cooper?" she asked as a last resort, hoping that perhaps someone else could be helpful where this man had been obstinate.

"Chad Ferguson. I can send him in?" he said the last sentence as a question, but he was already halfway out the door before she responded in the affirmative.

They went back to work in the office, not sure if the senior partner of the law firm even knew that they had responded.

A few minutes later, a thirty-something man, looking entirely too much like the string-bean teen he probably was twenty years ago, stepped into the open doorway and greeted them with a nod. "Mr. Mason said you wanted to see me?"

"Chad Ferguson?" Beckett asked, coming out from her inspection behind the desk to meet him and close the door.

The man didn't seem too concerned or emotional, but Beckett knew that people handle grief in different ways. If this man worked closely with the victim, he was probably feeling the effects of the man's death on some level.

She gestured for him to take a seat on a chair in the small sitting area in one corner of the office. She sat across from him as Castle hovered just over her right shoulder and behind her. Sometimes she wished he would sit down and not stand over her like the shadow of Death himself as she went through what was always so difficult. "Mason said you and the deceased were close. I'm sorry for your loss."

The man's expression didn't change as he shrugged in response, "We worked together on several cases."

Feeling on autopilot, Kate ran through her list of questions, feeling less like she needed to coddle this man's feelings. "Can you think of anyone who might want to hurt him?"

The man actually gave a brief humorless chuckle at that, "The guy was trouble, so I wouldn't be surprised."

"Mason mentioned there may have been threats against him, is that what you're talking about when you say he was trouble?"

Ferguson's back straightened as if for the first time he realized he was speaking with the police and this was a serious matter, "I wouldn't be surprised, is all. It's one of those you get what you give things. Sorry, but I'm not going to mince words. That guy was a grade A jerk."

"Did you notice if he was acting nervous or upset?" she considered him and chose her words carefully. His attitude did not sit well with her and she was thinking of calling the interview until they had more information. She didn't want to let too much slip and save herself some lead in questions should she need them later as a lead in for an interrogation.

"Not that I noticed, but he probably should have been. That guy was on a serious downward spiral. He was having trouble closing cases and I even heard he couldn't hold it together at home, either." He seemed to take pride in the other man's fall professionally and personally.

She just had one more question for him right now, "Do you know if he had trouble with anyone recently?"

Ferguson shrugged, "Talk to his favorite little legal aide, Annie Marks, she was his acting secretary in addition to being his dedicated legal assistant. He couldn't keep a secretary, if you know what I mean?"

She dismissed him and gave him her card, telling him to call if he thought of anything that might help.

As he started through the door, she was glad she had turned back in the room so the only witness to her tiny smile was the wall of bookshelves as Castle called out to the lawyer, "Don't leave town."

Castle was still grinning when he closed the door and came around to join her in the search again, "I've always wanted a secretary."

It took her a moment to realize what he was saying and she allowed the smile to form into a full smirk as she regarded him, "You couldn't afford the harassment lawsuit."

He waggled his eyebrows at her comically, "You haven't filed suit yet."

She graced him with a contemplative expression before turning to sift through a filing cabinet, "That's my back-up plan for early retirement. Don't worry, I'm keeping records."

"I could help you fill in those records a little more quickly if you want? I'm a very helpful person." He said slyly, moving to the cabinet next to her so his shoulders brushed against her as he sorted through the files.

"How about you 'help' by grabbing that box?" she asked as she placed a call to get the ETA on CSU, they were supposed to be here several minutes ago to sort through the rest of this office for anything else that may be helpful.

x.x.x

The bite of the winter wind hit them as soon as they stepped outside. The weather report had said it should be twelve degrees right now, but with the wind-chill Castle wouldn't be surprised if it were below zero.

Carrying a large box full of file folders, copies of documents and other potentially pertinent information, ensured he was unable to move his hands to the warmth and protection of his jacket pocket and he briefly wondered why he hadn't suggested they put their gloves on before heading outside.

Beckett had parked a long New York City block away from the office building and only a few steps toward her car he was already feeling a tingling numbness creeping into his fingers, "Not sure I can make it to the car without dropping this."

Next to him, she rolled her eyes as she easily made her way through the throngs of people with her own box in hand, "Don't be such a baby, Castle."

"I can't feel my fingers." He glanced at her as they continued to make their way through the pedestrians, "I'm intrigued by this act you're putting on."

She shifted the box to her hip as she popped the trunk open. "What 'act' are you talking about, exactly?" she asked carefully as she put the boxes in the trunk.

He followed her lead and anxiously climbed into the car, hoping the heater would warm up faster than it had this morning. "The one where you pretend the temperature isn't affecting you."

"It's winter, Castle, its cold. There's nothing to whine or complain about, it is simply just a fact." She had buckled her seat belt and was patiently waiting for an opening in traffic. She seemed to be avoiding touching the steering wheel of the car as she waited for the endless sea of cars to open up enough for her to sneak out.

He shook his head at her stubborn take on things, and the subtle ways she avoided the issues as he slipped his gloves out of his pockets and held them out to her. "They might be a little big, but they're leather and their great for driving."

She glanced over and he knew she would decline, but he cut her off before she could, "Humor me?" he requested as he rubbed his hands together in front of the warm air finally blowing out of the heaters.

She just rolled her eyes at him, "Will you shut up if I do?" she asked, turning towards him and raising an eyebrow.

He copied his action from earlier, crossing a finger over his heart as he nodded.

With an exasperated sigh, she snatched the gloves and slipped them on, testing her fingers for dexterity. She placed her hands on the steering wheel. The gloves slightly large on her hands didn't seem to hinder her movements as she found a tiny opening and merged into the New York traffic to the sound of horns blaring all around them.

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry if I misled you with the last post. I didn't mean that I wouldn't be able to post for two weeks, just that they would not be as frequent as my other story which has posts Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday and my readers are spoiled.

I can't keep writing two chapters a day on the above listed day, because I'm not getting any sleep and I'm drinking WAY too much coffee.

So, let me know what day(s) of the week work best for you, how often is a good amount to post, etc. Perhaps I can be swayed to shift a little focus over here, otherwise I'll update on weekends and when I have spare time. Just until I'm finished with that one in two weeks or so and then this will get that one's focus.

All typos and issues are related to writing two chapters for two different stories in one day. Sorry for the rough state of this, but I didn't have the drive or energy to proof it any more… I need sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

They made good time to the precinct to drop of the files. Ryan and Esposito were going to take a closer look at them while Castle and Beckett were on their way to the home of Legal Aide Annie Marks. The woman had taken a personal day on receiving the news that her boss had been murdered, but they were able to reach her by phone.

Once they were settled in the car, she watched in her peripheral vision as Castle pulled his gloves off and offered them to her. She wanted to decline, but the steering wheel was icy cold and her gloves, while warm, were not efficient for driving because of the cotton blend that made them slippery. She relented, but not without an eye roll.

As she slipped on the now familiar, slightly too large gloves, she couldn't help noting that this time was different. Gloves from his pocket had prevented her hands from becoming cold against the frigid steering wheel, gloves straight off his hands provided an instant warmth that, for some reason, made her want to take them off as soon as she slipped her hands inside.

She fought the urge to throw them back at him and forced herself to take a calming breath and savor the warmth as she started towards the legal aide's house. "Thanks." She said simply, not daring a look in his direction so he could give her his conceited smile and an 'I told you so."

She still expected the 'told you so', but she didn't have to look at his smug face while he said it. She was surprised when all he said was, "You're welcome." before they lapsed into a comfortable silence for several blocks.

"I don't think Ferguson did it." he piped up, seemingly out of nowhere and she removed her eyes from the road for a second to cast him a questioning look with an eyebrow raised. He waived off her look and she turned back to the road as he continued, "Not that he doesn't make sense, or maybe because he makes too much sense. He's too easy a suspect."

"An easy suspect, really? You met the guy for five minutes and didn't say a word to him." She retorted, fully aware that Ferguson had sent her detective senses tingling. She wasn't sure why she was playing the other side of the fence except to be difficult.

She immediately concluded that this must be the kind of villainous power Castle felt when he was intentionally pushing her buttons as she listened to him scoff and stutter a moment before he continued, "He admitted a dislike for the victim, he was glad to see the man's life was falling apart before he died, but it's too neat."

"How's that?" she asked, goading now with an incredulous tone in her voice.

She saw out of the corner of her eye as his gaze shifted off her and out the windshield, she knew that expression and braced herself for the story.

Castle didn't disappoint as he weaved his interpretations into a logical story, "Ferguson busted his butt for Mason's firm. He worked hard, he put in extra hours when needed, he had a good solve rate. An opening came up, a chance to advance and move out of the second chair and into the lead role of being a lawyer with his own cases. He planned what he would say when they offered him the position, planned how he would play it calm and cool and close to the chest."

She couldn't help the laugh, "That is complete fabrication."

She noticed him turn his head and glanced toward him as well, giving a slight nod as if to say go on. She noted the hint of a smile, as if he thought she might have been telling him to shut up, but shrugged it off as she turned back to the road and he continued, "The day came, they were sure to make the announcement. He got dressed in his best suit, practiced his surprised face and went in that day with a huge smile gracing his features. However, instead of picking him after he had worked so hard for them, he watched Cooper get everything handed to him. Ferguson watched the other man step in where he had expected a promotion. He watched him for months. He watched as Cooper single handedly almost sank the firm with his poor track record, his infidelity, his endless string of potential sexual harassment lawsuits." Rick sighed; apparently, he was boring even himself this time, "So one night he's finally had enough. He watches as Cooper is about to blow another case or sees him make an egregious error that he would have avoided. He saw his chance to take the reins that should have been his to begin with."

This mental trick or device that he used to pull details from his imagination and add supposition had always fascinated her, but she had to admit it was more than that causing her to listen raptly. There was something about the low tones he used when describing the motives of a killer or explaining complex aspects of the case. Shockingly he was right more often than she expected. He was also wrong a lot, so she had gotten in the habit of listening for the enjoyment of hearing him tell the tale and not as much for any crime solving ability, especially not this early in a case.

Listening now reminded her of a summer when she had been twenty-one and counted the days for a straight month before she was finally able to go out to hear an author reading he had done in a smoky little coffee shop in .

Not that she would ever admit to that to him. Oh, he would have a field day with that little bit of knowledge.

She allowed herself to reminisce on her misspent youth for a moment before turning her attention back to Castle, "Even if half of that was true, how does that make him a bad suspect?"

She saw him shaking his head and glanced over to see his amused grin, "I didn't say he was a bad suspect, it's just too boring. He's too perfect for the killing. There's no twist."

"How many times do I have to tell you?" she started and he cut her off with a brisk wave of his hand.

"No more. I know life isn't like my books and our cases don't always play out the way I would write them." He sounded exasperated, but she was focused on two words.

They weren't a particularly enchanting couple of words. They were just a couple of words that one or both of them have spoken dozens if not hundreds of times. This was, however, the first time she had heard him string the two words together in that order. 'Our cases' he had said, and in a way that implied he had come to care for justice and take ownership over the outcome of their work, possibly as much as she did.

x.x.x

Castle felt a fresh wave of exhaustion sweeping through him as Beckett pulled her Crown Vic up in front of an unassuming apartment building. The stone of the exterior walls was a soft tan and empty flower boxes were scattered amongst the windows. Multiple colors of planters hanging along the front wall without plant-life in the dead of winter as if making a statement on the barrenness of the ties we hold with nature in the heart of the city.

It was not unusual to see planters in windows throughout the city. What was atypical was him noticing them and giving them any kind of conscious thought. He had felt his mind easily drawn to trivial things, minor details, insignificant objects or observations that he would normally glance over, for most of the day. He knew he needed sleep, but looking at his watch it was barely after noon and he was too far in now to turn back. It would end up worse for him if he went home now.

Grudgingly, he climbed out of the car and followed her into the building.

They rode the elevator to the third floor and waited nearly a full minute after knocking before they could hear several locks disengage and the door opened to let them inside.

The woman greeted them unceremoniously by stepping aside and gesturing them into her small apartment. She had apparently changed on coming home from the office. She was wearing flannel pajamas and fuzzy slippers, her robe pulled tight around her like a shield. While she probably looked young all the time, this outfit and her strikingly green eyes, still red and puffy from crying, made her look even more so. Her obviously fragile state reminded him so much of his daughter that first time she realized her mother wasn't going to be there for her birthday. He was certain that correlation wrought by his brain was more tied to her physical appearance than the actual emotional upset as the woman was barely older than Alexis and, while it was shorter, she had hair that was nearly the same shade.

"Miss Marks, I'm Detective Beckett, this is Rick Castle." Kate began as she took a seat on the couch where the woman had directed them. "I'm very sorry for your loss." The room fell silent for several moments as the woman's gaze dropped to her trembling hands as she absently picked at a loose string along the hem of her robe.

For the first time in a long time, Castle was more inclined to sit than stand and he took up a seat on the same couch as Beckett while the woman curled her feet under her to sit in an overstuffed chair facing them. He found the correlation strange. He and Kate had spoken with the wife shortly after leaving the crime scene this morning, but this woman seemed far more upset by the man's death than his own wife had been.

Of course, as he thought about it, he had been married twice and he couldn't imagine either of his ex-wives caring that he was gone beyond how it would affect their careers.

He knew from his time with Beckett that there were three kinds of people they encountered in giving the notification to friends and family.

There was the 'Bottlers' who tried to keep a cool head, an even voice, calm their actions and look generally like it were news they had gotten every day. No matter how much they tried, their furrowed brow and trembling hands always gave them away. That was Terry Cooper, wife of the victim.

There was the 'Rager' who was instantly put on edge, instantly angry at the world, at their loved one, at the detectives that brought the news. They would rage loudly until finally falling silent and watching the transition as they realized it wasn't some cosmic joke was startling at times. All the anger and intensity falls away and they are left there like a hallow shell of who they had been, shoulders slumped, their jaw of fist still clenched tight as if hoping to hold on to the anger so the pain never washed it away and took over.

And then there was his least favorite, the 'Weeper'. The ones who immediately misted over and openly cried. The ones he knew would probably not be done even hours after they had left them alone with their terrible news. Annie Marks was a 'weeper' and he felt a tug at his heart as he considered her closely.

The woman let out a tiny sound that at first had him looking for a pet cat, but she cleared her throat and her voice shook when she spoke, "Please, call me Annie, everyone calls me Annie."

"Annie," Castle said contemplatively, before he let his tone soften to a soothing level, "That's pretty. Is it short for anything?" He caught the look Beckett was giving him from the seat next to his, but he couldn't just sit quietly while he was having his heart tugged inexplicably by this poor young girl. He hated to see this young woman suffering and, as was his way, attempted to bring a little light into an otherwise dark day.

Annie shook her head, "My mom was always in some small part or another on Broadway. She loved the theater." The frail-looking woman shrugged, but he noted the ghost of a smile on her face, "So it's just Annie." She said, raising her hand in a gesture as if to say 'what are you going to do' obviously in reference to her kooky mother.

Castle gave her a genuine smile, "I have a mom like that."

The woman sniffled again and then shifted her eyes off Castle and back at Beckett, her smile dropping instantly. "Who did this?" He recognized this shift for what it was and sat back in his seat to allow Beckett to do the hard part.

"That's what we're going to find out." Castle heard the sincerity in her voice. He wondered if she used that tone on purpose or if it was something she didn't even know she was doing. "Annie, can you think of anyone who may have wanted to hurt Mr. Cooper?"

Annie shook her head, dropping her face into her hands and muffling her response. "He was a great guy, everybody loved him."

Beckett glanced over her shoulder to him and they shared a look; he knew she was also thinking about Chad Ferguson's words not long ago in the victim's office.

Beckett turned back to the woman and gave her a moment to mutter and collect herself. Once Annie looked back up she continued, "Harold Mason mentioned some threats that Mr. Cooper received. Do you know anything about that?"

"I don't think there was much to them." She responded, contemplating it a moment, "Angry criminals and bitchy women who were mad about losing their jobs." Castle was surprised by her sudden anger.

Apparently, Kate was too, because she didn't follow up immediately. After a moment she asked, "Do you know where he kept any records of those?"

Annie nodded, "He had an electronic file on his laptop and a paper one labeled 'cold cases'."

Castle appreciated the double meaning of the file, until he remembered the man had ended up as a corpse in the snow. The ultimate 'cold' case.

"Did you notice if he received any strange phone calls or if he was at all upset after a visitor?" Castle asked, hoping to move on from the poor word play in his head.

At first, Annie shook her head. She was back from the anger and now looking lost and forlorn. He wondered if this was the first person she had been close to that died, she was unusually upset for losing a colleague. Suddenly she looked up at him and met his eyes with a sudden realization on her face, "He had lunch with his wife last week, she was yelling at him in his office. I don't know what they were arguing about. His office is pretty much sound proof, so she had to be screaming pretty loud for me to even hear it out in the hall."

Beckett continued writing on her little notepad a moment and then looked up at Annie with a reassuring smile, "Aside from that did you notice if he was acting nervous or upset?"

Castle watched Annie's face become wistful, "He didn't get nervous." She said with pride and admiration, possibly a hint of something deeper. "He was like a rock. Wait no, no, don't misinterpret me," she clarified though neither he nor Beckett had changed their expressions or made a comment, "I'm not saying he was a hard man, he was very nice, but stable and unflappable." She defended unnecessarily.

They went through a few other basic questions and Kate gave the women her card as she showed them to the door. "Call me if you think of anything that might help. Anything at all, no matter how small it might seem to you at the time."

As they were leaving, Castle couldn't help himself as he watched the fragile looking woman and thought again about Alexis. He reached a hand out and reassuringly rested it on one of her shoulders.

Annie looked up at him with watery eyes and a quivering lip, the same expression Alexis had given him when she turned seven, and he felt his heart break a little for the woman. "Kate is the best detective in the city. She won't give up until she finds his killer." He said softly, ignoring the nervous flutter in his stomach that reminded him Beckett was probably going to kill him for stepping out of his place today. He gave the woman's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and graced her with a genuine smile, hoping she could find some hope in that.

She rewarded his effort with a shaky smile, "Thank you, Rick."

x.x.x

Climbing into the car, Castle passed his gloves to Beckett and this time she took them without even rolling her eyes. Instead of pulling into traffic she turned towards him, "What was all that?" she asked, and he couldn't tell, but he thought perhaps that was irritation in her voice.

He shrugged, and employed his best puppy-dog face, "I'm tired, Beckett, can we not do the 'follow my lead, respect the rule, stop doing whatever you want' lecture again right now."

He saw the quirk at the corner of her mouth and felt relief because if she was even slightly amused, "Wasn't going there, just curious."

He tried to shrug her off, but he knew that look. She wasn't going to give up, "When Alexis was six her mom called from L.A. to say that she was coming for her birthday. She was so excited and we set everything up for the perfect party. Not because Meredith would be miserable if it was anything but perfect, which she would, but because Alexis already had me wrapped around her finger."

She graced him with a smile that let him know she understood that implicitly and he returned it with a weak one of his own. His tired mind had taken him back to that day so long ago and he couldn't feel anything but what he had gone through with Alexis. "Anyway, her birthday came and her friends came and all the kids she played with at the park, a bunch of kids from school, parents and even her teachers. Everyone she knew who cared about her was there with her and the party was amazing."

He saw the expression on her face change with the tone of his voice. She knew his tones and moods and she was giving him a tiny smile, compassion for what she knew was coming written on her face.

He swallowed but when the lump in his throat didn't seem affected he tried clearing his throat before continuing, knowing that his voice would be lower than normal and a little huskier. He cursed himself again for not sleeping last night as emotions pooled so close to the surface when he tried to voice something he had never really talked about with anyone in detail.

To his surprise she reached across the middle of the car and placed a hand gently on his forearm, "Then her mom didn't show up and it didn't matter that she had all those people, it didn't matter that _you_ were there. She was upset and there was nothing you could do about it?" she asked, giving him the chance to just nod in response and give her what he was sure was a pathetic smile as the misery of those hours washed over him.

She nodded and squeezed his arm, "And Annie reminded you of that?"

Another nod and his smile was more natural now, less forced, because she understood him well enough to let him have a moment of silence, "So, you're not mad?" he asked when he finally regained himself a little.

"Nah," she replied lightly as she finally checked and pulled out into traffic, releasing his arm, "I thought it was sweet."

"Aaah." He groaned loudly, "Sweet? That's right up there with 'nice' on the list of things guys don't want to hear a woman call them."

She turned a small smile on him, "You're right." He caught the hint of playfulness in her voice. Before he could get his hands up to cover his ears, he heard the dreaded words, "It was really nice, now that you mention it."

"She was totally sleeping with Cooper." He said, changing the subject.

"Yep." Beckett responded.

"That's so wrong when you think about it. That guy was almost fifty." Castle said, still thinking of Alexis.

"Really?" she asked, incredulously, "You're one to talk, Castle. Don't you prefer them about college age?" He glared at her silently, "And aren't you almost fifty?"

He gasped, but ignored the age joke, knowing that wasn't where the fun was, "I am not attracted to college kids. My ideal woman is experienced, beautiful, tall, authoritative, brunette, and possibly carrying a firearm she can threaten me with."

He watched her reaction and had to grin when her teeth closed gently on her lower lip and he knew she was fighting a retort. The last word again. Yep, even tired he was still up two points to nothing.

x.x.x

A/N: Darn this story! It has a drive to be written that I've never felt. This is a long chapter, but it wouldn't let me go. I'm still working on two stories at once, so all errors are mine.

I don't have time right now (with the two stories and all) to respond to your reviews, but I wanted to let you know that I appreciate them immensely and I love hearing whether I'm on the right track or not. Let me know what I'm not getting right, too, because that's just as important as hearing what you like.

Thank you all so much for reading.

Until tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The ride back to the precinct was quiet.

Kate found herself wondering if there was something she could bottle, to get this type of good behavior out of him on a daily basis. About half way back, however, she found herself missing the normal upbeat and off the wall conversation or observations Castle made.

At the same time, the conversation they had outside the apartment building where they had met with Annie Marks was still weighing on her mind. Castle had obviously been rocked by his past in a way he never really let on.

He always carried the devil-may-care attitude and she was starting to wonder if that was his armor. Having emotional armor herself, she was surprised it had taken her so long to realize that a lot of the silly boyish things he did were probably cover so he didn't have to focus on all the negatives that have surrounded him.

She knew how he was with Alexis; envied that type of bond they shared, and actually saw a lot of the good from her own childhood reflected back in that bond.

Kate probably couldn't put into words the warring emotions she had seem on the writer's face as he had tried to tell her about his daughter's ruined birthday. She knew from the way he had spoken about it that the exhaustion of whatever had him up late the night before was probably the only reason he had reacted the way he did. The exhaustion was probably the only reason he had opened up that piece of himself and his daughter to her.

Alexis was a closely guarded piece of Castle's life. He was proud to speak of her accomplishments, quick to seek advice on teenage girl stuff, glad to tell a funny story, but when it came to Alexis the negative aspects had heretofore been off limits. He wouldn't lay his daughter's demons, insecurities, or hurts on anyone else and seemed content to simply carry them himself.

Her burdens becoming his if he could make it happen. She knew, all too well, what it was like to struggle through being a teenage girl. The trials and tribulations in discovering who you are and where you fit in the world were difficult. She had both of her parents until she was grown and in college, she couldn't imagine having grown up without her mom.

Despite how well adjusted Alexis seemed and actually was, there was certainly a part of that girl that was hurting and it probably killed Castle when he couldn't do anything to cheer her up. Probably took him back to that birthday party every single time.

Being a cop, she had learned long ago that there were certain events and actions in one's life that pre-dated many of the bad decisions she had seen people make. Being a cop, she had seen too many instances of girls raised without a mother or father who turned to a lover in search of an emotional connection that could fill the empty space.

Girls who stayed with abusive boyfriends were usually from broken homes.

Not liking where her train of thought was taking her, she vowed that she would try to make more of an effort with the girl, if Castle and Alexis would let her.

Maybe she would talk to him about talking with her after they cleared up this case.

With that thought planted in the back of her mind where it would fester while she focused on catching Charles Cooper's killer, she reached out a hand and did something so uncharacteristically her that she got a strange look from Castle. At her touch, the radio came to life and soft music filled the car.

"You never let me turn on the radio." He commented sullenly.

It was an unnecessary comment because she already knew she didn't let him do that, but she just shrugged, "My car. My radio. My ears." She responded, "These are my things and while you don't seem to respect it any other time, I'll still tell you again. Don't touch my things."

Castle was smiling when she finally gave him a quick glance before turning back to the road. "Where's the fun in that?"

She decided the silence from before was preferred to them getting into another banter session while he was so tired that his words were not adequately filtered, so didn't respond and continued driving.

x.x.x

Detectives Ryan and Esposito seemed to be consumed with the boxes of files from Cooper's office when she and Castle stepped off the elevator. Esposito was the first to notice their approach and he gave them a head nod indicating they should stop by and get a briefing.

"Our Vic seemed to be pretty good and doing things that could have people hunting for him." Esposito said as way of greeting.

Ryan looked up from his file with a nod of greeting before continuing, "Apparently, he spent the past six months representing a wide variety of scumbags. Most notably Sergey Orlov, 'alleged' hit man and Vladimir Beria both tied to the Russian Mafia."

Esposito shifted several of the files on his desk as he continued, "He didn't work exclusively with the Mobsters, seems he was equally willing to represent scum from all over the city." Finding the file, he had been searching his desk for and passing it to Beckett.

She felt the shift in ambient temperature as Castle moved close behind her to read the file over her shoulder. He wasn't touching her, but he was standing closer than he normally would and it put her on edge as she checked the file.

Beckett purposely shifted all of her focus to Esposito's words. "He represented Ricardo Cruz on a charge of racketeering as well as drug trafficking. You want to know what ties all these dirtbags together?"

"He lost the cases." Castle piped up, his voice loud from the proximity to her ear and she fought the desire to move away, not willing to show that it was bothering her, not willing to give him an upper hand to use against her later when he was in a button pushing kind of mood.

"Hey, bro, why'd we spend hours in these files when you could just pull crap out of thin air?" Esposito asked, snatching the file folder back with mock aggravation.

"We wouldn't have a name, facts, or really anything tangible if we listened to Castle without doing actual work ourselves." Beckett said, which seemed to appease Esposito at the same time it put a pout on Castle's face. She tried to ignore his comments on how helpful his theories have been as she moved to the white board near her desk. She began to arrange the information of the case on the murder board and noticed that Castle had grabbed a stack of folders and was flipping through them at her desk. She was tempted to remind him that he wasn't supposed to be sitting in her chair, but ignored the impulse as she put her full focus on correlating the facts of the case and building the timeline.

When she felt she had entered everything pertinent, she sat back against the edge of her desk to consider the evidence and plot her next move. Ryan and Esposito brought over folders on the men they had mentioned who ended up in prison instead of going free.

Ryan's voice was quiet and she wondered if perhaps he was coming down sick, "All three had their legal bills paid either directly or indirectly by the leaders of their respective gangs. Ties to possible shell companies run by Viktor Anatoly, suspected head of the Russian mafia in the area and direct payments from Carlos 'The Kid' Montoya of the eastside Los Vatos Locos."

When Esposito continued in a hushed voice she felt the confusion forming in a tangible wrinkling of her brow, "There might be some bad blood there for the lost cases."

She waited after they had both finished for Castle to jump in with a wild theory or to build a story around the gangs seeking revenge, but when he didn't speak up she finally let her gaze slip off the murder board. Her eyes fell on him asleep in her chair, a file folder open across his chest and his head tipped back into the open space above the back of the chair.

His mouth was slightly open and while it was a relief to see that he was finally resting, he had chosen to do so in her chair. She opened her mouth to abruptly wake him but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder. Looking back to Ryan and Esposito, she saw them shaking their heads 'no' in sync.

"Unless you want to be an accessory, I suggest that now is a good time for a Coffee break." Esposito informed her conspiratorially.

She knew the boys had a couple of things they still needed to get Castle back for from the previous week when the writer had been in a particularly rambunctious mood and pulled out all the stops in a seemingly non-stop prankfest until she had to threaten bodily harm if he pulled any other pranks.

With very little hesitation, she gave them a tiny smile and headed to the break room to grab a coffee.

Before she was able to finish making her cup, sudden inspiration hit and she was back in the bullpen in time to stop Ryan and Esposito just as they were approaching Castle with a black Sharpie and a large roll of packing tape.

From the looks on their faces as they bolted upright as she approached them, they thought she must have come to her senses. She went with that and pointed towards their desks with a glare following directly behind them. "YouTube, Ryan, Esposito grab a blank DVD, and leave the tape, we'll need it."

x.x.x

A sudden blaring noise pulled Richard Castle out of sleep with a jolt.

The song blaring through the room was familiar and he instantly recognized the 'Cooper's Troopers' commercial on the TV bolted to the upper corner of the room.

It took him only a moment to realize that he couldn't move and as he looked down, he saw that he was taped to Beckett's office chair, feet and hands secured tightly.

Cursing under his breath, he found himself relieved when the annoying commercial ended, until it started again and he groaned anew to realize the video had been put on repeat. Oh, Ryan and Esposito were going to pay for this.

Looking around the room for a way to cut the tape on his bindings he noticed the edge of the table, while not actually sharp, might be enough to get through. His legs were secured tightly, but he was able to twist his right foot enough to touch the toe of his shoe to the ground and carefully make his way towards the table.

It seemed like an eternity to cover the ten feet to the table, but by the time he got there, he had an evil grin plastered on his face. Not only were Ryan and Esposito not nearly elaborate enough to think up this level of torture to pay him back, they would probably just tape his hands and draw on his face, this commercial playing on a loop had given it all away.

Ryan and Esposito may have helped, but this was all Beckett. He spouted an evil laugh as he started to work the tape across the slightly rough edge of the weld along the bottom of the table. He was going to have so much fun making her regret that she ever got involved in this battle.

He felt his brain turning to mush as the commercial started again for the seventeenth time. The gloves were off and this was one declaration of war he was going to enjoy accepting. She wouldn't know what hit her.

x.x.x

Kate was startled by the weight on her shoulders and the sudden wave of hot moist breath across her ear, "Detective Beckett, you really shouldn't have."

Realizing it was Castle, she relaxed slightly and turned her usual high power glare on him, "I thought you went home." She said innocently.

"Oh, no, Detective, you thought nothing of the sort. You knew exactly where I was." He finally removed his hands and stepped over, placing the chair he had brought out with him in his usual spot.

Of course he would figure out she was involved, it was her chair for crying out loud and here she was sitting in his uncomfortable chair, trying to get things in order to organize interviews.

"You should have stayed out of this, Beckett."

She hated that tone in his voice, it always spelled trouble and as she turned towards the murder board just to get away from his intent gaze she felt herself swallow reflexively. What had she gotten herself into?

Shaking it off she grabbed her coat, "Want to go shake down some mobsters?" she asked and was rewarded with that silly grin he got that made him look about five years old again.

"Do I ever!" he responded excitedly, grabbing his coat and moving with her towards the elevator.

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry if I caused any confusion, but I thought I knew where this story was going when I gave it a description. The summary has been updated. Hope I didn't lose you all when my brain completely detoured my story.

I'm sorry I am too consumed with writing to respond to reviews, but know they are much appreciated. I've decided to dedicate this section to so a review shout-out for the previous chapter and future installments will just have the one prior, but since I'm getting started late, here's my shout outs so far:

Chapter 1: **I'm Widget**, you made me want to jump in and write chapter two just to see if I was able to keep you reading.

Chapter 2: **viola555** I'm glad I wasn't the only one amused by the Chihuahua on coke line. ;) Thought that may have been a little too out there.

Chapter 3: **Just For This Moment**, glad to have a kindred spirit in the insomnia/I'll sleep when I'm dead mindset.

Chapter 4: **PKL**, You made me smile like a schoolgirl with a new crush, glad to hear that it's on the right track for you.

For the other 700+ who read each new chapter, hope you stick around, because big things are coming, and drop a review on your way out if for no other reason than to keep me grinning.

Until tomorrow. . . or perhaps the next day.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Beckett was starting to feel frustrated with this case and they were barely started. Perhaps Castle was what had been bothering her.

They had left an impromptu meeting with Carlos Montoya with little more than his alibi for the previous night. Now, walking into a smoky bar to meet with suspected Russian mobster Viktor Anatoly, she was not very hopeful about this outing, either. No matter how much Castle had rattled theories surrounding the gangs or a mob hit, there was no evidence to support it.

He had been driving her crazy with his incessant close proximity. She wouldn't admit it, but she was feeling a little concerned about having gotten herself in the middle of her detectives and Castle and their immature antics. It had put her on edge.

Every time he leaned over her to read something, leaned closer to hear her phone call from Lanie earlier, or brushed his hand across her arm to get her attention while he was excitedly weaving some inane theory or another, she felt herself tense in anticipation of the repercussions he had threatened her with from the stupid prank earlier.

Hoping to have this over with soon so they could go see Lanie, Beckett shook off the errant thoughts and crossed the bar to where Viktor Anatoly was sitting with several heavily tattooed and overly muscled men.

"Viktor Anatoly?" She asked, showing her badge, hair rising on the back of her neck as she noticed the nervous glances between some of the men sitting beside him. Several thugs stepped closer to the table, their thick leather jackets unable to hide the bulges on their hips where their guns were holstered.

This was definitely not an ideal situation to have no back up.

"I'm Detective Beckett, this is Richard Castle."

"The novelist?" Viktor asked, his Russian accent thick though their file clearly indicated he was born and raised in the United States.

"That's me." Castle responded his pride and ego thoroughly on display and she felt herself fight the urge to roll her eyes.

"He's consulting." Beckett interjected, hoping to swing the conversation back to business.

"Oh." The Russian responded with sudden understanding, "You are Nikki Heat." He shot a glare at the men beside him and they instantly rose and cleared the booth. "Please, sit down. I am a huge fan."

She could feel Castle buzzing with sudden excided energy as he pushed her forward and slid into the booth. She really did not want to sit down here. Tactically speaking, she would be better off on her feet, but she had to admit, with an entire bar full of people that would jump in to help the mobster, she was already outnumbered.

She finally relented and slid into the booth next to Castle so they were facing Anatoly.

"I have to say," the Russian continued speaking to Castle, "I was very disappointed when you killed off Derrick Storm, but this Nikki Heat" he gestured to her and it made her bristle further, she was not Nikki, "I like her much better."

"Me, too." Castle replied, slipping a sideways glance at her that had her somewhere being tempted to blush but not exactly sure why and encouraged to punch him.

"I hope you do not plan to kill her off, too."

Castle shook his head with a grin, "No, I plan to keep her around."

Viktor Anatoly shifted his gaze to Kate and his expression was more lascivious than even the way Castle looked at her sometimes.

"Oh, no, don't misunderstand." Castle piped up suddenly, "Nikki may be loosely based on Detective Beckett, but Detective Beckett is not Nikki Heat." Kate couldn't help the flutter of warmth. Castle was explaining for her for once so she didn't have to, and it was kind nice not having to be the only grown up of the two. "Geez," Rick elaborated, "If she was Nikki, we'd probably be at her house where she'd teach me some new outlandish sexual position. Instead, we're sitting here talking to you." And there went the warmth, replaced with a heat that she quickly identified as a frustrating mix of embarrassment and rage.

"Enough small talk." She said forcefully, she was going to have a talk with Castle about when and where conversations of that nature were appropriate and that place being never and nowhere. "Did you know Charles Cooper?"

"Of course, he has helped some of my friends who ended up on the wrong side of the law." The man replied easily.

"Where were you last night between ten and midnight?" Castle interjected.

"You let your consultants question suspects?" Anatoly asked with a hint of humor and a quirk at the corner of his mouth that on another would be a small grin, but on him looked menacing.

"Actually, no." she responded, "But he's not very good at following directions."

Anatoly leaned across the table towards Beckett and dropped his voice into a conspiratorial whisper, still loud enough for Castle to hear next to her, "That's the real reason you're not trying out new positions right now, isn't it? He can't follow your lead?" he said suggestively, his breath sour and laced with alcohol in his sudden nearness to her.

"Mr. Anatoly," Beckett cut in, her professional tone in place, no matter how much she had wanted to smack the guy or pass him a breath mint. "Your whereabouts last night between ten and twelve?"

"Here. All night." He waved a hand around the bar in a sweeping gesture, "You can ask anyone here; most of them were here last night."

Another brick wall, more small talk about Castle's books and they were back in the car headed back to the precinct. She had told Lanie she was on her way a while ago and was hoping that she had something for her.

Even though she had already set herself behind with the chatter in the bar with Viktor Anatoly, she still drove the wrong way back to the precinct.

When she pulled up outside, Castle turned to her with open surprise on his face, "What are we doing here?" he questioned with confusion lacing each word.

She almost felt bad when he looked at her with that hurt puppy expression, but just almost, "You're going inside and getting some rest."

"Come on, Beckett, I'm not even tired anymore. I took a nap, remember." She was still amazed at how rapidly his moods changed. It seemed more pronounced when he was tired, like he couldn't control the shifting emotions.

She unleashed the power of her full glare, "You overstepped with Anatoly."

Castle's mouth dropped open slightly, his surprise warring with the confusion now, "What, asking him for his alibi? Seriously, you've let me ask questions before."

She put the car in park so she could turn towards him more directly, "Airing your sexual fantasies in front of a suspect, Castle." She wondered if his name sounded as much like a swearword to him as it did to her in that moment, "I can't believe I'm even having this conversation with you. Do you have so little respect for me and what I do that you have to make me out to be some kind of sex object?"

He started to speak but she cut him off, "Don't. You need to understand something, Castle. I have worked very hard to build respect in my professional life and if you do anything like that again, I swear, you will live to regret it."

"Kate," she almost slapped him right there, but noting the apparent sincerity in his expression she let the use of her first name while she was pissed at him slide, "You're right, I'm sorry." He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, she couldn't stop herself from shying away from him slightly.

He continued with a sincere tone and she felt herself relax under his hand, "That is not what I intended. You know I respect you," she saw the little twinkle in his eye and wasn't able to interpret it in time to shut him up before he went on, "that's why I don't try harder to get you into bed, even though I know you and I would be a new level of amazing together. Just imagine."

"I'd rather not, Castle." She stated dryly, brushing his hand off her shoulder, but taking in his expression and knowing exactly what was happening.

He got the same look right before he spouted a theory on a case, but this time with a hint of that devilish grin, that drove her to distraction. "It would start with a touch, these things always do. Somewhere, perhaps we're in the break room. It's late; we're getting coffee, trying to push through a frustrating case. It's silent; the normal comforting sounds of the station are mysteriously absent. Perhaps it's not so mysterious, because it's the middle of the night."

After saying his name a couple of times without response, she shrugged and pulled out her phone. She figured she could text Lanie to tell her she was running behind while Mr. Longwinded over there continued rambling. That was what she told herself, the reason she didn't just open the door and shove him outside.

"We'd reach for the coffee at the same time, fingers barely brushing, not something that hasn't happened a million times, but this time is different." He punctuates the statement but gently brushing the back of his fingers across her digits as she held her phone. His hand dropped back into his own space as he continued, "This time we'd catch each other's eyes and something would hold the gaze, though we'd probably both be fighting to look away, break the moment, move past it."

She looked up from her phone and caught his eyes, as he looked at her intently his low even tone as he continued weaving the tale had her sucked in, "We'd move closer, not even realizing we're doing it, like there's a gravitational pull between us. We wouldn't even realize we had closed the distance until our breath was mingling, warm flutters across each other's lips."

Some part of her brain was warring with her, keeping her senses about her as he went on, "We'd stay there, suspended in the moment as our bodies registered the heat radiating off of each other at the proximity. No contact, except for the locked eyes, we probably never would be able to determine who had finally closed the last bit of distance. Perhaps we both moved at the same moment, but once we feel the first tentative brush, the first gentle caress of lips a flutter starts in our stomachs and before either of us is aware we are disposing of buttons and skin is finally touching skin."

She watches as his eyes change slightly and he sucks in a long slow breath before releasing it on a whisper of a sigh, "Wow. Uh, Sorry, I got a little carried away. Perhaps I'm more tired than I thought. I'm going to go get that rest now."

With that, Castle reached for the handle and quickly stepped out. With a nod of farewell, he headed into his apartment building. She sat there a moment, regaining her senses. Had she really just sat there and let Castle say all of that without pinching his ear or throwing him out of the car?

He was insufferable. How he could take her from angry to tingling back to angry in a couple of minutes was irritating. With an exasperated sigh, she left him and drove back to the precinct, not realizing until she had parked her car that she still had his gloves on her hands.

xoxo

Walking into his loft Rick threw his keys across the room, watching them hit the kitchen counter and slide off onto the floor. With a shrug, Castle waved it off and flopped down on the couch where his daughter, Alexis, was typing on her laptop. Slinging an arm over her shoulder, he stared at the wall, mind completely consumed with plotting his revenge.

"Hey, Dad. Was work murder, today?" Alexis asked, casting him a wide smile as she appreciated her own joke. She was well aware that her father didn't actually 'work' at the precinct. Really, he was voluntary, but he put in more hours than a lot of people around that place, so she was certain she could call it his job.

When he continued staring dejectedly at the wall she tried another tactic to cheer him up, "I was thinking we could do some laser tag tonight, if you're not too tired." Really, she had homework, but she knew that expression and he was so lost in thought that he probably couldn't hear a word she was saying.

With a devilish grin, she closed her laptop and turned more directly towards her father. She racked her brain for inspiration, trying to think of something outlandish to say, something he would normally want the story on,

"Mrs. Hollis came into class naked today." she said in a level tone, but the words didn't seem to permeate his extreme focus.

"I thought I might take up stripping to make a little extra cash." Nothing.

She tried a couple more times without success.

"Dad, I'm pregnant." She said in the most serious voice she could pull off.

Suddenly, his eyes popped open wide and his face snapped around to look at her, as he shouted, "What?"

Alexis bit the inside of her cheek to keep the straight face, but while his eyes were bugging out and he was opening and closing his mouth without being able to say anything, her dad looked like one of those singing fish.

She felt her lips quivering as she fought the burgeoning smile. King of pranks had taught her well, but she still had a harder time pulling of that whole 'Poker face' thing that he has tried to teach her.

Suddenly, her father pulled her to him in a strong hug, "That was a good one. You really had me there for a second."

"I've been practicing my poker face with Gram." She responded with a big smile as she leaned back to look at her dad again. At least he was smiling now, though he still looked off.

"You're grounded for a week just for saying those words, though." He responded with that childish tone he got sometimes when he was trying to keep her as his little girl for just a little while longer.

"Not hardly. I have a date tomorrow, so you'll have to wait until Monday to ground me."

Castle gave her a warm smile, "Deal."

"And it's a school week of being grounded, not a seven day week, because Ashley and I are going to the farmer's market on Saturday."

"Don't push it." He said in his mock disciplinarian voice as he hugged her to his side again.

"So, what's got you all grumpy staring at the wall tonight? Tough case?" she asked as she settled her back into her dad's chest and stretched her legs across the couch. He kept an arm around her, but left her enough room for her to get back to her English Lit homework.

"I'm just trying to figure out the world's greatest prank."

"That's what has you all bent out of shape?" Alexis giggled against his chest, "You do realize how ridiculous that sounds, right?"

He tickled her ribs and she almost dropped her laptop as she squirmed, "Hey!"

"This is serious." He said once she had settled her laptop on the table so she could turn to face him.

"Ok, Dad, sorry. What's going on?"

Alexis got a kick out of the imagery of her father strapped in a chair and subjected to an annoying commercial. However, the harder she laughed the more intently her father glared at her.

"So, you see why I need the perfect prank?" he asked as he finished.

Alexis just shook her head, "I still think it's a bad idea. Beckett will kill you."

"She started it." He said with a not nearly as much conviction as he would have had with Detectives Ryan or Esposito, she could tell his conviction was failing.

For the selfish purpose of wanting to hear another story of just how good Beckett gave it back to him, Alexis made the decision to help this one along, "You should do a slow burn."

"A what?" she could tell he was confused, and she had to remind herself that she hadn't told her dad all the silly nicknames she had given the many things he did.

"A slow burn is the worst, always been my least favorite. You know, the ones where you do something over and over again, a little more blatantly every time until you're finally busted?"

Her dad just shook his head at her, "I have no idea what you're talking about." He said innocently.

"Oh, yeah right, Dad." She responded, throwing in an eye roll that would make Beckett proud, "Remember when I started high school? I asked you to stop being so expressive when you dropped me off. I told you that we could share our hugs and you could kiss me on the head at home before we left. You remember how that went?"

He tapped a finger against his head as if trying to remember, "I probably respected your wishes and waited for you to come to your senses."

Alexis laughed outright at that, "Hardly! If I remember correctly, and I do because it's burned into my fragile teenage psyche." She gave him a raised eyebrow, but he wasn't going to incriminate himself, "you culminated your escalating over-demonstrative freshman year by paying for a full page in the yearbook to commemorate how much you loved me."

"Well, I do." She could see the smile tugging at his mouth and was surprised she had gotten him this close to confessing to something that he had been avoiding admitting to for almost three years. "You never tried to ban me from giving you hugs again."

"Ooh, I knew it!" she punched him lightly on the arm and then Curled up against his chest for a hug.

"Hey, did you say something about laser tag?" he asked excitedly.

xoxo

A/N: To make up for such a long delay I give you 50% more free. My standard chapters are about 2000 words, so it's as if I gave you an extra Castle/Alexis scene to make up for it a little.

I'll be back as soon as I can, but in my other fic I sort of gave one of my characters a minor mental breakdown and the plot over there is really heavy, things are about to get intense with interrogations and terrorists and danger… you get that it's a hard transition. I will be back as soon as I can 2-3 days.

Thanks for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Kate Beckett shook the snow off her jacket as she made her way inside. She was both frustrated with the snow and delighted with it.

Professionally, working in the snow and driving in the snow, were not her favorite things to do. It didn't help that the people of New York drove like maniacs. As soon as there was the slightest skiff of snow on the roads, there was guaranteed to be people sliding around and causing accidents by driving too fast for the road conditions.

On the other hand, snowfall like this made her smile as she remembered being a kid. She thought about catching the giant flakes on her tongue and making snow angels with her mom before enjoying a big glass of hot cocoa.

She had stood outside her car for a moment looking up at the lazily falling flakes, bunched together and floating gently down to land on her face. Kate felt the flakes hit her eyelashes, and had to blink. She had been tempted to stick her tongue out and catch one, feel the cold on her tongue as it instantly melted.

She had a job to do, though, so a moment of reflection and introspection was ok, playing in the snow was something she did not have time for.

The remaining snow had melted on her jacket by the time she reached Lanie in the morgue. "You want to know my favorite part about us getting snow right now?" she asked by way of greeting.

Lanie looked up from the body of Charles Cooper, paused in the sutures that she was using to close the dead man's chest cavity, "Where's writer boy?"

Ignoring the question from Lanie, as she had ignored Kate's, Beckett answered her own question, "It always warms up when it snows. Did you see the forecast? We're already up to almost thirty and it says thirty five by tomorrow."

"Mm hmm." Her friend responded noncommittally. "Girl, you didn't finally shoot that man, did you?"

"Who?" Beckett was certain her friend could see through her playing dumb act, but soaked in the M.E.'s glare a moment, "Oh, Castle? No, I made him go home."

She saw the wariness flash over her friend's face and thought perhaps her word choice could have been better, not to mention her tone. Castle hadn't been that bad today and she didn't need to drag Lanie into the problem when it probably wouldn't be an issue after Castle got a little sleep.

"What did he do this time, and do I need to prep the death certificate to say 'natural causes'?" Having finished the suture, Lanie pulled off her gloves and parked her hands on her hips to regard her with a raised eyebrow.

Beckett waved it and the entire conversation off, "He's just tired, off his game."

"Girl, from what Javi told me, you don't want him back on his game. I can't believe that your little tag-along threatened you." It was a statement, but the way she said it was an open-ended question. Lanie wanted details if her tone and expression were anything to go by.

Kate set her own expression, carefully between a glare that made her fellow detectives cringe and the 'I'm onto you' look as Castle had coined it when she had something clicking in her brain, "Javi, huh? Do I get to start pestering you about _your_ relationship with Detective Esposito?" she teased.

The response earned her a glare in return as Lanie shifted her focus to the man on her exam table, "I found traces of fiber in the ligature marks on his neck," she began, pointing towards the bruising and discoloration around the victim's neck.

Kate gave herself a pat on the back and stored that piece of information away. If Lanie was being pushy about her non-relationship with Castle, bring up Esposito and she turns professional in a heartbeat.

"The ligature mark itself is puzzling, so hopefully identifying the fiber will shed some light on it." she gestured to the stippling along the neck, "Also, most strangulations show an even line across the neck, but this one dips down on both the right and left of the victim's windpipe. This would seem to suggest that his attacker was much shorter than him, but his hyoid bone was nearly crushed from the force."

"So, short but strong?" she asked, being sure to get clarification before thinking of weeding out some of her suspect pool.

Lanie shook her head, "Not necessarily, like I said, it seems to suggest that. Seriously, though, it could be as simple as the need to put that much force behind what the killer was trying to accomplish. It's possible the attacker used their own weight and a little help from gravity to produce a quick downward tug."

"Signs of a struggle?"

Lanie shook her head, "The guy didn't stand a chance. The force and damage dropped him almost instantly, but from the lighter marks here," she gestured an inch above the dark line that trailed downwards on each side of Cooper's neck, "Whoever it was probably went down with him and held on long after he was dead. Apparently they wanted to make sure the job was done."

"What are we looking for as a murder weapon?"

Lanie gestured to the man's neck, "That line's a mess, thanks to the shift in position, so I'll have to do a few more things to see if I can determine the exact pattern the ligature left." Moving away from the body, Lanie continued, "Right now all I can tell you is we're looking for something silk, possibly a scarf, with some combination of red and black as a pattern. I'll be able to narrow it down further if I can identify the pattern in these overlapping grooves."

Lanie gave her a look, and Kate couldn't help but laugh at her friend, "You're seriously kicking me out with the 'I've got work to do' excuse?" Becket rolled her eyes as she turned to leave, "Just remember who taught that one to you and who's letting you get away with it now."

Lanie laughed, "I'll give you a get out of teasing free card for next time I'm on a roll."

Kate gave a little wave as she walked out. She was smiling on the elevator ride up to the bullpen. After all this time, she finally had something to combat Lanie's teasing about Castle and she was not soon to forget it.

It was strange to walk into the bullpen this late in the day without Castle beside her or waiting at her desk. She noticed the looks from Ryan and Esposito and ignored them as she moved to the murder board. She started arranging the new information on the white board and examining the few points Ryan and Esposito had added to the timeline.

She left the gang leaders up in the suspect column until they officially eliminated them as suspects or orchestrators. The fact that the killer had stuck around to make sure the job was done made her think it may have been a professional job, though most pros used guns or knives.

She jotted down the info about the murder weapon and took a moment to gather her thoughts. Looking at her watch and noting that it was nearly seven at night she turned her attention back to her two detectives huddled over another stack of file folders, "You two should call it a day. Pick up the wife in the morning."

With twin nods and looks of relief barely clouded by a hint of confusion, they started packing up the boxes to move back to evidence storage for the night. Once they had both left she considered the murder board again.

More than once inspiration had hit while she was puttering around her house or even after sleeping on it. She knew taking a step back was necessary, regardless of how difficult it was. Making a decision, she pulled out her phone and dialed, it was ringing before she was consciously aware of what she was doing.

"Castle." She heard him answer on a hushed whisper and wondered what she might be interrupting. The background noise became full of the sound of clothes shifting and rustling noises.

"What are you doing?" she let her curiosity get the better of her before she reined it in. "Never mind." She amended quickly. "I just wanted to let you know what Lanie came up with."

"So, I'm just out for the day, you're not kicking me off the case all together?" he asked on a whisper that had her wondering again, what he was doing.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"Nope." He responded and she heard a few footsteps followed by a loud thump. Instinctively she tensed, wondering if there was danger and then the sound of rapid electronic noises filtered through, followed by, "Surrender or you will feel my wrath!" from Castle in a cartoon villain sounding voice that she hadn't heard before.

In the background she heard Alexis affecting a similarly over the top character voice, "I'll die fighting before I bow to you, rat."

"Then die, you will." His character voice had become higher pitched and somewhat squeaky.

She wondered if Castle forgot she was on the phone as more rapid-fire laser sounds came through her earpiece and she heard Alexis giggle, "What are you Yoda all of a sudden?" it was the girls real voice this time, but full of humor and light hearted.

Kate found herself wondering if she had been wrong earlier. Maybe having a dad that actually took so much time with her had set her on the right path just fine, even with a flake for a mom.

She was tempted to hang up and let him get back to his family night, but she thought that maybe something would strike him or he would be able to digest the clues overnight and they might get past square one tomorrow. She just didn't want to be interfering. "I can call back later."

"No, it's fine." He whispered, "I got my blue tooth headset."

Shrugging off the worry of interrupting, since he was apparently going to keep on playing, she relayed what Lanie had told her. As the battle raged on the other end of the phone line, she wasn't sure he was listening. The sounds of laser tag filtering through indicated this was probably an epic battle.

"Were the fibers red?" Castle asked in his normal contemplative tone, before he was right back in character and apparently chasing Alexis and sounding like a herd of elephants.

"Yeah, how did you. . .?"

He cut her off, "He had a Versace kerchief in his lapel pocket, there would have been a matching tie." He finished the statement with, "Die, you rebellious cur dog!" but she was certain the last part was not for her and that was further confirmed by the volley of laser sounds that followed it.

"I guess I can't complain about having a snooty rich boy following me around when you pull insight like that off a scrap of fabric stuffed in a guy's pocket."

"Don't expect a repeat. I only recognized it because Alexis, who is currently driving me absolutely crazy," it was said with fondness and she didn't believe a word of it. "gave me the same set in blue and black last Christmas." His comment was followed by a series of quick footstep sounds as if he was trying to run quietly and a low thump followed by a whoosh of air. Perhaps he had thrown himself back against the wall to avoid the barrage of laser sounds she heard in the distant background. "I'm getting too old for this." He grumbled good-naturedly.

The battle waged on as they discuss the fact that the victim's tie had caused the marks, but his collar was not rumpled very much with the action. The tie had to be off in order for the killer to be able to use it as they had without any defensive wounds.

"It's gotta be a woman." He said before shouting a threat at Alexis and Beckett wondered how he could hold a conversation with her while simultaneously doing battle with his daughter.

"Where do you get that?" She heard a loud thump and he groaned afterwards, causing her to release a spontaneous giggle that she immediately stamped down, "What the hell was that?"

"Tried to do a barrel roll, the floor's a little hard for all that." She heard him laugh softly, "She didn't get me, though. As for the woman, who else could get a man to take off any amount of his clothes in the middle of a park when it was in the single digits for temperature that night?"

She shook her head, he had a point, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

In lieu of telling him she thought he was right, she decided on a pre-emptive strike for the vengeance he had planned. She continued to listen to his battle and waited patiently as he made time between elaborating to her on the cold park foreplay and trash talking to his daughter about her laser tag ability.

She listened intently and patiently waited for him to move. He was three quiet steps into what she was hoping was a sneak attack across open ground when she affected her best breathy voice, "Castle, do you have any idea how hot I get when you work a theory like that?"

She heard all background noise suddenly die out and she could imagine him stopped in the middle of the room with his mouth open. The short silence was followed by three rapid laser sounds, the sad sound of Castle's laser pack vibrating the kill shot, and Alexis giggling and shouting with glee.

She couldn't fight the chuckle that escaped as she pictured him dejected over the loss. She heard the moment he realized that she had said that so Alexis would catch him off guard as he gave a gasp of feigned shock.

"Oh, come on. Beckett was distracting me." He whined to his daughter.

"Tell Alexis 'you're welcome' for me."

"Beckett says you need to give me a rematch because she cheated." He called

"I didn't say that." she interjected.

Kate heard Alexis laugh at her father in the background, "I have homework; you'll have to wait for that rematch."

"You do realize, Detective Beckett, that this means war." he said menacingly, followed by a good rendition of a classic evil laugh and punctuated with several shots of his laser gun before he abruptly hung up the phone.

Beckett looked at her watch and was surprised that it was after eight. She hadn't spent an hour on the phone with anyone, except for being on hold with some government bureaucracy or another, since she was a teenager.

Shrugging off any kind of introspection on that point, she decided to call it a night. Kate grabbed her jacket off the chair, and started for the elevators with a smile on her face and a walk that was just a little lighter than when she had come in an hour before.

xoxo

A/N: Sorry, forgot last chapter's review that made my day, so here's both five and 6:

Chapter 5: **FootyGirl**, I'm thrilled and excited to attempt to keep meeting your expectations. I hope I don't let them slip out of character as the story moves forward.

Chapter 6: **stiggle**, You totally made my day. Your positive words inspired me to write and I appreciate that immensely. You're not a horrible person for rarely reviewing fanfic (though other authors may disagree). I also read fanfic on my phone, but it's not a 'smart' phone, so I can't log on or leave reviews without booting up my computer and finding whatever I was reading, so I don't review nearly as often as I'd like to. I'm assuming that's why of the hundreds of people who read each chapter, only two had anything to say last chap. They must be on phones like mine, so I don't hold it against them, since I'm the same way. :)

For everyone else, thanks for reading and I should have a new chapter out later this weekend.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Despite the brief nap at the precinct and the fact that it was barely after eight, when Castle got off the phone he laid back on his couch and was asleep within minutes.

The sound of his phone playing 'Ice Ice Baby' by Vanilla Ice had him laughing despite being woken from what he was sure had been a good dream if the hazy visions running through his head were any indication.

He had given that ringtone to Esposito after Ryan had nicknamed him Ice-Posito and it still made him laugh. If the detective ever called him when he was in the same room, he was sure it wouldn't be appreciated for the elements of humor it inspired in him, though Ryan would think it was funny.

He was still laughing when he answered, "Hey, man, you bored or something? You never call me." Not that Castle minded; he considered the detective a friend.

Silence greeted him from the other end of the phone and Castle glanced at the clock, wondering if perhaps he had been pocket dialed when he saw it was after nine.

"I was told not to call you." He responded and Castle instantly sat bolt upright at the serious tone in the officer's voice.

"What's going on?" he asked, though he was starting to wonder if he even wanted to know.

"We got another crime scene." He said cryptically.

Castle's brow furrowed and he tried to comprehend what he was being told, and by whom. "Why isn't Beckett calling?" he was definitely thinking he didn't want an answer to that question.

"Are you coming or not?" he seemed in a hurry to get off the phone and Castle didn't understand why that would be. The man was normally good for at least a few minutes of joking around.

Following Esposito's lead he decided professionalism was going to have to win out here and instead of asking if he had been body snatched, he simply asked, "Where."

Castle felt his mind go blank as he jumped to his feet when he heard Esposito recite the address. No, he couldn't have heard that right. There's no way that was the right address.

"What did you say?" he asked, sounding far away in his own head.

The blood rushing through his ears almost blocked out the other man's voice, "Beckett's apartment."

Castle hung up numbly before his brain kicked in and told him what questions he should have asked the other man. He fumbled the phone as he hurried to call Esposito back and dropped it against the floor, watching the screen crack. In frustration, he kicked fiercely, sending the device careening across the room and smashing against the wood trim along the bottom of the breakfast bar in his kitchen.

He felt as if he was in a fog as he put on his coat and felt for his keys.

The keys weren't in his jacket, weren't in his pants pockets. He tried to remember what he had done with them when he came home, but he couldn't think with his mind racing on images that he didn't want to think about.

He tried to turn off his over active writer's imagination as he tore the cushions off the couch and searched in the cracks, but it proved a futile effort.

He wondered if it was related to their current case. Had she been caught off guard with the silk tie or had the killer used her own scarf. Had she put up a fight or was she taken off guard? He imagined the faceless killer waiting in the dark for her to get home. Near pitch-blackness would have greeted her on entering her apartment so late at night. She probably had her hands full with some kind of take-out food containers.

She would have come in tired after her long day, possibly weak from hunger because if he knew her at all she hadn't eaten anything after the hotdog he had talked her into getting a little after noon today.

She would have been distracted with thoughts of the case. Whenever there was one with so little to go on and looking like it may come down to a hired hit that would be a nearly impossible case to close, he knew she immersed herself in anything and everything about the case until something clicked with her. He could practically see her adjusting the bag of take-out, probably Chinese food, to fit her key in the lock. She may have almost dropped the bag as she fumbled with her keys, cold fingers making the simple task a little more difficult.

She probably laughed to herself as she finally got the key in and made quick work of opening the door and moving into her entryway. She would probably have kicked the door closed behind her, maybe her full hands made it impractical to lock the door behind her just then. Perhaps that is how he got inside.

Moving silently, sounds of his entry covered, perhaps by her own footsteps or by the crinkling of the plastic bag as she moved to the kitchen and started pulling out her dinner.

He would have come up behind her yanking the silk tie or grabbing the back of her scarf, taking her down with a single powerful tug that crushed her windpipe, broke her hyoid bone, and cut off oxygen and blood to the brain. She would have struggled in her final seconds, despite the damage to her body, because she was strong. Would she have known that it was the end? Did she know that she was not going to get out of this one and was she scared? What did she think in her final moments?

He wondered if she had a single moment of hyperawareness or if she had time for her life to flash before her eyes. Did she have time to feel pride for what she had accomplished, or did she die with regrets? Perhaps she had a feeling of peace falling over her soul that had carried the darkness of her mother's murder for so long; perhaps it was a peace in knowing she may be joining her mother. Perhaps she only knew fear in those final moments.

He hoped that she didn't feel pain, that she didn't suffer and didn't blame herself. In that final moment, however, he knew exactly what she would have been thinking. She was Katherine Beckett, protector of New York. Her final thoughts, if she were able to think after the attack and before death swept her away, would have been that she had failed. Her final thoughts would have been that she was not good enough or fast enough to stop this from happening and she was letting down the world by not protecting it from this.

Castle couldn't wait to get his hands on this bastard and rip his face off.

Where the hell were his keys? He moved through the living room chairs and to his study as scene after scene of Beckett falling in the one place she should have felt safe played tortuously through his head.

Trying to retrace his steps from the laser tag game, he felt his tension rising to the boiling point.

"Alexis!" he yelled and something in his voice had her barreling down the stairs a moment later.

"Dad, what's wrong?" she crossed to him, her eyes sweeping the destruction in the living room.

"Have you seen my keys?" he asked, not sure why he even needed them, he could borrow hers.

Alexis laughed at him, as she turned towards the kitchen. "Wow, you're a little worked up over your keys. They're in here. You threw them on the counter and they slid off to the ground."

Returning with the keys he saw the humor fall off her face when she realize it wasn't about the keys, "Dad?" she asked, sounding slightly frantic now.

He tried to say something, say anything, but he really didn't know what was going on, much less, whether he was capable of voicing the ideas that were running through his head just then.

"Is it Gram?" she finally asked, her tone rising with concern as she watched him with wide eyes.

He couldn't fight the tightness in his throat as he shook his head. He could tell there was a moment of relief, but the concern did not fall away completely.

"Beckett." He finally choked out and Alexis was in his arms in a heartbeat.

Her small arms holding him tightly, she whispered, "What happened? Is she ok? She's ok, right?"

He couldn't answer her questions as quickly as they were coming out, "I have to go."

Alexis pulled back to look up at him, "Dad? Tell me she's ok." She demanded forcefully.

Rick shook his head and watched as Alexis fell apart, burrowing her face into his chest as he pulled her tight in his arms. He tried to cling to the last vestiges of control for her sake.

The darkness clouding his heart seemed out of place as he breathed in the scent of youth and innocence that clung to his daughter's hair and made his chest tighten.

"I don't know anything right now, honey. Maybe. . ." he couldn't finish the sentence. He couldn't give her false hope and have to watch her break apart when he tore the hope back away from her.

Kate had not been the closest of friends with his daughter, but he knew she looked up to the woman. He knew that while they may have spent very little time together, his daughter knew Kate almost as well as he did thanks to late night talks with him and reading all his first drafts.

Alexis was the one who kept him in line when he had blinders on and she thought through the ramifications of the thoughts, feeling, circumstances he put on the page. She was the one who kept him from including aspects of Kate's life that were too personal. She was the one who kept Nikki Heat from being Kate Beckett.

He knew that some part of Alexis had a similar hero-worship for Kate to the one he had. He knew that on some level Alexis was certain that Kate was invincible. He couldn't tell her she was wrong, he couldn't tell her she was right, he couldn't tell her anything. In a haze, he accepted the keys she had picked up.

"Can I come?" she asked quietly and he knew that she didn't want to be alone right now, but he didn't want her to see whatever he was about to have to brave his way through.

"No." he saw the stubbornness in her eyes, and he held up a hand to stop her, "Please, don't ask me to do this. I can't take you with me."

Alexis nodded, pulling away from him and wrapping her arms around herself, "I wish Gram was here."

Castle knew how she felt. As much as he griped about his mom, when she was out of town working on a play out of the city, he did miss her. Especially at times like this when he was so torn. He didn't want to leave his daughter alone while she felt this way, but there was an equally strong pull to go, to see for himself, knowing he wouldn't believe it until he saw Kate.

"Can you call one of your friends? Call Ashley, see if he can stay with you until I get home?" he implored and she nodded weakly.

He gave her a kiss on the forehead and squeezed her shoulder, "I'm sorry."

Alexis shook her head at him, "Don't, Dad." She said, her expression suddenly becoming more stubborn than she had been when asking to go with, "Go, but you call me as soon as you know anything." She demanded.

He nodded weakly and by the time he reached the door, she had grabbed the phone and was dialing.

Looking at his daughter one last moment before he closed the door on his way out, he couldn't help seeing the little girl she used to be in the wreckage that worry that weighed her shoulders down and made her look far smaller than she was.

Fighting the urge to go to her again was one of the hardest things he had ever done. He selfishly wished he could bring her with him. He knew that once he saw what he didn't really want to see, he would not be able to turn to Ryan, Esposito, or anyone else that was at the scene and he would need Alexis as much as she probably needed him right now.

Just as the door closed he heard her voice break, "Ashley?" and leaving his daughter crying in the kitchen broke his heart.

He walked out of his building in a haze.

He didn't realize he was even in a cab until they were pulling up outside Kate's apartment, and he was paying the cabbie. The elevator ride was a blur and he maintained a chant in his head that this was a dream or this was a misunderstanding, or this was a prank or a joke or anything other than what those police cars out front had told him that it was. Anything but what he saw as the elevator opened on her floor and he saw the yellow crime scene tape and the officers milling about. He didn't see Ryan or Esposito in the hall, but if this was real and not a nightmare, he knew they would not be working the scene when it was their own co-worker.

With heavy feet he made his way down the hall, fought the urge to punch Officer Bryant who greeted him like it were any other day and tried to make a joke. Normally, Castle took pleasure in goofing around with the young officer whenever they crossed paths, but this was insensitive and infuriating. Perhaps that was what Beckett was saying the whole time and why she always got so frustrated with his enthusiasm at crime scenes.

She always had a respect for the dead and he had never showed too much respect for the severity of the situation. Therefore, he reined in his anger for the young officer and directed it towards himself for teaching the boy that it was ok to have fun in such a grim situation.

The last two steps to stand in her doorway were the hardest, but once he turned and looked inside, he thought his legs might collapse under him.

She had not gone quietly.

Her apartment was demolished, likely from her struggling, but the tipped couch, broken furniture and TV, smashed pictures and toppled bookcase did not hold his attention as he caught sight of the wall.

In large letters, covering almost an entire side of her living room, the words 'Back Off' screamed at him. Each letter was smeared and dripping down the wall.

Red letters smeared across the wall in thick swipes.

He wondered how much blood it would take to write a message that size.

So much blood.

x.x.x

A/N: Here's a random Late night posting. Sorry to go all serious after the fun last chapter and I hope to get this updated again tomorrow so that you are not left hanging for too long, but we have a lot of Holiday stuff planned so if I do not post tomorrow I will on Monday. Thanks for reading.

Review that made my day: **Jayce Gish**, technically for Chapter 1, but I'm so glad to have you on board and I hope you enjoy the rest of this journey as much as the first chapter. I was Christmas shopping and checked reviews on my phone. Getting yours made me blush with pride and I couldn't stop smiling. My sister and niece gave me funny looks, but I didn't mind.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Castle could not seem to get enough air into his lungs.

Standing in Beckett's doorway and unable to take a step inside, eyes locked on the blood smeared message. He knew that he didn't want to go in, knew if he moved inside eventually he would have to see her, and knew there was nothing he wanted to see here.

He wanted to leave. He wanted to go to Alexis, curl up under a blanket holding her and pretend that none of this happened. He wanted to run, wanted to wipe the sight out of mind, wanted to go back and make her keep him with her today.

Maybe if he had been with her at the precinct they would have come up with something, would have stumbled on something that kept her up half the night and sleeping in the precinct instead of going home.

Maybe if he had been with her, she would have eaten and her focus would have not been deterred by getting inside with her bags.

He couldn't stop all the things that he could have done to prevent this from running through his head as he swayed in her doorway. He was certain this is what a panic attack felt like, lightheaded, breathing painful, heart racing.

His eyes falling on the sliver of her bedroom he could see through the open door. Just a corner of the room and the side of a dresser, but it wasn't the furniture that caught his eye; it was the sprays of blood across the wall and splattered on the dresser. He felt a sudden wave of nausea sweep through him and had just started turning to leave so he wouldn't contaminate the crime scene when he heard, "Castle, what the hell are you doing here?"

Stopping mid-pivot he turned to the voice and couldn't find words as he let his eyes sweep down and back up her body assessing for injury. A warning in the back of his head told him he was probably hallucinating this, but she continued to stare at him with that exasperated expression on her face.

"Kate?" he asked in quiet disbelief.

Kate Beckett stood in the doorway between her living room and bedroom looking completely unharmed. Of their own volition, his feet began to move him towards her. He had to touch her, had to reaffirm that she was really standing there.

He was halfway across the room when Esposito stepped out from the room to stand beside Beckett. Castle didn't hear a word the other man was saying through the sudden pounding of his heart and blood whooshing through his ear as his focus shifted off reaffirming her existence. She was obviously not a figment of his imagination if Esposito was talking to her.

Before he even knew what he was doing, he had grabbed the front of Esposito's jacket and forcefully shoved him back into Beckett's room and up against a wall with enough force to shake the nearby dresser and rattle the objects on it.

"What the hell?" Esposito asked, too shocked to respond.

Kate had a hand on Castle's shoulder within a second; gripping tightly enough to let him know that she would take him down if she needed to. He barely registered the action as fury pounded through his veins.

"You could have told me she was fine." Castle told the detective forcefully, anger burning through him like wildfire.

"Whoa, dude, chill." Esposito responded with a choked laugh, holding his hands up as if in surrender, "I did. I told you Beckett didn't want me to call you."

"No." Castle responded heatedly, "You said, 'I was told not to call you'." He slammed him against the wall again to punctuate his point, "You didn't say who told you."

"Sorry, bro." the detective responded, but Castle could see the humor in the other man's eyes and the hint of a smile starting.

Slamming him against the wall again, Castle felt the bite of Beckett's fingers in shoulder, stronger encouragement to let go, but he couldn't drop it. "You think this is funny, Esposito?" he didn't know where that tone had come from, it sounded like a growl in his head and despite the increased pressure on his shoulder he didn't release the other man who continued to stand with his hands up in surrender.

"It was just a misunderstanding, man, chill out. I should have been more careful with my words."

Hearing the sincerity behind the statement, Castle let his grip loosen slightly, but he couldn't rein in the rollercoaster of emotions rolling through him. "No shit!" he yelled, though the aggression seemed to have abated slightly.

With a last shove at Esposito, rattling the glass on the dresser again, he finally released the other man and turned noticing the matching shocked expressions on Ryan and Beckett's faces as he shook off her hand and stormed out of the apartment. He needed some air; it was too crowded in her apartment.

Once out in the hall he made it three apartments towards the elevator before leaning against the wall and sinking to the ground, burying his face in his hands to catch his breath and organize his thoughts.

x.x.x

Beckett was exhausted enough without having her home turned into a crime scene again. She absently wondered how all these creeps seemed to find her house.

She had just wanted to eat and get some sleep so she could be back into the office bright and early tomorrow. Instead, she had walked in to find her apartment ransacked and that message on the wall.

She had made quick work of clearing the apartment; whoever had done it was long gone.

CSU had arrived in record time, beating Ryan to the scene, though Esposito had shown up before them.

"Did you call Castle?" Esposito asked.

She shrugged off the thought, "We can fill him in tomorrow, he's probably sleeping by now."

They had worked on documenting the scene and while Ryan and Esposito were cataloguing the damage in her bedroom and attached bathroom, she had thrown a couple of changes of clothes that seemed to have been spared from the splatter of what was definitely blood, but according to the field test kit it wasn't human.

After grabbing the clothes, she prepped to head back to the precinct, no point in hanging around here and getting in CSU's way when she could be compiling a list of those they had spoken to that may be responsible.

She was stopped in her tracks just outside the doorway to her bedroom to see Castle standing in the entry to her apartment, eyes locked on the bloody message on the wall with an expression she didn't recognize on his face. She watched him go ashen before he turned on unsteady legs as if he was leaving.

Out of instinct, she had barked, "Castle, what the hell are you doing here?"

Watching his head snap around towards her would have been comical in any other situation, but the expression of hope and fear across his features shook her to the core and had her wondering exactly what was going on around here.

She watched his gaze travel down her body and back up, wondering when he had stopped having that sexual glint in his eyes when he looked her up and down, wondering where this tender yet fearful expression came from.

"Kate?" Castle asked, and the sound of his voice saying her name, with a breadth of emotion that she was having trouble figuring out, struck her speechless.

With a look of trepidation he had started towards her, hesitation in each step, his face still too pale and his eyes doing a piss poor job of masking the warring tenderness and trepidation.

Esposito came up next to her, but she didn't hear a word the other man was saying as she watched Castle approach. His expression suddenly swept away and anger was left in its place.

She seemed to be out of the loop somewhere, she must have missed some kind of argument between her detective and the writer, because suddenly, Castle swept past her, grabbing Esposito and shoving him against a wall with considerable force.

She moved in to break this up, applying pressure to Rick's shoulder as a subtle hint that she would take him down if he made her, but as she listened to their conversation all the missing pieces fell into place.

Before she could even comprehend what was happening, it was over; Castle was brushing off her hand and storming out of the room without a look back.

She found him in the hall.

She stood in her doorway for a long moment, not sure whether she should approach him or not.

She knew what it was like to lose people on the force, people you worked with every day. More so, she knew the fact that he had thought something happened to her had obviously brought up those all too familiar feeling in him. He looked so small as he sat motionless against the hallway wall with his knees bent up towards his chest and his face in his hands.

His chest was heaving, perhaps from the struggle with Esposito a moment ago, but more likely trying to rein in his emotions and clear his head. She knew exactly how he felt. She had been convinced she had lost people before and even when they were back, standing right in front of you, it was hard to get the thoughts and feeling to go away.

It was how she had felt when she thought she had lost him to the Triple Killer. Even as a cop, shaking those thoughts and feelings had taken weeks and she still had nightmares occasionally.

Thinking about the damage in her apartment, what that must have looked like to him on walking inside, made her decision for her and she started down the hall. Her footfalls were far from silent as she didn't want to startle him out of his thoughts, but he did not look up when she reached him.

She stood in front of him a moment, but when he remained in that position she leaned against the wall and lowered herself down next to him. She leaned slightly until their shoulders were barely touching, silently consoling as she waited for him to speak.

"Is he pissed? I was a little crazy in there." He finally said without raising his head, his tone low and his voice muffled as he spoke through his hands.

"He's actually a little pissed at himself right now." She said, and then after a moment of silence added, "He understands."

"Maybe he can explain it to me then, because I don't." another calm level statement, but she sensed the undercurrent of barely restrained emotion. He wasn't a cop, he didn't understand, but at the same time, sadly, he was learning to understand all of the dark aspects of their job.

He interrupted her thoughts with movement as he held his hand out in front of himself and she watched a noticeable tremble in the action, "I can't stop shaking. How stupid is that?"

She reached out silently and gently grabbed his shaking hand, bringing it to rest on her other hand in her lap she tried to infuse it with the steady strength she had. A simple gesture to reassure him that she really was here.

"Everything's fine and I'm over here having a breakdown anyway." The statement was slightly bitter, but she could hear the self-deprecation in his tone.

"It's adrenaline." She indicated simply. Hopefully, putting the blame on a natural chemical release in his brain would alleviate some of the frustration he was obviously feeling.

"I know, but when we heard that. . ." he stopped himself sudden, his head snapped up and his wide eye met hers for the first time since he had stormed out of her apartment. "I left Alexis. Give me your phone."

"Where's yours?" she asked as she released his hand to dig in her pocket.

After getting the phone, he immediately started dialing as he waved off the question, "Shattered on the floor at home." After a moment's pause he was speaking again, but not to her.

She wondered if she should leave him in private to make this call, but his hand was still gripping one of hers in her lap as if he were afraid to let go.

"She's ok." He fell silent for a moment and Kate could hear what sounded like sobbing over the phone line, but that couldn't be right, and she couldn't quite make out what Alexis was saying.

Hearing only one side, she was still sure she could follow the conversation between the two.

"No, baby, nothing like that. . . It was a misunderstanding. . . She's perfectly fine. . . Yes, I'm sure. . . Have I ever lied to you?"

She felt a sudden wave of remorse for not calling Castle herself when her home had been made into a crime scene. This could have all been avoided if she had just called him to tell him what was going on.

He had passed her phone back to her, but when she went to put it in her pocket, he shook his head. "She wants to talk to you. Not that she doesn't believe me, but I completely understand the need to have first had reassurance after something like this."

"Hello." Kate said tentatively into the receiver and was greeted with a moment of silence long enough to have her wondering if Castle was messing with her.

The tiny sound of a quiet sob brought her back from negative thoughts of Castle tricking her to the girl on the other end of the line. "Alexis, are you there?"

"Are you really ok?" the girl finally asked, sounding meek and worn out.

"Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine." she responded, though after it was out of her mouth she realized how odd the term of endearment was when she wasn't very close with the teenager. She brushed it off with a shrug and justified it by reminding herself that people talk to kids a lot differently than they talk to their peers, especially when those kids were hurting.

"Promise?" she asked and Kate felt her heart breaking for the emotion in the girl. This heartache was her fault and she had to do something to fix it.

"You want to see for yourself?" she asked, before she really considered what she was saying.

Alexis responded that she would and Kate caught Castle's questioning expression, but just stood up and helped him to his feet as she finished talking to Alexis and passed the phone back to him.

"I'll be right back." She told him as she went back inside to grab her small bag of clothes and make sure Ryan and Esposito had everything under control. She wasn't surprised that they were handling everything with CSU, so she was back in the hall within a couple of minutes following Castle to her elevator.

She had a moment of clarity where she wondered exactly what she was getting herself into, but she brushed it off as the sound of Alexis' hollow broken voice echoed in her thoughts.

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry I scared you, but know I would not kill off any of the regulars. I make myself cry while writing entirely too often without doing that to myself. I would short circuit my computer.

Thanks for reading.

Review that made my day: **pkl**, you made me feel so bad for that cliffy that I neglected chapter 35 on my NCIS story to write this. I felt just terrible for leaving you like that.

On a side note, I'm exhausted, so not sure if I even like this chapter. I hope you guys do and it doesn't seem as out there as it felt when I was reading it back after typing it.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Beckett woke with a stiff neck on an uncomfortable, lumpy couch.

The familiar smells and sounds lulled her out of sleep gradually; it was entirely too familiar. Shifting to lie on her back, she rolled her neck for a moment to work out the kinks before staring absently up at the yellowed tiles of the panel ceiling above her.

She always had the same thought of the old school police officers having a smoke break with their cigarettes and huge cigars when she looked up at the smoke-stained ceiling tiles.

2,601 holes in all of them, except that one on the left that was a little whiter than the rest, it had 2,401. She was certain because she counted that one more often than she counted the others. Forty-nine rows, forty-nine columns. The other tiles had fifty-one of each.

She felt like that tile sometimes, like she was different from all the rest, as if she was missing something everyone else had.

She didn't feel that way last night. Her stomach tightened at the realization and despite her desire to get up and get to work she felt herself going through the previous night for a few moments, not sure how she should feel about the experience.

She had drove Castle home in silence, though he would occasionally reach over to brush her arm with his fingers as if he were double-checking that she was there. With mock exasperation, she moved one of her hands off the steering wheel, pulled the glove off with her teeth and took his hand in hers.

She could still feel the slight tremble in his digits and the tension in his body as he sat next to her. She refused to comment on either as they made their way through the less crowded streets and snow fell silently around them.

She had the random thought that outside the car was a good parallel to inside, peaceful but dangerous.

He released her hand when they got out of the car, but took it up again as they made their way inside. She vaguely thought this was an intimate gesture. This was something she shouldn't be participating in. Instead of worry about it, she brushed it off as she felt the waves of tension still rolling off him.

This was about comfort, not intimacy and she understood the need that others had to seek that comfort, even if she didn't let herself do the same thing. She might not ask for this type of reassurance, but that didn't mean she hadn't been tempted to and that didn't mean she wouldn't be there to give it.

As soon as Castle opened the door to his apartment, she was practically tackled by Alexis. The girl hugged her and Kate wasn't sure she had ever been hugged like that before.

It wasn't just a calm 'how you doing?' hug of greeting like she got from her father whenever she saw him. It wasn't like a post-coital lover's embrace. It wasn't like the comforting hugs her mom gave her when she had skinned her knee as a child or got her heart broken as a teen.

It was almost violent in its intensity and Kate was struck by the power behind it.

Instinctively her arms came up to circle the teen, one around her back, the other guiding her face into the crook of Kate's shoulder. Without conscious thought, she felt her hand stay on the girl's head a moment before stroking gently down her hair as she shushed Alexis. She spoke in quiet whispers that were probably nonsense, as she repeated, "It's ok, honey, it's ok." Repeatedly, she spoke those words and made that gesture until she felt the girl's trembling finally subside.

It struck her later how odd that act was, but in the moment, it had just felt right.

She glanced at Castle, still standing close beside her and she could see the tension tick in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. She suddenly felt that perhaps she was overstepping. Was he mad that she was holding his daughter like this?

She was about to pull away, however reluctantly, when she felt Alexis loosen her grip and start to move away herself. Kate surprised herself by feeling as if she wasn't ready to let go.

Kate was about to step back, but Alexis still held her firmly with her left arm while her right reached out to her dad in invitation. She caught Castle's expression over his daughter's head and could tell he was fighting with himself on the decision, so she made it for him.

She reached out and grabbed his jacket, gently pulling him forward, noting the hint of a grateful smile on one side of his mouth. She didn't let go and actually tightened her hold on his jacket when he finally wrapped his arms around both of them.

Beckett felt the tension leave his body with a heavy sigh that ghosted across her ear as he rested his cheek on Alexis' head and then leaned just a little further to touch his forehead to Kate's temple.

This was the reaffirmation he had obviously needed in order to free himself from the dark emotional cloud that had been blanketing him since that phone call earlier. She wasn't going to pull away. Surprisingly she didn't want to.

It was odd to her now, lying in the break room on the old worn out couch, with the early morning sun starting to filter in through the windows. It was peculiar how she had not been tense in that moment. In the moments that followed, perhaps she was a little more distant and reserved, but not during, not while they stood there gaining strength from her and her from them.

Perhaps it was the overwhelming sense of belonging that she had to stamp down as soon as the three of them broke apart.

Perhaps it was the familiar feeling of family that she hadn't really felt like she was missing until that moment.

She hadn't realized she was so close to them, that she could affect them in such a way. She hadn't put much thought into it at all really and thinking about it now made her feel the familiar ache of confusion and the desire to brush it off and move on as if it hadn't happened at all.

She should definitely brush off what Castle did later, what he said to her, what she said to him. She just couldn't shake the sound of his voice in her ears, the warmth of him and the heat of his breath on her neck. Thinking about it now made her tingle and her mind started to wander to thoughts that were less warm and fuzzy and more hot and steamy.

Then the phone call that had her falling asleep with a smile on her face.

Feeling completely ridiculous, she shook off the errant thoughts and got up from the uncomfortable couch. She headed down to the locker room to get ready for the day, hoping a shower and a change would give her a fresh and more focused perspective on the day.

x.x.x

Rick Castle woke feeling rested and content.

The weight of his daughter's head on his shoulder and the warm cocoon of the comforter slung over the both of them kept him from getting up right away. He lay back in the comfort of their makeshift campout spot on the couch and let his mind wander over the events of the previous night with a distance that he hadn't had while emotion was coursing through him.

He had run the gamut of emotions that night. From scared to devastated when he saw the state of her apartment. From hopeful to angry when he saw her and then Esposito. At some point, relief took the forefront as it all sank in.

Sitting in her car, he couldn't stop himself from reaching out. Making sure he hadn't dreamed the resolution to something that had been so vivid, so real and frightening. She surprised him by reaching over to take his hand, the warmth moved through the chill that had set in after that phone call and he finally started to feel sure that she was there.

He accepted this sign of life, though he wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her close. This thought, frustrated him and ratcheted up the tension he was feeling after what felt like a close call.

He knew she wouldn't allow him a moment to hold her like he needed to, so he accepted the small gesture and wasn't willing to let her revoke it until they were standing outside his apartment door.

Once they were inside, Alexis attacked Kate in her excitement and to his surprise, she didn't shy away. She held on tight and rode the wave of teenage emotion, quietly soothing his daughter and gently stroking her hair.

He felt his chest tighten with emotion as he watched them, standing right in front of him. If he took a single step he would be there with them, but this was their moment. This wasn't about him; this was about Kate and Alexis.

No matter how much he wished he could be included, just to hold them and know everything was all right, the moment seemed to pass.

Alexis was pulling away, but stopped and he looked at her hand, outstretched for him to join. Yet, still he hesitated. He knew accepting a hug from a crying teenage girl was different than getting one from a grown man who had an equal desire to be crying in that moment, though he was proud of himself for fighting it.

As much as he wanted to be included in their moment, he couldn't bring himself to take the opening Alexis offered. Beckett wouldn't approve, in fact, he knew she would probably sock him in the arm for asking and then roll her eyes like it was some ploy to grope her, though that was the furthest thing from his mind.

He caught eyes with Beckett over Alexis' head and couldn't seem to look away. When Kate reached out and grabbed his coat to pull him over to them, he thought he might be in shock. It took three tiny, tentative steps to cover the distance.

Once he had his arms around them both and rested his head against his daughter's hair, he felt himself immediately relax.

This was real. Kate was safe. Everyone was ok, and he finally actually believed it as sights and sounds, scents and feelings combined in a heady swarm of emotion.

Together they held Alexis, but he was the one who ended up pulling away from the embrace. .

Perhaps it was the way her fist continued tightly holding his jacket, occasionally twitching against his chest. Perhaps it was noticing that her side was pressed flush against the front of him as he registered and locked away every curve he could feel. Perhaps it was just that he had finally rid himself of the numbness of the evening and was finally feeling again as if for the first time.

He didn't know what it was that had this comforting position suddenly sending a tingle through him that made his fingers itch with the urge to touch her skin. He let his hand travel from Kate's shoulder, slowly up to the curve of her neck. Soft warmth met his fingertips as he felt her hair gently tickle across the back of his hand.

The contact reaffirmed she was here and alive as he felt her pulse beating against his fingers from her delicate neck.

It wasn't until he caught a hint of cherries from her skin that his breath caught on a sudden realization that he had actually never galvanized into a thought. He would have never gotten that bittersweet connection to her out of his mind. He found a fondness in the scent of cherries before tonight, but had she really been gone, it would have haunted him.

Feeling as if he was about to lose control of the emotions he had been keeping tramped down effectively until this point, he pulled away earning a questioning look from his daughter. He felt bad for breaking the moment when he watched each of them take a step back from each other.

"Kate," he heard his voice crack slightly over her name, one he rarely used, but didn't seem to be able to filter out in his current state. Fighting the urge to clear his throat and make this all the more awkward, he continued. "We have some leftover lasagna if you're hungry?" He wondered if his voice was wavering as much as it sounded like in his own ears, but brushed it off and moved to the kitchen without waiting for a response.

After a dinner that was closer to a midnight snack, she said she needed to get to the precinct. He was surprised she stayed as long as she had, but that didn't mean he liked the idea of her leaving.

It took a few extra minutes to convince Alexis that she needed to get back to work to figure this out, even if it was almost midnight.

"Couldn't you stay?" the girl asked, leaving him wondering if she could read his mind, but knowing the outcome either way.

With a last hug, this one brief, Alexis finally let Kate out the door.

He walked her to her car, not that he could do anything to protect her, but more for his own peace of mind. After she unlocked her car she moved to open the door, but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

He guided her to face him again and pulled her back away from her car. He hadn't thought about what he was doing, but he knew he couldn't just let her walk away. He knew tomorrow she would act like none of this happened and try to push it back into its little organized box in her brain, and that gave him the courage to take a risk.

She didn't resist as he pulled her to him. She didn't hit him when he pulled her back into his arms. She didn't threaten to shoot him as his arms tightened around her and he buried his face in her neck, holding on, as he had wanted to do since the moment he saw her standing alive and well in her apartment.

She did tense for a moment, but then he felt her arms circling him. One rubbed gently on his back as if she were soothing a child, which was fairly close to accurate in this moment, the other ghosted across his shoulder and came to rest at the nape of his neck, fingers gently toying with the short hairs at the base of his skull as her head came to rest on his shoulder.

"I'm glad you're alright." He whispered, his throat tight with the weight of the emotions on his already fragile state. He could blame this on his exhaustion and lack of any kind of sleep recently. That made him brave. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

He felt her shift, worried he pushed her too far, worried she might be pulling away. He loosened his grip slightly so she didn't feel trapped, but she was turning her face towards him, not moving away. She didn't lift her head; instead, she seemed to burrow deeper into his chest, her face soft against the side of his neck and her breath warm as she responded, "I'm not going anywhere, Castle."

It was such a contrast to how she normally said his name that he was momentarily distracted. Normally, his name on her tongue was a command, a biting reprimand, or just sounded like the dirtiest swearword he could imagine.

Tonight it sounded like a caress.

She finally pulled away, before the hug moved past comforting to either awkward or more than comfort. Her hand on his neck was the last part of her touching him and he felt it start to move, already missing the warmth.

She gently let her hand stroke around from the back of his neck until it was resting on his cheek. It took him several seconds to realize she was trying to get him to look up from the ground he had been intently staring at.

When his eyes finally met hers, he saw something unexpected, remorse.

"I'm sorry." She said, and then he must have been blatantly advertising his confusion across his face, because she quietly added, "I should have called you."

He shrugged, because the way the night had turned out, he wasn't so sure that it had been such a bad thing, except for the toll it took on his blood pressure.

He didn't have any other response and she apparently had nothing else to say as she let her hand fall and turned back to her car. He stopped her from closing it once she was inside.

Knowing that when she got out of her car again it would be at the precinct surrounded by other police officers, he reluctantly let her go. "Could you call me when you get inside?" seeing the raised eyebrow and exasperation mixed with a hint of understanding on her face he hastened to add, "Just so Alexis doesn't worry." He watched her soften and she nodded before finally getting inside and driving off into the night.

She had called as promised, but by then Alexis had fallen asleep curled up with him on the couch. He thought it might be awkward after his mini-meltdown confession and her obviously heartfelt apology, but they had chatted for several minutes as she took care of updating the murder board and organizing their thoughts on the case.

It wasn't until almost an hour later that she had said, "People are going to start coming in here making noise in about five hours, so I have to try and get some sleep."

"Where's here?" he thought she was still in the bullpen.

"Couch in the break room. Home away from home." She had responded and he wished again that she had let him convince her to stay with him instead.

"You can't be comfortable there." He was shocked; he'd sat on that couch enough to know it was uncomfortable.

"It's not that bad, spend a lot of nights here actually."

"Hmm." He said, sure that disapproval was clear in his voice, "Guess I'll have to get the precinct a new couch for Christmas this year."

She laughed and he drank in the sound of it, "Night, Castle."

"Until tomorrow, Kate."

x.x.x

A/N: Was that too fluffy, or is it just me?

Don't expect updates to come this quickly normally. My original fic is giving me serious fits because I can't figure out how to get from where I'm at to where I need to go and I'm tempted to just drop my characters where I want them because it would be easier, though probably far from believable. Geez, ain't that a pain?

Review that made my day: **viola555**, Thank you for the kind words. It's always a struggle writing something we've never seen Castle or Beckett go through on the show, so I'm glad that you're still holding on and think I've kept them in character.

Thanks for reading.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Walking back into the bullpen after getting dressed for the day, Beckett stopped when she saw the momentary flash of panic when Castle walked into the bullpen that morning and noticed that she wasn't at her desk.

He covered it quickly as he apparently noticed her jacket hanging on the back of her chair. She wondered how long until this feeling went away, how long until he was back to just walking in with a smile whether she was in her chair or not. How long before seeing anything other than a smile had her tempted to go right back to where they had been outside her car last night?

She shrugged it off, because with that thought came memories that she would rather not address this early in the morning, or ever for that matter As she approached, she watched him put her coffee on the desk and move to the other side to prop himself on the edge and check over the white board.

He was obviously looking for anything new or trying to see if anything was going to click. She hadn't heard him spout an insane theory in a while and while they waited for Ryan and Esposito to arrive with the wife, she could prod him into it.

She wouldn't admit that it was fascinating to hear him spin a tale, not even to herself at the moment. Of course, it was obvious by his chosen profession and he didn't need the ego boost. Mostly, she craved the familiarity of it, so picking up her coffee she leaned against her desk next to him with a, "Morning."

Castle turned to her with a smile, "How was 'Old Lumpy'?"

She craned her next side to side for effect, "Old and rather lumpy."

His smile dimmed a moment and she was concerned when his eyes softened that he was going to bring up the previous night. "Kate,"

She couldn't take him looking at her like that, calling her Kate in the middle of the bullpen. This was not back to normal; this was a tainted variant of standard. This is an unsettling turn of events that she had to push past because his blue eyes were calling her and she could get lost in them.

She abruptly turned her head back to the board, "Ryan found out that when the victim wasn't losing cases, his defendants were disappearing."

Her peripheral vision was still keyed in on him, despite trying to shift her focus to the whiteboard and she didn't miss the flash of disappointment as she pushed right into the case.

He followed her lead, dropping whatever he had been about to say as he turned back to the board, trying to find the new info, "Where did they disappear to?"

"I haven't gotten confirmation yet, but it's looking likely that they are in witness protection." She could see the blocks falling into place on a theory and relaxed a little. This familiarity is what she had been waiting for through the awkwardness this morning. This was comfortable, familiar, just them doing what they always did, and some small part of her was laughing at the fact that she felt a moment of disappointment herself.

After a moment of galvanizing his thoughts, he turned his focus from the murder board to her, "Maybe it was Harold Mason. Cooper was on a losing streak and when he didn't lose the case, he lost the defendant. Mason couldn't take the chance that his firm would go under because of one lawyer. He's the Senior Partner. He's the one with his name on the office. He's the one with the most to lose if the firm got a bad rep for helping and harboring rats."

"He's a lawyer, Castle. He's not going to risk life in prison when he could just fire the guy." She knew she sounded exasperated; it was a practiced skill she had developed just for these situations.

She saw his pout and had to shift her focus to stare at the coffee cup when the errant thought of why she hadn't noticed before that it was a cute expression on him practically smacked her across the face.

"That doesn't solve Cooper's murder, though." He finally responded.

She could feel his eyes on her, but she fought the urge to blush as her mind ran off in its own direction, taking her off guard for a moment. Tramping it down she was finally able to look back at him, "Neither does supposition. Anything else firing up there?" she didn't mind pushing him for theories just then.

When he's in that frame of mind he's a lot safer than when his playful side is allowed free reign.

"What about Chad Ferguson?" He asked, though he didn't seem too excited on the prospect, "Maybe he thought if he could get Cooper out of the way, he could take his position in the firm, move up and get ahead. Possibly a little excess ego there and he thought he could 'save the day' and save the firm in one fell swoop."

Beckett shrugged, "He would probably just wait it out, so you have the same flaw in your theory as with Mason."

He simply nodded.

"That all you got?" she inquired after a long silence.

He was considering the white board with a serious look on his face, as she watched him for a reaction. She saw the spark in his eyes the moment something clicked, "What if we're looking at the wrong side of this?"

Suddenly his thoughts seemed to click through her own brain as she spun the circumstances around, "Because who would be more pissed about the defendant's disappearing? Not the lawyers."

"Right, this is about the mob or his gang ties."

"I can imagine Anatoly and Montoya wouldn't be happy to have their people turning on them."

"They'd be furious." He agreed. "They would blame the lawyer. Maybe Cooper was actually spoon feeding the Feds witnesses, or maybe they just suspected him."

"Maybe there's a paper trail, these guys have ways of getting information that isn't in the public record." She said thoughtfully.

He seemed to add as a quiet after thought, "Like your address."

It took her a moment to realize they had fallen silent and their eyes were locked in the short distance between them. When she finally recognized exactly how close they had inched towards each other, she snapped her gaze back to the white board. "But we can't prove any of it."

He stops to think, staring at the board and they both turn to each other in the same moment.

"If it was a woman…" he starts.

"Could be the wife." She finishes.

Castle's eyes get that faraway look, the plot line spinning in his head a moment before he starts to speak, "She has given her life to this man, worked two jobs to pay his way through law school and sacrificed ever having children to his blind lust for law and the pursuit of victory. She starts to suspect something is up, but he always has such a good reason for working late or not coming home at all. One night she has finally had enough and follows him to his mistress's house. Afterwards as he walks through the park on his way home she pounces on him. In a blind rage she chokes the life out of him, whispering as he chokes out his last breaths, 'I gave you everything, I made you who you are, and now I am taking it back.'"

She can't stop the sarcastic bark of laughter; it's not his best work. "First of all, who said anything about him having an affair? Secondly, the force that was exuded to crush his windpipe like that had to have a little more power behind it, that woman was a hundred pounds, soaking wet."

"He did have a mistress, we figured that out yesterday. And I thought I was the one too tired to pay attention?" he asked, but his voice had softened and she knew he was alluding to either their physical good night or the one on the phone a short time later.

She bit her lip to fight the smile as she recalled both in vivid detail.

She hoped her house wasn't a crime scene for long, because she needed to get some decent sleep tonight so that her thoughts weren't running away from her. So that she wasn't tempted to reach out and touch him again, decide if she preferred the soft skin on his cheek this morning to the slight stubble from last night. So that she didn't wonder if his lips would be as gentle as his arms had been.

Whoa, hold up.

She made an effort and wiped the thoughts out of her head. There was nothing productive about thinking those thoughts and she had a case to solve.

Just as she got her resolve in place and her mind swimming with thoughts of their victim, eyes scanning the information written and attached to the whiteboard, she felt the weight of his hand covering hers in the space between them. Involuntarily, her fingers curled around the edge of the desk where her hand was holding her up.

"Kate," that same voice, the same expression, she noted when she glanced briefly from the corner of her eyes before shifting back to scanning through the facts and evidence in front of her.

Whatever she had stalled him from starting earlier, he was obviously inclined to continue and she was fresh out of excuses to stop him.

Fortunately, before he could get anything else out, the elevator dinged and she shot to her feet. Ryan and Esposito were walking towards her with Terry Cooper.

The victim's wife was a far cry from the woman they had met the day before. The woman in the high-rise apartment had been immaculately dressed, make-up done perfectly, not a hair on her head out of place.

The woman passing them to go wait in interrogation wore a simple pair of jeans and a comfortable looking t-shirt. Her hair, a short bob, was hanging limply around her face as if she hadn't styled it this morning. Her expression was the same, blank as ever, but her eyes gave her away.

She had obviously spent much of the time since they had last seen her crying and gotten very little sleep. Her eyes looked hauntingly sad in her pale features and dark sunken eyes.

Once Mrs. Cooper was settle in the interrogation room, the two detectives joined her and Castle at the whiteboard.

"She's like a ghost." Castle said from close behind her. He must have moved while she was watching the woman walk through the bullpen. "I can't believe that's even the same woman."

She looked over her shoulder, surprised, but oddly not irritated by his proximity for the first time all morning as she read the sympathy on his features, "Grief can do some crazy things, Castle."

He simple nodded and by unspoken consent, they moved to the room to speak with the wife of their victim.

She didn't realize exactly how hard this would be until she had seen the woman.

Yesterday, Terry Cooper had been so put together, so confident and nearly unflappable. As striking a contrast as it made, her tears as she confirmed that she did know about their victim's affairs were even more of a mystery to Kate.

She could see the woman's emotions, clearly on display for the world. She didn't seem upset that her husband was sleeping around as much as she had been upset that she was not able to provide the sexual affection he needed.

"I have stage four cancer; I probably won't live another six months." She said. "I lost the energy for sex a long time ago, but Charlie never gave up on me. He never stopped loving me and taking care of me."

Kate could see the sincerity on the woman's face as she continued to explain, "I knew he was seeing other women, but it was just sex. He was still mine in heart and soul. I couldn't. . ." she stopped on a sob and dropped her gaze to her hands as if she were ashamed, "I couldn't be there for him in all the ways he deserved and I. . ."

Castle reached across the table and put a hand over her tightly clasped ones, "It's ok. You don't have to explain."

Kate wondered why she wasn't mad for him ending the forward progress of the interview, but his sincerity stopped her from a glare she would normally launch his direction.

After a few moments, Mrs. Cooper had calmed considerably and was looking upon Castle with a weak smile, "Thank you. I know it's not socially acceptable, though now and days who knows what passes as acceptable."

"But he loved you." Castle finished for her and the woman graced the two of them with a genuine tearful smile.

Beckett hated to rain on this moment, but there was still the matter of a murder to solve, "Did your husband discuss the women with you?"

"Never." She said sincerely, sadly, "I was fine with sharing him as long as I didn't have to know the details. Now, I wish I had asked. Maybe then I would be able to help you find who did this."

x.x.x

Castle was watching Beckett move through the bullpen on her way back from walking Mrs. Cooper out. He had done a lot more watching her today. Not that he didn't spend a large portion of his day doing just that, but he felt like he was on uneven ground. He felt like he was having a hard time figuring out what was going on in her head.

A couple of times today he looked at her and thought he saw a flash of something sparking in her eyes. He couldn't place it; it was swept away so quickly that he wasn't certain it had even been there.

With his active imagination, he had a hard time determining whether he was actually seeing it or if he was simply projecting his shifting mindset on her.

He had been fighting a losing battle of saying or doing something stupid all morning. He had tried and succeeded in actually calling her Beckett for most of the day, but for some reason he felt 'Kate' slipping off his tongue with a ready ease that often caught him off guard.

He was slightly unnerved to see it was nearing one o'clock. He was certain with as little as they had to go on that she'd probably suggest they get some lunch, but he didn't know if he could handle being away from the precinct with her right now.

Last night, while a memory that made him smile as he thought of it, was also weighing on him. He had known for a long time that there was something more than his juvenile sexual references between them, but he had started to grow comfortable having a real legitimate friend. He wasn't sure the last time he had a friend that wasn't after him for his money or to advance their own celebrity status.

Then to think he had lost her only to find himself overwhelmed with thoughts of how they should be so much more, had thrown him off all morning. A couple of times he found himself tempted to say something. He didn't know what he would have said and as a writer, being without words had felt like a new level of hell.

Having thoughts of more than friendship now, threw a wrench in everything they had built together and he didn't want to move forward, but he didn't want to move back. He couldn't get the feeling of her against him out of his head, no more than he could shake the sight of her comforting his daughter in a way no one but him had ever been able to do.

He was still lost in thought when his phone rang out Alexis' ringtone 'Dad! Dad! Dad!' and he answered it on instinct, "Shouldn't you be in class." He greeted her cheerfully.

Beckett had watched him from across the room, his expression set and contemplative. Sometimes she wished she could climb in his head and wander around for a while figure out what was going on in there.

As she approached him, she heard the obnoxious ringtone he had given his daughter's number from halfway across the room and felt the involuntary smile tugging at one corner of her mouth.

She watched him answer, still lost in thought, but a playful smile on his face, simple delight shining in his eyes from the knowledge that it was his daughter on the other end of the line.

The change in him was swift.

His face paled almost instantly, and he dropped into his chair as if he could no longer stand on his own. "Ok, ok, I. . ." he started and then seemed to lose words as he searched for her, eyes locking as if begging her to give him strength.

She moved towards him with renewed purpose, but didn't break eye contact and that seemed to help.

"I'll be right there." He finally said and hung up the phone without another word.

"Castle?" she asked tentatively as she stepped up beside his chair. It was a question of what was going on as much as a question of whether he was all right, but he just shook his head.

When he got to his feet, she saw the complete discomfort sweeping him and he squeezed his eyes shut as if regaining his senses and composure.

She couldn't stop her hand from reaching out to rest on his arm, "Rick," she said finally, not sure why she was using his first name until he looked up at her and then it was obvious. Because it would get his attention, "What's going on?"

"It's Alexis." He said, but the tone of his voice told her it was far from a normal teenage issue.

The way his eyes slid to the murder board made her stomach knot.

x.x.x

A/N: OK, so I said don't expect quick updates, but I finished Christmas stuff early for the day, so I had a chance to get this written. I really need to work on my other story, but it's still being difficult. I'll get a new chapter up in 2-3 days.

I know that's mean when I gave you a mostly case chapter and then left it there, but I have plans a brewin' and this is already a thousand words longer than a normal chapter.

Review(s) that made my day:

**kewellchick**, I'm glad you're enjoying the ride and I appreciate the kind words and encouragement. It brightened my day to hear there was a good balance between the angst and fluff, hope I don't let you down moving forward.

**gmay**, I guess crossing your fingers worked and my muse has taken note.

Thanks for reading.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Once Castle had explained about the note left for Alexis on her friend's car sometime between arriving at school and lunch, he saw Kate visibly relax. Even he consciously understood that there was no immediate danger to his daughter.

Of course he could have done without the "You're such a girl, Castle." Even if he did know she was just trying to lighten the mood as they made their way out to her car.

He couldn't find it within himself to feel the same kind of relief.

This was his little girl, who he was supposed to protect, not endanger. There was no doubt in his mind that this was his fault for involving himself in this life of crime. While he knew that with the detectives from the 12th precinct, he was actually making a difference in the world, he felt doubt creep into his mind.

His work with the homicide division was rewarding in a way writing had never been. While it had started as something fun and interesting, a sort of diversion from his privileged lifestyle, over time it had morphed into something else.

He knew he was having a real and tangible impact on other people's lives, and it gave him a sense of pride that providing a few hours of entertainment through a novel never had.

Over time, he had become more comfortable with the risks he was taking in the pursuit of justice; more accepting of the fact that it was just another day in the life of a cop. Nevertheless, he wasn't a cop, and Alexis sure as hell didn't sign up for this.

He felt his confidence in this whole situation shifting. He knew she would be out of the house soon, all grown up and on her own. Maybe he should take the last few months he was going to have her all to himself and really enjoy them instead of running around chasing bad guys like a freaking child playing dress up.

His mind shifted to his bulletproof vest with 'WRITER' emblazoned across it. He loved that vest, it cracked him up, but it was the epitome of his inner turmoil. Playing policeman, playing pretend, but sometimes the consequences were real.

It was just like playing pretend, except for the real murders, real criminals and real arrests. With all that, apparently, came real danger and real risk. When he just thought he was risking himself, it wasn't so bad. Of course, he never actually expected that anything would happen to him. He had Becket, Esposito and Ryan looking out for him.

He never really expected the work to follow him home, however, why he held that ridiculous outlook was puzzling, and was right up there with the naivety of thinking he'd never get hurt doing this.

He recalls in shocking detail Kate's apartment smoldering in ruins that night she nearly died. The smell of burnt plastic, charred wood and the residual heat from the explosion had been burned into his mind as effectively as if the fire had actually physically scarred his flesh.

Some nights he would wake from a particularly vivid recollection of that night and thinking of it now, those were not the dreams of a rich and successful novelist. Nor were dreams of serial killers laughing as they held you at gunpoint.

Strangely, he didn't really feel like he was just a novelist anymore, but perhaps it was time to get back to that. Perhaps it was time to stop playing cops and robbers and grow up a little.

Even as he chided himself with that, he knew the truth. He hadn't been playing in a long time.

He knew that the detectives he worked with almost daily could do the work without him, but he also knew he had proven helpful in cases. The solidarity and friendships he had were a strong motivator for him to come back every day.

That had built until the 12th precinct had become like a second home to him, like a second family.

But that was the thing. A second family meant he had a first family and a first family had to take priority over the second. He couldn't let his gallivanting after killers be a source of danger for his daughter. Rabid fans and paparazzi were bad enough without adding killers and revenge seekers to the list.

He stared out the window, lost in thought as they approached the turn off for Alexis' school.

While she may not have felt the same sense of urgency he did after hearing the full story, she could feel that Castle was right back in the over-drive worried state he had been in last night. She wasted no time in getting them to the private school Alexis attended.

He hadn't said a word after explaining briefly about the note, but she knew what he was doing. She could read him nearly as well when he was silent as she could through the pages of his books.

The man was scared.

Normally, he would have cracked half a dozen jokes about her driving. His silence was the real indicator that something was wrong, but she was left with the feeling of being outside looking in. It was just another time she wanted to be inside his head so she knew what to expect when he finally opened his mouth again.

She never would have expected the words he finally chose as she took the last turn and Alexis' school came into view.

"I'm done, Kate." His tone was somber and that lost look was back in his eyes.

She could have pretended she didn't understand what he was done with, but they both knew she wasn't that dense.

He was telling her he wasn't going to be her partner anymore and she wanted to rewind this moment a few minutes and stop that admission from coming to light. She had gone an entire summer without him in her life every day. Without him being a pest, touching things he wasn't supposed to, causing problems, sticking his nose where it didn't belong and generally getting on her nerves. It had been miserable without him there.

She didn't have a response for him as she felt any words in reaction stick in her throat and her heart start a wild rhythm in her chest. She didn't think he was serious. Actually, he sounded completely serious, but she hoped it was just the current situation talking and with time, he would change his mind.

She chose to ignore the comment entirely and mirrored her actions from last night, removing her glove and reaching for his hand. "We'll get them." She said, wanting to emphasize the 'we' in that statement, but coming off generally unsuccessful in that respect.

He finally turned to her, but his silence continued and she felt a tug at her heart from the expression of defeat in his features. She didn't like seeing that look on a man who normally found the good in even the darkest of situations.

She finally parked the car out front, but gave his hand a gentle squeeze before he reached for the door. His eyes met hers and she tried for a reassuring smile, "I won't let anybody hurt her." She vowed.

Castle shook his head at her, "Don't make promises you can't keep." He replied sullenly.

"Castle," his name off her tongue was soft and wispy. She realized there was something about saying it without the normal reprimanding bark that sent a nervous trill through her. "I promise you. I won't let anything happen to her."

His expression softened and he graced her with a tight smile and a single small nod of acceptance before pulling away and stepping out of the car.

She nearly had to run to catch up with him in his haste to get inside. She was still a couple of paces behind when he burst through the door and moved directly to the office where Alexis was seated in a plastic chair against the far wall. The girl stood as soon as she saw them walk in and Castle wasted no time pulling her to him for a quick hug.

Beckett felt like a third wheel as she watched her partner pull back and take his daughter's face between his hands, looking over her features as if trying to decipher something from her expression alone before speaking, "You ok?"

Alexis nodded, "Yeah, except Tracy said she's not going to give me a ride to school anymore because she 'can't deal with crazy stalkers right now'." Alexis finished with a mocking tone as if repeating the girl's words verbatim and Kate wouldn't be surprised if the other teen had actually sounded exactly like that.

"I'll get you a driver." Castle responded as if that solved all the problems.

"I'd rather have a car." Alexis replied, and Beckett fought a grin at how effective this kid was at playing the cards that were dealt.

Castle shook his head at her, "No way. You don't even know how to drive."

"And whose fault is that?"

Castle gave his daughter a suddenly serious look, "Can we talk about this later? I want to check with the principal, make sure you're going to be safe here."

Alexis pulled away from her father, shaking off his embrace, "I'm fine, Dad. Nothing happened; someone just put a creepy note on Tracy's car after we got here. Nothing happened."

"I'm getting you a security detail, too." He added, disregarding her previous statement.

Alexis rolled her eyes, "You've got to be kidding me." And this time Beckett couldn't stop the smile, but she dropped it relatively quickly as a man came out of the office next to where Alexis had been sitting.

They were shown into his office as he introduced himself to Beckett, "I'm Mark Hansen, Principal. I'm sorry to say that we do not have that segment of the ground under video surveillance, so there aren't any shots of the note being dropped off."

She saw Castle visibly deflate as if he had been hoping that it would be that simple and they would be on their way to arrest the suspect from here. "Who handled this?" Beckett asked as she donned rubber gloves and placed the letter from the table into an evidence bag.

"Tracy Reynolds, Alexis, and myself." He responded.

"We'll need to get your prints to cancel out the ones we'll find here." She told him absently before finally allowing her eyes to glance over the note itself.

It was written on a plain sheet of paper in black ink. Hurried letters, all capital scrawled across the page, which would make the handwriting analysis less effective, but they still had a better chance than if it had been typed and printed out.

After scanning for surface details, she finally let herself take in the actual words as she felt Castle move close behind her to peer over her shoulder at the letter in her hands.

Castle felt Kate tense slightly as he leaned into her back to gaze at the note. Was it his proximity, their bodies touching, that had her tensing as if ready to run, or was it the words.

With trepidation, he let himself read over the note in her hands, feeling as if this wasn't real from the events of the day.

"_Tell that cop to back off! She will regret it if she doesn't. If she stops now I could find forgiveness. Maybe not forgiveness, but a little mercy, so she doesn't suffer . . . for too long."_

Almost as an afterthought near the bottom of the page in the same abrupt block lettering, the final line sent a chill through his veins.

"_You're daughter is very pretty, Rick."_

"That son of a -"

"Dad." Alexis warned.

"He's right." Kate said, turning towards Alexis, "I would have said worse."

Castle's arm had instinctively gone to his daughter, pulling her close to his side as if keeping her there would keep her safe.

They had collected the evidence and the surveillance tapes from outside the school in case they caught the suspect on another camera angle coming to or leaving the school.

Beckett was going to take them both home, Alexis grumbling the entire time about missing class on the second to last day before winter break and they had to wait for her to go around and get her class assignments and work she would be missing, because Castle informed her she wasn't going to be in school the following day.

In the car, headed back to their loft, Castle kept glancing in the back seat as if making sure Alexis was still there.

"You two need to lay low for a couple days so we can get this sorted out." Beckett said, fracturing the tense silence that had plummeted on them all once the car doors had closed them inside.

He knew she was expecting a fight from both of them, but he wasn't going to fight her on this. Not when his daughter's safety was at stake.

"I have a date with Ashley tonight." Alexis grumbled, sounding just like a normal teenager when she was frustrated or disappointed.

"Have him come over to the loft, you guys can order in and watch a movie or something." He suggested, preferring that to her being out with a boy anyways.

"No way." His daughter replied, already shaking her head. "You will drive me crazy with all your little antics and Ashley's still a little nervous around you."

"I'll be on my best behavior." He responded with an indignant snort.

Kate had been biting her lip, apparently trying to avoid butting in to their family conversation, but was unable to stop the "Yeah, right." from popping out of her mouth.

Somehow, by the time Beckett had walked them up to make sure they got in their loft safely, Alexis had hinted that she should join them for dinner at least half a dozen times.

Kate had politely refused. Instead of address it, she went about methodically checking over the house to make sure there was no one inside and that everything was secure.

Castle had disappeared into his study when she returned to the living room after her sweep to find Alexis still waiting for her by the door.

"Please come tonight?" she asked again and then went on, seemingly without breath, "If you don't come tonight I'll have to cancel with Ashley because there's no way Dad will be anything but obnoxious and you know you keep him in line. You also know that it's extremely rude to cancel a date at the last minute, and a change of venue is bad enough when it means we're going to spend the whole date with my dad hovering over us. Please save me from my father." The girl finished and she wasn't even slightly out of breath from the rapid-fire plea.

Kate couldn't tell her no, could she? After all, it was basically her fault that the girl's night was not going to play out as she had planned it with her boyfriend. At the same time, she couldn't tell the girl yes, because there was still a lot to do on the case.

Assuming honesty was the safest option, Kate explained, "I'll try, but I would rather close this case than save you from your father, as mean as that probably sounds to you."

Alexis shrugged, "I understand, but you'll try?" she wanted confirmation, but Kate only nodded. "Great! Thanks, Kate." The girl said excitedly, pulling her into a quick thank you hug before racing off, phone already pressed to her ear, "Hey Ashley." Was the last Beckett heard as the girl disappeared up the stairs.

Why did Kate get the impression that saying she would try was like telling the girl yes and if she didn't show up now she'd be breaking a promise to her.

x.x.x

A/N: I know, Castle is such a girl sometimes.

Review that made my day: **VACastleFan, **You made me feel very proud that I could entertain you while you were traveling. I am honored that you would spend your time with my little story and me and that you are enjoying that time.

You guys are the best. Thanks, for only being a little peeved when I left you all hanging because decorating the tree and making cheesecake had to come before this chapter. Merry Christmas to those celebrating this time of year. I now need to get back to wrapping presents for 13 kids and 9 adults because I can tell my break is over by the evil eye my sister is giving me.

Thanks for reading.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Detective Beckett usually found humor in the role reversal of watching Rick Castle in his own space. It was a rare turn of events that they didn't experience very often.

Castle's home office was a reflection of himself in so many ways. Normally she would let her eyes wander to the 'murder board' of his next Nikki Heat novel. She didn't want to spoil the plot for herself when she read the book, but she couldn't not look. She would look simply to admire the creative process he implored that was so much like the way they solved crimes.

He had shelves full of books that she normally let her eyes wander over and appreciate as well as various toys and items that made it hard not to smile at how much of a kid he still was. She complained about his childlike behavior on a regular basis, but truth be told, it was a quality she found refreshing. It complemented the serious aspects of her job in a way that she never would have expected to find reassuring.

In her line of work, people had to grow up way too fast, or became hard and jaded by the things they had seen. Even after a couple of years together, he still knew how to have fun with his juvenile side. While she found that annoying sometimes, for the most part it was a side of him that she also found intriguing.

His words in her car on the way to Alexis' school were still ringing in her head. While she knew it was selfish to ask him to stay, she didn't really think she would be able to stop herself this time. She had let him almost walk out of her life after the first Nikki Heat novel; he had actually walked out to finish the second.

That summer still stung and if he was serious this time, she didn't know how she would take having to go back to the way things were before.

She wasn't sure she even remembered who she was before Richard Freaking Castle stormed into her life and turned everything upside down with his charm and wit and annoying habits that drove her crazy and endeared him to her at the same time.

This time, walking into his office, her eyes did not stray to take in the plotting of his next novel, the books covering the walls, or notice a single toy or novelty item. Her eyes instantly locked on Castle, propped heavily against the far side of his desk.

His shoulders were both slouched and rigid with tension, something she actually had the mental capacity to find odd in this moment. Contradictory. Head bowed as he talked on the phone with his back to her and the downward view of the staircase in the large wall art behind her. Normally, she loved that piece of art, but today it made him look like a suicide jumper she had talked off a ledge during her days as a beat cop.

He looked defeated.

It wasn't a circumstance she was used to seeing him in and she wasn't afraid to admit, if only to herself, that she didn't like it. That she wanted to do whatever it took to bring back that boyish charm and the tendency to get on her nerves if it meant this soul deep weariness would dissipate.

She watched as he raked a hand through his hair, and after a few minutes she heard, "Thanks. We'll be expecting you." as he finally turned away from staring at the wall.

She saw his temptation to throw his phone across the room, but he obviously thought better of it since he had just gotten the replacement this morning. Instead, he tossed it a little harder than necessary onto the surface of his desk.

"You're still here?" he asked, before pulling out his chair and dropping heavily into it.

"I'm pretty sure it's bad manners to walk out without saying a farewell,"

She watched as his jaw ticked, but the tension didn't ease, "Well in that case, farewell, Detective Beckett."

She did not like the tone of that farewell. It sounded more permanent than just see you tomorrow.

Kate shut the door she had been hovering near and finally moved fully into the room, approaching his desk in a manner he probably recognized from their countless interrogations together. It was her 'on the prowl for the truth' walk, at least that's what he had coined it. She just knew it internally as facing something head on that, she wasn't sure she was prepared for.

She felt a hitch in her step, however, as she considered that his distancing back to 'Detective Beckett' was causing her more concern than the times he had let slip with the familiarity of her first name in the past twenty-four hours.

"What happened to 'Until tomorrow'?" she tried to sound casual as she allowed her focus to center on his reaction, read his features.

Castle simply shrugged, but didn't look at her, "There's not going to be a tomorrow."

She scoffed, pretending not to understand his words, ignoring the irrational feeling that he was personally assaulting her with them. Instead, she took them at face value, out of context with their earlier conversation, "Don't be a drama queen, Castle. There will be a tomorrow and you will live to see it."

She knew the expression he turned on her next and she knew that she was busted. It was an all too serious version of his 'you're kidding me' look. "I don't see the humor in this, Beckett."

The role reversal would have been funny, if it weren't so damn frustrating. It left her with the feeling that she might just lose her firm grip on sanity at any moment. An insane thought in and of itself when she considered it directly.

It was odd, though to hear him emphasizing her name as if it were a dirty word. "Seriously?" she asked sarcastically, "You of all people are going to sit there and tell me that there's a wrong time to try and make light of a situation?"

"Beckett," this time said in a growl as if in warning.

"No." she cut in sharply, silencing him before he could go on with whatever he was about to say. Whatever it was, probably ended where the car conversation had and she was not willing to go there until he understood a few things from her perspective, "I understand that this is frustrating, that you're worried, and that you feel like there's nothing you can do."

"You don't." he responded, anger apparently his new found emotion of choice as he stood from his seat and slammed his hand down on the table. "You don't understand." He rumbled menacingly, leaning towards her spot on the other side of his desk with his hands planted firmly on the solid wood surface.

"You think I don't know exactly what you're going through?" she felt her own anger rising. He needed to stop being so blinded by his own guilt and frustration and get back to helping her figure this mess out.

"Don't try to pull that I know what you're going through crap with me right now." He responded bitterly.

"You know, probably more than anyone in the world, this isn't some kind of patronizing comment made because I'm just trying to placate you." She felt her grip on her emotions, tightly reined in at all times, slipping a little further out of her grasp. "Being an ass is not going to make this situation any easier to deal with."

"She's my daughter." He said tightly, each syllable enunciated precisely with fervor, but she heard the undertone of his voice softening slightly.

"You don't think I know that?" she finally shouted, surprised at herself, possibly as much as that expression on his face said he was, but she had started this and she wasn't able to pull back. "You can't just stand over there and tell me that I don't understand because I don't have any kids, or because I'm not even close to my family, or because I'm surrounded by death every single day, or whatever stupid reason you have for saying that to me."

He tried to open his mouth and say something. He barely got the start of her name out of his mouth before she continued to barrel on, letting loose with things she didn't even think about before they came flying out of her mouth, "You, of all people, should know me well enough by now to know I'm not motivated to give you some kind of trivial placation. You have followed me around with your nose in _my_ business, getting into _my_ personal life, and digging all the old skeletons out of _my_ closets."

Castle tried to cut in with a joke about the skeletons in her closet, but she silenced him with a glare and pushed on, not even registering that he had been the one making a joke this time.

She was burning with her fury in the moment. "You have spent years watching me interact with people, witnessing my meltdowns and ice cream binges when cases crumbled in just the wrong way. You've suffered the late night case work in the search for justice, digging into me whenever you get a chance to peel back the onion until I don't think there's anything left of me that is just mine and you're going to stand there and tell me that don't know what it's like to worry about someone? That I'm trying to placate you with just the right words and I'm feeding you a line of crap?" she rolled her eyes, "I think that's in one of our job descriptions, but it sure as hell isn't mine."

She couldn't believe that she had just completely unloaded on the man in front of her like that. As soon as she was able to, she clamped her mouth shut and stared at the floor, mortified that her attempt to console him or lift his spirits, or convince him to come back to work with her had been thrown out the window and replaced with loading more garbage on his already overwhelmed mind. She wanted to kick herself.

She was turning to leave when his tremulous voice stopped her, "She's my daughter." He repeated, but this time without the bitter bite the words had a moment before., This time there was just concern and a hint of sadness that had her raising her eyes back to his to find him considering her directly with that intense blue eyed stare as if imploring her to do something. To do anything that would make this go away.

"I don't want to see anything happen to her, either." She responded, her voice tight from the knowledge of just how true that statement was. This stalker, killer, whatever was going on, had targeted her and referenced Alexis in the same note. She knew how frightened Castle was.

Slowly she made her way around the desk to perch on the edge next to him, close enough to feel his subtle vibration that was probably a mix of fury and frustration. "I will do everything I can to keep her safe. Her and you, too." She said softly, placing a hand on his arm, willing him to look at her.

When he finally turned to face her, she was unprepared for the look of vulnerability in his eyes. "Who's going to keep you safe?" he asked after a long silence.

She couldn't help the scoff, "I'm a cop, Castle, and I can take care of myself." She was going to add something about her gun, another attempt to pull him out of his frustration with a joke, but it died half out her throat as he leaned just a little further toward her and whispered her first name. "Kate." Out of his mouth in that moment sounded like a muffled cry of anguish, a plea for forgiveness all mixed together, and she couldn't handle that with his intense blue eyes searching her face.

She swallowed heavily as he reached out and gently ran a finger over her cheek. Trust him to go from angry to gently comforting in the blink of an eye. She shook her head, inching back from the contact until he dropped his hand back to his side. This was not about her. Despite having unloaded on him a moment before, they had to focus on what was really important right now, and it wasn't him trying to make her feel better when the only reason she felt bad now was for putting that expression on his face.

"Help me catch them, then. I need my partner on this." She responded, trying to steer things back to where they should be. She didn't like this quiet, vulnerable Castle with sincerity in his eyes. She needed the jokester back, because he was easier for her to predict, easier for her to handle. She couldn't deal with some kind of psycho stalker and a Castle emotional meltdown at the same time.

He nodded slightly, "The private security will be here soon to look after Alexis and I hired a couple guys for me, too. If you'll just wait for them we can head back to the precinct together."

She was glad to see the slight shift in him. It had started when she pulled away from his touch. He started closing off the vulnerability and shutting down that little flicker of heat, she had seen when he gazed into her eyes a moment before.

"How long?" she asked simply, working on doing the same shut down that he had just done.

Castle moved his eyes to the clock on the wall, staring at it a little too intently, "Ten to fifteen minutes."

"Alexis was calling Ashley to change their date." She added, and explained about her pseudo promise to the girl. "If you guys make it a late one, seven thirty or eight, I can probably make it over here to chaperone you so you don't drive the two of them crazy."

He nodded and excused himself to go discuss it with Alexis.

By the time he returned, she was opening the door for the private security guards. They made introductions before James and Clemmons took up position near the front door as Alexis came into the living room.

Harris and McCoy would be shadowing Castle, and Kate began to wonder how much it would impede her investigation to have the extra civilian force with them. Castle was enough without adding a couple of armed civilians. They were probably well trained, but she still felt the urge to interrogate them about their ability to protect the Castle family.

"What about Martha?" she asked her partner instead of addressing the private guards who Castle was certain to have thoroughly vetted prior to allowing them control of his daughter's safety.

"She's out of state, I doubt it will be an issue, but I set something up for her just in case. I'm sure she'll be calling to complain about it soon." He responded with a sheepish grin.

"And Gina?" she followed up, even though she really didn't want to know whether the woman would be here sharing the same security detail as he and Alexis.

He waved her off as he grabbed his coat off the rack by his front down, "She doesn't have anything to do with this investigation."

"There is the veiled threat that they will be coming after you and yours?" she made the statement as a question, trying to keep anything other than concern for them from her voice and expression.

Alexis came up beside her dad, wrapping her arms around his waist from the side and before Castle could come up with anything, "Dad." She admonished, slapping him lightly on the arm, and turning to address Beckett, "We haven't seen her in weeks. Dad doesn't have anything due for a while, so we probably won't hear from her again until around February."

Kate couldn't stop the questioning tilt of her eyebrows, which Castle simply met with a shrug, and a responding silent indication that they would talk about it later.

"Dinner at 7:30 tonight, Beckett and I will pick something up on the way home." Castle told his daughter, giving her a squeeze around the shoulders.

Kate's phone rang and she pulled it out, noting Lanie's number she answered, "You got something, Lanie?"

Listening to her friend, she couldn't stop the small smile of relief.

When she got off the phone, she realized two sets of compelling Castle family eyes were trained on her with matching questioning looks. In single that expression was enough to make her spill whatever cards she was holding close to her vest, in duplicate that look was more powerful than she would have ever expected.

Of course, this news she was glad to share.

"They got a DNA match on the blood near our victim."

Castle and Alexis shared a smiled and he gave his daughter a quick kiss on her temple before moving to follow Beckett out of the apartment.

Just as he was about to close the door behind him, Beckett, and the two security guards, he popped his head back inside, "Just because we won't be home until after seven, doesn't mean you can sit around making out with your boyfriend all night. I paid these boys extra to break his leg if Ashley tries anything while I'm out." Castle told his daughter, gesturing to her two bodyguards.

Alexis stuck her tongue out at her dad, and Kate could hear the humor, finally fully back in the girl's voice, "I'll just pay them to tell you nothing happened."

A flabbergasted Castle followed her to the elevators, and she couldn't help a laugh at his expense. It felt good to laugh again, they were going to get this guy and in no time, everything would be back just like it was supposed to be.

The laugh died in her throat as she realized he had agreed to come back to catch this guy, and today could still mark their actual last case.

x.x.x

A/N: I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, I know I was completely exhausted by the whole thing, but it was a great time with family.

Review that made my day: **pkl, **You continue to crack me up. I love your enthusiasm, but my sister did not appreciate the suggestion that I ditch her to wrap presents alone and focus on writing. Since she brought homemade caramel cheesecake, I couldn't leave her hanging… or she wouldn't share.

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

He was glad that walking into the bullpen was a different feeling over the panic he had dragged Beckett out of there in earlier. It felt like it was supposed to and he had a moment of calm familiarity.

Esposito was on the phone and waved them over as Ryan quickly typed something out on his computer before grabbing a file from his partner and handing it over to Beckett.

Castle would have climbed into Kate's skin if it let him get his eyes on that folder. He was trying to peer over her shoulder, but she was holding it at the wrong angle to the light. He was having a hard time reading it for the reflected light off the white on the page.

"Was it the mistress? The boss? The underling? Which one?" he asked. He suddenly felt like the epitome of her reference to him as a kid on a sugar rush, but couldn't bring himself to care as he waited anxiously for a response.

Esposito had just hung up his phone and joined them, responding simply, "Nope."

Ryan took over, "His name is David Palmer, age 26. He spent the last seven years in and out of mental institutions and jail cells."

"He's got a rap sheet longer than my arm," Esposito took over, "His offenses range from petty theft to assault with a deadly weapon."

Ryan jumped in, "His psychiatrist testified in his latest court case for trespassing and malicious mischief. He said under proper medication Palmer's not a threat to society. However, when he's not medicated, he has a history of paranoid delusions as well as violent tendencies."

"He's off the reservation." Esposito stated, and then continued, "In more ways than one."

Ryan swiped the folder back and flipped through, "His parole officer has him listed as 'homeless', though he has several addresses on recent record."

Beckett finally stepped away from Castle. She moved so abruptly that he stumbled slightly as she walked away to tack a copy of the man's picture on the murder board under the heading 'suspects'.

"He may be out on the street, but it's also possible he's back at one of his old locations." Castle said, turning back to Ryan and Esposito with a lift of his eyebrows.

"Way ahead of you, Bro." Esposito said, grabbing a couple of sheets off his desk and passing one to Castle.

"Looks like most of his time was spent living uptown."

Beckett returned to where they was standing and scanned the page over Castle's shoulder. Telling himself it was a bad idea; Castle let his free hand slip down to casually lean against Ryan's desk, not so casually allowing the back of his fingers to brush 'innocently' across her hip on the way to their resting spot. She stiffened slightly and shot a mini-glare in his direction, but his movement had actually taken him further away from her and he positioned the sheet of addresses where they could both see it without having to share space.

To the casual observer, that person being Beckett at the moment, it would look like he was taking a step away. It was the opposite of what his traitorous hand intended.

He had been doing that a lot since last night. Using any and every excuse to reach out and touch her. She had initiated it twice in the car, and she hadn't pulled away when he had pushed forward. At least, not until last night, and that glare that was quickly fading after his touch just a moment before.

"You two take the addresses on the Upper East Side; we'll take the Upper West." Beckett spoke to Esposito and Ryan before they started out of the bullpen.

Castle's security detail was lounging in the break room, but jumped to follow them out of the precinct. He felt almost like he was being followed around by the secret service. The two men, all dressed in black, stuck out like sore thumbs. Perhaps he would instruct them to tone it down a little and put on some regular clothes. They were going to be a problem while he and Beckett were trying to get work done.

x.x.x

By the time they walked back into the precinct, Castle was feeling frustrated. They had spent nearly three hours combing for this guy and couldn't find him.

The APBs had been put out, the canvas completed, and they were at a standstill.

He grabbed coffee for Beckett as well as one for himself and found her in the same spot he had left her. She was staring intently at the murder board. He was enthralled with that expression and the way she dove so single-mindedly into a case, giving everything she had in the pursuit of justice.

The thought had him right back in his office earlier, being an ass and he felt a fresh wave of annoyance with himself.

He excused himself for a moment to go to the bathroom and splash cold water on his face, something he found odd after the cold and snowy conditions they had just left outside. He had to get a grip on himself.

He had almost thrown his friendship with Beckett out the window earlier.

He wouldn't deny that he had been frustrated, more than that, he was livid, about someone pulling Alexis into this mess. That didn't give him an excuse to lash out at Kate.

Her anger towards him after he had called her a fake for having the huge heart he knew she had was justified. The look of hurt was a sight that he had no desire to see again. What had struck him, however, was how quickly she was able to rein in that anger and he watched it fall away to be replaced with guilt.

That had shocked him more than her words.

Like a singular moment of clarity in this tangled mess, her kindness had led him out of his fear and right back to the moment. She was going to keep them safe, regardless of how big of a jerk he had been to her.

She was justified in her anger. She was right about him being an ass. She was nowhere near out of line. Yet she had stood on the other side of his desk with her head ducked, looking like she had been the one in the wrong and he couldn't help himself from trying to decipher the moment as he watched her.

She should have lashed out at him further, or simply walked out, or told him where he could stick the words he never should have said, but she didn't. That's not entirely it, she had turned as if she was going to leave, but he had called her back.

Knowing her as well as he did, he probably should have been prepared for what she did next. He had not anticipated her movement and he was surprised when she was suddenly standing beside him and placing a hand on his arm.

She was comforting him.

He shouldn't have expected anything less of her. She had always been one to put others above herself. It was one of the things he loved about her, but also one of the traits she had that he was so confounded by.

She was the single least selfish person he had ever met. She wasn't out to get something for herself. She worked a low paying job right alongside all the other officers in the force. She didn't try to use the celebrity status that inspiring Nikki Heat had foisted on her. She didn't try to push her will on anyone except perhaps her suspects when she needed a confession.

Sometimes he found himself completely confused by her selflessness, but for the most part, he simply accepted it as a part of her. What frustrated him was this time it was his fault. He was the one that had put that anger in her veins, that hurt in her eyes, and she was the bigger person, like always.

She made him a promise to keep Alexis safe, and he knew he believed her. He took her words as if they were gospel, because she was not one to make a promise she did not keep. It was that moment that he realized she was neglecting the main target of the killer's threats, her.

He had haltingly asked who would protect her and she laughed it off. Laughed and joked as if she really was invulnerable or invincible. After last night, he couldn't see her that way anymore.

He couldn't stop himself from reaching out to touch her. The skin on her cheek against the back of his finger had felt like warm silk. Smooth and soft and tempting him to feel more.

He had the desire to kiss her any number of times since he had started following her around. Something always stopped him; usually it was the fear of what she would do to him in those moments.

If he tried in the interrogation room, when she got heated with a suspect, she would probably cuff him and send him down to lock up.

If he leaned a little close after building theory at her desk in front of the murder board, she'd probably drop him where he stood with some kind of judo move.

She'd probably jab him in the ribs with her keys if he planted one on her while they were getting into or leaving her Crown Vic,

Of course, there was the ever-present threat of being shot.

Those situations had tempted him hundreds of times, but never before had he actually felt a tangible pull to move. Mentally, he had been interested in that for a long time, but physically, he couldn't bring himself to actually move or act on it.

There was too much at stake.

It wasn't just about his physical well-being, or even remotely about that. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would never hurt him. Not physically, at least.

He also knew she was capable of hurting him more than he had ever been before. He had no interest in losing a piece of himself, and was content to keep her as a close friend to prevent that from happening.

Today, it seemed like all of that had flown out the window.

He almost laughed; he would be lying to himself if he didn't face it head on.

He didn't know if it was the residual emotion of thinking she had died the night before, or the adrenaline of worry over Alexis. Perhaps it was seeing that slight vulnerability in her expression as she comforted him when he deserved a slap on the face.

The urge to touch her had built from last night until he felt like he wasn't going to be able to stop himself from doing something stupid.

He tried to distance himself from her, but she wouldn't let him pull back.

He tried to stop himself, but instead he talked himself out of doing something by talking him into something else.

He hadn't missed an opportunity to place his hand on the small of her back as he let her proceed through a doorway ahead of him. He hadn't let slip a chance to reach over and brush her hand or her arm.

He had to rein himself in. He couldn't go around feeling her up all the time. She was starting to give him a strange look whenever he did it and he knew eventually she would snap and institute a hands off policy.

As much as he didn't want to want her. As much as he would much rather keep his hands to himself, keep his distance, stay locked in the consistency and safety of friendship, he couldn't.

He didn't know how much longer he would be able to pull back and he hoped that after tonight, things would get easier. She would get easier to resist. She would perhaps get more frustrated, maybe pull away and tell him to knock it off or she was going to shoot him.

With a last long sigh, he blotted his face dry and moved back into the bullpen.

Beckett was in the same position he had left her in. Her coffee was beside her, currently being uncharacteristically ignored. He knew she was frustrated by the way she had he thumbnail in her mouth. She wasn't chewing on the nail, merely running her teeth and tongue over it. He wondered if she had broken the chewing habit at some point in her life and in moments of deep concentration, fell back on the habit without actually doing destruction to her nails.

He hated the wave of heat the surged through him at the sight of her pink tongue moving forward to slide slowly over the edge of the nail before resting the nail against her lower lip.

He grabbed her coat and held it for her, but she just looked at him with confusion.

"There's nothing we can do to find him right now, aside from scouring every transient hangout or cardboard village in the city." He stated simply. "It's dark; we'll start fresh in the morning."

Grudgingly she stood and let him help her into her coat.

"What shall we bring the kids home for dinner?" he asked as they made their way to the elevator.

"Oysters?" she suggested playfully.

He scoffed as they boarded the elevators with the two guards and the doors closed.

He was glad to hear a hint of humor back in her voice after the frustration of the day, even if he didn't like what she was suggesting with that little remark.

x.x.x

A/N: Today was my Golden Birthday, turned 28 on the 28th. It was a really crappy day, though. Couldn't get off work, because it's fourth quarter in the financial services industry and there's too much to do before 12/31. All I wanted to do was write, so at least I got this chapter finished. That's one yay in my crappy day.

Review that made my day: **VACastleFan**, I'm glad you're back online and caught up in the story. I appreciate the compliments, but feel free to let me know if I slip up and push them out of character.

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Kate laughed as they left the precinct and ran into furniture deliverymen.

"You seriously bought a couch?" she asked Castle who gave her a 'no duh' expression as he signed for the delivery.

Castle called over a cop who was at the front desk, "Can you show them to the break room in homicide? They will be removing the old couch."

"Sure." The young man responded with an expression she could see was something between confused and perhaps a little annoyed. She already knew other departments were resentful of the coffee machine, she didn't need them getting peeved about more perks of having a rich and famous novelist following them around.

Castle cut into her thoughts, "When they're done with that, can you show them which other couches need replaced in the precinct so they can fill the order?"

The young man's eyes grew slightly wide, "That's a lot of couches, sir."

Castle shrugged, "I know, but they're old and lumpy and you guys deserve to be comfortable on your breaks."

With a smile, Castle turned to walk out; leaving the young officer speechless at the man's generosity and Beckett forced to double time it to catch up to him and the two security guards.

"What was that about?" she asked as she caught up with the three men.

Castle shrugged and didn't respond until they were settled in her car, the protection detail pulling up behind them in their black Taurus. "Call it the Christmas spirit."

Kate couldn't stop the eye roll as she pulled out in traffic, allowing enough room for the security detail to pull out behind them.

Castle laughed, "That's so typical. It's strange that someone with a heart as big as yours isn't all for the giving of the Christmas season."

Beckett gave a humorless laugh, "Is that some kind of compliment followed by a veiled attempt to gather information?"

"No, just an observation." Castle responded and to her surprise, he sounded sincere. He had been driving her crazy with all of that today.

He had been a frustrating mix of sincere, tender, gentle, and entirely too hands on. She understood his need to reach out, but he was really starting to get under her skin.

She didn't know why she wasn't telling him to knock it off or to stop touching her, or to go back to the small amount of her personal space that he had respected yesterday. Was that really just yesterday?

She could only explain away the fact that she hadn't said anything to him with not wanting to push him further away when he had already threatened to leave. At least that was all she was willing to admit to. She wouldn't acknowledge that she liked the new proximity. That certainly had nothing to do with it.

He startled her out of her reverie when he spoke, "I am certain you aren't the only detective or officer who gets hung up on a case and spends the night at work."

She nodded, "Far from it."

Rick grinned at her, "Exactly."

"So you wanted to make sure they had the same comforts that you were affording me? That's sweet." She responded, pulling to a stop at a red light and turning towards him with a genuine smile. That was a heartfelt gesture for all the boys in blue at the twelfth precinct.

Castle's grin was a little sheepish, as if he were up to something.

Beckett cocked an eyebrow at him and inquired, "What are you up to?"

He laughed, "You caught me. Really, it's selfish. If your break room has the best couch, it will end up with a no vacancy sign whenever you need it, and you'll end up sleeping on another old lumpy couch or in your chair at your desk."

She felt a warm thrill through her at his concern for her comfort.

x.x.x

Dinner was uneventful.

Kate found herself instantly liking Ashley. He seemed to be a sweet and caring young man. He was sincere towards Alexis, and he had obviously found a way to deal with all the craziness that was Castle and the Castle house.

To Kate's surprise, she found it entirely relaxing to joke and laugh over takeout with Castle, Alexis and Ashley. It was a far cry from the normal atmosphere when she ate takeout.

Not only was the Italian restaurant that Castle got their dinner from so far outside her budget that she would never eat there, but she was eating it with company that included really people and not fictional characters.

She wasn't reading a book or watching TV as she ate alone in her apartment, which was probably cold considering the heat had been turned down since the previous day when she had left.

Not only that, but the inability to go home would have meant eating another meal in front of the murder board. Tonight she would have been wondering where David Palmer was as she stared at the facts of the case and nothing made sense.

Instead, she was here, experiencing a 'dinner with the boyfriend' moment with Castle. However, she was far from on his side concerning the young man and took a couple of cheap shot opportunities to rub in the fact that his teenage daughter was growing up.

After dinner, Alexis suggested Kate help her clear the table and 'leave the boys to talk'.

She had been amused by the pleading look that Castle gave her as she left the room behind Alexis with his plate and hers. She rolled her eyes at him and followed the teen into the kitchen.

"So?" Alexis asked quietly, once they were rinsing the plates in the sink.

"So, what?" she was genuinely confused. They had avoided case talk all night, so she thought Alexis may have been trying to get information on the case, but didn't want to assume.

"What do you think of Ashley?"

Kate smiled at the slightly nervous way the girl seemed to be asking for her opinion. "He's a lot different than I thought he would be."

She watched as Alexis got an apprehensive look on her face before turning to the dishwasher to load the dinner dishes, "What does that mean?" and there was the note of teen angst.

"I just meant that most girls, who are as close to their fathers as you are, tend to date men who have similar likes and dislikes, personalities and interests as their fathers." Beckett grinned at the young girl, "I'm glad you're breaking the mold."

Alexis laughed, "Yeah, Dad can be a bit much sometimes."

"Sometimes?" Beckett asked and they both laughed. "Seriously, though, from my detective perspective, which is what I'm assuming you're asking for?" Alexis nodded in response so Kate went on, "He's a sweet kid who seems to genuinely care for you. He's respectable and respectful."

Alexis was grinning, "So you like him?"

Kate moved to the cupboards and started pulling out bowls, after a moment's hesitation, Alexis seemed to catch on and moved to the freezer to pull out some ice cream. "Yes. I like him. He seems sweet, but. . ." Kate trailed off as Alexis moved up beside her and started scooping ice cream into the bowls.

"But, what?" the teen asked, nervousness edging in her voice.

"But, if that boy does anything to hurt you, then your father having an antique gun that would probably blow his own hand off is going to be the least of his worries." She saw something flash in the girl's eyes and wasn't sure if she was overstepping.

Either way, Kate wanted to finish her thought before Alexis stormed off or yelled at her or whatever hormonal teenage reaction was heading her way. "If he hurts you, call me. I'm a cop with a medical examiner as a best friend." Kate grinned and winked at Alexis.

She had been preparing herself for some kind of freak out from the teen and she received it when Alexis dropped the ice cream scoop and gave her a quick hug. "That's sweat." She responded.

Beckett couldn't help a full laugh at that, but threw in an eye roll for good measure. It was a good way to pull them back to having fun and out of being all heartfelt and touchy feely. "You are definitely your father's daughter. You are happy about the strangest things."

Alexis picked up two of the bowls, Kate taking the hint and grabbing the others. As they put spoons in, Alexis smiled at her, "You care about me. That's makes me happy." As the teen moved away from her out of the kitchen she heard, "I guess that does make me just like, Dad."

It took Beckett a few extra seconds before she followed the girl.

x.x.x

Kate came out of the kitchen looking slightly flushed in the cheeks and Castle got a nervous feeling in his stomach that Alexis had used their moment away in the kitchen to ask Beckett some kind of sex questions or something. That had him shooting a glare at the young man, with whom he had just been having a very pleasant conversation about Guitar Hero.

He felt Kate kick him as she came back to the table and looked up to see she was dangling his bowl of ice cream over him.

"We should go talk work." She suggested and started to walk away from him.

"Hey," he called as he immediately got up to follow her, "Shouldn't we finish dinner first?"

Kate disappeared into his study, saying over her shoulder, "Dinner is over. It's time for dessert."

Oh, man, that suggestive tone in her voice as she said something with a double meaning, it was as if she knew exactly what it did to him.

He resolved himself to follow her into his office, back her against a wall so she couldn't get away from him, and show her exactly what that teasing huskiness did to him.

Those plans were ended immediately as he walked in and found his bowl on the desk, hers in her lap as she sat in a large leather chair in his office.

"What did you two talk about?" Castle tried to act casual, despite the pounding in his heart as he contemplated where he would be right now if she hadn't been so quick to settle in a space that was not big enough to share.

"You know, girl stuff."

He couldn't help the frustrated groan, "She didn't want sex advice, did she?" as soon as it was out of his mouth he had to back pedal, "No, wait! Don't tell me. I would rather not know."

Groaning Castle grabbed his ice cream and settled grumpily into a chair across from hers.

He could see the humor dancing in Kate's eyes, but he wasn't finding it funny at all. "Relax, Castle." She said and he actually found himself following her instructions for once, "She just wanted to know what I thought of him."

Castle couldn't help himself, "And what do you think of him?"

"I told her I like him." Kate responded and he felt himself train a fatherly glare on her. Seeing his expression, she let loose with a laugh that had him smiling right along with her.

It was rare for Detective Beckett to take a hike and let Kate have a nice night away from work. It was rare to hear her laugh as much as she had with his family tonight. He was happy to be given the privilege to experience it and the honor of providing her the opportunity to relax a little.

"I did tell her," she continued, a mischievous smile on her face, "that I'm a cop and my best friend is a medical examiner, so if he hurts her he'll have to deal with me."

"I could kiss you right now." Popped out of his mouth before he even thought better of it and he lost himself in thoughts of how entirely true the statement was.

"You did hear that part about me being a cop with an ME as a best friend right? Yeah, just making sure." She joked and they both laughed, but it sounded a little more forced.

He wondered how long they needed to hang out in his office before they could go back to watching a couple of teenagers be awkward instead of being awkward themselves.

x.x.x

A/N: Things didn't get better after last night. I ended my birthday with my daughter getting sick all over the house and a major clean up. Woke up this morning to my niece going into emergency surgery to fix a bleed from her tonsillectomy yesterday, missed work without notice, but didn't get any writing done. Probably be out tomorrow, but with my nieces who are recovering, so probably won't get much writing done tomorrow either.

Review that made my day: **Every person who took the time to review**, you made one of the worst days ever, a lot better and I'm grateful for that.

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Castle's words were playing in her head at the most inopportune moments.

They had finished their ice cream and she tried to sway the conversation to something neutral. Leaving her bowl next to his on an end table, she moved to one of his bookshelves and let her fingers gently run over the leather bindings of several old books.

He had a large collection of first edition books that she was sure were each worth more than her yearly salary. She enjoyed the feeling of the faded leather bindings beneath her finger as she scanned the titles not for the first time.

"I love the older books." Castle said, after he had moved up close beside her apparently taking note of what had drawn her attention. "The way they feel. The way they smell." His tone was low and she could feel his breath on her neck as he reached around her to pull one off the shelf. "The supple leather pulled taut over the rigid binding draws you into the romance of our history, our past."

Castle seemed to enunciate certain words in a way that made goose bumps appear on her arms. His choice of adjectives had her humming in a way she wished she could blame on wine from dinner, but she had declined the offer since she had to drive back to the precinct.

'I could kiss you right now.' Played through her head again as she caught his eyes from so close beside her before he shifted his gaze back to the book in his hands, running a finger over the leather cover slowly, appreciatively, in a way that had her wondering how it would feel to have that kind of care applied to her.

Suddenly flustered, she shifted her eyes off him to scan a higher shelf under the pretense of appreciating his collection of books. It was better than appreciating the man in such an inappropriate way.

She felt him shift and lean into her, brushing against her back as he returned the book to its shelf and she wondered if he was doing this on purpose, or maybe she should have moved so she wasn't in his way. Glancing through the corner of her eye, she saw his focus was tightly trained on her. 'I could kiss you right now' popped into her head again and she mentally shook the thought off.

It was just a phrase. She was certain he hadn't meant for her to dwell on the word choice.

Kate took a step to the right, a step away and reached blindly for a leather bound book without any markings on the binding. "What's this?" she inquired, surprised by the hushed tone in her voice.

She turned to him, eyes locking with his intense blue gaze. She watched his eye flick down from her own and back up, and wondered if he had just shifted focus to her lips. His phrase played out again and she wouldn't have stopped him if he had tried.

She felt a wave of heat as he took the small step to stand directly in front of her and leaned closer. She was nervous and would admit, a little frightened for the consequences of what he was about to do, but she couldn't move away. She couldn't stop staring into his eyes as he inched closer.

Despite her internal struggles on the subject, a part of her was keenly aware that she wanted him to kiss her. That she had wanted him to do it for a long time. She could compartmentalize it by saying that she was a detective and she wanted to get to the truth of the matter.

The truth of the energy. The truth of this heat low in her belly when he got close. The truth of whether they would burn as hot and bright as she had imagined they might. The truth of why his touch brought fire to her skin.

A scant few inches separated them as he leaned closer; the anticipation was killing her as she felt a clench deep in her stomach in anticipation. She felt a tug as the book without markings was gently pulled from her grasp before Castle took a step back.

"That one is private." He said, sounding purposefully relaxed, but the set of his spine told her something was going through his mind.

She gathered herself back quickly from the precipice of desire she had foolishly convinced herself they were headed towards relieving. "Private?" she smiled at him, moving to a more careful distance and leaning against his desk to fix him with a contemplative expression, "What's in the book, Castle?" she asked with a tone she had observed had an effect on him, usually resulting in his caving to her wishes.

Castle simply shook his head at her, "Don't you know what private means?" he asked in the same forced light tone.

"You don't seem to, so this is an odd development." Her tone was casual, though her heart had not finished racing and the tingling was still running through her.

"I'm an odd guy." He responded as he pushed the book back into the empty spot on his bookshelf.

Kate smiled at that. "That is one of the most honest statements I have ever heard out of your mouth."

Castle's gaze suddenly flicked back to her, his expression soft and indiscernible, "I may be a lot of things, but I am not dishonest. My words may not always be filtered for common sense, but they are always honest."

'I could kiss you right now.' Repeated and she wondered how long until she got that tone and expression out of her mind. "I should get going." She said suddenly. She needed the distance that being away from him would help her recapture.

"You could stay." He said quietly, eyes never leaving her face as she tried to gather her composure, wondering what that invitation entailed.

Kate shook her head, "In your dreams, Castle." She responded on instinct and saw the way his eyes drifted just a little more closed and the light reflecting off the blue orbs seemed to darken slightly as his pupils expanded. That look was almost her undoing as she recognized his desire in the heated stare.

"In my dreams I wouldn't offer you the guest bedroom." He responded tightly and turned that look away from her to pretend an interest in the books, though it had been too late for her not to see what he had displayed, "its safe here, Kate. The guards are here, it's a secure building. You don't have to go."

She heard the plea in his words and as much as she wanted to accept the offer, what she needed right now was distance from him, not an excuse to stay in his proximity and risk the wee night hours wearing down her resolve. "The precinct is safe, too."

With a resigned sigh, Castle turned back to her, "At least let me make you some coffee then I'll walk you out."

She was going to decline, but she could feel exhaustion weighing on her, so she nodded and followed him back out of his office.

Kate joined Alexis and Ashley in the living room where they were watching the end of an episode of NCIS. "I love this show." She said lightly, as she sat in a chair beside the couch to wait for Castle. He had apparently gotten distracted chatting with the security guards as he made the coffee.

"We've seen this one." Alexis responded.

"But it's a good one." Kate responded, turning her attention off the teens holding hands on the couch and towards the screen. "You catch more the more times you watch something. It's like a good book; you want to read it again and again."

Alexis smiled at her, "We have the series on DVD if you ever want to borrow it." She said and then thought better of it. "Or you can come have a marathon with me sometime." She asked somewhat shyly.

"That would be fun." Kate replied, but sobered, "If I ever have any free time, that it." She added sincerely.

"We were talking about doing this again tomorrow." Ashley offered, with a smile that let her know immediately what Alexis must have first seen in the charming young man.

"I'm sure Castle would rather have a night to himself." She responded, shifting the focus of her declining the offer off herself.

"It's fine, Beckett." Castle said, entering into the living room at exactly the wrong moment, with a thermos in hand. "You can save the young love birds from me anytime. I'm sure they would appreciate it."

"Hopefully, by tomorrow we'll have this whole mess cleaned up and you two won't be forced to hang out with us old people." Beckett responded with a non-answer.

"Speak for yourself, Beckett." Castle responded, "I'm definitely not old."

Kate rolled her eyes, "Just because you act like you're twelve, doesn't mean that you're actually still young."

"Ouch, Detective." Castle grinned, "Though you did just up my age in your mind from nine to twelve, so I guess that means I'm growing up?" he asked.

"Too little, too late." She responded as she wave to the teens and went to retrieve her jacket. "Sorry to abandon you two with him, but I have to get back to the precinct."

"Thanks for coming, Kate." Alexis responded.

Castle grabbed a jacket, followed by two of the security guards.

"They're going to walk us out before they take off for the night." He explained, "We don't need four guys to watch over us while we're sleeping."

Once they finished their goodbyes, they made their way outside.

The snow had changed from fat fluffy flakes to tiny specks that hit against skin like needles of ice and stung on impact. She found it refreshing and it helped further bring her out of her earlier heated mood.

Castle waived as the two security guards made their way through the snow to their vehicle. Simultaneously, he opened an umbrella she hadn't noticed him grab and angled it against the snow blowing on the icy wind.

He angled his body onto that side of her as well, shielding her from the cold and keeping close beside her as they finished walking to her car.

"Call me when you get back?" he asked sounding genuinely concerned as he looked down at her, his arm suddenly extended to hold the top of her door closed as she reached for it.

"There's nothing to worry about." She replied in an annoyed voice as she turned around. She stopped, and couldn't continue speaking; he had invaded her personal space again. He was so close under the umbrella that his extended arm was nearly embracing her.

She was instantly back in his office earlier when she had expected him to kiss her and he had simply pulled the book out of her hand. She felt an internal heat that combatted the chill night air and heard his words play through her head again.

He was looking at her, a serious, pleading expression on his face and it took her a moment to remember what he had been asking her.

She couldn't seem to find words in the moment, as she adjusted the thermos of coffee from one hand to the other. She fidgeted and waited for him to move away. Waited for him to move closer.

He seemed as stuck in the moment as she was and time drifted away from her, as she got lost in the concern and tenderness she caught in his eyes.

She would probably never be able to rationalize it, as heat rolled through her and his compassion and proximity overwhelmed her senses.

She waited for his kiss, knowing this was the moment where everything changed. Surprisingly after earlier, she wasn't worried about it happening as much as she was anxiously anticipating it.

She saw him start to drop his arm back to his side, felt him begin to step away from her and seemed to move on instinct, following his retreat.

She brought herself closer to him, until their bodies were gently touching, raised her free hand to his shoulder and angled her chin up. She hesitantly brushed her lips across his cheek, pausing far longer than she probably should have in that moment.

She heard his ragged intake of breath and she seemed unable to move when he shifted slightly away from her she felt the loss of heat from the contact immediately.

Before she could become fully disappointed in his retreat, he had brought a hand up to tangle in her hair. Gently holding her in place he turned until his lips brushed across hers and she felt weak from the tender contact.

It was nothing like she had imagined their first kiss.

It wasn't hard and passionate. It wasn't full of the fire that was burning through her. They didn't fight for dominance.

He simply seemed to be cautiously examining her lips with his own. Gently showing her whatever it was he had never said. Perhaps he was waiting for permission or for her to freak out.

She was consciously aware that she should be pushing him away. She should be threatening him with bodily harm, or inflicting it. She should be pulling away and offering a smart retort or giving him a tongue-lashing for his impulsive and reckless actions.

Instead, she allowed her tongue to sneak out and brush softly across the smooth surface of his lower lip.

The moan he released in response rumbled through both of their chests, as she pulled him closer to her and he deepened the kiss to explore the recesses of her mouth.

The exploration was tortuously slow, but as he backed off to give her the chance to probe the secrets of his mouth, she followed his lead. She found that this pace was setting her on fire faster than if they had been crushing together, fighting for control.

Control. The word stuck in her mind.

She had to get control of herself. However, in this moment, she didn't want to. She had confirmed every fear she ever had of this moment.

She was lost in him.

There was something of herself handed to him in this moment that she would probably never get back.

It was Castle who finally pulled back, laying a last gentle lingering kiss against her lips and brushing a series of light kisses across her cheek. Finally coming to rest with his forehead against hers as their breath mingled, white puffs in the night cold.

After a long silence he finally spoke, "Stay." He pleaded.

The thought was more tempting than any offer to stay that she had ever been given, but she couldn't. She had to step back. She had to distance herself from this and take a moment to figure everything out.

"I'll call." She finally responded, pulling away and getting in the car as quickly as she could.

As she pulled away from the curb, she gave him a wave.

When she looked in the rearview mirror, she saw him standing where she had left him, with that silly smile on silly little dreamy smile on his face, umbrella slack at his side providing him no protection against the pins and needles of the ice falling from the sky.

Kate touched the fingers of her right hand against her lips, trying to recall every moment as she wound through the rarely deserted streets.

Her stomach tightened as she continued towards the precinct and she wondered what exactly she had just gotten herself into and whether she would be able to get herself back out again. Whether she even wanted to.

x.x.x

A/N: A much better day today. Thank you for all the well wishes. I have to work all day tomorrow and we have an annual New Year's Eve party with all the kids (usually 15-20 kids) so I obviously won't have any time to write tomorrow. On that note, Happy New Year and I will see you all again in 2011.

Review that made my day: **TomorrowNeverCame**, I appreciate your comments on the Alexis/Kate bonding. That's how I think it should be, but I'm biased. My daughter's dad is as flakey as Meredith is, but she has a wonderful step dad who loves and cares for her. Single parents are a package deal and expecting anything to happen between Rick and Kate without Alexis having some kind of positive relationship with Kate would be silly, no matter how old the teen is.

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Richard Castle, New York Time bestselling novelist, master of words, stood on the sidewalk in front of his apartment building, completely struck speechless.

His mind was spinning with a hundred thoughts as Detective Kate Beckett waved at him through the window of her car and pulled into traffic

As he watched her drive off down the street he couldn't help wondering exactly what this all meant. He couldn't help worrying she might push him away again. He contemplated hopping in his car and meeting her at the precinct, but instantly talked himself out of it.

He had such a strong desire to kiss her in his office earlier and pulling away had been a struggle, but he had done it. He hated how well she played poker, because he hadn't been able to read her expression. If she had given him the slightest encouragement, he wouldn't have pulled away, but as it was, he had a hell of a time doing just that.

He had taken his time doling out instructions to his security guards in an attempt to calm himself and regain control. The last thing he needed on top of everything else was for Beckett to be mad at him because he did something brash.

His resolve did not hold once they were outside in the fierce cold. He didn't want her to go. She was the named target in their killers mind and they hadn't caught the scumbag yet.

He had stopped her from leaving, making sure she would call him when she was safe and sound at the precinct so he might actually get some sleep before heading back over there in the morning.

When she had turned around, he felt trapped in place.

She was looking up at him and he could have sworn he saw the poker face fall away for a split second, replaced with a naked desire that sent him reeling for a single coherent thought in his brain.

As quickly as it appeared, it was gone and he was left wondering again if it had ever been there to begin with.

They hadn't said a word in what could have been hours as he stared into her eyes, searching for answers to questions he should never be asking himself.

Finally gaining control over his rampant thoughts, he dropped his arm and started to step back, surprised as she followed his tiny step away by following his retreat.

Before his brain could wrap around what was happening, she was holding his shoulder firmly, as if unwilling for him to move away as she reached up to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. The fire in her soft lips burned through him as he pulled in a nearly painful breath of freezing cold, thin air. The contrast between soft heat on his cheek and icy air in his lungs made him breathless.

Perhaps it had actually been her touch that caused that reaction.

He would never know how long she stood there in the gentle kiss, though it was probably the barest of moments. A simple thank you for the concern kind of gesture, but the why or the how long, did not matter to him as his pulsed hammered through him at the feel of her body gently brushing his, her lips soft but firm against his skin.

The resolve he had implored the night before, the resolve he had built up earlier, everything that he had been fighting against himself through this entire ordeal, finally snapped. He couldn't hold back and when she was the one trying to move away from him, he stopped her with a hand on her cheek.

The skin of her flushed cheek was hot against his chilled hands as he held her in place and turned to return her motion, this time with his lips on hers.

He felt the wave of desire pulsing through him the moment their lips touched. Like bottled lightning that had been set free, he wanted to crash through the darkness they had been suffocated by lately, but he held himself from the instinct.

Her lips under his were soft and pliable. He wondered how long until she ran, how long until she grabbed his ear in a painful tug or drew her service weapon to dispense of him.

To his great shock, her tongue was the first out of her mouth. He felt the tentative brush of it against his bottom lip and groaned from the way such a simple act could bring him to his knees.

It was the simplest, gentlest, single most tender kiss he had experienced in his life and it left him gasping for air. It left him wondering how she could take something that he had always assumed and turn it on its head. He had always been certain that hard kisses, fast paced dueling for control, heavy breathing and the crushing force of two bodies pulled so tightly together there was no room for oxygen, was the hottest burning fire he would ever know.

Then there was Katherine Beckett. The excruciatingly slow exploration had left him burning hotter than any single moment in his life. He had felt his control slipping and had to pull away from her before he became so lost he may never find his way out.

Coming back to himself standing on his corner as he watched her car turn a corner and disappear out of sight, he finally let it all sink in.

As realization of what had just happened settled on him fully, Castle couldn't stop himself as he broke into a little happy dance. He didn't particularly care if those few cars driving by thought he was a crazy person as he fist pumped the air like Tiger Woods after winning a US Open.

He practically skipped into the apartment building, whistling all the way up the elevator.

Once back inside his apartment he found Alexis and Ashley had obviously finished their show and turned on some music while they got out some board games from the closet.

"Hey, Dad, want to play a game?" Alexis asked as she looked through the stack on the table.

He twirled Alexis away from the games and planted a kiss on her forehead, before whistling and heading back to his office. "You two have fun. I just had a most inspiring moment and I need to get it down on paper before I forget a single second of it."

x.x.x

Kate Beckett's mind was racing with implications, worries, and the attempt to manually control her heart rate.

Distracted, it took her longer than it normally would have to realize that there was a dark Sedan about a block behind her. The vehicle was taking the same turns that she was taking.

If this wasn't a coincidence, this could be their chance to apprehend David Palmer. She maintained her speed and took a couple of turns, watching for a reaction from the vehicle behind her.

First, she took a right, eagerly checking her rearview as she maintained speed not to throw off the followers or make them think she was on to them. She started weaving her way towards her apartment, if this was their killer, when she suddenly changed direction and started towards the precinct, the seemingly random driving pattern would make sense to them.

Sure enough, the vehicle rounded the corner behind her.

She made it through a light but the sedan was too far behind to get through the intersection before the light turned red.

With her tail car stopped, she had to think quickly. Her turn was coming up, so she patiently waited through the oncoming traffic, watching the tailing car finally get through the light two blocks behind. As they closed on her position, traffic opened up and she slowly turned through the intersection, giving her car a little too much gas part way through the turn and fish tailing slightly to explain her sudden breaking and slower pace as she proceeded down the street.

She was glad to see that the car following her made it through the light and was again tailing just a block behind her. Taking a final turn to make sure she was being followed, she finally began reaching for her phone.

Beckett didn't want to alert her tail if they had a police scanner, but she was certain that Ryan or Esposito would still be in the precinct. If she had been followed this far, they would likely keep following her until they were closer to wherever she could meet up with some back up.

She knew she was making a lot of assumptions, but not knowing exactly what she might be dealing with, she wasn't willing to risk taking whoever was following her on by herself, if she didn't have to.

She cursed herself for returning Castle's gloves when her icy fingers fumbled with the phone in her jacket pocket before finally pulling it free.

Beckett glanced in the rear view mirror again as she slowed in front of her apartment as if she was going to park and then made a little show of slamming her hand against the steering wheel and speeding off down the icy street.

Her tail still behind her, she hit Esposito's speed dial number, but before she could press the send button, her phone flew out of her hand. At first, she didn't realize why it had suddenly jumped free, but then her brain began to relay messages to her conscious mind.

The sudden sound of metal crushing assaulted her ears as something struck her from out of nowhere.

The tailing car had been too far behind her to be the culprit, was her first thought, and last clear thought, before her mind became fuzzy.

She felt the jolt of her head smash against her side window, shattering the safety glass.

Her car spun across the slick road, creaking and groaning as the smell of fresh snow and burning rubber assaulted her nose, cold air and pain licked at her face.

She couldn't get her bearing or see anything but a blur out her window.

Momentum carried her forward and spinning, despite her natural instinct of slamming on the brakes and jerking the wheel to turn into the spin.

She felt the car collide with something else before the world tipped on its side and the sound of smashing metal roared through her head.

Her car creaked as it continued spinning until another loud smash jolted her to a complete stop.

As everything settled and silence engulfed her, she felt pressure across her chest from the seatbelt holding her in her chair.

Gravity tried to pull her towards the passenger door as she shifted her eyes out the cracked front window, noticing that the world was tipped sideways.

She considered possible brain damage that would cause her vision to give out on her and was about to reach for the latch on her seat belt when she suddenly realized her car had come to a rest on its side.

What was left of her car. She thought bitterly as she took in the smashed and crinkled hood, hoping that was a trick of the light playing through the fractured front window and almost laughed at the amount of concern she had for the old city-owned vehicle.

She should be focusing on herself and checking her body over for injury, but she felt numb. She felt a buzzing in her body that seemed to block her senses from relaying pain, causing her a moment of panic as she wondered about the extent of her injuries.

She felt the cold pins of the icy snow falling against the side of her face and hoped it would do what it did best. She needed it to chill her to a more alert state of wakefulness, like rolling down the window during a long drive to stay awake.

It did not appear to be working as she suddenly felt her eyes fall closed.

She blinked them back open as she fought for consciousness, knowing she was a sitting duck in this position. Dangling by a seatbelt in an immobile car with no phone, unable to retrieve her weapon from the holster, and fading fast.

Her eyes drifted closed again and no matter how she tried, she couldn't get them open.

Darkness took her.

x.x.x

A/N: You guys are amazing. Your reviews and story alerts and favorite listings has me blushing with pride and rushing to find time to type out one last chapter for this year before we put 2010 in the books. Call it a New Year's present for all of you. Please don't hate me for leaving you hanging, or rather, leaving Beckett hanging. :)

Review that made my day: **GhostWriterLost**, I loved the imagery of Castle and Beckett's relationship being like a dance. One steps forward as the other steps back, like the courting dances of the 17th or 18th century, and I had to laugh, because it's so true.

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Beckett felt herself being jostled, and started to register the feeling of strong hands on her shoulder and at her waist. Panic caused her eyes to snap open, but the blinding streetlight shining in the shattered front window caused a flash of pain and seemed to burn through her retinas into her brain.

She slammed her eyes back closed, fighting waves of pain pulsing through her skull.

She was aware of noise filtering through her foggy brain, but the sound of glass crunching underfoot and heavy breathing as if from exertion were unbelievably loud in her head.

The pounding in her skull caused her stomach to clench and a wave of nausea to roll through her. The sudden feeling that she was about to empty her stomach of the wonderful meal Castle had fed her not so long ago had her fighting to rein in the spinning feeling she felt.

Sudden brutal awareness of pain shooting from various points on her body finally permeated the overpowering headache and she wondered absently at the extent of her injuries.

The smallest movement of her left leg or arm was all she could accomplish before the pain became nearly unbearable and she had to stop trying. She felt pressure against her and found she was actually unable to move that leg as if it were pinned in the wreckage.

_Good_, she thought bitterly as she considered the hands that were holding her as if trying to pull her from the battered vehicle. At least whoever did this to her wouldn't be able to drag her off to finish the job.

The relief was short lived as she considered that they would have to finish it right here in the street. Ignoring the shooting pain, Beckett opened her eyes against the blinding light and tried to fight against the blurred and darkened figure that had climbed into the car beside her and was trying to hold her still.

Spots flew through her field of vision and she wished she could see who was doing this to her. Eventually, she ran out of fight as the pain overwhelmed her senses and she hung there against the seatbelt, looking down at the hand gripping painfully tight against her hip.

Her vision was fading in and out and she knew she would be unconscious any minute now, perhaps this man's hand would be the last thing she saw and she felt a sudden regret for having turned down Castle's invitation to stay.

Certainly, it had been the smart thing to do at the time, but a sick frustration within herself towards her quick retreat was building. In hindsight she would have rather had an awkward evening with Castle after that kiss than die in the street full of pain and regret for all that she never accomplished.

She wondered if it would have even been awkward, or if it would have been as comfortable as the dinner had been. She had thought that would be a little awkward, too.

She suddenly felt pain in her stomach that probably had nothing to do with the accident and everything to do with her inability to live in the moment. Her penchant to turn tail and run scared at the first sign of anything that might shake her carefully laid foundation or put a crack in the wall she had so carefully constructed to prevent herself from being hurt.

She was Kate Beckett. She was not scared of anything, and yet she let this man leave her shaking with fear. Or had it been anticipation? Her fuzzy brain provided its insight and for once, she didn't have the energy to argue with herself on the subject. She had been the type to fight tooth and nail against herself when it came to self-preservation, a skill she had to learn too young.

She chided herself for already referring to herself in the past tense and began to wonder exactly what would happen once this night ended.

Ryan and Esposito would probably be the ones bringing the new to Castle and her father. They would be the ones saying 'I'm sorry for your loss' and standing awkwardly with her father who had already lost so much. Her dad didn't deserve this.

They would be the ones receiving the full angry wrath of Richard Castle, or worse the tears. She knew from last night the level of his emotional rollercoaster as it concerned her, as it concerned believing she may have been hurt or killed.

She knew he would blame himself for not trying harder to get her to stay, for not insisting she have her own protection detail.

Suddenly, she thought of Alexis, shouldering the burden of losing someone that she had known and was starting to get closer with. After that dinner together, Kate could see spending more time with the young woman. She was a joy to be around, and she would never know who she would grow to be.

Would losing an acquaintance, a friend, be enough to alter her young life the way losing her mother had turned Kate into a one woman justice tornado? She felt a smile at using that silly term Castle had coined over dinner to explain her more clearly to Ashley during their 'introduction' phase of dinner.

Sudden tears sprang to her eyes and she blinked at them.

Somehow, the blinking seemed to rattle something loose in her eyesight and she had a sliver of clear vision if she squinted just right.

That's when she saw the glittering edge of the knife as it was brought closer to her body by one of the hands that had been moving her around.

This really was the end.

A fresh wave of panic grabbed her in fingers as icy as the precipitation coming in her shattered side window and adrenaline propelled her into further action.

If she was going to die, she was going down fighting. She would not go quietly.

Her arms were swinging blindly in the direction where she felt heat radiating and hands holding her in place. There were sudden shouts and a holler of pain as she brought her hand down forcefully on the perp's knife hand.

She felt the bite of the blade slashing across her hip in that moment and at the same time; her seatbelt was severed by the blades downward motion. She was sent sprawling out of her seat, towards the passenger door the car had rolled over onto.

Her leg was painfully torn free from its cramped confines by the weight of her body and gravity.

The creaking and groaning of metal met her ears as she made impact, feeling the body of whoever had been trying to attack her, slow her fall. The attacker cushioned her slightly, letting out a loud whoosh of air as she knocked the wind out of him.

Unfortunately, she was unable to react in time to cover her head or avoid impact with the cement through the passenger window.

Fresh searing pain from her leg and her head had her reeling for a moment. The sound of her attacker groaning in pain and cursing repeatedly had her smiling a triumphant little grin.

At least if he killed her now, there would be some kind of evidence of the man in her car, she was confident Ryan, and Esposito wouldn't let her down. With Castle's help, they would bring the man to justice. One last case for her team that she would be a part of, despite how sickening the part she was going to play in the case was.

She couldn't fight the nausea anymore, and despite the fact that she knew, she could be destroying evidence; she couldn't move or open her eyes to see whether she was even in an appropriate position to throw up.

She felt herself slipping into unconsciousness again and whether she did or did not throw up, she didn't even know.

Her last coherent thought before the darkness took her fully was that she wasn't ready yet. She wasn't ready to die.

x.x.x

Castle clicked save and softly closed his laptop.

It was as good as he was going to get it. While not fully capturing his moment earlier with Kate, he felt he had done it justice.

He wasn't sure if the passion would jump of the page to anyone but him, but he really didn't care. If he was ever going to use it in a book, he would have to change the names and a few detail anyway, but he didn't think he wanted to share that raw emotional side of himself.

He stood and stretched before heading out of his office. He found the main room unusually quiet. Alexis was seated at the couch with a movie quietly playing and a bowl of popcorn in her blanket covered lap.

"I thought you and Ashley were going to play a game?" he asked, confused at the mellow mood and finding his daughter alone in the living room. He looked around as if trying to find the other teen who had been there moments before.

Alexis turned to him with a quirky grin. "We did." she said with that cute little chuckle that he couldn't help but smile over. "He went home a little bit ago."

Castle felt a sudden confusion. He couldn't have been in his office long. He looked to the clock on the wall and was surprised to note it had been over an hour since he had come back upstairs.

Grabbing for the phone in his pocket he wondered if he had been so engrossed that he'd missed the call from Kate when she got to the precinct. Hoped he'd missed the call from her.

Unfortunately, the screen didn't display any missed calls and he felt a sudden fear creep through him as he stared at the phone.

He hit his speed dial as quickly as his slightly shaking fingers could dial, hoping she had simply forgotten to call when she got there.

Perhaps it was her attempt to distance herself from what had transpired outside earlier.

Maybe she had walked into the precinct and had a brainstorm. Simply got distracted with the case and forgot that she was supposed to call.

Several thoughts flew through his head in the split second it took for his call to connect. Instead of ringing, he heard a click before her phone went straight to voicemail.

"Dad what's wrong?" he heard Alexis, but just shook his head.

He quickly called her desk phone and let it ring several times. It was the seventh or eighth ring when he heard the sound of the phone being picked up and felt a wave of relief.

"Beckett?" he asked, anxiously before he could even be greeted.

"Sorry, Bro." he heard Esposito on the other end of the line and for the second time in as many days wanted to smash his phone. "She's not here. I thought she was having dinner with you and Alexis?"

The detective's voice sounded light, but he could distinguish the start of the other man's concern. "She left over an hour ago to go back to the precinct."

"Maybe she stopped somewhere. Did you try her cell?"

Castle felt his control slipping, "Of course I did." He said exasperated, before a sudden thought struck him and he promptly ended the call.

Alexis had moved up beside him at some point and he took comfort in pulling her close to his side as he dialed out the number he needed.

x.x.x

A/N: Tough chapter to get through and have to end here or I won't have a new one tomorrow.

Review that made my day: **gmay, **and others who encouraged me to hurry up

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Castle felt a sick sense of familiarity in the back of the car.

Streets of New York passed through the window unnoticed; he rode towards a destination he was not sure he wanted to reach.

This was different from last night, but only slightly.

Last night he had traveled alone to face what would greet him with no knowledge of what was to come. Last night he panicked silently in the back of a cab while tinny foreign music filtered through the speakers.

Tonight he had the anxious hand of his daughter tightly in his own as they rode in the back of the car while their security detail, James and Clemmons, sat up front. Nobody seemed willing to break the silence and the radio stayed off.

The most glaring difference was that, unlike last night, he actually knew she was alive.

Last night he had been frantic with worry and walked in on the scene in her apartment with a blank slate, his mind free to wander and make up horror story after horror story.

No matter how trivial the information he had been given about her current condition, at least tonight he knew she was alive.

He had called Harris and McCoy, the two private security guards he had sent to follow Beckett back to the precinct. McCoy didn't answer, which had rocketed Castle's heart rate even higher. Harris answered on the second ring, "Harris."

"It's Richard Castle, where is Detective Beckett?"

A moment of silence greeted him, during which he could hear soft crunching noises and background sounds of another man cursing, probably McCoy. "There was an accident."

"Where is she?" he repeated, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"She's being pulled from the car now; they're getting her ready to move to the hospital."

"The hospital." He repeated blankly. Thoughts of her invincibility, shaken the night before, were now crumbling further as his heart pounded in his chest. "What happened, Harris?"

The security guard had simply provided an intersection and the hospital she was being taken to and tried to end the call. Castle, mind still fully unfocused took an extra second to realize what the man was implying, "Don't you hang up on me."

"I have to go, sir."

"I'm paying you to tell me what the hell is going on." He had responded sharply.

He could hear the compassion in the other man's voice, though frustration was the winning emotion, "You're paying me to keep eyes on Detective Beckett, and if I don't go now I'm going to lose sight of her."

"Go." Was all he could gasp out, before ending the call himself despite not having much in the way of answers.

He called over James and Clemmons, quickly filling them in before calling Esposito back as his loft apartment filled with the sudden frantic activity of everyone gathering coats and keys.

By the time he had filled Esposito in on what few details they had, Castle, Alexis, and the two guards were downstairs, loaded in the car, and pulling away from the curb.

Clemmons was driving, and Castle's lack of focus had him slightly confused when he realized where they were. Just before they reached the intersection he heard Alexis gasp, "Oh my God."

His eyes trained in the direction she was looking to find what was left of Kate's car on its side and smashed around a traffic light pole. Glass was scattered across the roadway near the demolished car along with other pieces from the vehicle.

Castle didn't want to see this, but he couldn't look away. His eyes quickly scanned and catalogued the scene, despite his brain begging him to look away.

He felt the tightness of Alexis squeezing his hand and knew he was probably doing the same to her. He consciously loosened his grip on her hand and pulled her as close as she could get with their seatbelts still fastened.

"She's ok, pumpkin. Kate's strong. She's ok." He reassured her, though it felt hollow to his own ears as he looked on the accident scene bathed in red and blue from the flashing lights of the emergency vehicles.

He suddenly regretted bringing Alexis with him.

He couldn't have left her alone without her bodyguards and she was adamant about him not leaving the house without the same. The compromise was that she could go with, but she had to return to the loft with her guards as soon as Castle was delivered to the other two at the hospital.

Looking back, she had probably played him, but he couldn't blame her. He would not have wanted to sit around waiting for news, especially after she had the same kind of scare the night before and he had abandoned her there alone to wait for answers.

He knew his daughter, and she was not interested in sitting back and waiting for someone to do something for her, especially, something of this importance. She was just like him in that regard.

They had been past the scene of the accident for several minutes and were nearing the hospital, but the sight of her car in that precarious position, banged to hell and rolled on its side, was burned into his brain.

He couldn't take the anticipation. He couldn't even hope that Harris would be calling him back to let him know everything was fine. Not after having seen the damage to Beckett's car.

It was not the kind of accident someone walked away from.

Sometimes he wished he could turn off his overactive imagination as scene after scene played through his head. He vowed to stop watching doctor drama shows on TV, because he could see it in vivid detail. He could practically see her face twisted in anguish as blood flowed from her.

He couldn't take it anymore, and was glad to see that they were pulling into the Hospital emergency entrance. Clemmons pulled the car up as close to the Emergency doors as legally possible and James ushered them inside while the other Guard left to find parking.

Approaching the reception desk Castle was not prepared to speak. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Fortunately, his guard produced his private guard paperwork and took over at his pause.

"I'm Terrell James; two of my men are guarding a Detective Kate Beckett. She was brought here by ambulance."

Obviously, having a private security detail was an unusual occurrence, because the woman on staff didn't even have to look up Beckett's information. "She's back in Emergency, room 112."

"Thank you." James said as he began leading the way back with Castle and Alexis following closely behind.

"Wait." The woman called, "You can't go back there. I can have someone get your men, but emergency is crowded right now and we can't have the extra bodies."

The word bodies had Castle suddenly wondering if there was something this woman was refusing to tell them. Perhaps she though it was a doctor's job to break bad news.

"Ma'am," James stepped in front of him before he could form an angry retort. "This is her family and they have all been through a lot. Someone is trying to kill them and unless you want that someone to succeed in the waiting room of this hospital I suggest you let us go."

The woman stared at them all for a long moment, but the panic of failing in keeping extra people out of the cramped emergency room was replaced with a certain level of concern. "We can't have a dozen guys in here roaming the grounds and clogging the halls."

"After I delivery them safely, there will only be the two guards on duty." James waved Clemmons over as he had just walked into the Emergency room.

Within minutes, they were headed down the hall and found Harris and McCoy standing outside room 112.

As they approached, Castle saw McCoy's face and wondered about the lack of another car at the accident scene. "You didn't mention you two were involved in the accident. Do you need to get checked out?" Castle had concern over Beckett, but he wasn't going to trust all of their safety to a couple of guys who were not at 100%.

Not that McCoy looked terrible. He seemed alert and attentive. His eyes scanning for trouble, despite the dark purple bruise evident on his left eye and the swelling along his jaw. His lip was split where it had probably been responsible for the blood on the man's shirt, though he couldn't help but wonder if that was Beckett's blood, too.

"We were not involved in the accident." Harris responded professionally.

"What the hell happened to you, then?" Clemmons asked, gesturing towards McCoy.

He hung his head as if ashamed of the answer as he took a breath and began to explain about Beckett coming to in the car and violently defending herself against being rescued.

He explained with a bitterness that Castle sincerely doubted, as the man also seemed to have a glint of respect in his eyes. Castle knew Beckett was strong, but it still inspired a familiar pride in him to know that despite being unconscious at some point, she had fought tooth and nail to get who she probably thought was her attacker away from her.

"How is she?" he asked finally. Pleasantries over, he didn't want to waste any more time.

"The doctor is in with her now, so we were asked to wait outside." Harris informed him.

"Is she ok?" Alexis finally spoke, voice quavering slightly and Castle watched as the stone-faced security guards softened.

"She's good, considering what she's been through." McCoy finally responded, his non-answer started to grate on Castle's nerves. Then he continued, "She suffered a blow to the head that rendered her unconscious. She was pinned by her left leg and immobilized by her seatbelt when her car finally came to a stop on its side."

Harris took over. "We were able to extract her from the wreckage, obviously, with resistance. The attack on McCoy resulted in additional injuries to the detective, though through no fault of my partner."

Castle fixed the injured man with a glare, "What kind of injuries?" was all he could manage.

"While trying to cut her seatbelt to get her out of the vehicle, she attacked me, slicing herself and her seatbelt in the struggle and tumbling out of her seat. She lost consciousness again and caused several long gashes in her leg from pulling free of the wreckage."

Castle simply nodded and was about to ask for details of the accident when the door opened and a broad shouldered doctor stepped out of Kate's room, looking extremely exasperated.

As the man stormed off, Castle headed into the hospital room. He and Alexis stepped behind the curtain without any thought.

Castle had been expecting to see her pale, weak, tubes coming out of her, life support machines and heart monitors beeping. IV fluids and perhaps blood being pumped into her body to replace what she had lost. He had concocted so many scenarios of what could have happened to her, but the sight before him stopped him dead in his tracks.

Surprised and speechless, he stood there staring at her for a long moment before he felt Alexis' hand come up to cover his eyes.

"Sorry, Kate." Alexis responded and he heard a bang followed by a curse word and through a little slit in Alexis' fingers he was able to note that she had turned around.

Walking in on Beckett with her back turned towards the door, hand resting on the bed as she struggled to get her bandaged leg into her tattered pants had given him an insight into her that he hadn't gotten from all his time following her.

He knew she was stubborn. He knew she was not one to lie around while there was work to be done. He knew, if she were well enough to stand, she'd feel like she needed to get back to work.

It wasn't that she was prepping to leave the hospital after what were probably just cursory evaluations that had stuck suddenly in his mind. It was the fact that she wore matching black lace bra and panties.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He heard the anger and irritation in her voice, but then there was a shift, "Sorry, Alexis. Are you ok?"

Alexis laughed, her fingers shifting slightly and even the blurry sliver between her digits disappeared from his view. He was surprised that he hadn't pulled her hand away. As much as he wanted to get another peek at Beckett in her underwear, with her pants around her ankles, this was not the place he wanted to experience that particular moment.

"I should be asking you that." Alexis had responded, "I'll help you, just sit."

Relieved that his daughter was finally going to let go of his eyes, he was surprised when she reached up with her other hand to turn him and guide him out of the room.

Once they were on the other side of the curtain, she let him have his eyes back. Out in the hall, his daughter turned to him with a reprimand in her eyes. "I'll stall as long as I can," she said in a conspiratorial whisper, "You go see if you can get her discharge papers, because I'm sure she's checking out against medical advice."

Castle nodded numbly as he made his way back towards the nurse's station they had passed by earlier. She was all right, better than all right, she was still fighting.

"Call Ryan and Esposito." Alexis added, but he had already been pulling his phone out of his pocket.

x.x.x

Beckett was sitting against the edge of the bed. Her head throbbed with a combination of pain and pressure that was certain to have her reaching for the painkillers the doctor said she needed, but she wasn't about to do that until she was home and comfortable. There was no way that she was staying in the hospital, especially after the stitches had all been placed and she had been scanned by so many machines that she was certain to be radioactive by now.

The tests had all come back clear, no breaks, no hemorrhaging in her brain. She would be stiff and sore for a couple of days and have to be careful about washing up so as not to damage the tender areas where stitches had been required.

True to her word, Alexis was back in the room a moment later without Castle.

The thought of him walking in on her practically naked had her blushing furiously, despite the severity of the situation at hand. He didn't even have enough sense to knock before barging in.

"You alright, Detective?" Alexis asked as she tentatively approached and Kate felt awful for putting the poor girl through that again.

Forgetting about the pain in her body and head, Kate instinctively opened her arms towards the girl. She was met with a watery smile and a brief gentle hug before Alexis pulled away again.

"Let's get you dressed." The teen smiled at her again. "But while I help, you have to tell me about your injuries," Kate was inclined to decline, not really interested in her own injuries, so not tempted to share. Then Alexis continued, "So I can stop worrying that I'm harboring your bad decision and you're not going to fall over dead from internal bleeding or a swollen brain or something."

The quiet honesty in the girl's voice had Kate talking steadily as she was helped into her ruined clothes. "I suffered a concussion, there is no bleeding in my brain and I have no internal bleeding. I have been poked and prodded and scanned, but everything came back alright."

Alexis had pushed the legs of her pants up enough to allow her to stand so they could be pulled up to her waist. Kate didn't even register that the girl was doing everything while she simply talked and let her button her pants, being visibly careful of the bandage across her hip.

"That's just some stitches." She responded, but caught the 'give me a break' look Alexis shot up at her, "It happened when I was struggling with what I thought was my attacker. I saw the knife and reacted, turns out it was the wrong choice, because now I have two rows of stitches, fifty one there, and earned myself another crack on the head when I severed the seatbelt."

Alexis was suddenly hugging her again, still gently, but a little longer and then the girl was digging through the plastic bag with the hospital logo that obviously held Kate's clothes.

"How bad is your leg?" Alexis asked.

Kate just shrugged, "I've had worse."

Holding Kate's shirt just out of reach, Alexis fixed her with a glare that said that was not going to cut it.

Beckett sighed, "Ok, it's pretty bad. Probably going to scar and I won't look nearly as good in a skirt." The lame joke at least had the desired effect of Alexis smiling at her, no matter that the smile was a weak as the joke. Deciding that the girl was level headed enough and not one to be brushed off, she sighed again and continued, "There was a lot of damage from being pinned in the wreckage and then suddenly falling free. I have three layers of stitches in some spots."

"How many?" Alexis asked, though she looked a little sick at the thought and Kate wondered if she really wanted to know or if she was just fact hunting for her father.

"I told them not to count."

Alexis gaped at her, "Seriously? You have to know how many stitches you have; it's like a rule or something."

Beckett couldn't believe it, but she found herself laughing at the girl's expression. "Fine, fine, geez. Do you want the total or the per injury?"

Alexis look at her with a sudden light in her eyes, "You were holding out on mer." She grinned, "Either. Both." She responded finally.

"There's over five hundred, more than three-fifty on the leg alone."

"Where else?" Alexis asked, thankfully not pressing for more details on the work that had to be done to sew back together her mangled leg, though she was sure the girl could see for herself.

Without a shirt, the various bandages along her arms, shoulder and across her forehead were clearly visible; along with the rising bruises, that she was certain would cover her body in Technicolor. Instead of speaking about the injuries, she simply pointed to each and gave Alexis the number.

When she was finished and finally had her shirt on, socks and shoes in place, tattered and bloody clothes she would certainly throw out as soon as she got out of here, she finally let her eyes drift back to Alexis.

"You got dad beat. I can't wait to tell him he's not the king anymore."

Kate smiled, "You two have a very strange way of looking at things."

Alexis returned the smile as she turned to join Beckett sitting on the bed to her right and resting her head on Kate's uninjured shoulder, "It makes it easier to get through the pain after an injury if you keep a record and monitor your life tally."

"Oh yeah, I can just see the tally sheet next to where your dad marked your height on the wall." She joked, actually glad for the company and distraction from her own pain.

"Actually, you're pretty close to right." She smiled up from Kate's shoulder, and the detective couldn't stop herself from reaching out to wrap an arm around the girl. "I broke a hundred last year when I fell during soccer and got cleated on my calf. Sixteen stitches put me over the hundred mark and dad took me out for ice cream."

"Somehow I don't find it hard to believe that your dad would want to celebrate your one hundredth stitch." She thought over the fact that she had never had stitches until she got into law enforcement and how much different her upbringing was from Alexis.

"No, the ice cream was because I got hurt." Alexis rolled her eyes, "Dad has always tried to convince me that eating sugar will help me in those situations."

Kate laughed, "Funny, but I'm going to agree with him on this one." At Alexis' disbelieving look Kate added, "Chocolate anyway."

"Chocolate makes everything better, huh?" Alexis asked, "Are you a chocoholic?"

"Well, perhaps, but it's true, too. In addition to having stimulants that provide a kind of boost to your day, the Tryptophan in chocolate triggers serotonin in your brain that relieves anxiety and chocolate is a natural analgesic. High fat chocolate foods trigger the brain's production of natural opiates."

Alexis was looking at her suspiciously, "You're making that up."

Kate shook her head, careful not to move too fast because of the pain involved in movement, "It's all true. Lanie and I looked it up once."

Alexis smiled, "That's why we eat sweets after a break-up?"

"Yep," she replied, feeling the weight of the world had eased slightly off her shoulders in the few minutes she spent with Alexis, "It dulls the pain. Doesn't hurt that it tastes good, too."

Alexis grinned, "We are definitely stopping for treats on the way home then."

It took Kate a minute to grasp that Alexis was suggesting she would be going back with them, to which she had to put an immediate stop. "I have to get to work."

Alexis laughed humorlessly, "Yeah, I don't think so."

"Alexis, it's important. There could be new evidence after this and I need to help."

The girl was shaking her head, "Dad said you were stubborn, he didn't mention you were stupid."

Kate was silent; she hadn't expected this swift change in moods.

"Look, I know you want to find who did this to you, but it's late and you have a brain injury. You probably shouldn't be working for two weeks after a concussion that rendered you unconscious, much less two hours."

Kate couldn't help feeling a warm flutter at the thought of someone so peripheral in her life being so concerned with her well-being. She was not used to the sentiment. "How did you get to be so well versed on medicine, are you planning to be a doctor someday?"

Alexis laughed, "Seriously, have you met my dad? He's not a very careful guy."

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door and Castle opened it. He slowly entered the room with his hand over his eyes. "Is everybody decent?"

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry I didn't get this up last night, couldn't stay awake after such a busy day. It was my birthday "Take Two", celebrating it went much better than the actual birthday. I have the sweetest man in the world. He woke me with pancakes and bacon then took me out to dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant where I boringly ordered Spaghetti. I got the two Heat books and seasons one and two of Castle on DVD for my birthday, yay, I can stop loop ordering the series on my Netflix account. Sorry, he's taken.

Anyway, because it's late you get an extra-long chapter.

Review that made my day: **pkl, **you have a way of calling me evil that makes me grin. No, I'm not trying to kill you guys I'm just, well, I guess the word is evil since nothing else seems to fit.

Other notes: Happy Birthday, gmay! Googie and Blooky, welcome to the party, glad you like it so far and I hope to keep up with expectations. Congrats to TomorrowNeverCame for the accurate guess, yep, she beat up her rescuers.

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

"Why even bother asking if I'm decent when you're peeking through your fingers?" Beckett asked with a raise of her eyebrows that she promptly lowered with a cringe from the brief pain of stressing the wound on her forehead.

"I was hoping you wouldn't notice." He said with a teasing smile she noticed wasn't entirely genuine.

Kate rolled her eyes and fought against showing the pain that the movement caused to lance through her head. She had to get away from Castle, all of her standard ways on communicating with him were painful and she just wanted a break from the pain.

"Alexis, can you go see it the guys out in the hall need anything?"

She saw that the teen knew her dad was trying to get rid of her, but after a gentle squeeze around Kate's middle, the girl disappeared, closing the door quietly behind her.

"Just hurry up and say what you have to say, so I can get out of here." She said in exasperation and then added, "Quietly, because you're killing me with all the yelling."

She saw the concern on Castle's face and figured he must not have been talking very loud and she probably should have kept her pain to herself.

When he spoke again, his voice was hushed, barely above a whisper, "Here's how it's going to work, Detective Beckett."

"Don't even try it, Castle. Whatever you're plotting I don't have time for it." She was frustrated with her inability to deal with this side of Castle.

He had turned that concerned expression he usually reserved for Alexis on her and she didn't want to see it. She didn't want to deny him whatever he was asking her to do with that expression. She would be better off if she could just get out of here and take a little time to collect her thoughts.

"Now, now, why would you think I'm plotting anything?" he asked with mock innocence that she wanted to wipe off his face.

"Because you are, so you may as well just tell me before I figure out where they stashed my weapon." She wasn't sure her threat was nearly as effective when she couldn't accomplish more than a whisper.

"Do you have any idea how hot it sounds when you threaten me in a voice that makes me think of the morning after you spent a night screaming?"

His eyes were smoky as he took in her response. She knew her face was heating up again, but didn't seem to care as she mustered the resolve to shoot a glare at him. "I think that's a little too accurate a description of the night, except for the part about any of this being even remotely hot."

She watched his expression fall and immediately felt bad.

He had obviously been doing his best to be himself, immaturity and innuendo intact. Probably to put her at ease and she couldn't get herself off the defensive long enough to just relax. "I'm sorry, that was bitchy."

"It's alright, it makes this next part easier." He gave her a sheepish smile.

"Castle." She warned and cringed at her own tone lancing through her head.

"It's really not all that bad." He replied, but didn't elaborate.

"Castle." She warned again, ignoring the twinge of pain in her skull as she watched him shuffle his feet and generally avoid eye contact.

"So, I was talking with the nurses, to get your release papers." He started and she thought it would be better if she glared at him with an expression she hoped conveyed her annoyance in him.

"They gave me your discharge paperwork and a form that you need to sign." He responded, handing her a bundle of folded papers from his back pocket. "You have to sign the one on top and turn it in for legal reasons. Turns out somebody refused anything more than a local anesthetic and declined on an IV." He added, disapproval clear in his voice.

"I can take care of myself, Castle. I'm fine." She responded, not feeling nearly as strong as she was trying to sound. When he put it that way she seemed downright idiotic, just as Alexis had accused her of being.

He merely shook his head at her, "I think that knock to the head may have caused you to lose a little common sense, because you're not fine." He made a face as he said it, as if the idea that she was anything but all right was a disquieting thought.

"I can't sit here all night while you skirt the issue of whatever you're plotting. I have work to do." She was getting frustrated with him. He wasn't pushing her buttons, he was being sincere and caring and it was driving her crazy.

"I was thinking that I might call my friend, Bob." He responded simply.

Her head snapped up to look at him, but the movement was too quick and she felt herself sway slightly in her position on the bed from the sudden wave of white-hot pain. "The mayor, really?" she managed to grit out, but thought it was best to just close her eyes for a moment.

She didn't realize he had moved, but suddenly Castle had a hand on her shoulder and his other behind her head, gently guiding her to lie back on the hospital bed. "Kate, please."

His tone caused a knot in her stomach. The pleading, nearly begging in a soft sincere manner had her relaxing into the bed beneath her, despite her initial reflex to run. It would have been foolish anyway; she wasn't capable of quick movement.

"I'm not proud of it." She heard him, his voice softly floating through the spinning as she lay there with her eyes closed. "I don't know what else to do."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

His sigh was heavy as if he were as exhausted as she felt. "I was thinking of calling Bob and letting him know that you were worried you wouldn't get enough time off to recover."

"Don't you dare." Sudden fury built in her.

"He'd make sure you had more than enough time to heal before you were allowed back in the precinct." He said lightly, but she heard something else he was trying to mask.

She had to open her eyes, because his voice without facial expression was hard to interpret. She was surprised to see him so close, though in thinking about it, he had never moved his hand from her shoulder.

"Of course, I might reconsider if a certain stubborn detective took some morphine and accepted an IV to get her fluids back up." His tone was light and casual, but it was lie as his eyes bored into her.

She couldn't ignore the concern in his voice, but she chose to latch onto the anger that had started to rise in her because it was an easier set of emotions than dealing with everything that had happened tonight. "Are you even considering blackmailing me?"

Castle gave her one of his most charming smiles, lifting his hands, as he shrugged, "I'm not considering it. I'm doing it."

"You do realize blackmail is illegal, right?" she asked, letting his smile work through some of the anger she had built up.

"Not going to be a problem if you can't go back to work to book me."

She fought a small smile at his joking tone and the light reflecting in his eyes as he bantered with her. Somehow, this back and forth had reassured him, "I want you to know I don't appreciate this."

Castle's grin widened, "As the blackmailee, I'm positive that's how you're supposed to feel."

"Is there anything I can threaten you with to get you to drop this?" she asked, intently staring at him.

He shook his head and smiled down at her softly, "Nothing." She may have misinterpreted that hitch in his voice, but clearing his throat, he confirms it. Apparently, knowing he tipped his hand, his smile fell, "You're scaring me."

She gave a growl of frustration, because she couldn't take a deep emotional conversation right now, without the threat of breaking down completely under the weight of everything she had experienced since she left him last. "Just get the damn drugs and IV in here so I can get back to work."

x.x.x

Castle was relieved to have talked some sense into Beckett, as minor as the victory was. "She's going to take the IV and pain meds before she's ready to leave." He informed Alexis as he left the detective's emergency room.

His daughter graced him with a grateful smile, "Thanks, Dad." She responded.

He hated to rain on her parade here, but couldn't see a way not to do just that, "You've seen that she's alright, now you need to go home and stay inside so I don't worry about you, too."

He tried to fight the power of her pleading eyes when she gave him that expression. It usually worked like a charm, but they had never been talking about her safety before. "No. We had a deal and you need to honor it."

The pout continued, but he could see he was going to win this one, "Kate and I were talking about getting ice cream on the way home. You know, to help with the healing process for her five hundred and eleven stitches." Alexis finally said.

Castle knew he was gaping at his daughter, but didn't seem to be able to close his mouth or blink his eyes as he studied her to determine whether or not she was serious.

Thinking back to seeing Kate several moments before with pale skin against the dark fabric of her bra and panties, despite his distraction he had noted several gauze pads adhered to her body. The largest one spanned the inside of her left leg and wrapped around the back from her thigh to just below the knee.

He hadn't really considered the extent of her injuries after having witnessed her healthy enough to stand under her own power. He had been flooded with so many thoughts and feelings in those brief couple of seconds that he didn't have time to really think about whether she was actually going to be all right or not.

Of course, she would be fine; she's Detective Kate Beckett.

Alexis moved in to hug him suddenly and he wasn't sure if she was seeking comfort or providing it, but he was grateful for the contact. She started to move off down the hall and he finally got control of his voice again, "Go pick up some ice cream on the way home and we'll have some when we get there." He told her, which earned him a huge grin and an enthusiastic nod.

He didn't bother to tell her that there was no way he would get Beckett to agree to resting after this and he probably wouldn't be able to drag her within a hundred feet of his loft, even if he had the strength to win that particular tug of war.

He headed off to the nurse's station to let them know that Beckett was ready for her IV and pain relievers, and on his way back, ran into Ryan and Esposito.

"How's she doing?" Esposito asked. The two men wore mirror images of concern.

"Trying to escape against medical advice." he responded.

The detectives rolled their eyes, an act of mocking their boss that appeared unconscious, but did not slip Castle's gaze, "She's not one to sit still, even if it's in her best interest." Ryan explained needlessly and the men found a moment to agree in silence as they waved Harris and McCoy into Beckett's room behind them to get their statements.

Castle felt the glare from Beckett as McCoy and Harris recounted the events of the evening. The glare started when they spoke of Castle instructing them to follow her. They had left before her and set up position to sneak out behind her and make sure she made it safely to the precinct.

They had watched her weave through various streets before pulling up outside her apartment where she appeared to be frustrated and then turned as if headed back towards the precinct.

Kate explained that she had thought she was being followed by the killer and had done the extra driving around to verify if they were following her and then made a show of being frustrated with not being able to go home.

Castle watched her expression as Harris and McCoy recounted watching the accident from behind her.

They saw the car come around a blind corner and barrel straight for her without swerving or braking. Judging by the exhaust in the cold air, the vehicle actually accelerated until the point of impact.

The front of the suspect vehicle hit the passenger side, rear corner panel, of Beckett's car causing it to spin five hundred and forty degrees as it slid across the roadway. It was still spinning when she hit the curb on the opposite side of the road.

The momentum carried the vehicle onto its side and the force of the rear impact kept it spinning until it hit the light pole and jarred to a stop.

The suspect driver sped off, but they did not pursue, instead pulling up to check on Beckett.

He watched as Kate went from reliving the shock of the brutality of the accident to pissed that the guards didn't pursue the suspect. Castle agreed with her on that point, but she just served him with an icy glare for it.

The two security guards defended their decision; Harris had gotten a description of the car and called it in while McCoy rushed to check on Kate's status.

Just as Beckett and McCoy finished discussing their thoughts while Kate was still stuck in the car, Ryan's phone rang.

"We got the car." He said after he had hung up.

"What are you waiting for?" Beckett asked, "Go get us some evidence."

They didn't need to be told twice. After some good-natured ribbing of Beckett, the detectives were gone. Castle could tell Beckett was fuming as she told Harris and McCoy to go wait in the hall.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she asked as soon as the door closed behind them.

"That you needed somebody watching your back." He responded quietly, hoping to relieve the tension in the room and help dissipate her anger.

"I can take care of myself." She responded in a voice that told him he hadn't succeeded.

"Like hell." He tried to stop himself, but she was being ridiculous. "I think you just proved you're too stubborn to ask for help, even when you need it. " she ignored him with a stony expression, so he pushed further, "How long did you suspect you were being followed before you were going to call for back up?"

"I was dialing when the bastard hit me."

"How long?" he repeated.

"Too long, okay?" she snapped at him in frustration. "I was distracted and didn't notice the tail at first."

His retort died in his throat as the implication of her mindset sank in.

She had been distracted because of how she left him on the sidewalk in front of his apartment.

He took a long step that brought him next to her bed and he allowed his fingers to gently trace along her hairline, just above the gauze on her forehead, "I'm glad you're ok." He said softly, and watched as some of the anger left her face, her eyes softening and then closing under his touch.

"Castle," she started, her voice quivered slightly and she reached up to grab the hand he was still touching her face.

His breath caught in his throat as he took in her expression. If his powers of observation were as sharp as he suspected they were, she had something to say to him that was certain to rock the foundation of their partnership.

He didn't dare move as she took a long steady breath as if preparing herself emotionally. Her thumb swept gently across the back of his hand. He wasn't even sure he was breathing as he waited for her to finish her thought.

Beckett finally opened her mouth again, having worked up whatever courage she needed to fight back the wall of vulnerability she always surrounded herself with, but suddenly a nurse came into the room, interrupting the moment and drawing Beckett's gaze away from him.

He watched the wall come back up as she let go of his hand and turned her attention fully to the nurse. The woman had brought in the painkillers Beckett turned down earlier while Ryan and Esposito were in the room.

A few minutes later, when the nurse finally left the room, Beckett was already out cold from the stress of the day and the relaxing effects of the painkiller.

x.x.x

A/N: I got stuck on this chapter and got frustrated before pacing my front porch in single digit temperatures while reading reviews on my phone. Aha, inspiration! I love pacing with encouraging words.

Review that made my day: **IcyPanther, **Thanks for the positive praise on my crime plot, though I do tend to get mixed up in the characters and ignore the crime from time to time, hope that's not disappointing. I hope this chapter helped clear up some of the confusion for the accident. It was initially from Kate's POV and she wasn't in a position to understand what was happening at the time.

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

It was nearing three in the morning when a soft rap on the door alerted his tired mind to company. He glanced at Beckett, sleeping in the bed beside where he had scooted the chair hours before and quickly, but quietly made his way to the door just as it was being opened.

He silently shooed Ryan and Esposito back into the hall.

"How did you get her to agree to being admitted?" Ryan asked once Castle had quietly closed the door behind them.

Castle couldn't stop what he knew had to look like a very sheepish expression, "She hasn't woken up to find out, yet."

Esposito shook his head at the writer, "She's going to kill you, bro."

Ryan looked tired, but the grin on his face seemed to ease the lines of exhaustion, "Can I be here when she finds out?"

"Dude," Esposito said in a warning tone, elbowing the other detective lightly, and Castle wondered briefly if Javier was actually about to defend him. The happiness for the detective's camaraderie was short lived, "Just be patient. This kind of pissed is going to drag out for _weeks_."

"I guess so, and I'm tired so sleeping for a couple of hours is going to beat hanging around here waiting for Beckett to wake up." Ryan said with a shrug. "She'll probably be up in a couple of hours and expecting us back at work even though we just pulled a twenty hour shift."

Castle felt suddenly serious, "What've you got?" The statement seemed very much like channeling Beckett and to his surprise had the same effect that her no nonsense tone usually did. The two detectives dropped the joking, faces suddenly serious as they pulled out their notes.

"The vehicle was located in an alley approximately six blocks from the scene of the crash." Ryan started as he flipped pages in his small notebook. "The radiator was smashed. Pending a more detailed investigation it appears it wasn't able to go any further."

"We did a canvass of the local homeless and pedestrians without any luck." Esposito picked up.

"Did you go to the apartments? See if anyone was freshly missing a car?" Castle interjected. At the matching pair of raised eyebrows, he continued, "Stands to reason if they stole a car to hit Beckett, they could steal another to get away."

Esposito excused himself to put a call in and see if anything was reported stolen within a couple blocks of the area and inform the sergeant who was heading up the canvass that they needed to add that to the list of questions.

Ryan stepped closer, dropping his voice slightly, "We're going to catch him." He promised the writer.

Castle just looked back at the closed door, "Before or after she kills me?" he joked, hoping to get the subject dropped.

As expected, Ryan grinned, "Guess we'll find out." The detective dropped his notebook back in his pocket, and when he looked back up his serious detective expression was back in place, "The assailant was injured. There was some blood in the car."

It was a half hour later, after Ryan and Esposito confirmed they had all the bases covered, hospital staff on alert, cops with their eyes focused more intently, the lab had fast tracked all their evidence. Everyone they worked with seemed to be on board. When you go after one of them, they all band together.

He bid the detectives a good night, though it was now nearing four in the morning, and returned quietly to Beckett's room.

The hospital staff had not been willing to keep her in the emergency room, but after her attempt to leave it had taken a little finagling on his part to get them to let her finish sleeping off her drug induced stupor in a recovery room. He knew she would be pissed when she woke up and she was still in the hospital, but a little sleep would do her good.

Alexis had understood when he called to fill her in on why he wouldn't be home, though she reminded him, just as Ryan and Esposito had, that this was not his decision to make.

He couldn't feel regret for plotting against her more basic stubbornness, no matter the consequences. A nurse moved into the room and he knew what was coming.

Every two hours they had been in to wake her up and make sure she wasn't experiencing any adverse effects of the concussion. Just like every other time he stepped behind the curtain, pulling it closed enough to block her view of the clock, though she had yet to be coherent enough to even think about asking for the time, he wasn't interested in her noticing what time it was and making the demands to leave.

Just like the other times she had been stirred into fuzzy consciousness, it took several minutes for the nurse to rouse her enough to ask basic questions and get coherent responses. Once the nurse confirmed her brain function, she would administer another dose of pain reliever and set about checking over Beckett's vitals.

By the time the nurse left and Castle returned to stand beside her bed, she was already nearly asleep. He watched her eyes flutter for a moment before she seemed to register his presence and she shift her eyes groggily up to look at him, "Are you watching me sleep?" she asked, her tone quiet and slightly slurred as if she had too much to drink.

She hadn't spoken to him any of the other times she awoke, though he had never really moved this close until she was fully under from the pain medication. "I might be." He finally responded, watching as she graced him with a little sleepy smile.

"It's creepy." She responded and it was his turn to smile.

He thought that perhaps he should show her he was going to leave her to rest and she would stop trying to fight the sleep she needed so badly. Not that he would actually leave, but if it made her more comfortable, he could pretend. "Sorry. I can go."

Her eyes widened just slightly as she looked around the room. It was as if she was seeing it for the first time, it didn't slip his mind that in some regards that was accurate.

He had hoped she would let herself get a little more rest before pushing on, but that seemed to be over now as he watched her face register recognition of the situation. He knew she was finally realizing where she was as her brow furrowed and she looked down her body at her bloody and tattered clothes.

Seeing the expression on her face, he thought perhaps it was best to make his way out to the hall and hope the drugs still lulled her into sleep for a couple more hours.

He made it two steps to the door before he heard her, "Castle."

The tone of her voice was stronger than a moment before, the slur was more controlled, but there was a hint of a waver and he wondered if it was induced by the medicine.

When he turned back around, she was watching him intently an expression on her face he had never seen before. He thought she had looked small in the white sheets of the hospital bed while she was sleeping, but that expression made him think of Alexis at eight with the chickenpox. She looked weak and Castle wanted to look away.

She was the strongest person he knew and to see her with that look made him want to fall apart. It was as if his entire perception of her were crumbling. His impression of her invincibility had been shaken enough already. He didn't want the feeling that was threatening to suffocate him to take hold entirely.

He knew he would already worry about her next time she was in the field, every time they went on a call, each time she strapped on a vest or pulled her gun from the holster. He wanted to run before it became as constricting a thought as his tightening throat was telling him it would be.

He just couldn't.

Watching her in the bed, begging him to respond with her eyes, he managed a strained, "Yeah?"

He watched her expression. He had been watching her long enough to read her fairly well and this expression was not new to him. He knew she was having a debate within herself and wondered whether she was weighing whether or not to leave the hospital before she even got a full night's sleep.

Thinking her debate was about her current hospital status, he wasn't ready for her words.

"Don't leave." She asked him so softly he wondered if she had actually spoke, but the shy, self-conscious expression as she averted her eyes after asking, told him he wasn't imagining it.

Castle smiled reassuringly as he moved back to her bed and sat in the chair he had vacated a while before, "I was bluffing." He said, "I was going to go wait in the hall until you were asleep and come back in to be creepy again."

She graced him with a weak smile as if saying thanks and her eyes finally closed again. With a tiny sigh, she was sleeping soundly under the haze of her prescriptions.

He knew her request was driven by her weakened state and the medication, but he couldn't help the feeling soaring through him. She was the one who was usually pushing him away and tonight she had let him in, asked him to stay.

Sometime tomorrow, if she even remembered this, she would push again, but for now, he would revel in the request. He scooted the chair a little closer and gently reached out to grasp her hand.

Exhaustion made his head feel heavy and he leaned down to rest it against the mattress beside their hands. He shifted his grasp to move her hand to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on it. It was the last thing he remembered as his exhaustion pulled him into a fitful sleep.

x.x.x

Kate felt as if a truck had hit her as her eyes opened slowly and adjusted to the sunlight streaming in the window. It took her a moment to remember where she was and what was going on and another moment to notice the warm breath flittering across the back of her hand.

Looking to her right she saw Rick Castle. His hair was a mess, his face relaxed in sleep, and his fingers lightly grasped hers. She couldn't stop the thought that he was cute when he was sleeping, but amended it with the fact that it had to be because he was so quiet.

His position looked entirely uncomfortable. She knew those hospital chairs weren't anywhere near comfortable for sleeping, and had spent her fair share of nights in them over the years. Hunched over the way he was, she was certain he would wake complaining of back and neck pain.

Without thinking about it, she realized she had yanked her hand back from him and he was blinking at her sleepily. She tried to give him a glare as she remembered the black mail the night before and the light streaming through the window meant he had somehow managed to keep her in the hospital overnight.

"Not exactly how I'd planned to wake up next to you after a night together." He mumbled sleepily with a shadow of his normal teasing smile hidden somewhere amongst the worry lining his face.

Her glare became more sincere. "What the hell is going on?"

He had straightened in the chair, but after groaning at a twinge in his back he stood up and began trying to stretch, "I was just waiting for you to wake up so we could get back to work?"

It was a statement, but he said it like a question and she knew the tone was his version of making an excuse, "What time is it?" she asked, because all the other questions in her head were ridiculous, verging on useless.

Castle glanced over his shoulder at the clock on the wall and though she could read it herself, now that she was looking at it he said, "Almost seven."

She began pulling the sheet and blanket off herself, "Damnit, Castle, I have work to do." Once the constricting fabric was off her legs, she started to sit up, but the sudden shift of blood flow made her feel the room spin around her.

"Whoa." He said as he closed the space between them and pushed her back on the hospital bed as he had done the night before. "Baby steps, Detective." He said and clicked his tongue at her.

She glared at him, but he ignored it as he reached for a button on the side rail of her bed and the head of the bed slowly rose behind her. The pace and the support seemed to prevent the dizziness from returning and she found herself fully sitting up in the bed.

He passed her a glass from the table, she sipped the water before realizing how thirsty she was, and taking several swallows. Castle stole the glass back from her before she was finished. "Castle." She warned.

"You have to take it easy and make sure that's going to stay down."

His concern, while probably accurate, was grating on her nerves. "What are you doing here, anyway?" she knew the answer to the question as soon as it was out of her mouth and she had a hazy recollection of asking him to stay with her at some time during the night.

Instead of taking the opportunity to mock her with some kind of joke about her weakness from the night before he looked away from her with a shrug, "I must have fallen asleep waiting for you to be ready to go."

She started shifting. If he was ready to go, she sure the heck could use a change of scenery. She slowly slipped her feet over the edge and steadied herself on the bed with her hands on either side of her.

She closed her eyes a moment to be sure she would stay upright. When her eyes opened again, Rick was kneeling on the floor near her feet with one of her boots in his hand. As he began slipping the boot on her foot, she pulled away from him and then winced at the pain in her leg.

"Would you just let me help you?" he asked with a hint of annoyance. "I know you want to do things yourself, I know you're not weak, and as soon as we leave this room we can forget that I helped you with your boots, but for right now, hold still, shut up and let me help you."

She shifted her eyes off the sincerity in his expression and relaxed to let him help her.

Once her boots were on, she stood and began to gather her things.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked as he found her stained and tattered coat and helped her to put it on.

She scoffed, "That's easy for you to say."

She couldn't pin point her pessimism or the reason she was feeling particularly prickly with him today. It had nothing to do with spending the night sleeping when she had insisted on working, she knew her desire to leave the hospital had been ridiculous and based more in adrenaline than common sense.

Yet she couldn't seem to corral her racing anger towards him.

Somewhere that little voice was back that told her she was pushing him away, but she decided to do that with the thought.

"It is not the end of the world to have someone looking out for you." He replied in a slightly annoyed tone, though she heard the humor that told her he was starting to pull himself back to his place as jokester.

Before he had a chance to make whatever lame joke he was about to, she was speaking. "It almost was last night."

She watched him turn towards her with a confused tilt to his brow, "What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

With a sigh she placed her hands on her hips and considered him seriously, "You shouldn't have sent them to follow me."

He gaped at her, "If I hadn't then whoever was driving that car may have come back to finish the job."

Her mouth was moving without considering what was coming out, "If I hadn't been so worried they were the killer following me then I might have actually seen that car before it hit me."

She knew, somewhere inside, that he was right, but she needed to push him, get some space, get some time to organize her thoughts without someone breathing down her neck and overanalyzing everything she was doing .

She knew what she needed and knew why she said that, but she couldn't dispel the sudden weight in the pit of her stomach. She watched as within the span of a short two seconds he went from slightly frustrated with her stubbornness to angry at her words before settling on a seriously contemplative expression. After a moment, the light in his eyes seemed to dim slightly as sadness and something that looked entirely too much like guilt flitted through his expression before he suddenly turned from her and strode out of the room.

She could have kicked herself for putting that destructive thought in his head. She had just told him that her being here was his fault and she knew that in the moment he believed every word of that. With the thought firmly planted, she wasn't sure she'd be able to pry it out of that thick skull of his.

With a groan of frustration, she contemplated throwing herself back on the bed and staying there for a week, but instead she straightened as much as her stiff body allowed and started toward the door.

x.x.x

A/N: I finally broke the writer's block on my other story, so I've been working on it more frequently. It's almost complete (going to be over 100,000 words, yikes!), after which I'll be able to fully focus on this one again. Until then I'll try to post at least two or three times a week. Should be fully on this again within a week or two, provided the end of that story cooperates as I write it.

Review that made my day: **Beckett NYPD, **Ah, the trouble of keeping everything straight? Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I forget that I didn't write out a thought that I was planning to and then I'm three chapters later before I realize that I left that out and something probably doesn't make sense and I go, 'whoops'.

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

He had expected her to push, but he hadn't been prepared for the extent of the push this time.

She may have been inclined to keep others at a distance, but she was not cruel about it. He had never known her to be so malicious in her single-minded focus of keeping people at a distance. She had always been wary about letting people get close. Even knowing that, he could not reconcile what had just happened with her self-sacrificing nature and her kind heart.

He was left wondering if the words were said because she actually believed he was responsible for her injuries.

He was left wondering if he actually was responsible.

Standing in the hall outside her hospital room, Castle leaned against the wall, letting his head fall backwards as he closed his eyes against the onslaught of guilt. He felt a chill through his veins as it all sank in that he really was to blame for her current state.

He had been responsible for distracting her from her surroundings. He had been responsible for throwing her focus on the men behind her instead of the other activity going on around her. If he had only told her that his security team would be with her until she made it to the precinct, maybe none of this would have happened.

He felt the guilt settle in his gut like a lead weight and wondered how long until he forgave himself for putting her here, inflicting this on her. His stomach churned as he thought about the scars that would mar her body and remind them both of what he had done to her.

By the time the door opened and Beckett walked into the hallway, Castle felt as if he may as well have been driving the car that caused her accident himself. Instead of letting it cause her anymore pain or fester into a pool of awkwardness, his swept the expression off his face.

With a silly grin, Castle bowed and motioned towards the hall that would take them to the elevators, "Your chariot awaits." He intoned in a bad British accent.

He watched a smile tug at the corners of her mouth before her eyes caught his and it fell away. She brushed passed him and followed one of his guards toward the elevator at a slower pace than normal. She had a slight hitch in her step that he was certain had to be from pain.

He cringed internally as he, Beckett, and the two guards loaded in the hospital elevator.

They made good time to the precinct, even with Beckett grumbling about wasting time as they stopped at a drive-thru pharmacy and had her prescriptions filled.

He knew she would probably avoid taking anything for pain, but at least she would have them if needed. The anti-biotic to prevent her wounds from becoming infected. Copious amounts of bandages and ointment would be necessary and she was certain to use those.

Once at the precinct, he followed her as far as the locker room before she was glaring at him and slipping into the women's dressing room where she had a change of clothes in her locker.

He was starting to wonder if he should knock and see if she was ok in there, when the door finally opened and she came out. She was no longer wearing bloody clothes, and had taken the time to tame her hair.

She was wearing a pair of running pants and a t-shirt, but he didn't think to comment on her odd attire when he thought about how difficult it would be to get into a pair of fitted pants.

She looked a lot more relaxed than when they had arrived and even graced his with a miniscule smile, "You keep hanging around outside women's locker rooms and someone is going to start thinking you're a pervert."

Castle accepted the joke for what it was, a sort of peace offering, an indication that she wanted to put everything behind them and move on. There was work to do and nothing else mattered right now.

In that light, he put his most charming grin in place, though he didn't really feel it, "I don't know that the perception would be so far from the truth."

"They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step." She responded as they made their way back to the elevator.

"Who said it was a problem?" he asked in mock innocence.

She chuckled as she stepped into the lift, but the laugh died on her lips along with the false good mood they had built as she wrapped an arm gingerly around herself as if trying to hold her side together from the outside. She must have sustained some kind of rib bruising in the crash.

He caught the glare before he was able to get the words out to ask if she was all right. Instead he changed tactics, "That's not going to be good." He said with mock seriousness, "We're about to walk into the bullpen. Try to avert your eyes from Ryan and Esposito."

That little light she got in her eyes when she teased him was starting to show and he began to think that perhaps they would be just fine. "I doubt they're more funny-looking than you, Castle, and I can control myself around you just fine." She responded.

"I wish you wouldn't." he said, more seriously than he had intended. Before she could respond, the elevator opened and he stepped out.

To distract himself from looking at her expression, which he was certain would contain at least a little frustration with him, he led the two guards toward the break room, where he concentrated on making coffee.

He left the guards there to relax, as there was no real threat to him or Kate in the middle of a crowded police station. She caught his eye on the way back to her desk and gave him a little smile.

It was a shadow of the one he'd like to see on her face, but it was a step in the right direction.

"Thanks," she accepted the coffee and inhaled the scent of it appreciatively before taking a sip, "I just got off the phone with Esposito. He and Ryan are on their way in."

Castle nodded, "They couldn't have gotten more than three hours of sleep." He mused aloud, though he was painfully aware that he was suffering the same sleep deprivation.

"I feel like I didn't get any." She responded with a yawn, unconsciously validating her statement.

Castle was perched on her desk with his back to her, looking at the murder board. At her comment, he turned toward her with his best attempt at a concerned express that he knew wouldn't make a difference in her decision. "You could go home, try to get some sleep." He suggested.

That earned him a pair of raised eyebrows, "Even if I _could_ go home, I don't think I'm in any condition to be cleaning blood off of my couch or bed just so I can relax."

The reminder of her house and the condition it was in had Castle dropping the subject. That only lasted through a couple minutes of Beckett silently reading the reports on the case that she had access to this morning.

"If you get too worn out, there's that new couch in there." He suggested, gesturing towards the break room.

She rolled her eyes at him just as Captain Montgomery walked off the elevator. He made a beeline for Beckett's desk and laid down the law.

She was not allowed in the field, she made him compromise for trips to crime scenes and witness statements.

She was to leave the office at five pm; she had him compromising to seven after which Montgomery would be long gone. Castle was certain she thought she could get away with staying as late as she 'needed' to.

If Montgomery could see that she was tired from his desk across the office and through a glass wall, then he would make her leave, no matter what time it was. She got him to compromise on that by letting her have a 'coffee warning' before kicking her out, or ignoring it completely if the exhaustion was related to her pain medication.

"Understood?" he asked after.

"Perfectly, sir." She responded with a hint of humor in her voice.

Castle knew she thought she had won that round, by the triumphant smile she turned his direction once the captain walked away. Unfortunately, for her, she had an audience for her ground rules and Castle was just as stubborn as she was.

He knew from her glare that the next words out of her mouth were going to be a threat, so he cut her off, "Take your anti-biotic before you finish your coffee. I have to call Alexis." With that, he grinned at her and slipped away for the break room again, knowing that she was fuming about being told what to do.

He heard her grumbling, though he couldn't make out what she was saying. Either way, he was laughing as he stepped through the doorway and heard the sound of her paper bag from the pharmacy crinkling behind him.

x.x.x

Beckett grumbled, because that's what Castle would expect of her, but she was smiling as he walked away.

After what happened at the hospital, she was glad to see that little pep in his step and the teasing side back in place. She knew a lot of it was forced and the smile fell off her face as she thought back to the expression on his face in the hospital room, in the hallway outside her room.

She knew she would have to make time to explain to him that none of this was his fault. He had obviously taken her bitchy ranting to heart and she felt bad for having put him in that mindset.

Despite her attitude, despite her snapping at him, accusing him of something as horrible as she had, despite her constant pushing, he was still here. He was still trying to make her laugh, bringing her coffee, making sure she took care of herself. He was still being playful and fitting back into his role as the laughter in her dark days.

She couldn't help thinking about another part of her night last night. She couldn't help the little flutter as she thought about how tender he had been when he kissed her, how gentle his hand had been against her cheek. As she thought about how he hadn't pressed her to anything she wasn't ready for and let her walk away because he knew that's what she needed. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes and as frightening as the thought was as it popped into her head, it was reassuring.

He knew her faults, her baggage, her insecurities, but he was still here. She knew him as well, and took a moment to think about everything he was, everything he wasn't, and everything she would want him to be.

He was a man-child, juvenile, immature, always touching things he wasn't supposed to, never listening, going where he didn't need to be and sticking his nose in everybody else's business.

He was also sincere, gentle, supportive, compassionate, and protective. He left her alone when she needed space, followed too closely when she needed someone there, and dedicated himself to his friends and family. He put his needs above others on so many occasions that she actually wondered how she believed the playboy image for so long.

As she considered a question that always crept up at some point during every relationship she had ever had, not that she was in a relationship with Castle, she found herself unable to answer it. If she could change something about him, she wouldn't know what to change. Any other relationship, she always had a list.

She knew enough to know that people didn't change, but that was why that question had always been so key in her mind. If there were enough checkmarks in the 'things she would change' list, that's how she knew it was time to get out of the relationship.

Looking at Castle through the window in the break room, she allowed herself to really think about him without all the hang-ups of excuses and fear. He was leaning casually against the counter, taking animatedly with the security guards and a beat cop from downstairs, and she couldn't look away. That smile was entrancing, and she found herself wishing she were in there to hear whatever he said that had the others laughing.

Her phone rang and cut off her thoughts, "Beckett." She answered.

"It's Annie Marks." The woman on the other side informed her, "You said to call if there was anything I thought of, could you meet me?"

"I can't get out of the office right now, perhaps you could come in or we can meet later this afternoon?" she inquired.

The woman agreed and Beckett realized she probably shouldn't be here as she thought about the fact that she hadn't even asked her what she had thought of.

Shrugging it off, Kate made a note about the phone call so she wouldn't forget to follow up.

She returned her gaze to the break room and saw Castle looking out of the room in her direction. She flashed a smile and he returned it. A warm feeling swept through her as her new resolve settled firmly in place. She was going to stop pushing him. She was going to let him in and throw a little caution to the wind.

She heard the elevator ding and looked up to see Ryan stepping off. His exhaustion was clear by the state of his suit. Lately he had been taking extra care with coordinating his suits and looking sharp, something she was certain came from his relationship with Jenny.

Today he looked as if he just rolled out of bed and threw on the first thing he could find.

She turned back to where Castle was still looking her direction from the break room. She held up her cup and then pointed at Ryan as he passed by her desk to drop his coat at his own.

Castle gave her a thumbs up and a grin. After everything this morning, she saw the smile actually light his eyes and she couldn't help but smile back in relief, and perhaps a little something else.

x.x.x

A/N: In honor of a new Castle tonight, I put my other story on the back burner to finish a chapter for this story. We didn't move too far forward here, but there's more to come. How about that episode, huh? Cracked me up. I love this show and that episode was great. Favorite scene (no spoilers): Alexis and the twenty-dollar bill.

Review that made my day: **IcyPanther, **I have fun writing Ryan and Esposito, though I find them a little harder to capture when they're being serious than when they are goofing off. Everyone is being WAY to serious in this fic. . . perhaps I should have listed it under angst, geez where did all this drama come from?

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

By the time Castle was back at Kate's desk with a coffee for Ryan and another for Esposito, who was certain to be walking through the bullpen any minute, Ryan had finished briefing Beckett on the sparse details of the case.

The detective took the coffee gratefully, wrapping his cold fingers around the warm cup and appreciating the fragrance. Castle watched as he was about to take a sip and suddenly stopped, "Did you do something to this?" Ryan asked him with wariness in his tone. He watched Castle with an eagle eye to discern whether he was answering truthfully.

"I made it, if you count that as 'something'." Castle pulled out the indignant expression and tone, but couldn't fight the pride that his days of pulling pranks on the boys had made them as fearful of him as they could make him feel of them at times. "Geez, you're welcome." He added as he made his way to where Beckett was sitting with her leg stretched out nearly straight in front of her, chair turned towards the whiteboard.

Dropping to a crouch, in front of her he looked up as he watched Ryan from the corner of his eye still warily considering the coffee in his hand before finally giving in and taking a sip.

"You alright?" he asked her in a hushed tone.

She gave him a shrug and he noted the irritation around her eyes. He was certain she would lash out at him for asking that question when he knew she was anything but all right. Instead, she sighed. "This case is frustrating me. We have a suspect but we can't find him, to top it off he doesn't seem to have any connection to anyone involved in the case and no motive for killing Cooper."

He was tempted to reach out, comfort her in some way, but he held himself back and simply nodded in reply.

Kate gave him a little grin that he saw was filled with annoyance, "And my leg hurts."

"I'm sorry." He wasn't sure if he was apologizing because he felt responsible or because he just generally felt bad that she was in this situation. He had his opinions on it.

Apparently, Kate did too as she gave him a glare and opened her mouth, but before she could get anything out her phone rang.

"Beckett." He couldn't hear the other side of the call, but as soon as she said, "We'll be right down." He knew where they were headed.

As he stood, he reached out a hand to help her up, though he knew she wouldn't take it. At least, until she did, her small hand fitting into his larger one and for the blink of an eye he was too stunned to move.

She graced him with an eyebrow lift as if asking what the holdup was and the turn of her mouth on one side let him know she was amused at his pause. He gingerly helped her to her feet and was about to step away when she laid her hand on his forearm.

She didn't let go when she turned back to Ryan as if nothing strange was going on at all, "We're going down to see Lanie."

They didn't get more than a nod from the tired detective and suddenly she was facing him again. She slipped her hand into the crook of his arm, "A little help?" she asked.

She sounded shy or nervous, but he was certain it was a trick of the brain associated with his lack of sleep. Of course, she would sound different, she was probably miserable asking anyone for help, especially the person responsible for her needing it. "Certainly." He responded as they started towards the elevators.

Their pace was slower than usual, which gave him a chance to answer Ryan's questioning look with a confused expression that clearly displayed that Castle had no idea why Beckett would ask for help.

She caught their exchange over her shoulder and jabbed him lightly in the ribs, "You almost walked me into a desk." She teased, "Pay attention or I'll get Esposito to help me."

Just as he was about to say that Esposito wasn't even there, the elevator dinged and the man in question stepped off right in front of them.

With brief greetings, they got in the lift, "How do you do that?" he asked her as the doors closed on Esposito approaching Ryan with purpose, he obviously wanted to know what was going on.

If Castle thought, for one minute, that Ryan had the answers the other detective wanted, he would have followed Esposito. He would have dropped Beckett on the floor of the elevator in order to join the two detectives, because there was nothing worse than not understanding something.

There wasn't much that was worse. A haze of confusion was a difficult place for him to be, and as the elevator started down he found the haze darken instead of becoming more clear.

Somehow, helping Beckett walk down to meet with Lanie had morphed into a thoroughly befuddling experience. She hadn't moved her hand from the crook of his arm, though they had walked to the back of the elevator and she was leaning against the metal wall as it descended. Instead of let go as he would have expected, she began to move her fingers in a little figure eight pattern on the sleeve of his jacket.

When the elevator signaled they had arrived, he reached his free hand over and laid it over her fingers as they walked out. He was certain it looked like an intimate gesture, walking arm in arm, his hand lightly covering hers, but it was anything but.

He had covered her hand, because she needed to stop touching him. He was having trouble separating things adequately in his mind. He was usually so good at knowing her motives, her next move, her thought process or her thoughts in general.

She wasn't messing with him, he was almost sure of that. She wasn't trying to hit on him, he was definitely sure of that one. That meant that this must be her reaction to asking for his help, something she found difficult. It explained the way she had looked at him, spoken to him, and even that movement as she stroked his arm in the elevator. She was either nervous or agitated with having to ask for help.

He may have figured out the why, given it a name and purpose, but that didn't dispel the reaction she elicited from him. He couldn't let her keep touching him like that. He was on the verge of losing his grasp on logic and objectivity. If he didn't stop her nervous gesture, he was certain to screw up whatever in her had trusted him enough to ask for his help in the first place.

By the time they arrived at the morgue, Castle was a wreck. He was trying his hardest to control himself, puzzle out Beckett's shifting moods, and generally walk a straight line after she had asked him to stop a moment in the hallway.

She had reached down to rub gently at a spot on her leg, obviously being careful of the injury, but probably experiencing discomfort from the wound or the bandage. He took the opportunity to casually step away from her for distance. It wasn't that far to the morgue now, and she would be fine by herself.

That plan didn't last long when she straightened again she simply said, "Ok, ready." She didn't move as she looked at him expectantly. Finally, she held her hand out in Castle's direction, signaling what she was waiting for.

He swore he was probably looking at her as if she had grown a second head, but he bowed dramatically before straightening up and holding his arm out to her.

She laughed, not a laugh he normally heard from her. It put him on edge. He hated to use the word, because she would probably kill him just for thinking it. If, under penalty of death, he had to give that laugh a name, he was certain that had been a giggle.

As they walked through the doors to the morgue, he asked, "Did you take your pain killers?" It came out sounding like a joke and an accusation all at once.

She looked at him and then turned back to nod a greeting to Lanie, "No, just the antibiotic." She responded absently and then looked back at him strangely, "I'm not sure I want to know, but why?"

"Because," Castle grinned at her and decided to face the certain death that was his destiny, "You do realize that you just giggled."

"You do realize that you have no proof of that." She responded with a gentle squeeze of his forearm that he didn't realize was a silent parting until she was slowly making her way over to stand near the medical examiner.

"You do realize that I'm a witness, I was right there." He said, feeling the loss of her touch immediately and making his way over to stand next to where she was leaning against a vacant exam table.

"You do realize that if you say one word about what you thought you heard you'll be served with a lawsuit for libel faster than you can say apples."

"Its slander, libel is written."

"You lose Castle."

"Oh, and I could have said, 'you do realize' in front of that correction, too." He pouted juvenilely.

"I knew tossing the wrong word out there would throw you off."

"That's pure evil, Detective." He winked at her, "I like it."

Lanie was giving them both a look as if they were crazy when Beckett finally broke the eye contact and turned her attention to her friend, "What's up, Lanie?"

It was a moment of Lanie Parish examining them as closely as she did the corpses that crossed her exam table, before she gave Beckett a look that Castle knew entirely too well. It was the 'you win for now, but I'll get you later' expression that he always dreaded seeing on people's faces.

This time it wasn't directed at him, however, so he felt a smirk cross his lips before she turned the glare on him.

In a flash, the expression was gone and she was back to business. "He had a blood alcohol that was below the legal limit. Stomach contents revealed it was wine and he probably had it with his last meal or directly after. He ate well that last time at least." She said and then listed various foods in the man's stomach including Lobster, sturgeon, bacon, fennel, cabbage and hints of radishes.

"The Russian Tea Room." Castle interjected and the twin looks from the two women he expounded, "Sounds like the lobster salad and house smoked sturgeon." He expounded.

"We'll check it out." Beckett told him and asked Lanie, "Got anything else?"

"Remember how I said there was damage to his wrist indicating there was possibly a robbery component involved?" She didn't wait for a response, "Looks like this was inflicted either during the struggle or directly postmortem."

The M.E. gingerly lifted the man's arm so they could get a closer look at the damage. The discoloration of the injury showed a crisscrossed pattern, barely visible on the inside of the man's wrist and part of his palm.

"They stepped on him." Castle remarked suddenly, causing Beckett to lean in closer to the injury and Lanie to smile at him appreciatively.

"Exactly." Dr. Parish responded. "I already called Javier, when you two took so long to get down here. He's checking with CSU on footprints at or near the crime scene that we can match to this pattern."

He watched Beckett let the information about Esposito slip by as Lanie had done for them when they came through the doors, but she apparently wasn't going to let go that Lanie had just called her slow. "Excuse me for recently being injured in the line of duty and moving just a little slower than usual."

Lanie laughed, and Castle realized the two women must banter like this a lot when he wasn't around. He had actually thought Kate sounded ticked off, but Lanie interpreted the tone differently. "I don't know, Esposito said you two left the bullpen hanging all over each other, so I thought you might have slipped off for a quickie."

"Esposito shouldn't convict without all the facts in evidence." Castle cut in, earning himself a look from both women as if he had interrupted their flow.

With a sigh, Kate returned her attention to Lanie, "I needed his help." She explained to her friend and Castle was surprised that he didn't hear irritation in her voice, "I need yours, too."

Lanie ignored Beckett for a moment to address Castle, "What did you do to my girl?" He felt a stab of guilt and knew by the expression from Beckett that she had seen it. "You switch out her prescriptions for something psychotropic?"

Castle heard the humor in her voice and knew she hadn't intentionally implied this was his fault, but it was still so fresh a perspective that he couldn't stop the rolling guilt. As Beckett continued to look at him, he fought hard to break his gaze off hers. She didn't need to worry about him now; she needed to focus on herself.

"Actually," Kate cut in, addressing Lanie, but not taking her eyes off Castle's, "Someone told me that asking for help when you need it isn't a sign of weakness." She shifted her eyes to the M.E.

Lanie was considering the two of them with an expression that was an odd mix of her pleasure in someone finally getting that information across to the supremely stubborn woman standing in front of her and disappointment that Beckett and Castle's new close proximity wasn't more than that. "Someone, huh?" she said, knowingly.

"Yeah." Beckett responded, "And I got the impression that not asking for help when you need it is actually the true sign of weakness." She caught Castle's eyes again and he gave her a tiny smile for reassurance. Turning back to Lanie, she added with mock frustration, "So, are you going to help me or not?"

"Girl, of course. You don't have to ask me twice."

"What? You mean twice more, on top of the two times already?" Castle was certain that would warrant a 'shut your mouth' from Lanie, but Beckett cut her off by pulling a paper bag from her purse. "I need my bandages checked, maybe changed and some of that cream put on."

Lanie's smile grew teasing, "Why don't you get writer boy to help you?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow. "I'm sure he'd be more than willing to help you take off and rub in anything you'd like."

Kate rolled her eyes at her friend, but Castle saw the hint of a blush across her cheeks, she was full of surprises this morning. "I think he saw quite enough last night."

Castle almost ruined her subtle misdirection by bursting out laughing at her reference to him walking in on her in the hospital room. He managed to get control of himself a moment before Lanie switched her shocked face from Beckett to glare at him. "I think that's my cue to go wait in the hall."

"Wait." Beckett called after him, "One last thing before you go." She gestured between herself and the empty exam table next to her. He understood her intentions, even if he wasn't completely comfortable with them.

With a brief nod, he moved back over to stand in front of her and steeled himself for what was to come as she placed her hands on his shoulders, waiting for him to move.

He positioned his hands on her hips and couldn't help but notice how very much this felt like an embrace. How quickly he was taken back to the night before, a night that seemed so long in the past, as his hands tightened around her waist and he helped her onto the table.

"Thanks." She said with a hint of a self-conscious smile.

He would have said something, but he was worried he might try to repeat the previous night. The worst thing he could do when she was asking for his help would be to kiss her right there in front of Lanie, not to mention the dead bodies in the room.

Instead, he turned and walked away without a word.

He didn't stop until he was out of the room and down the hall, leaning against the wall breathing air that didn't seem so charged and trying to figure out what the hell was going on today.

x.x.x

A/N: I started writing again Sept 26, 2010 after 10 years away from it. Today I broke a major milestone. 250,000 words in three and a half months. From someone who always thought 50,000 words in November was a crazy idea I am completely shocked. At this rate, by the time I make it a year I'll be near a million. Geez, now I feel pressured.

Review that made my day: **BeautyOfTheDark-KLM, **I love it when people notice things I never intended to write and when I go back and read the chapters and I'm like, hey, that really was a pretty good correlation. :) Thanks for that, and the positive words are inspiring.

Thanks to everyone for reading.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

Beckett situated herself more comfortably on the table, putting most of her weight on her uninjured leg. She fought the flush of heat that rolled through her at the thought of Castle's hands gripping firmly around her waist and lifting her onto the exam table. If not for the pain in her leg that she probably should take something for, she probably would have actually followed through with her temptation.

Despite the fact that Lanie was in the room with them, she had felt her eyes lock with Castle's as he lifted her and the world floated away to be replaced with a single-minded desire to pull him closer to her.

The fact that they were standing in the morgue should have dissuaded the impulse before it formed, but something about his eyes looking at her with blatant concern overshadowing an underlying heat had the world falling away for a few brief moments.

She felt the loss of him moving away snap her back into the here and now. Once he had walked out of the room quickly without a word she was left wondering if she had correctly interpreted what had been playing through his eyes.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Kate closed her eyes and counted backwards from five in her head. Just as she got to one, as predicted, Lanie started talking.

"Ok, girl, you have some serious explaining to do here." Lanie admonished as she readied the supplies she would need.

Holding up a finger to stop her friend, Kate pulled out her phone and hit the speed dial. After a moment, the line was answered. "Hey, Castle, can you go up and grab the bottle of pain killers off my desk?"

A moment of silence met her request. After the pause, she heard him simply reply, "Sure." before he promptly hung up the phone and left her staring at it for a moment, not sure what had prompted his newfound abruptness.

"So, I get that you're not in a mood to talk to your 'best friend' about whatever is going on," Lanie said as she prepped the supplies. "So I guess just show me what you need me to do."

"You're whining." Kate pointed out, "Besides, I really need to talk to someone, so stop pouting and help me with my pants."

She watched as Lanie's face lit up, but reserved further comment while she adjusted herself on the table and they started pulling the snaps open that ran the entire length of her left pant leg. "I am so thankful for these tear away basketball pants."

Her friend agreed, but her tone was professional as Kate shifted to lie on the table face first. Beckett folded her arms under her head as a temporary pillow and allowed Lanie to finish pulling the snaps open.

As Lanie tended to Kate's injuries, Beckett filled her friend in on the previous night. It was odd to lie in the morgue and talk to Lanie without actually being able to see the other woman. It was especially disconcerting when Lanie remained silently working, instead of injecting her opinions or interpretations.

Kate provided the details if events from the moment she drove away from Castle's house, the hospital, what he told her, what she accused him of, and deciding to stop trying to push him away so much.

"All done." Lanie told her and Beckett rolled onto her back, but didn't sit up. The look on her friend's face told her that she knew Kate was holding something back.

"Before I left Castle's place last night, he kissed me." Kate finally told her friend now that she could see her reaction, because there was only one time she was going to be able to share this news with her friend who had been pushing her toward the writer for a long time.

Lanie considered her friend, brows pushed together as a serious expression won out over the cocky 'I told you so' smile she had expected to see. "I wondered why that boy looked so on edge."

"Lanie," Beckett warned. "I need my best friend to give me advice, not reprimand me for something I know was stupid."

Dr. Parish narrowed her eyes at Kate, hands on her hips, looking entirely more menacing than her size would suggest, "You think kissing him was a mistake?" she asked.

Kate shook her head, "Not that." She responded, "Basically telling Castle that it was his fault that I got hurt."

"Yeah, you know he's a softy, that's going to stick for a while."

Kate groaned in frustration, "Yeah." was all she could seem to say. It was true, but there was no taking it back, only moving forward.

Kate felt Lanie buttoning her pants, but slipped her hands under her head and lay there with her eyes closed trying to work out her next move.

x.x.x

Castle stopped in the doorway, the sight in front of him cut off his forward momentum.

Even though he knew the reason for Lanie to be standing over Kate in the morgue, it didn't seem to keep his heart from racing. Seeing her lie there, so still, eyes closed, brought him back to the fears that had swamped him in the past couple of days. The sudden thought of her lying here much the same as now, with a Y-incision, eyes wide, but unseeing had been all too close to a reality for him not to draw a correlation now.

He swallowed and shook the thoughts out of his head.

He was about to start moving, as soon as his legs listened, when Beckett lifted her head to look at him with a raised eyebrow. "You going to stand there all day, or can I have one of those?"

Lanie moved away to grab a glass of water as Castle chuckled self-consciously and walked over to hand her the bottle of pills. Instead of grabbing the bottle, her hand wrapped around his forearm and she used him to help herself up.

He watched her wince once she was sitting up and then she shifted to put most of her weight on her right side. "You alright?"

Kate laughed, and he was surprised that he didn't detect the usual sarcasm in the sound, "That's not really an option, but I'm learning how to move without pulling on the stitches. I'm supposed to avoid putting pressure on them though, so I'll be sitting all the way forward or to the side for a while."

As she spoke he watched her accept the glass of water from Lanie with a nod, take one of the pills out and snap the tablet in half before downing one half and putting the other half back in the bottle.

"Uh, wasn't the prescription for two?"

Kate gave him a sardonic smile, "It says 'as needed' and what I need is to not be doped up so I can focus."

"No," he replied, feeling as if she was being unreasonable. "What you need is to feel better and stop being so damn stubborn." The words came out of his mouth without the humor he had been intending to inflect them with.

Lanie let out a whistle at his tone, "I can leave you two alone if you want to have this fight in private." She offered with a sly grin.

"We have to get back to work." Beckett said, not to either, but more likely in reference to both of them.

He was about to step away when her hand shot out to pull him close to her. For a moment, he stood in front of her knees until they parted and she placed her hands on his shoulder, pulling him closer and then looking at him with a question in her eyes.

He swallowed the thoughts that sprang to mind of this particular position and what he would feel if he took a tiny step forward. Steeling himself against the moment, he reached out and held her around the waist as she scooted and moved off the exam table.

He lowered her gently to the ground, but as he was about to move away, she held him firmly and rose up to press a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks, Castle."

Before he could respond, she pulled away, looped her arm through his again and started for the door. "You, too, Lanie. I appreciate it."

"Anytime," the ME responded to the empty morgue a moment later when the ability to speak finally returned.

x.x.x

"We got a hit on the APB." Ryan said, approaching them as she and Castle stepped out of the elevator.

Esposito took over, as he held the elevator door open. "We're heading to a soup kitchen on the Upper West Side."

Beckett took a step back towards the elevator, but the still throbbing pain in her leg reminded her that not only would she be in the way, she was actually prohibited from going to pick up the suspect. "Let me know what you find." She told them and didn't miss the knowing expressions they exchanged as she and Castle started back to the bullpen.

Once she was settled on the edge of her chair, Castle headed off to make her a coffee and she felt her eyes scanning the murder board. Hopefully, the boys would be back soon with David Palmer. Hopefully, the violent and mentally unstable man could shine some light on what had happened to Charles Cooper.

She wondered briefly if there was any logic to the killing or if this was going to prove to be some random senseless act of violence. She hated those cases more than anything.

Castle gave her a goofy smile as he placed her coffee on the desk next to her.

"What, Castle?" she asked incredulous, wondering if Detective Ryan had the right idea to suspect the writer was up to something with the coffee.

"I'm just hoping that this pans out. Maybe we can get some answers." She heard the familiar sound of irritation creep back into his voice and couldn't help returning his smile.

"There's something about a case not making sense, pieces not falling together, that always puts me on edge." She responded as he turned from her and leaned back against her desk to follow her gaze to the whiteboard.

She shifted her focus to take in the tense set of his jaw as he put his hands against the desk to prop himself up. She watched the knuckles on his hand pale as he gripped the edge tightly, his frustration clearly radiating off him, "If this turns out to be some senseless act of a deranged man, I don't think I can take it."

"Aren't you the one that always says there's a story?" she quipped, hoping to pull him back to the joviality of a moment ago.

He sighed and glanced over his shoulder, briefly meeting her eyes before he turned back to the board, "Yeah, but the pieces just don't seem to fit."

She tentatively reached out and covered his hand, felt it relax under her touch and then drew away again, "We're just missing the corners. Once we get those in place everything will come together." She hoped the jigsaw puzzle analogy was out there enough to shift his focus.

"Hmm." He replied, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. "Since we can't find a connection, it appears the attack on Cooper may have been a random violent outburst." He theorized quietly.

She sighed, this was going to be harder than she thought, "As sad as that is, Castle, sometimes the answer really is about being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"But if it was just a mental break of some sort," he began, and she could practically see the wheels turning in his head as he stared blankly at the murder board, though she was certain he wasn't actually seeing anything on it. "Why would he come after you? Why would he threaten Alexis or me, for that matter? Why trash your apartment and run you off the road?"

She felt her eyes narrow, and she turned back to the board. Killing Charles Cooper in the park, if an outburst of a mentally volatile individual, was a crime of opportunity. It didn't fit with the premeditation of the destruction of her apartment, the threat left on a car for Alexis, or her being run off the road.

For the second time in the few minutes she had been back upstairs, she hoped that they could get some answers from David Palmer, something that made everything make sense because right now, nothing did.

"This is so irritating!" he finally snapped as he hopped off the desk and yanked something off the board.

When he spun to face her, she saw that it was a copy of the note left for Alexis. Castle slammed it on the desk in front of her and pointed to the final line.

"'You're daughter'," he read, accentuating the first word. "This should be your, because you wouldn't say 'you are daughter', it's just ridiculous."

Kate smiled into her coffee as she took a sip and savored the rant on the common misuse of the words. She was glad that, even with everything that was going on around them, he wasn't going to turn into some other person. He was still hypercritical of speech, grammar, words and writing. He was still Castle.

x.x.x

A/N: I'm going to say Thanks for reading now, because my author's note is going to be long as I address a plot point that seems to be causing confusion. Special thanks to GhostWriterLost for pointing out that there was something I wasn't clear about causing an air of implausibility surrounding Beckett's injuries and her ability to leave the hospital. So, if you are not wondering about that, feel free to skip this, as it is my longest author's note ever.

While I would agree that the number of stitches indicated a large surface area of injury and a high volume of blood loss in a situation with knife wounds or another straight edged cutting mechanism, Beckett's injuries were a result of flesh ripping around jagged metal, which resulted in irregularly shaped wounds.

Here's my point of reference: My nephew cut his hand open with wire cutters once. It left a 1 inch long, deep V in his hand. His 2 inches of wound required only 4 stitches. However, my niece once smashed her finger between rocks. The irregular wound caused by that was harder to close and resulted in twelve stitches on the pad of her finger, which was a little over half an inch at the time.

Here is a breakdown of Beckett's injuries and a clearer indication of why she is out of the hospital and back at work (other than the fact that she's stubborn as all heck). First, remember that a clean cut will yield fewer stitches than a jagged wound for the simple fact that it is easier to close a straight line. I am a tad OCD, so I built an Excel spreadsheet to detail the wounds before I ever decided on the amount of stitches and actually erred on the side of less than the original estimate, because I wanted her to be able to retain most of her range of motion afterwards.

She had a few clean cuts, along her head and her hip; these would take fewer stitches at about 4 per inch, 23 Total between the two wounds.

She had multiple irregular wounds to her shoulder, arm, and mostly her leg. I used 8-12 stitches per inch for those wounds, depending on how I pictured them in my head. Here's the break down on the other wounds. Less than 4 inch gash on shoulder, little over 2 inch on her upper arm, 2 dominant wounds on the leg one 6 and a half inches, the other a little over 8 inches. Some of the wounds required 2 layers of stitches (arm and 6.5 inch leg wound) the other leg wound required 3 layers of stitches. In addition to those, there were several smaller tears off the main wounds and a couple of gashes a little over an inch. All in all none of her injuries were terribly severe. While painful, she would in all likelihood (at least the way I pictured the wounds in my head) be just fine getting around and gritting her teeth in true Beckett fashion.

I hope that helps clear things up and feel free to let me know if I ever do anything else so vague as to cause confusion or bring you out of the story. I really just wanted to avoid spending an extra 500-1000 words talking about her injuries, but in the future I will make the time to prevent disbelief, as that can be such a bummer when reading something and totally takes me out of the story, so I know how you all must feel.

Review that made my day, **GhostWriterLost**, obviously for pointing out the above and helping me clear the air here.

Thanks again for reading, if in fact you still are. I have a 3-day weekend, so might be able to get another chapter out tomorrow, but I'm nearing the last 2-3 chapters of my other story. My readers are all freaking out because they thought I killed off a lead and now he's in surgery and they don't know if he'll make it, so yeah, might have to just finish that one over the next few days.


	25. Chapter 25

Sorry, repost to correct all (some) of the 'I was falling asleep writing/editing this' errors I missed at the end.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Castle's phone rang with Alexis' familiar ringtone and he fished it out of his pocket. "Hey, Pumpkin. Everything ok?"

She cut him off by asking for Kate and with a confused expression on his face that Beckett soon matched, he passed the detective his phone.

"Beckett." She answered, obviously as confused as he was. He couldn't make out what was being said on the other side and found himself frustrated with himself for not upping the volume before he passed it over. "No, not yet." Perhaps Alexis was asking about the case, but then she should have been able to ask him. "I'm actually not sure if I'm doing better or worse. I guess, sleeping was nice, being awake hurts a little more."

"I suppose." She said before falling silent again. "No, that's not necessary." Another silence, during which he saw the hint of a smile turn to a full-fledged grin, "No, really, it's fine, I think it would be good, actually."

After a few more moments, Kate told her, "I'll send you mine, then you don't have to worry about your dad and I being together." Kate frowned, and then smirked, "Do you want to talk to your dad?" she asked and he reached out his hand for the phone, knowing the answer.

There was the obligatory exchange of good byes and then his phone was back in his hands, but Alexis had hung up. That was strange. Even stranger was when Kate took the phone back from him and started scrolling through his contact list. After entering Alexis' number on her own phone, she passed his back and started tapping out a text so Alexis would have a direct line to her if Castle ever wasn't around to pass her the phone.

He pouted, "What was that about?" he asked in mock dejection, though secretly it was an interesting turn of events to have Alexis and Kate talking behind his back and he wasn't sure he even wanted to know for that matter.

She simply smiled up at him from her chair, "It's nothing to worry about."

"Oh, come on." He said and then a thought struck him, "she didn't want dating advise or something did she? Sex questions? Alcohol? Is she smoking?"

Kate laughed at his abrupt downward spiral, "You really need to lay off whatever you're on, she's a good kid and she's definitely not running around town smoking and drinking."

Castle felt his eyes widen as he took in the serious expression on her face while she looked back to the murder board. "You didn't say anything about sex?"

She was obviously trying to mask a smile now, he was on to her, but how far would she make him go, how long would she make him suffer if he weren't so adept at interpreting her expressions. "Castle," she said seriously, and he was surprised she was ending it so quickly, not even dragging out the torture for one more taunt, "She hasn't said a word to me about sex."

He breathed a sigh of relief as he tried to focus back on the case.

"Although, when I was about her age," Kate started and Castle instantly threw his hands up to cover his ears as he shot a glare at her. She just shrugged at him.

When he thought it was safe to uncover his ears she said, "I thought you liked me and sex in the same sentence."

Castle smirked devilishly as he leaned dangerously far into her space, "If you're by yourself it's not called 'sex' anymore."

She actually winked at him and he was just shocked enough to stop moving forward. "I think I know that, Castle, I've been alone most of my life." When she spoke, her tone a seductive whisper, he took a step back to allow himself some distance to regain his composure.

He was going to blame her sudden teasing mood on the painkiller she took earlier, and as such, he was tempted to encourage her to remember those pills when it was time for another one.

He tried for casual and teasing, but his "Really?" came out with an odd little squeak he hadn't heard from himself since puberty.

Kate rolled her eyes at him, but the hint of a smile on her lips softened the gesture, "You'll never know."

He was going to say something really witty and intelligent, he was certain of it, as soon as his mind wasn't completely blank. Instead, her phone rang.

"Beckett," he watched he humor fall of her face, replaced with frustration. "Ok, stop and grab some lunch on the way back." She told, who he was assuming was, either Ryan or Esposito and after a short pause glanced up at him with a hint of that humor back in her expression. "Yes, Castle's buying."

He gave her a look of mock indignation, but he didn't mind her offering him to buy lunch, he had offered plenty of times and she just said 'no', so this was a nice change of pace.

"They didn't get him." She summarized for him as she hung up the phone.

Castle braced his hands on the desk and leaned towards her, "Back to the important conversation from before." He began.

"No." she told him with a classic glare, "That conversation is over."

Castle moved to his chair and dropped down into it with a frustrated sigh, "Come on, Beckett." He whined playfully, "Why won't you tell me what Alexis wanted?"

Kate drained her coffee and placed the cup back on the desk, sliding it towards him as a hint, "She wanted us to bring home dinner."

He felt a thrumming through him at the ease with which she made the statement. This time he was able to keep the casual tone he had attempted earlier, "Joining us for dinner again?"

Beckett glared at him and pushed her empty mug closer to him, "Not if I'm sleeping because I didn't get enough caffeine to battle off the cathartic effects of that codeine."

He had the mug in his hands before she finished her sentence.

x.x.x

Ryan and Esposito strode into the bullpen a short while later. Ryan was carrying a plastic sack with Chinese food take-out containers, while Esposito was carrying what looked to be his jacket, though it was splotchy with dirt and mud.

"Whoa." Castle spoke, unable to stop the chuckle as he noticed the splotchy brown that marred the detective's formerly white dress shirt as well, "What happened to you?"

"I don't want to take about it." He grumbled, throwing is jacket on the ground by his workspace and grabbing his chair to wheel over to Beckett's desk where his partner had started laying out the food.

"He got pushed down by an old man." Ryan told them with a smirk.

"He came at me from my blind spot." Esposito defended. "Those homeless guys really stick together."

"Yeah," Ryan interjected, "If it weren't for all the other patrons of the soup kitchen, we would have caught that guy. He weaseled his way out through some chaos inside."

"Ryan got swarmed in the main room, but I was able to get out in time to see Palmer round a corner. Before I could take off after him I was tackled."

"By a seventy-year-old man." Ryan interrupted.

"He wasn't seventy." Esposito argued back as they all settled with their food.

"Ok," Ryan conceded, before turning to Castle and stage whispering, "He was seventy-five, then."

Esposito scoffed, "Whatever age the guy was, he hit me from behind, he weigh two-fifty, easy, and he smelled like a cross between a wet dog and a high school locker room after a football game."

"So, his smell played a factor in him taking you out?" Castle asked with mock innocence in his voice.

"Shut up, Castle." Esposito glared at him and then between Ryan and Beckett when they laughed, "I know what happened, I don't need you guys to back me up or anything, like my partner should have been doing."

Detective Ryan scoffed at that, "Oh, really? You think you had it bad out in the puddle with 'Old Stinky'?" he shuddered, "I was getting felt up by the bag lady from Central Park, the one that plays with the pigeons. You may be filthy, but I definitely need a shower."

They were all still laughing and joking when Annie Marks stepped up behind Castle, "I hope I'm not interrupting, I just, you said if there was anything else I thought of and this morning you said to come in after noon and it's after one now, so," the woman's words seemed rushed and strained as she trailed off.

"It's fine, Miss Marks." Beckett responded. Castle watched her make a move to stand and then think better of it. To cover for the moment, he rose out of his own chair and offered it to the woman.

"Thanks." She responded with a small smile in his direction. The young woman hung her head for a moment, fidgeting with her purse in her lap.

"Do you want to go somewhere a little more private?" Beckett asked, and Annie's gaze shifted slowly around the room as if just registering that she was in the middle of a crowded police station.

The woman shook her head, "No, this is fine." She responded and then heaved a sigh full of so much more than the air from her lungs, "I have been provided the opportunity to re-examine a few things. I know I was living in a little fairy tale bubble of hero worship as it concerned Mr. Cooper, but deep down I know it was irrational to think that he was infallible. Especially considering the evidence against the man's character."

Castle offered her one of the take-out boxes and she gave him another smile, he was making progress and actually getting good at lifting the dark haze that seemed to surround people in these situations. He knew a bit of normalcy could go a long way. He almost scoffed at himself, there was nothing normal about sitting around a police station, eating Chinese food, at least not for the likes of Annie Marks.

Beckett gave the girl a smile, she hadn't touched her food since she first noticed Annie standing behind Castle. He knew she was wishing the 'friend' of their victim didn't have to witness them sitting around cracking jokes about having lost the prime suspect.

"I," Annie began, before she drew in a long deep breath and seemed more able to talk, "I remembered a few things from the past week that I had brushed off." Kate nodded, but didn't speak as Annie continued, "I told you about his fight with his wife, but I was at work today and I remembered that last week he almost came to blows with Chad Ferguson." She started to explain Chad's status as being in line behind Cooper on the fast track to partnership.

Annie mentioned that the senior partner, Harold Mason, had told Cooper three days prior to his death that if he lost another one, he'd be out the door quicker than he could spit. They talked about a few other points, attempting to jog her memory further, but unsuccessfully.

When she didn't seem to have anything further to add, Castle offered to walk her to her car. It wasn't a bad neighborhood, by any stretch of the imagination, they were right near a police station with constant 'to serve and protect' workers in and out all day, but it was still New York, and she still reminded him of Alexis. Walking alone in New York at any time of day could prove hazordous to a person's health.

With his security in tow, they headed down the lift with her and walked her to her vehicle just down the block. Before climbing into the car, she stood on tiptoes and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Rick, for not making me feel like a moron about all this, there's no facts and here I am making up stories in my head."

"Do you write?" he asked politely making conversation as she pissed off car after car that was hoping she'd move so that he could park in her spot.

She simply smiled at him with a watery expression building from the almost tears, and then shook her head.

"Sometimes it helps." he provided with a shrug.

She shrugged along with him, "I appreciate the escort." With that, she closed the door and drove away.

He briefly wondered why he hadn't had the same sense of urgency and desire that he had for Beckett the previous night. He had the sudden thought that maybe he never would, wether they would ever act on that pull again or not. It was odd that other women didn't hold his attention any longer. Odd and refreshing.

x.x.x

A/N: Wow, I've never had so many people on alert waiting for me to update before. I only have a couple more chapters on my first story but I'm making time for this one, because you all want to know what happens next. Warning: I may be of the grid for a while without word. My laptop has been crashing like crazy and the charging port only works sometimes, when it feels like it. If I lose my laptop, I'm back to updates 1 or 2 times a week for a few weeks until I can afford to replace it. If that happens, sorry in advance.

Thanks for reading.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

When Castle came back into the bullpen, Beckett was sitting alone at her desk with a quirky half smile on her face, tapping out a text message on her phone. By the time he reached her desk, before he could snoop on her message, she had finished and slipped her phone back in her pocket.

"Esposito went to change before we head down to Cooper's. Harold Mason's alibi is solid, but Ferguson is alibied by a couple of college buddies who were having a drunken night in at one of their houses, so it's pretty soft." She told him just as his phone rang.

"Mason has enough money to hire somebody." Castle pointed out as he pulled his phone out. It was Alexis calling again. "Hey pumpkin, did you call to talk to me or Beckett?" he asked by way of greeting.

"I already talked to Kate." His daughter told him, but interrupted before he could ask about that, "Since I can't go anywhere, can a friend stay over tonight?"

Castle thought about everything that was going on and while he wanted to keep her safe, another teenage girl roaming around the house probably wouldn't be a threat. He did have hopes for convincing Beckett to take him up on the guest bedroom after dinner, since going back to the precinct had been such a mess the night before, but perhaps she would feel more comfortable with an extra girl in the house. On the other hand, maybe it would just be awkward in general to socialize with a girl she didn't know or make idle chit chat.

Apparently, he had spent too much time silently pondering, because before he answered Alexis was speaking again, "I know it's a pain, but I really wanted to go out this weekend and since I can't do that I was hoping that a girls night would make up for that a little."

"Yeah, honey." He told her, knowing he had he ever been able to deny her a simple request when she was so well behaved and rarely asked for much. He was locking her away in the apartment like a princess in a fairy tale and she had to be going stir crazy. "That's fine, but I want you to make sure your friend understands there will be no late night ice cream runs or trips to the diner." He told her, remembering the precedents they had set on some of her previous slumber parties for venturing out late after a movie marathon for the perfect snack to cap off the evening.

"I know. Thanks Dad." She said with a lilt in her voice before her tone changed to suddenly serious, "But," she began and he knew that warning tone, "you need to let us have our space if we ask for it and not do that weird hovering thing you like to do."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said in mock innocence.

He could practically see his daughter's little smirk, "Right." She said sarcastically. "I'm serious." She told him, "Promise."

"I promise. When you want to run off upstairs and braid each other's hair talking about how cute your boyfriend is, I will stay downstairs and let you have your girl time." He really didn't mind the promise, because if things played out, he'd have Beckett to keep him company and a little time relaxing quietly would probably benefit them both greatly.

"Thanks." Alexis added, "Just three for dinner tonight, though."

"She's not having dinner with us?" It was unusual for one of her friends to come stay the night and not be there early enough to eat, but not unheard of, "Well, just make sure the cupboard is stocked with all the goodies in case she gets hungry later and let me know if there's anything we need to pick up on our way home." That phrase felt good rolling off his tongue so easily and he knew he had a silly smile on his face at the word we and home in the same sentence.

Even if there wasn't a 'we' as it concerned him and Beckett, he was beginning to wonder if she was softening to him a little and perhaps there was actually a shot at one.

"I already checked. We're all set, and there's even enough ice cream sundae confections to make a malt shop weep thanks to the trip to the store last night." He could hear her smile through the phone.

One of their favorite past times, was staying up late on the weekend and making ridiculous combinations of ice cream and toppings. "Whipped cream?" he asked.

Alexis laughed, "Is there ever a time when we don't have whipped cream in the house?"

"Good point." She smiled, "See you in a few hours."

x.x.x

Beckett smiled at the exchange. She couldn't hear what Alexis was saying to Castle, but he always looked so happy and relaxed when he was talking to her. That smile, the real and heartfelt one, always put a smile on her face. The man-child was actually really sweet when it concerned his daughter and despite outward appearances had done a fantastic job raising her.

She supposed it had helped the girl's confidence to know that he was always there when she needed him. Not for the first time since they had begun working together, she felt a little bad for all the time he spent down at the precinct with her. The nights he stayed late because the mystery wasn't cooperating, there was a new development, or just because he knew, she wouldn't take a moment to herself to eat or rest if someone wasn't pushing her to it.

She felt bad for all that lost time, responsible in some way.

She let Castle help her as they made their way down to the car. One of the security men went with Ryan and Esposito in the car behind hers and the other rode with her. Castle was driving, because she wasn't supposed to on her medication and somehow they made it to the law office of Mason and Associates in one piece.

Harold Mason was just as standoffish as he had been during their initial interview. Aside from scoffing at the mere implication that his conversation with Cooper had any relevance to the man's death, he didn't have much to say.

"Cooper was a bad investment for the firm. He was on his last leg and I was simply telling him that." Mason told them. "If he lost his next case then he would have been out a job. I can't have someone in here bringing down our win/loss ratio quite so much. Charles Cooper was a brilliant man and a fabulous attorney, but I suspect he should have stuck to personal claims and left the criminal law to us."

Beckett's leg was sore as they left Mason's office. She was not reaching out for help, not since they had arrived on the scene. Despite the pain and awkwardness of her slowed mobility, she couldn't bring herself to show any outward signs of dependence on another to get around.

By the time they had arrived at Chad Ferguson's office, she felt the need for another half a pain pill. She squashed the urge as she moved through the interview. "Mr. Ferguson, we heard that you and Cooper had an argument last week, would you care to fill us in on what you were fighting about?" she asked once they were settled in the man's office.

Ferguson scoffed, "I don't see how this is relevant." He told them with an eye roll. "The man was a selfish inconsiderate jerk who wasn't even good at his job. Not as good as some people who were passed over for promotion."

"People like you?" Castle asked.

Ferguson nodded, "Yeah, but I didn't kill him if that's what you're trying to imply here."

Beckett tried for a reassuring smile, "You know how this works. If we don't follow all leads then a defense attorney, like yourself, can convince a jury that someone else could have done it. Someone else had a motive to kill him."

Ferguson shook his head, "Whatever, I didn't have a motive. Yeah, I didn't like the guy, he was a jerk and a cocky one at that, but I didn't have any reason to kill him. I knew he would be gone soon and I'd be first in line after I won my next case."

"What were you fighting about?" Beckett reiterated, though she hated to repeat herself.

"He pilfered one of my clients." Ferguson started. "It wasn't going to be a slam dunk for me, too, but somehow with all the shifting of files and change in council, my guy ended up thinking he didn't stand a chance in court and took a plea with immunity in exchange for his testimony." Ferguson laughed, "Of course, if Cooper was given to me as legal counsel, I'd be certain to try and get out of ending up in court with him. The guy had become a train wreck."

They still had nothing as they arrived back at the precinct. Night had descended before they knew it and despite her initial reservations about going over for dinner, the yaw that raced through her at the same time her stomach rumbled, signaled that it was time to call it a night.

Before heading out with Castle, she took another pill and had him walk her down so Lanie could change her bandage again. She thanked her friend for the help and laughed off the suggestion that she pick things up where she had left off the night before, but try doing it inside this time.

Once they had gathered her clothes from her gym locker, they headed out.

Castle had the case file tucked under his arm and she gave him a quizzical look that he greeted with a simple shrug. When they reached the restaurant, he had called ahead for takeout from, it all made perfect sense.

Beckett felt extremely underdressed as she walked through the doors of The Russian Tea room. Castle introduced them and asked to have a manager meet them in the lobby area. She was glad not to have to walk through the elegantly dressed diners.

"How may I help the NYPD this evening?" the well-dressed manager asked, with a slightly disdainful glance at Beckett's current wardrobe that far better suited a jog than a single step into his establishment.

"We were hoping you could tell us who Charles Cooper had dinner with here three nights ago." She spoke. The confidence in her voice only slightly tinged with the annoyance she felt at the man's arrogance.

The manager moved to the reservation book and flipped through it. "I am sorry, but it only states Charles Cooper and guest."

"Can we talk to his server?" Castle interjected before Beckett could ask the same question. Again, she wondered if he was inside her brain or if all those years of plotting things, had his mind shifting through the possible scenarios as fast as her detective brain cycled them.

"Of course." The man responded, looking entirely too happy to be walking away from the famous author and his untidy looking police guest.

A moment later, he returned with a young woman and then vanished with a nod through the doorway they had just entered.

The waitress proved to be helpful in ascertaining that Cooper had indeed had dinner there the night he died, but she was having trouble recalling which of his girlfriends he had been in with that night. It seemed Cooper was something of a regular at the restaurant and he often came in with different women.

She couldn't be sure, but the last time she saw him he had either been with his blonde girlfriend or the redheaded one. She remembered he didn't seem to be acting out of the ordinary, and she remembered the rather large tip he gave her.

"Thank you for your time." Beckett told the waitress.

"We have a to-go order." Castle interjected as the woman started to walk away, "Could you see if that's ready?"

Beckett rolled her eyes, but at the same time appreciated the man's ability to throw some multi-tasking into their evening, she was too tired and her nerves were too shot, to handle another scene where Castle's body guards checked over yet another restaurant before they had dinner and were headed back.

She had to admit, the food smelled delicious the entire drive back.

Castle had gotten plenty to feed a small army, but as she considered the four large men who were assigned to protect him and his family, she supposed they could probably eat like an army.

She didn't realize that she had drifted off until Castle was waking her to help her out of the car and upstairs. She didn't understand why she was so incredibly tired, but the nap in the car seemed to do her some good as they rode the elevator up she felt mildly invigorated. However, the more she thought about it, the more it seemed like nervous energy. She began to rethink this whole being more open thing as he stomach knotted with anticipation of the unknown evening that lay ahead of them.

The tension eased as Castle opened the door and Alexis greeted them with an open smile. Kate felt herself relax. The girl was like serenity in the flesh and she had an odd calming effect that seemed to wipe the reigning doubts from her mind. Tonight was going to be relaxing. Hopefully, with the help of the Castles, she'd have a little bit of time to stop thinking about everything so much.

x.x.x

A/N: So, it got worse. My laptop crashes whenever it's moved the slightest bit and I keep losing hundreds of words at a time. This has become a very frustrating process. Remember how I said I have the greatest guy in the world? He ordered me a new one; it will be here on Wednesday, yippee! I'm spoiled.

Until then, I will do my best to get chapters typed up and save frequently, keep my fingers crossed and try not to scream at my computer when it crashes and I lose what I've been working on. Also, I finished my other story, may write an epilogue later, but this fic will be my main focus now.

Review that made my day, forgot this last chapter, **Persephone SylviaMoon**, I'm glad you decided to go back to this after passing it over and that you're enjoying that decision.

Review that made my day, **Sparrow33**, it's never too late to join the party and doing that by reading 70,000+ words in one sitting is so totally die hard! It's going to feel a lot slower now that you have to wait for the updates, but hopefully not too bad.

Thanks for reading.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Once inside, Castle got Beckett settled on the couch. There would be no formality as there had been the night before. She needed a soft spot to relax after the hard chairs of the day. He simply smiled and shook his head at her when she offered to help.

Dinner was complex and simple at the same time. It was a breathing contradiction, both soothing and nerve wracking.

It was rare that his family ate anything more than snacks on the couch, but sitting there with Beckett and Alexis felt comfortable and normal in a way that was slightly unsettling. Silence developed and made everything feel very awkward as the three of them got situated with their plates and waited for the DVD menu to load on the TV.

Beckett broke the ice effectively when she teased him about using his celebrity status to get special treatment from five star restaurants, indicating the take out from a restaurant that she was certain didn't even provide that as an option.

He grinned and responded with, "What else am I supposed to use it for?"

Having Beckett share his space in such a casual way caused dinner to start with a feeling of nervousness more suited to a blind date. The joking felt natural and comfortable and effectively eased any tension that had settled. The rest of dinner flew by. As it always seemed to do, no matter how stilted and awkward things start out, dinner ended in lighthearted banter and laughing.

No one thought to start the DVD Alexis had put in and instead enjoyed each other's company. After a particularly embarrassing story about his after care when he broke his tailbone doing research on rodeo cowboys, Castle thought it was best to clear the dishes and he went to rinse and load them in the dishwasher.

By the time he was finished tidying up, Kate and Alexis were no longer in the living room. He asked a guard who simply gestured upstairs. He found them in Alexis' room.

Beckett was sitting on the edge of his daughter's bed with Alexis situated between her knees sitting on the floor. Beckett was casually braiding his daughter's hair as if it were an everyday event and the sight of such domesticity made his heart beat loudly in his chest. He hadn't realized how much he wanted this scene to be real instead of a convenient situation until he was standing there in the doorway watching it with his heart in his throat.

"Dad's been braiding my hair since I was old enough to decide that I wanted it long, but he never did get the knack for a French braid." Alexis told Kate and he watched the quirk of Beckett's mouth and the tilt of her head that said she was filing that little bit of information away.

He watched her expression go suddenly serious and she seemed to be warring with whether to make a joke or say something serious, finally settling on a resolved expression as she spoke, "My mom taught me."

He could hear the emotion in Kate's voice and looked to Alexis for a reaction, hoping she didn't say the wrong thing like he always seemed to in these situations. His daughter had a sad smile on her face as she glanced back at his partner, "That must have been nice." She said softly.

He watched the waves of emotion pass through Beckett's eyes, but she greeted his daughter's gaze with a soft smile and an eyebrow raised in question.

Alexis sighed and turned back so Kate could work on her hair again. "I never did any of this with my mom. If she was going to 'do my hair', it involved a trip to a salon." He wished he could go in and hold her right now.

His daughter spoke with a pain and loss that he rarely heard from her and never seemed to be able to fix. He had tried to be both parents, everything she could need, but he knew it wasn't enough.

"I think," Alexis began again after the brief silence, her voice a little stronger and more sure. "If I were to lose her now, like you lost your mom, I'd probably feel a similar sense of loss for all the memories we would never make, but I think that feeling would be the same in 30 years of having her a part of my life, too. I think there are only so many things I'll ever miss about my mom and the memories like this aren't even in there to miss." Alexis shrugged, sounding more grown up than she should have to, "I think I'd miss the things that could have been more than the things that actually were and I think that's sad, so it must have been nice to have your mom care about you the way she obviously did."

He heard the slightly ragged intake of breath from Kate before she began to speak in a tone that was husky from fighting back whatever was waging in her, "You have so much more than other people do. You can choose to dwell on the things that make your life sad or the things that make it worth living."

"But," Alexis started.

Kate cut her off, "No, hear me out." She said, but then fell silent a moment as if trying to put together the right words. "My mom used to have a saying, 'Life never gives us more than we can handle.' She called it 'Johanna's immutable law of the universe'."

Castle watched Kate from the doorway, mesmerized by the way she swallowed her emotion and pushed on, because that's who she was. If someone else was hurting, she was there for them and she pushed herself and her needs to the side. He watched her renewed enthusiasm for braiding his daughter's hair as she took a breath before continuing.

"I'm sorry about your mom, I really am. Sometimes I think about what you must go through without her and I feel like we're the same in some ways. My mom may not have chosen to leave, but she's gone none-the-less." Kate sighed and he watched her trying to get back on topic, "Sometimes I find myself irrationally angry at her for treating you the way she does. You're a wonderful girl and you deserve so much more than what she gives you."

"Kate," Alexis tried to interject again and he saw the sadness in his daughter's eyes and her wanting to make Beckett stop talking.

"I know," Beckett interrupted her again, "It's not my place, but I can't help thinking about it sometimes." Kate finished the braid and tied on the hair tie before gently grasping Alexis' shoulders and turning her to face her. "It's not your fault." She told his little girl.

Castle suddenly felt as if he were intruding on something that wasn't his to hear, but he couldn't pull himself away. He had tried to heal this hurt in his daughter for as long as he could remember, but it was always there, buried deep under the surface.

"Listen to me, Alexis." Kate said, sounding both weak and strong at the same time and he wondered if he could ever capture that tone in words. "Your mother has picked the wrong path. She has chosen not to be a part of your life and you want to know what I think about that? I think it's her loss."

He heard Alexis sniffle and was about to go in to hold her when Kate beat him to it, helping her up from the floor to sit beside her on the bed and holding his daughter to her side like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives." Kate's voice was soft now and he had to strain to hear it. "Anyone who doesn't understand that doesn't deserve to make you feel like this."

"I know, but," Alexis started again, but Beckett shushed her gently.

"No 'buts', Alexis." She told his girl, "Your dad is a man-child who gives me doubts on a regular basis that he has a single serious bone in his entire body, but you're his world and he would never do anything to hurt you, he would never leave you. That's a real parent." Beckett cleared her throat, but didn't seem able when she tried to continue.

"I know all of that, but sometimes I miss her at my recitals or I miss something we could have done together. Most of the time I know it's something she would never even want to do, something she wouldn't go to even if she were in the city for it, but I still want to see my mom there. It just doesn't make sense." Alexis finally broke the silence.

"Oh, honey, of course it doesn't." Kate told her with a little humor back in her voice as she squeezed the girl tighter to her side, "You want to know a secret?" she asked, but didn't wait for a response. "When you love someone so much reason and logic no longer apply." They shared a smile before Kate elaborated, "You know she loves you, but she's obviously not capable of showing it the way a mom should, the way your grams and dad do."

"And you?" he heard Alexis' quiet tone.

Beckett sighed, "I really couldn't say if I'd be any better at it all than she is." She said sadly, avoiding the girl's gaze by looking towards Alexis' window when his daughter pulled away to look up at her. "I don't really know if I have the capacity for that kind of love and attention everything I've been through, everything I've seen people do to each other."

Alexis' bark of laughter was anything but funny, it was sarcastic and derisive, resulting in Kate turning to look at her, "You're kidding me, right?"

Beckett seemed taken aback by his daughter's sudden anger. "I'm sorry; this wasn't supposed to be about me and I. . ."

This time Alexis cut her off, "No. It's your turn to stop." She told Kate and to his surprise, she listened to his daughter as she had never listened to him. "You don't even see it do you?" Alexis shook her head when Beckett opened her mouth as if to respond to the rhetorical question.

Castle felt a little pride that his daughter could so effectively stop the barreling freight train that is Katherine Beckett with just a look and a shake of her head. That feeling was quickly replaced by the urge to leave them alone resurfacing. He knew he shouldn't be part of this conversation, but he couldn't pull himself away.

"Maybe it's not that you don't see it, but you refuse to give it a title or call it what it is." Alexis began again and he watched Kate's confusion turn to understanding as his daughter continued. "Maybe you call it duty or honor or loyalty, but its love. Somewhere, maybe deep down, you know that it is, but you've been burned and you don't want to call it what it really is anymore."

Beckett tore her eyes away from Alexis again and stared out the window, not acknowledging the statement, but not brushing it off either.

"Whatever name you give it." Alexis continued, her tone steady enough to draw Beckett's troubled gaze back to her, "You can't tell me it would hurt any less to lose the people you're loyal to. You can't say it would hurt more if you changed the phrasing in your head and used the other L word."

When Kate shook her head, he wasn't sure if she was agreeing or disagreeing, but Alexis just smiled at her.

"You're going to be a great mom someday, if you decide to have kids. I know it, even if you don't." Alexis sighed again and he worried that Beckett's blank stare was wearing on her young heart, "You said it's not your place earlier, to talk about my mom or my family, but you're wrong. You have that anger and you feel it for me, because you're 'loyal' to me."

He heard the long intake of breath from his daughter and knew she was about to launch into a tirade without stopping herself for air and this was her preparation for that fact, "I don't care what you want to label it, or if you never say it the same way as the rest of us." Alexis sighed, "You show how much you care for people you don't even know and you do whatever those you do know need, even if it's inconvenient for you."

Alexis sighed and waited for Kate's eyes to meet hers again before she continued, "I love you, too." She told Beckett, "I love you for keeping my dad on his toes, driving him bonkers, and keeping him safe. I love you for taking my phone calls and giving me advice even when it's some stupid teenage thing. I love that you have a heart built for taking care of other people, even while it worries me that you don't give yourself the same consideration. I love that you're so fiercely independent, but I wish you'd let people help you sometimes, let me help you."

He heard Alexis' last statement faintly, but just barely as he slowly started to inch away. As soon as he saw moisture gather in Kate's eyes, he had started his stealthy escape, leaving as quietly as he had arrived. He had felt like he was intruding from the beginning, but that was the thing that finally shifted his focus from intrigue to guilt for eavesdropping on something so private.

Downstairs a moment later, he slipped into his study, closing the door behind him as he approached his wall of books. He pulled down the unmarked, leather bound book Beckett had taken off the shelf the night before and took it to his desk where he found his favorite pen and started cataloguing the moment in his daughter's life.

He wasn't supposed to witness it, but he didn't want to forget it either so he put it down the same way he had so many other memories of his little girl.

Ink to paper, it was cathartic.

By the time he was done, he was wiping at his eyes, feeling like an idiot, and wishing he had his daughter's courage to tell Kate all the things he loved about her, too.

As an afterthought, he went back to where he had just finished and wrote, 'If I were in her place' before quickly listing all the things that had popped into his head on the subject since he had walked away from the door. Perhaps, one day, he would tell her, and she wouldn't shoot him for it.

x.x.x

Beckett was feeling emotionally exhausted, but content and actually happy when she and Alexis finally came downstairs over an hour later. Their conversation had taken a decidedly silly and lighthearted turn after they lectured each other and shared a hug and a couple of tears.

It was odd to have someone call her out so blatantly, but the shock of the action itself was enough to make her register the words and take them to heart. Alexis was right, she did call it by the wrong name and it would hurt just as much to lose the people in her life the way things were now as it would if she actually allowed herself to use the right words.

As she settled gently on the couch and kicked off her shoes, she heard a door open behind her and turned to see Castle coming out of his office looking worn and weary. She had to admit, it was probably her fault. He certainly hadn't gotten much sleep the night before in that hospital chair and it showed.

When he saw her, however, he hid the weariness behind a smile before going into the kitchen.

He came out a moment later with a glass of juice and her bottle of pills.

After taking a whole painkiller, she settled back into the cushions, cringing slightly at the pain of putting pressure on her sore leg as she sat there. She saw that Alexis had spotted her pained expression, as she walked into the room, but waved off the girls concern.

"Thanks, Dad." Alexis told him and she dimmed the lights and grabbed the remote to start the movie once they were settled.

"For what?" he asked, genuinely looking puzzled.

"Not hovering." Alexis explained, "Since Kate's my friend who's staying over and you promised, I just thought I would say I'm proud of you for following through on your word."

Beckett watched a flash of something that looked surprisingly like guilt, pass over Castle's face before he turned a charming smile on his daughter.

Alexis didn't seem to notice as she grabbed a throw pillow off the couch before sitting in the far corner. Kate had a moment of feeling like a leper as each Castle sat on either side of her, seemingly as far to the edge as they could get without sitting in another chair. The moment passed quickly when Alexis laid the pillow on her lap and patted it lightly with a question in her eyes.

Becket smiled at Alexis, thinking back on her words from a little while ago. Alexis wanted to help. Carefully, Kate folded herself into the couch until she was lying on her back, head on the pillow in the girl's lap and legs folded so that Castle still had room in his corner of the couch.

She lay there, feeling an uncomfortable tightness across her stitches until the first preview started to roll and Castle carefully grasped her ankles to straighten her legs out across his lap. Her initial instinct was to fight the gesture and pull away, but on the heels of her conversation with Alexis, she relaxed and enjoyed the relief that stretching out provided her wounds.

She could blame the combination of exhaustion and pain medication for her contentment in the moment, but instead shifted her focus externally to the TV and the feeling of Castle's fingers gently massaging her sock clad feet. She allowed the flickering lights and the sounds to lull her and was asleep before the movie even started.

x.x.x

A/N: Have I mentioned my man is fabulous? Not only did he get me a new laptop, he did a patch job to fix my old one until the new one gets here. It still freezes sometimes, but not every ten minutes. I told him about all of you who appreciate his efforts and he just said he's proud of me for getting back into writing and wants to help because it makes me happy. I'm a lucky girl.

Review that made my day, , you read my mind with Alexis' intentions on her guest for the evening.

Thanks for reading.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight

About half way through the movie, Castle realized exactly how tired he was as he started to nod off. He was worried that the jerking of his head falling back against the back of the couch and startling him awake would disturb Kate's sleep, so he carefully moved her legs off his lap and stood up.

"Ice cream?" Alexis asked on a whisper, but with a knowing smile on her face.

He grinned back, "You want?" and then watched her carefully hold the pillow and scoot out from under Beckett's head before lowering it gently back to the couch. "I could have gotten yours." He told her as she took a couple of quick steps and then slid on her socks across the hardwood floor.

"Yeah, right." Alexis said, rolling her eyes at him as she skidded to a stop in front of him. "Last time I trusted you with my sundae you gave me Oreos and gummy bears with strawberry syrup."

"What's wrong with that?" he asked, allowing his voice to reach a more normal tone now that they were in the kitchen gathering supplies far enough away from where Kate was sleeping that he was sure they wouldn't disturb her.

"Maybe the fact that I'm not five anymore and have developed taste buds." She responded, raiding the snack cupboard and laying out the dry sundae supplies.

"What does that have to do with anything?" he asked as he grabbed two bowls and the ice cream scoop.

"Maybe if you ever grew up you'd realize that your taste buds like sweet things just because they're sweet when you're little, but as you get older, you can actually distinguish flavor over the sugar. Some things just don't go together."

"Ah," he commented as if he had just had an epiphany as he scooped chocolate ice cream into his bowl.

They worked in silence for a moment before Alexis suddenly stopped and turned to him with her arms crossed. "I gave you an out in there. You had the chance to confess to eavesdropping, so what gives?"

Castle rested the scoop back in the ice cream container and turned to his daughter, licking a bit of the sticky chocolate off the side of his finger, "Maybe you could have told me that Kate was your guest, so I knew I wasn't supposed to be 'hovering'." He told her, though it sounded weak to his own ears.

Before she could respond, he pulled her to him in a hug and ran a hand over her hair. He shifted back and lifted her chin so she would look at him, "I'm sorry." He amended his earlier deflection. "You're right, and I should have walked away when I realized it was a private conversation. I just can't stand to see you like that."

Alexis graced him with a smile, "It's alright, Dad, I understand."

"It's not alright, and it hasn't been for a long time." He told her, feeling the weight of all he had inflicted upon her by choosing the wrong woman as her mother.

"It is now." She told him seriously, as she pulled away from his embrace and went back to the ice cream before it melted. "It's never going to be what I want, but I can handle that. I got a little perspective and I know it's still going to bog me down sometimes, but right now I could care less that she's not here."

Castle regarded her warily, wondering if she was just trying to get out of the conversation, but she seemed serious, "Well, if you ever need to talk about it, about anything." He offered.

"I know, Dad." She gave him a teasing grin. "If I ever need to talk about it, call Detective Beckett."

"Oh, just for that." He started and then plopped a small handful of gummy bears in her ice cream bowl.

They laughed about it as Alexis started the slow process of trying to remove the gummy bears from her bowl without pulling out her other toppings. "I really like her."

"I know, Pumpkin, Me, too." He told her and they fell silent again as they continued topping their sundaes.

"I think we should adopt her." Alexis offered and he laughed.

Beckett's sleepy laugh joined his as she slowly came around to pull up a stool at the breakfast bar, "If this is how you guys do ice cream, consider me adopted."

"You're awake." He said, feeling a little silly for stating the obvious.

"Your powers of observation are astounding." She just gave him a smirk and then turned her focus back to the array of ingredients spread across the countertop. "How is it that you both aren't incredibly obese?"

"Having a treat," Alexis told her and Castle could hear her imitating the way he talked her into joining him for sundaes, "Even a ridiculously over indulgent one, every now and then, is a good thing. It's like therapy."

"Ok," Beckett agreed, entirely too easily and he watched her eyes dance over the options, "So how do we do this? Because usually I buy my ice cream with all the stuff already in it and just eat it with a spoon out of the carton."

"That's not bad, either." Alexis agreed as she slid her finished bowl across the counter and then went around to sit next to Kate.

"Alright, Beckett," Castle said, rubbing his hands together excitedly, "First things first, we need a base. Chocolate, vanilla or strawberry?"

"Really? Like you even need to ask." She admonished.

He grinned in response, "Chocolate it is."

He moved away to grab another bowl for her and then was back to add a scoop of chocolate. "Then you pick your sauce." He grabbed a jar of caramel topping and raised his eyebrow at her. She smiled, and he knew he'd guessed right.

"So now, here's the tricky part." He told her, waving a hand across the dry ingredients on the counter. "Are you going to be boring and just have whipped cream on top with a sprinkle of nuts and a cherry, or are you going to live dangerously?"

As an answer, she reached across the counter and grabbed the whipped cream, shaking the aerosol can. "What's that?" Kate asked pointing to a clear canister filled with small chocolates, before tipping her head back and spraying some of the whipped cream into her mouth straight out of the can.

"That has to be one of the sexiest things I have ever seen." He said before he could filter the thought.

It earned him an "Ew, Dad." Admonishment from Alexis and a quirk of the eyebrows from Beckett who seemed to ignore his statement as she inclined her head towards the small jar again.

"Sorry, yeah, uh, chocolate covered coffee beans."

She seemed to contemplate that for a moment before nodding. She had him throw in some cashews before topping it with whipped cream and a cherry. She declined his offer to add Oreos or gummy bears with a disgusted look on her face that made Alexis laugh.

Once Castle finished Beckett's bowl he passed it to her and turned back to his own, now slightly melted. He forgot where he had left off, so with a shrug he doused the dish in whipped cream and then spotted the jar of crushed thin mint cookies. He sprinkled that liberally over the top to the horror of both ladies in the room and then started packing everything away between bites.

As he finished cleaning up, he leaned against the counter to eat the rest of his ice cream.

Kate and Alexis had handled the conversation throughout dessert and he found himself watching them with a silly feeling of domestic bliss. They were being a little silly and avoiding serious conversation. It was the perfect light conversation with their treats and he didn't want to spoil the mood with a serious tone, which, he feared would be all he'd be capable of in his current mind set.

Alexis finished the small helping she made herself and announced she was going to bed. His daughter managed a hug from Beckett and said something into her ear that he couldn't quite hear, before coming around to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Sorry guys, but I'm beat." She told them as she headed for the stairs.

After Alexis put herself to bed, before eleven and it wasn't even a school night, he found himself alternating between enjoying the rest of his treat and watching Beckett enjoy hers. He couldn't tell whether she was actually happy with her dessert or if she was messing with him.

The way she slowly ate her bowl of ice cream had his thoughts in a wholly inappropriate place as he floundered to maintain conversation. He would start to say something, and then she would let her tongue flick out to clean the underside of her spoon, completely wiping the thought from his head.

She would withdraw the utensil from her mouth slowly, letting her teeth gently scrape off the top layer of ice cream before flipping the spoon over and letting her tongue slide over the rounded indent to finish off the bite.

All the while, her eyes would close half way as she enjoyed the treat more than anyone should ever enjoy ice cream.

He found he could no longer taste his own bowl of ice cream and moved to the sink to wash the rest down the drain and take a moment to regain himself.

"See," she teased with a lopsided smile as she ran her spoon around the edge of her bowl to gather the melted remnants, "Even you couldn't finish that ridiculous mess of a sundae."

He was about to retort when she took the last bite of her ice cream and he watched her eyelids flutter again before she let out the tiniest moan of pleasure. He didn't know how to think of anything but making her make that sound again, so he grabbed her bowl and spoon and turned away to rinse them.

"Maybe I wasn't done." She said and when he glanced over his shoulder, she had the cutest little fake pout in place.

"What were you going to do, lick the bowl?" he asked.

He immediately regretted it when her pout turned into a playful smile. "I was thinking about it."

After allowing himself longer than necessary to rinse the bowls, he turned back to her, "Wine?"

She gave him a shrug, "Sure, Castle." He watched her hop off the tall chair and head back into the living room.

Half an hour and two-thirds of a glass of wine later, he was stealing the glass out of Beckett's hand. "Whoa." He said, as she giggled at his theft of her glass.

She had gotten seriously loopy and it took him a minute to remember that she was on a pain reliever. "Ok, not my best suggestion." He mumbled as he set their glasses on the coffee table before settling back in the corner of the couch.

He had never seen Beckett drunk, but he could imagine it was probably a lot like this. She was very cheerful, laughing over nothing, and swaying in her seat.

He was pulled from his observation of her by a throw pillow being slapped on his leg a moment before Kate ungracefully flopped over to rest her head on the pillow now in his lap and stretch her legs out. She lifted her head to look down as she wiggled her toes and then looked back up at him, "Socks are weird."

He gave her a noncommittal, "Hmm." as tension coiled in his stomach from her proximity.

"They're clothes," she slurred, "for your toes." and then she burst out in a fit of giggles at her rhyme.

Castle laughed with her, fascinated with drugged and giggly Beckett. "I think it's time for you to go to bed." He told her, trying to keep his voice firm so she didn't take it as a suggestion so much as an order.

Instead of listening to him, she rolled on her side and burrowed into the pillow, facing him with her nose nearly brushing his abdomen. "I'm good." She finally replied groggily. She reached a hand up near her face and ran an unsteady finger across the fabric of his shirt. "Socks are soft and this shirt is soft, but they are different. Shouldn't they have a different word?"

He watched her face go serious as she looked back up at him as if the question was the most important question in the world and she was trying to puzzle out the answer. "Socks are soft, this is smooth. That's a different word."

"Smooth." She tested the word as if it were new to her and then reached to touch his shirt again, letting her finger linger and draw small circles on the fabric.

She was driving him crazy and the worst part was that she didn't even know it. He couldn't resist the proximity any longer and reached down to gently tuck her hair back behind her ear. He allowed his fingers to ghost down her neck unnecessarily.

She reached up and grabbed his hand so quickly he was momentarily shocked after the slow languid motions she had been making. He had the briefest moment to wonder if she was going to snap his wrist before she sandwiched his hand between both of her and then brought it up to rest between her cheek and the pillow.

He watched breathless as she shifted to lie on her back again and gazed up into his eyes. She brushed a kiss over his knuckles and moved his hand back to her cheek, gently moving it for him until he started to do it himself.

He brought his free hand up to the top of her head and let his fingers take in the softness of her hair.

"Castle?" she queried sounding more tired than drugged as her eyes closed and then opened very slowly and she bit her lower lip. "Will you kiss me again?"

He wasn't sure what he had done to have this level of torture leveled at him, but he vowed he'd right that wrong somehow so he never had to go through this again. To finally have Beckett curled up with him, asking him to kiss her was like living a fantasy, but in the real world, she was under the influence of medication and alcohol.

She didn't wait for his response, which he had to admit took him longer to formulate than it should have. She burrowed into him and was sleeping soundly within a minute. He envied her that rest, because he knew he was going to have a hell of a time getting to sleep.

x.x.x

A/N: Original laptop seriously on the fritz again, new one not due until Thursday now. :( I'll do what I can to get new chapters out anyway, even if it's frustrating.

Review that made my day, **Blooky**, I'm glad my intentions came across on the page. That makes me proud.

Thanks for reading.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The first thing that registered as Kate woke was a feeling of warmth. She didn't open her eyes as she lay there, but recognized that it was morning by the light shining through her eyelids. She was tempted to squeeze them tighter or burrow further into the covers so she could go back to sleep.

She felt, extremely rested. The comfort of her position and that little itch along the line of her stitches that reminded her it would hurt to move were very convincing reasons not to open her eyes.

She knew instantly where she was, remembered texting Alexis and the invite to sleep over. She had thought back to when her old apartment was blown up and how comfortable the guest bedroom was, how luxurious the sheets and comforter had felt, and been unable to tell the girl no.

She let her mind wander back to her current state of comfort and tried to remember going to bed. It was a task made slightly more difficult by the fact that _his_ scent seemed to be everywhere. It wasn't unpleasant; in fact, she had always enjoyed it. It wasn't overly strong, like cologne, more subtle. Fabric softener would explain why the blankets in his guest bedroom smelled like him, but that would only go so far to explain it.

Her mind floated back, trying to recall the end of the night. The last thing she could grasp was sharing a glass of wine with Castle on the sofa. There was wine and a short while later the realization that wine had been a bad idea as her thoughts, random and uncensored spilled from her mouth.

She had a sudden and horrible sinking feeling that she would open her eyes and find herself in bed with Castle. They had been in close proximity last she remembered, and now she was practically swimming in his scent. She didn't want to open her eyes and come face to face with a realization that Castle was as shallow as she had previously thought he was.

The warm weight against her shoulder, definitely a hand under the covers that wasn't hers, confirmed he fears and she swallowed before daring to slowly lift the lids of her eyes. Kate's field of vision was completely obscured by grey blue fabric that her left hand was grasping in a loose fist.

About the moment she noticed the buttons at the top of her field of vision leading up what she was now certain was a shirt and put together how she had likely fallen asleep the night before, she also registered the heat against the back of her hand. Her right was tucked under the pillow and, noting her proximity to a place she should definitely not be touching, she snatched her hand out from beneath the pillow.

She sat upright at the same moment her actions must have startled him awake, because he snapped to a fully upright position. Neither conscious enough to register the other's movements and a moment later she was lying in his lap again rubbing her temple while he massaged the underside of his jaw.

The impact had startled her more than anything and he was apologizing before the pain from the headache she had never fully gotten rid of the day before started to make itself known with the new ache.

"Geez, Kate. I'm sorry." He instantly had her hand out of the way so he could inspect her for damage. "You ok?" he asked as his fingers brushed across her temple.

She had a sudden flash of this moment last night and her cheeks flushed as the memory of what she said to him floated through her mind. She pushed his hand away, "Why are you so cold?"

He switched hands and his other was almost hot in comparison against her skin. She realized it was the one that had been holding her while she slept. "Someone," he said, with an eyebrow raised at her so she was certain to understand he was implying it was her fault, "didn't share the covers."

She looked down and realized he must have thrown the blanket from the back of the couch over her at some point during the night. Instead of dwell on how he had done the opposite of what her initial thoughts had suggested, she simply warned him, "I'm getting up now." so they could avoid another collision.

He hands bracing her shoulders as she sat up did not go unnoticed. "Thanks." She told him, feeling slightly awkward, especially on the heels of remembering she had asked him to kiss her. She didn't know why that bothered her so much.

The more she thought about it, she wasn't sure if she was frustrated with her own actions, or his lack of them. Shaking off the thought she caught sight of her pills on the table and grabbed one before heading towards the kitchen.

"I'm going to take this and then grab a quick shower." She told him as she slowly made her way to the kitchen. Moving caused fresh pain, but her leg still felt slightly better than the day before. No, her problem today was going to be the deep muscle pain of whiplash that tightened along her neck and shoulders. She hoped a hot shower would help with that.

"Use the one in my room." He suggested, still looking cute and sleepy on the couch. She tilted her head slightly in question and bit back a groan at the twinge of pain through her neck. "It has a seat if you get worn out and there are handles for safety."

She felt comfortable as she took up the reins of teasing banter again, "Wow, I was joking about you being old last night. I didn't know how right I was."

He was still sitting there when she finished taking the painkiller and an antibiotic she fished out of her overnight bag. When she went to start up the stairs with the bag, he appeared beside her, though she didn't register him even moving. He took the bag and preceded her up the stairs.

He made sure there was a fresh towel and told her to feel free to use the robe or anything else she needed. She was still marveling at the large marble shower as she turned the faucets to get the water at the correct temperature. There was a knock at the door followed by, "Holler if you need anything."

She told him she would and then started the slow painful process of undressing and removing the gauze pads. She knew she'd need help dressing the wounds again when she was done, she just hoped Alexis was up to help her with them.

It wasn't until she was in the shower and letting the warm water caress her sore muscles that she realized she should have asked Castle for soap and shampoo from Alexis, something more 'girly'. It wasn't that she was worried about needing to smell feminine. She was concerned that having the smell of him over her entire body all day was likely to drive her completely mad.

Much to her annoyance, as she lathered her body, she was nearly overwhelmed with the strength of that scent she had smelled on him since the beginning. It was one of the finer undertones of his presence a little too close to her, and she had always tried to hold onto that one. Now she knew it was the body wash and the strength of it in its pure form nearly overwhelmed her.

Somehow, she made it through the shower and was careful as she patted her injuries dry. She pulled on her panties and her bra before slipping into the large fluffy robe as she grabbed her phone from the counter. She called Castle, glad to hear that Alexis was awake and would be up in a minute.

It was a struggle getting her bandages back on in the bathroom, so Alexis sent her to lie on the bed while she finished the last two on her legs. Kate did as she was told, but immediately regretted it as the sensory overload from the shower presented itself again, this time, along with his masculine scent was the tactile sensation of fine fabric under her hands, against her cheek.

It was soft and smooth, cool and comforting. She wanted to wrap herself in it.

By the time Alexis was done, the butterflies in Kate's stomach were on the warpath and she was so distracted that she forgot about the neck pain she had been experiencing. As she turned to look over her shoulder and thank Alexis from her position, still face down on the bed, another jolt shot through the angered muscles on her neck. Her 'Thanks.' came out strained and she watched the teen become immediately worried.

"What's wrong?" she sounded about ready to panic, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," she tried to reassure Alexis, but the rolling pain was distracting her from that goal as she buried her face in her arms and the comforter to ride out the waves. "Just some sore muscles in my neck." She told her.

"Oh." Alexis responded, sounding relieved. "I know just the thing. Don't move."

Kate wasn't sure she wanted to move ever again if it meant that pain would shoot through her again. Alexis sounded excited, so whatever she was getting had to be good or the girl wouldn't be so hopeful. The girl's footfalls as she left the room were quick, like she was jogging wherever she needed to go.

Kate listened until the sound faded and then closed her eyes and tried to relax in the comfort surrounding her, hoping it would help ease the tension in her muscles. It was only a short time later when quieter footsteps returned, the door closed behind the sound and she had a sinking feeling that it wasn't Alexis who returned.

She stayed there, unmoving, not willing to risk the white heat that shot from her shoulders to her scalp last time she tried to look over her shoulder.

Finally he spoke, from surprisingly closer than she would have thought, "Alexis said you needed my help?" he inquired.

"I didn't say that." She spoke into the blankets, unwilling to look at him and let him see the pain in her. "I'm just sore. Whiplash and all, you know?"

She felt the bed dip on her right side and knew he had climbed up next to her, "Alexis sent me in here for a reason. She's had a lot of sports injuries and she thinks I can help."

His first touch was tentative, fingers lightly brushing across her neck, sweeping her damp hair to the side and off her neck. "Where?" was all he said and his tone was level, professional, with none of his normal teasing. His touch was light, a question.

With a sigh, knowing she would either have to get up and move around or cave to whatever was coming, she opted for the most appealing choice physically, though not mentally or emotionally. "My neck and down into my shoulders."

"Hmm," he seemed to be considering something, as if plotting a course of action or trying to decide if that had been permission. Then the bed shifted again and she felt him inch towards her. She heard him rubbing his hands together briefly. "Let me know if this hurts at all."

His tone was so sincere and laced with undertones of concern. He was actually worried he may do something wrong. Before she could process the thought fully to tell him it was fine, she was fine; his hands were on her skin again.

Castle's thumbs gently found and worked through a knot in the muscles of her neck and she couldn't stop the moan that flew out of her mouth without warning as she felt the small knot loosen and tension ease.

He had to have felt it too, because he was instantly moving to another position. His fingers were soft but sure as he continued working from the base of her skull down towards her shoulders. Every few seconds he would sweep back up to rework the spots he had left for a moment to make sure the tension hadn't returned.

"Oh, God, Castle." Kate moaned after a particularly painful spot released its tension and she felt like she would be able to move her head again after that.

He laughed at her statement, but it sounded uncomfortable or forced and she was glad he couldn't see the blush across her face as she thought about how incredibly wrong it was to be moaning his name like that in his bed. She heard him draw a breath and assumed he was finally going to make a joke or a comment similar to her thought process, but he simply exhaled and kept working.

Once the muscles in her neck were loosened, he inched slightly lower, pulling gently at the collar of the robe. She shifted her shoulders just a little, wincing at the movement, but he got the point and helped her loosen the collar and lower it just enough to reach knotted muscles along the tops of her shoulders.

He worked in silence, and she tried to match the hushed atmosphere he had created, but he was making it difficult. His fingers were playing her like an expert pianist at the ivories and her response was unexpected and uncontrollably vocal.

When he finished working out the last knot, she felt his hands still a moment before his fingers gently grazed over the muscle he had just freed of their torturous hold on her. "Wow." She breathed before she thought better of it.

"You're welcome." He told her as he finally removed his hands. She felt the bed shift as he began to scoot back towards the edge.

Beckett allowed herself a tilt of the head in either direction before slowly rolling over and sitting up, pulling the robe back around herself in the process. She allowed herself one more moment to breathe before she lifted her head to meet his gaze.

She was planning to say thanks or something else, but the words died in her throat when she spotted the evidence of exactly how her proximity had affected him. She was glad to know she wasn't the only one suffering right then, but he had relaxed her and she had made him tense.

Of course, why did either of them have to be? She wondered, and then tried to push the thought away. It wasn't budging.

"Beckett," it was the first he had spoken since he started touching her. His voice had dropped at least an octave and her name came out sounding more like a plea than anything else.

Those eyes. That tone. Oh God, his fingers. After everything from the past couple of days, all she wanted to do was let herself get lost in all of it. Kate closed the space between them on instinct, without reason or common sense.

He accepted the kiss, but wouldn't let her call the shots. He kept it slow and stayed reserved. She began to wonder if he was simply placating her, but as a detective, she knew there was more than one way to get a confession.

She rested her palm over the buttons on his shirt, the same shirt he had worn yesterday, the one that was wrinkled at the bottom where her hand had gripped it as she slept. Her answer was there, just below the surface, as she felt his heart beating wildly in his chest.

After a moment, he pulled away and then tucked her into his chest in an embrace that signaled him stopping wherever they had been headed. "Wait, please." His breathing had definitely picked up and his tone made her wonder if he was frustrated with the situation, with her, or with himself.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have," she started, trying to orchestrate a graceful exit, but he held her there, not letting her back away.

"Not never," he told her, "just not now."

She felt a cross between relief and confusion. So he hadn't been trying to get rid of her nicely, just slow her down.

When he spoke again, he sounded quiet, like he was far away, and his words echoed through his chest where her cheek was resting, "You're on pills that make you loopy, you haven't had breakfast, you've been through a trauma, and you haven't even had your coffee yet today." He listed of the facts and she knew where he was going. "You have a hundred excuses and outs to explain why this was a mistake, and I don't want us to be a regret you have later."

His honesty melted her walls a little further, though to him they were a curb to be stepped over already, not an insurmountable stone cage. She pulled back to look at him and he regarded her with an open smile.

"I don't want to hear tomorrow or next week that this wasn't what you wanted."

"But it is." She told him.

He shook his head, a playful smile on his lips, "That's what you think _now_." He told her, alluding to his previous points of her being under the influence or not properly caffeinated.

She returned his smile and then, without a worry about what the ramification would be she opened her mouth, "It's what I think most days."

She watched the fire suddenly light his eyes and he leaned into her. Their kiss was not careful or slow this time, this one was intense enough to send her reeling for leverage to stay upright. She grasped fistfuls of his shirt to keep steady.

Barely as she realized the shift in him, he was pulling away and scooting off the bed. "I need to hop in the shower." He told her, heading for his closet and presumably a change of clothes. She was shocked at how suddenly his voice and body were working while she felt boneless and on fire. "Alexis has a blow drying, you might want to use it. It will lighten your hair and make life easier for your neck."

She was still stunned that a completely aroused Richard Castle was leaving her wanting, panting, nearly naked in his bed. Her perception of the man shifted on its axis. Then a thought struck her.

He said she needed to lighten her hair. She got off the bed and slowly made her way to the bathroom, intent on speaking to him through the door when it opened quickly and he stood in front of her.

"Who's the blonde?" they both asked at the same time.

Castle was the first to speak after they shared a smile, "The waitress said he came in often. . ."

"He was a regular. He came in with his girlfriend. . ."

"Not just one, but two women. . ."

"Often enough that she didn't know which was with him the night he died. . ."

"If one of them got onto the other, had a nice meal, lured him to the park."

"We need to talk to Annie Marks again, and find that blonde." She finished.

Castle bent forward to give her a quick peck on the cheek and then she was staring at the door again.

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry, guys. I had no intention of leaving the case for this long, but apparently Castle and Beckett had other ideas about where this needed to go and they got impatient with me teasing them. Hope you all don't mind, back to the case next chapter.

Reviews that made my days

**BellaPaige88**, Wow, just wow. I'm glad to have you on board and it was fascinating to hear your perception of each chapter as you experienced it. If I weren't busy writing I would answer all your questions right now, but I will reply as soon as I have a free minute.

**Dee Hensley,** 200th review, pretty cool.

**Googie,** yeah, ice cream is light hearted, but I mostly wanted to eat some. I'm over the craving now thanks to living vicariously through the characters.

**Amber,** glad to have you along, sorry it will feel a lot slower now that you're caught up.

Everyone else, Thanks so much.

Thanks for reading.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

He had fought the tantalizing pull to get lost in her heat and her wanting that rivaled his own. He fought the desire to make her moan his name again as she had done while he worked out the knots in her neck. He warred with his arousal at the taste of her lips and the heat of her body pressed so close to his he wasn't sure if they were still two people.

It had been a struggle to pull away, but he knew if they started something, he wouldn't be satisfied with a quick roll and then have to turn around and head off to work. He wanted to have time to explore her, make her moan as she had earlier, drive her crazy and make her threaten bodily harm on him if he didn't stop teasing her. That couldn't be accomplished in a morning together, no matter how much he wanted to start the exploration.

He walked into the kitchen after his shower to find Beckett and Alexis laying out breakfast. "Brrr!" he said by way of greeting and threw in an overdramatic shiver. "There's nothing like a cold shower on a winter morning to turn the blood to ice."

Beckett flushed as she turned away to grab plates out of the cupboard and Alexis gave him a warning glare to let him know that she had no desire to hear about her dad like that. "Beckett must have used all the hot water." He amended, trying to sound innocent. It appeared to relieve the embarrassment for Kate, but his daughter knew that he was full of it because of the tank-less water heater. She just rolled her eyes at him and moved to help serve plates.

Kate managed to drive the conversation by asking Alexis questions about school, her friends and activities. It kept the meal light and allowed him time to further lock away his impulse to touch her. He knew that would not go over well when they walked back in to the precinct and had to give himself time to adjust and prepare.

Once they finished the waffles and sausage, Castle gathered the dishes. He had started rinsing them when she came up beside him and began taking the plates and utensils as he finished and loading them in the dishwasher. "We need to talk about this." She told him after she had loaded the last plate and her serious tone started his mind spinning that she was trying to pull back again.

"About us?" he asked. He dried his hands on a towel and threw it on the counter, hoping his tone sounded as calm as he was trying to make it.

She shrugged, he felt the motion against his arm and turned to look at her a moment. She was chewing on her bottom lip as he waited for a response with apprehension. "Is there an 'us'?" she finally asked, her tone bordering on shy and he finally understood she was as nervous as he was.

Without taking his eyes off hers, he reached up to brush his fingers along her neck and back into her hair, cupping her cheek and gently stroking his thumb across the soft skin there. "I hope so." he almost whispered.

It was an eternity in a second as he watched a moment of blind panic cross her features. It was gone as quickly as it came and her lips twitched before turning up. The smile she graced him with was full and wide and absolutely the most beautiful and reassuring thing he had ever seen. He couldn't stop himself from leaning in to kiss her.

It was nothing really, the gentle brushing of his lips against hers that lasted a mere second, but at the same time it was a reaffirmation of everything.

It was a promise.

He was glad to see he wasn't the only one grinning like an idiot when he pulled back; neither registered the excited gasp from behind them where Alexis had been putting away the food.

x.x.x

The drive through morning rush hour traffic gave them ample time to prepare and distance themselves from the morning of revelations, comfort, and not so veiled promises. They didn't talk about how things might play out, they didn't lay out ground rules, she didn't even threaten to kill him if he looked at her lustily or made any kind of attempt to touch her while they were working. He knew, however, that he had to do his best to keep things as they had always been, knew she would prefer that to having to deal with any kind of heavy conversation, with him or anyone else for that matter.

Things seemed to have returned to normal and even the undercurrent of desire had mostly dissipated as they walked into the bullpen already discussing the next logical course of action.

"Maybe we should talk to Ferguson again." Beckett started as he helped her lower herself gingerly into her chair. "He seems to have been following the vic's life pretty closely, maybe he knows who the mystery woman from the Russian Tea Room was."

Castle contemplated the thought, "We could probably get a list of Cooper's former secretaries. If he was as 'active' as Ferguson suggested, maybe one of them is our mystery woman."

Before Beckett could respond to that line of thought, Esposito threw the phone he had been speaking into back in the cradle and shot to his feet, motioning for Ryan to join him. "We got him." He said as they slipped into their jackets. "Uniforms spotted him leaving Grand Central. He's currently holed up in an Alley with a bottle of booze and a can of beans. They'll close in if he tries to move, but right now they're waiting on us."

To his surprise, Beckett didn't even try to stand or look the slightest bit inclined to, though he was on his feet the moment he saw the boys rolling out. He remembered her restriction and sat back down. "Try to avoid mud puddles." He told Esposito with a smirk as the two detectives made their way past Beckett's desk.

He was rewarded with a glare, followed by a mischievous grin. "Hey, bro, why don't you come help us with this take down."

To his surprise, Beckett was the one to take the challenge, "Are you willing to pay for his clothes when he cries that you ruined them pushing him in a puddle?" she asked lightheartedly and he gave her a sarcastic smirk as if his pride were wounded that she said he would cry over a little mud.

"Yeah, dude," Ryan piped up, "That outfit is probably half your yearly salary."

Esposito shrugged as he clipped his holstered weapon on his belt, "He signed a waiver, can't sue for damages."

He looked to Kate to back him up, but she had a contemplative look on her face, "He's got you there, Castle."

"So, are you rolling out with us?" Esposito asked again, obviously anxious to hit the road.

Castle just shook his head, "We got a lead to follow up on here concerning a mystery blonde."

By the time the boys came in, leading David Palmer towards an interrogation room, Beckett and Castle had managed to line up three likely ex-secretaries to talk to from the personnel records of Mason and Associates.

They had to wait for an advocate to sit with David Palmer because of the man's previous mental history. It gave the four of them time to observe him through the glass as he fidgeted anxiously in the attached interrogation room.

The man was rail thin, his skin hung loosely over the sharp bone structure of his face, making him look much older than their records said he was. His hands and face were filthy, smudged with shades of brown and grey that covered almost every inch of his exposed skin. His fingers shook, apparently involuntarily; rhythmic twitching that was almost hypnotic as he rocked himself slowly in the chair.

"I don't buy it. This can't be the guy." Castle said, to no one in particular.

"It's his blood at the scene." Ryan pointed out. "From that broken nose, I'm sure"

Esposito added, "And the tread on the bottom of those worn down Chuck Taylors, looks like the print on the body."

"But there wasn't a defensive wound on Cooper, how did he bleed on the scene?" Castle asked and was met with a moment of silent concentration as each of them tried to puzzle out an explanation.

"It's possible," Beckett started, before taking a moment to chew her lip and think it over. "An elbow is a lot strong than a nose." She pointed out. "How tall is he?"

"Five-ten." Ryan supplied from his notes.

"So, he's about my size, Cooper just barely taller, but heavier, more solid." She turned to Ryan, the only one of the three men actually wearing one, and asked for his tie.

He undid the knot and handed the strip of fabric to her cautiously, "Careful with that, it was a gift from Jenny." He told her with a grin he obviously couldn't hide at the thought of his fiancé.

Beckett didn't acknowledge the comment and Esposito didn't make a joke. He realized he wasn't inclined to either. He felt Kate close the distance between them and he turned to face her. "So, he gets behind Cooper." She grabs his shoulder to turn him around and he suddenly realizes exactly what she's up to.

"The force was downward, which means he dropped down as he pulled." Castle added as she looped the tie around his neck and mimed the motion of strangling him with it.

As she crouched behind him she continued, "Cooper panics, trying to get away, flailing."

"In the throes of his final moments, he swings his elbows towards his attacker and lands one solidly in the man's nose." Castle finishes.

In order to simulate Cooper reaching Palmer's nose with his elbow, Beckett had crouched down behind him. He heard the hiss of pain as the angle of her bent knees gave her hell and felt the tug of fabric from the tie pulling tight against his throat. He felt a split second of panic when the pressure became intense before she must have released her hold on it. He spun to face her, and caught her forearms before she actually fell to the ground.

She laughed it off as Ryan grabbed a chair from the other side of the room and slid it under her, "I guess I'm not ready for the invisible chair." She joked and the guys joined her in laughter, but Castle could tell from the look he shared with each of them that they were as worried as him.

"You're not supposed to strain the stitches." He told her and received an eye roll.

"I think that's pretty damn obvious." She grumbled. "Sorry, not your fault."

Castle shrugged, "At least it wasn't a waste. Now we know he didn't do it."

She cocked her eyebrow at him.

"That was an incredibly awkward position for him to get into." Castle explained.

Esposito spoiled his theory, "No, bro, he didn't have to get into a position like that, he had to fall down at the same moment Cooper flailed."

Beckett reached out and grabbed Castle's forearm, and then started to stand back up, much to the dismay of the three men in the room. "Knock it off, all of you." She admonished, "I'm not going to break, though I probably need to go see Lanie, make sure I didn't pop any stitches."

"The advocate won't even be here for at least a half hour, plenty of time to pop down for a friendly visit to the morgue." Ryan said a little too cheerfully and then gestured between Castle's neck where his tie was hanging limply around the author's neck and dangling behind his shoulders.

"Oh, yeah, sorry." Castle told him, pulling at the paisley patterned slip of fabric and passing it to the detective. Ryan seemed to check it for damage. Once satisfied, he popped up his collar and started to tie it.

Caste had watched the inspection with a bemused smile, but when he turned to share a laugh with Becket she was staring at his neck with her brow furrowed as if she were angry. "What?"

Beckett hadn't taken her hand off of his arm and Castle started to worry Esposito or Ryan would catch on. He was fairly certain she wasn't ready to be public, especially at work, considering they had barely said two words about the situation. At least he was until her fingers moved to brush gently over the skin on his neck.

"That could have ended poorly." She said with a flash of guilt and he thought back to the tug against his neck as she started to fall, just before she released the tie. It must have left a mark where her fingers were trailing a straight line across his flesh.

"Nah," he smiled down at her, "Ryan wears cheap ties, it would have torn before it did too much damage."

His joke inspired angry grumbling from Ryan about how Jenny gets him nice things and an eye roll from Beckett who finally seemed to realize what she was doing and dropped her hand. "It's just a little pink, you don't have to run off and check yourself out in the mirror now."

"Oh, but I do, Detective." He told her, with a grin which she didn't appear to appreciate if her glare was anything to go by. "Consider us even, then?"

"For what, exactly?" she seemed genuinely confused and he wondered why she wouldn't remember something that happened just yesterday. At the same time he wondered if he was a masochist to bring it up himself.

"You almost killed me." He said and then swallowed around the misery that surrounded the next thought tied to that, "I almost got you killed." He inflected his tone with false cheer, "So, we're even."

She rolled her eyes, but he didn't miss the fire in them. Apparently, neither did Ryan and Esposito who were inching towards the door as if trying to get away before the two of them got into a serious argument, "That wasn't your fault." Beckett informed him, her voice rising slightly and he didn't know if it was anger or frustration.

"Bull." He told her defiantly as he took a small step into her space.

He felt the poke of her finger in his chest, but didn't look away from the flash of anger in her eyes, "Stop it, Castle."

From his peripheral vision he noted that Ryan and Esposito had almost made it to the door, still moving stealthily as if they didn't want to be caught in the cross fire. "Why? This is killing me, Kate. I should have told you about the guards-"

She cut him off with another poke of her finger, "I would have told you not to bother and probably still been distracted when I tried to lose them, and I would have tried to shake them, because I'm stubborn." Her tone was angry, but her words rang with a truth he could almost physically feel. "I can't do everything alone, but damn if I don't get bullheaded and try to anyway."

He just stared at her, not sure what to say. Watched her take a long breath and felt the heavy exhale as she reined in her emotions from the outburst.

"I shouldn't be distracting you." He finally said.

When she quirked her mouth in a small smile he was certain she was going to make a jab about that being all he had done for years, so why stop now. Instead she locked eyes with him and withdrew the finger she had been poking him with.

"Do you want to know what was more distracting than having a car tailing me that night?" Kate didn't wait for a response and instead leaned in and kissed him.

He was stunned, apparently so were the boys who had made it to the doorway and were stopped, dead in their track, staring at the two of them. The kiss was brief and simple, almost chaste in comparison to the ones they had shared on his bed earlier.

Beckett pulled away and Rick knew his eyes had to be as big as saucers, staring at her as his brain fought for something, anything to explain what had just happened. They stared at each other as the clock on the wall clicked the seconds, sounding loud in the sudden silence.

"If that's going to distract me, does that mean you're going to stop doing it?" she finally asked him.

Everything seemed to click into place and he gave her a tentative smile, "Never." He responded on a breath. He was shocked at his response, both by the word itself and the realization of exactly how much he meant it.

"Good." She told him simply with a genuine smile before the smile fell off her face, replaced immediately by her most stern and authoritative expression. The one that always left him quaking.

"Esposito," she spoke sharply, turning her smoldering eyes to the detective "If you text, tweet, call, fax, email, or contact Lanie in any way including sending a freaking carrier pigeon before I make it down there to talk to her, she's going to be pissed. You'll be the only person I'll assign to look for discarded wallets or weapons in dumpsters for the next three months and I'll pull the 'best friend' card on Lanie to make sure you see no action for at least that long."

Castle watched Esposito pale as Kate gave him the run down and then the detective swallowed and nodded before speaking, "What, uh, what about Ryan?" he asked, obviously trying to shift the focus off himself.

Beckett shrugged, "He can tell his girlfriend if he wants. She's not my best friend who would be devastated if she even thought it was possible the two of you knew anything about something that might be even remotely more than nothing going on with Castle and me."

Esposito nodded, accepting her random phrase as a good explanation of Lanie's potential reaction and apparent thought process. It seemed to be another minute of glaring before he finally realized he was blocking the door and their exit. She looped her arm through Castle's again and let him lead her towards Lanie and getting her stitches checked.

Once the elevator closed she turned to him, "Are you ok with this?" she sounded unsure of his reaction to her basically revealing they were in some kind of relationship before they had even discussed it.

"I'm all in. Call or fold?" He replied, trying to keep it light with a poker reference.

She smiled, as if grateful and it was an odd thing to see from her in that moment. She leaned into his side more heavily. "Call." She replied simply.

He returned her smile and then felt her shift away from him to a more presentable distance as the elevator doors slid open. It was time to face the music, but somehow, for the first time in his life he wasn't worried about meeting the best friend. He had it on good authority, from the woman herself, that Lanie would approve.

What he wasn't sure about were the questions that he and Beckett hadn't even discussed. Lanie was sure to have at least a dozen.

x.x.x

A/N: I bet you guys are glad I only have one story to focus on now, seems like the chapters are rolling out faster than ever. Mostly I can't believe all of your support and encouraging words. I'll do my best to live up to it. I don't think I have with this chapter, feels like it's moving somewhere it shouldn't, but you get the ideas as they're spewed from my head and I refuse to fight them since they are usually so pleasant.

Review that made my day, **Undercover Cop Lauri,** wow, I hope I can live up to how highly you think of me. Thank you for blowing five and a half hours on my work to get caught up. I was particularly touched by your reference to Thomas Harris and supremely proud to have aided you in finding your way out of writer's block, however the heck that happened.

A side note on writer's block, I don't actually believe in it. Don't yell just yet, hear me out. I believe an idea can be frustrating and you can get stuck on it, but I refuse to stop writing because something isn't clicking. Technically I've been suffering from 'writer's block' for several chapters and have delayed the interrogation scene with David Palmer because it was giving me fits (that's why I threw Esposito in a mud puddle and let him get away, I wasn't able to write the scene). Of course, I don't stop writing; I just write something else, delay things with filler, bridge gaps. According to all the reviews you guys appreciate my writer's block, so perhaps I should get stuck more often. :)

Thanks so much for reading.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

Beckett was intent not to be surprised or put on the spot again, not to put Castle on the spot again. What happened in the observation room had been a fluke. She wasn't even sure what was going on with the two of them, but he looked so sad and she got lost in them. She got lost in him and the moment and making that hurt and guilt go away. She did what she needed to do, what she wanted to do, to set things right, but couldn't help worrying about his reaction.

They hadn't even talked about them, more than basically agreeing the word 'us' could be applied to them, but that had been in private. This was in front of their co-workers and suddenly everything seemed too real. She could stop wondering if he would still walk away, if he wasn't looking for more than right now. She didn't know if he wanted to keep things private for a while and see if anything even came of this, of them.

She didn't know much of anything, but in that moment in the observation room as the whole world fell away and it was just her and Castle, she didn't care. She didn't care where she was, who saw them, the gossip that would fly, or who won the damn betting pool. She only cared that Rick understand that he couldn't blame himself for psychos and creeps.

Now, walking into the morgue, she had an odd feeling of impending doom. She knew, just like with any dead body, the two of them were going to be autopsied by her friend the moment they walked in the door. It had been a nice reprieve and confidence boost to ride down with Castle and hear him confirm he was 'all in' and that she wasn't alone, but those first few steps were the hardest.

She nodded a greeting to her friend, but couldn't seem to figure out just what to say on the subject. Castle came to her rescue with a segue topic.

"Was there any sign of trauma to either of the victim's elbows? Anything even remotely off about either one like he took on a nose with it?" Castle asked and she almost laughed. He was like a dog with a bone. When he got something in his head, he wasn't able to shake it loose.

"Now, Castle, don't you think if I'd found something I'd have already mentioned it?" Lanie asked him sarcastically with a raised eyebrow as if he were crazy to question her report on the lack of defensive injuries.

"It may be hard to find, the elbow is a strong bone going up against a nose, but our suspect has a broken one."

"And it's his blood at the scene." Beckett finished.

Lanie seemed to think about it a moment. "I didn't see anything, but that doesn't mean there was nothing there." She seemed frustrated with herself for possibly missing important autopsy findings. "As soon as I'm done with Mr. Taylor here," she gestured to the body of an elderly man with the early markings of a Y-incision started on his chest, "I'll pull Cooper out again and have another look."

Silence descended and she knew that expression in her friend's eyes. The woman wanted more than case conversation, but all that Beckett could get to go through her brain at that moment were the facts of the case.

"Beckett may have also inadvertently pulled out some of her stitches." Castle provided before the silence could drag further into awkwardness.

"You did what now?" Lanie turned her full focus on Beckett and the concern was clear in her eyes, but it was not veiling the medical examiner's shear frustration.

"We were trying to recreate the events of the murder to determine if it was plausible that our victim struck out, breaking David Palmer's nose and resulting in the blood at the scene." She explained as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Of course, to her it was.

"She ended up in a crouch and pulled at the stitches." Castle finished.

Lanie's expression didn't soften and if anything the frustration came more to the forefront. "Girl, you crazy or what?" she asked, with a shake of her head, "There's no one else that couldn't have played your part in this reenactment?"

Kate shrugged, "No one that wanted to choke Castle as much as me." She responded glibly.

Beckett watched Lanie look between Castle and her and then back to Castle, "And here I was getting my hopes up that he had some kind of love bite. Now that you mention it though, it's definitely a ligature mark."

"About these stitches?" Beckett asked, changing the subject, though she immediately regretted it because she had the perfect opportunity to just tell her right then and there. A simple 'not yet' with a glance at Castle would have been enough.

She was finding it difficult to put into words whatever needed to be said to Lanie, so she tried to focus on the task at hand. If she knew her friend she would provide at least ten other opportunities as easy as the one she had missed.

Castle walked over and helped Beckett onto the empty examine table again. This time felt so different from less than twenty four hours ago. Perhaps it was because she knew he felt the same way she did. His proximity as he gripped her hips to help her up and stepped forward just a little between her parted legs under the guise of assisting her instantly sent her mind back to his bedroom.

Lanie was standing close to both of them and she suddenly reached a hand out to tilt Castle's head up and to the side as she tugged gently at his collar to inspect the markings. "That might swell." She told them both, before directing her next comment to Castle, "You probably shouldn't sleep alone." Lanie's comment was openly suggestive and the wink she threw Kate's way confirmed what she was trying to suggest.

Beckett simply rolled her eyes at her friend, "He's not going to."

To her surprise, Lanie didn't seem to get the meaning behind her words; instead she was apparently choosing to interpret them as Kate inferring that Castle was a playboy that never went a day without some bimbette in his bed.

He saved her the trouble of beating her friend over the head with her point when her eyes met his and she couldn't pull away, "Are you suggesting I'm not going to be alone or that I'm not going to be sleeping?" he asked slyly.

Kate wished she could pull her eyes away, because from the lack of a single sound from Lanie, the woman was probably wearing a shocked expression that Beckett would normally pay to see. "Both." She offered, feeling a little silly at how breathless she felt just then.

Castle's teasing grin fell off his face and his expression could only be interpreted as heated. She had seen the man ogle her for years, but never had his intentions to ravish her been so blatantly advertised in his eyes. "Promise?" he asked her and she could tell he was trying to play it cool and inflect some humor in his tone, but he failed miserably.

Her answer was to grab the lapels of his jacket and pull him one final step towards her until their bodies were touching lightly in an entirely inappropriate for the morgue manner. It was almost involuntary the way her thighs gently squeezed against his hips as her body came flush against his, "We'll see." She told him teasingly as she held his gaze and felt his breath across her lips from their nearness.

Lanie seemed to regain herself enough to gasp at them before Beckett was pushing Castle away from her again, "Now, be a good boy and leave me to talk to Lanie."

x.x.x

When they walked back into the bullpen a short while later, Ryan and Esposito suddenly stopped talking to each other and began rifling through things on their desks in an attempt to actually look busy. Beckett rolled her eyes as she guided Castle in their direction.

"Has that 'fake working' thing ever worked on me?" she asked them.

They both looked at her with looks of innocence on their faces and she almost laughed at how incredibly good they were both getting at pulling that expression off, though Esposito needed a little more work than Ryan before it was perfected.

"Cut the crap, guys, who won?" she asked and was met with slight looks of confusion. "The betting pool that I'm sure you helped organize?" she intimated as if Lanie had told her something when in fact the medical examiner was adamant she knew nothing about any betting pool. She knew her guys and others in the precinct as well, and there wasn't much that they wouldn't bet on.

"I had this week in the big pot, walked out with a cool eight large." Ryan said, before Esposito realized what he was saying a kicked him. "What, dude?"

"She was fishing." Esposito explained.

"Not much of a fishing expedition, since you two will lay bets on just about everything." She explained before part of his phrase hit her, "The 'big pot'? There was more than one?"

"Three." Esposito chimed in, probably figuring from her reaction that there wouldn't be much in the way of grief from here. He was sadly mistaken. "The others were more of a where you'd be seen together first and what you'd be doing."

Ryan chuckled, "There was probably more money riding on caught in coitus in the interrogation room than anything else on that board."

She shot him a glare, not that the thought was completely foreign to her. While she'd never do anything like that at work, she couldn't help that the thought had found its way into a fantasy or two. She leaned towards the two men who were now sitting side by side at Ryan's desk. Bracing her hands against the table to stay upright she glared them down, "You want to know about how I get all worked up in the interrogation room?" she questioned them suggestively, flicking a glance over her shoulder to Castle, "If so," her tone was suddenly serious and icy, matching the glare she leveled at them both, "why don't you go in the observation room and watch me take apart a suspect."

After a long tense silence where she and Castle watched both men try to swallow around their reaction to her intimidation, Esposito broke in, "His advocate is in there, whenever you're ready."

The interrogation went so smoothly that Beckett was left with an almost anti-climactic feeling after the events of the past several days. Here she was, sitting across from a guy who was completely off his rocker, who barely knew up from down and was a clinically diagnosed mental case, who had confessed to the crimes. He had confessed and she wasn't sure he would ever be able to tell them why. The 'why' was so important and she'd never get that.

She had barely had to lean on the guy about him being in the park that night before he was apologizing, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He cried softly.

"You need to tell me what you're sorry for." She told him, but didn't receive a response as he rocked himself more quickly in the seat.

"I didn't mean to hurt him."

"How is that?" She asked, then slapped Cooper's picture on the table, "You choked the life out of him. It was violent. That's not something people do by accident."

"I never meant to hurt anyone, ok?" he asked, seeming to beg her for understanding.

"Tell me what happened in the park that night?" she needed to know, she needed to hear the words from his mouth.

"He was there," Palmer began and pointed at the picture on the table. He fell silent for a long moment before continuing, "I was there and I knew he was watching me. I knew there is, was, is someone after me. I feel them waiting. I just didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave or disappear. They make people disappear all the time. People go away and no one ever sees them again, but I can't be taken away. I can't be made invisible to all I know. I had to, but I didn't really mean to."

"You have to tell me exactly what happened." She repeated, frustrated with the man's mental state and lack of coherence.

"Have you ever felt the fire? It licks at your skin and it burns your eyes just to see." He tried to explain. "I've felt it. It's white hot in the back of my neck when they watch me, when they track me and come for me. It consumes me and I am one with it until I can shake it free."

Beckett tried to change tactics, "How did you get his tie off his neck?" she asked.

"The ties that bind." Palmer spouted as if the word itself sparked a mental link or correlation to English, though she'd need a translator if she was ever going to figure out crazy person talk. "The fire was strong that night. Fast and hot. I didn't mean to do it and I had to run away. I couldn't do anything as he stared at me, but then I saw the fire that surrounded his head and I couldn't stop myself."

"Why did you thrash my apartment and run me off the road?" she asked,

"I don't know." He responded, his rocking becoming so agitated that the legs of his chair started to scrape back and forth slightly. "I didn't mean to do anything. I didn't mean for someone to get hurt. I don't know why I do these things. I must be a bad person. I didn't mean it, I'm sorry."

"Detective," the man's advocate spoke up, "You will need to continue another time. Mr. Palmer is highly agitated and I believe we should get him checked into a ward and on the proper medication."

Beckett didn't like to leave things unfinished, but she recognized the intense stress Palmer was exhibiting. "Just," she started as she passed paper and a pen to Palmer, "Write down everything you remember from that night." She told him and sat back as he began to translate his psychotic rambling into psychotic written messages.

x.x.x

A/N: Kind of short in comparison to my recent chapters, but I wanted to get it out there so I can say I'm official over the 'block' and post this so I can treat myself to some ice cream.

Review that made my day, **joana nyc,** I laughed my butt off when I got your review. You managed to string together three words that make up my favorite phrase. I'd repeat it, but this fic is rated T, so I'm limiting the swear words to those on network TV.

Thanks so much for reading.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

Castle left Beckett in the interrogation room while Psycho-Boy, aka David Palmer, scribbled out his confession. He couldn't believe the quivering stick of a man sitting across the table from them had the means to pull off what had happened. Perhaps the opportunity, he was definitely at the scene of the crime. Perhaps the motive, considering his obviously pronounced mental illness. He just couldn't wrap his brain around the guy going further than the crime of opportunity that was Cooper's murder.

He could see and hear the man's paranoia, but that alone didn't make him seem to fit the puzzle that had been this case. Castle found himself staring at the murder board, trying to make the pieces fit. While Beckett may have, on more than one occasion, accused him of being less than entirely mentally stable, trying to put himself in the mind of David Palmer was proving his most difficult task yet.

He stared at each piece of evidence, each moment documented on the time line, everything they had gleaned to this point and he couldn't help but feel like he was missing something. He knew it was probably his overactive imagination, trying to put logic where no such thing existed, but he couldn't shake the feeling. Something niggling at the back of his mind as he scanned the murder board and tried to make the pieces fit the man in the interrogation room.

Castle snapped a few pictures of the murder board with his phone, knowing they had logically gotten the guy, but once the board was down he wanted to be able to see it again if he needed to. Once he got all the pieces to make sense in his mind he wanted to have it to alleviate his over active imagination.

Palmer's blood was on scene, likely his foot print on the victim. He had said Cooper was watching him and to an intensely paranoid individual, that act alone could have been reason enough for Palmer. Enough to think he was justified in the killing. The paranoia came into play again as he thought about Beckett's ties to the case. She had been the lead investigator and Palmer was paranoid about being caught, but Castle wasn't sure it was enough for him to strike out at the person he believed would be looking for him.

It could have been more than enough for the man's already frail mind and after taking a life, he probably didn't find the threat in her apartment or the second attempt on Kate to be all that out of the realm of his own insane logic. She would have become the hunter and he had dispatched of Cooper for a perceived threat, so Beckett would have been a natural target. He just didn't strike Castle as the type to leave notes and break into houses.

It just didn't sit well with him.

With a heavy sigh, he registered the boys coming out of the observation room a few minutes later. The two detectives approached him with the normal satisfaction of a case closed radiating off of them. Castle, as much as he hated it, had to burst their bubble. "Can I have the therapist's transcripts from Palmer's last trial?"

Ryan and Esposito shared a knowing look and Castle was certain that one or the other was going to be making money off his request. If he knew them as well as he thought, they had disagreed on whether he would accept the confession as the end of all this and his suspicion was confirmed as they gathered files from Ryan's desk and Esposito collected what looked to be a ten from his partner.

"I want his arrest records, too." Castle told them and to his surprise they jumped into the task without making fun of him. He watched them for a moment and wondered what he had possibly done to earn their respect. Whatever it was, he was glad to have those two in his corner.

After setting the two detectives to work gathering info on Palmer, Castle moved to the break room under the guise of getting Beckett a coffee for when she was finished. Once through the doorway he had his phone out calling Lanie.

"You forget something down here?" she asked as a greeting.

"You always answer your phone with sarcasm?" he quipped.

"Only when it's you. What do you need?" she asked. He wasn't sure, but she sounded wary. He thought that perhaps it was a little weird for her to be talking to him. Maybe she thought he wanted to pump her for info on Kate now that they were sort of an item, or that he might suggest some kind of awkward double date with her and Esposito.

"I need a favor." He didn't wait for her to feel any weirder about his call and decided to jump right in, "I was hoping you could send me digital copies of Cooper's x-rays?"

"What are you up to?" she asked suspiciously.

He wanted to tell her nothing, but that would be a lie. He wanted to tell her he just wanted to satisfy his curiosity about something, but he wasn't. He settled for the truth, "I'm not sold on this guy Beckett's got singing in interrogation. I just want to go through a few more things."

"You sure it's not something else? Some part in a prank or something for a publicity stunt?" she asked and he heard the tone in her voice that said she was caving, but wanted to make him work for what he got.

"Yes, I'm sure. You know me, right? I wouldn't joke about murder." He said, keeping a level tone.

As expected she responded with a dry laugh, "Yeah, that'll be the day."

"Thanks, Lanie." He was smiling now, because he knew he had won this round, even though she hadn't specifically told him she would pass them along.

"You know, I find these on your website and I'm a kill you, right?"

He nodded, though he knew she couldn't see him, "You can block the patient info out if you're worried about it."

When he was met with silence, he wasn't sure if she was about to tell him no or if she was just delaying to torture him. "Your hunch on the elbow? I checked 'em both, very carefully this time with extra magnification, but there's nothing there to find."

"Thanks, I'll let Beckett know."

Her response was to present him with the dial tone as she hung up, but he didn't take that as a no or even that she was mad. She was just a busy lady and she'd send the files when she got a chance. He was feeling optimistic.

"You'll tell me what?" he heard from behind him and turned to find Kate leaning against the doorway observing him with a frustrated expression.

"No evidence of defensive wounds or any wounds at all on Cooper's elbows." He relayed, keeping the rest to himself right now as he carried her coffee to her desk. His phone buzzed as she broke out the paperwork and jumped in. It was the documents from Lanie. He saved the x-rays in a file with the crime scene photos.

Castle typed out a quick message, 'What's up, Doc? I'm sure you're busy, but do you have a few minutes to look at something for me?'

Castle took the long minutes that passed as he waited for a response from his friend to examine Beckett. She looked tired and occasionally shifted in her seat as if uncomfortable. He leaned in and kept his voice low so it wouldn't travel, "You ok?"

"Leg hurts." She responded and then followed it with a heavy sigh, "And I'm exhausted."

Castle glanced at his watch and almost smirked. It was barely one in the afternoon. He was about to respond when his phone buzzed.

'Is it another rash? I already told you before I'm not a medical doctor.'

He could practically see her awkward little half smile and he couldn't stop himself from the bark of laughter that escaped him. He tried to cover it with a cough, but Beckett graced him with an amused look and a questioning raise of her eyebrows, but he waved it off for a moment to send a response. 'Ha ha, not funny. Just some x-rays.'

Beckett was right back to the paperwork with that scowl on her face and he searched his brain for a way to convince her that paperwork could wait.

The response came quickly this time, his phone buzzed in his hand and Kate laughed at his startled jerk from being snapped from his intense internal focus.

'Send them over, I'm between cases.'

He quickly pulled the files into an email typed a quick line of gratitude and shot them off. He slipped his phone back in his pocket and looked up to see Beckett watching him with a question in her eyes.

"So, what was that about?" she asked after a long smile.

"Another writer, I can fill you in over lunch. Might help wake you up?" he suggested.

"How about you grab something and I'll do the paperwork?" she suggested, shifting to face him and following the movement with a wince.

"You should probably take something for that." He suggested, ignoring her recommendation.

She brushed off his concern and sure enough he found himself headed out alone to get lunch. Not that he minded, at least until Kate gave him a hard time for getting one of the security guards to accompany him.

Even after lunch he wasn't able to get her to take something for the pain. She claimed to need a clear head for her paperwork, but he was getting increasingly frustrated with her stubbornness and found himself looking for a distraction.

He found it in trying to decipher the shaky scrawled confession of their suspect. He couldn't believe she had actually accepted the man's psychotic rambling as a confession, but with the physical evidence they had he didn't stand a chance in court. Not that he'd ever make it that far.

Caslte read and reread the 'confession', which had had begun to think of as a loose term for the photocopied sheet in his hand. He committed the man's rambling to memory as she continued her paperwork.

_Watching from the bushes, eyes wide. _

_Eyes watching. _

_Two eyes breathless. Two eyes piercing._

_Pain and blood. _

_Two white breaths becomes just one white breath. _

_White clouds panted from the fire. _

_The cardinal flies, a phoenix rising from the dead._

_Up. Away. No more time. Breaths gone, gone and I was gone too._

_And then just cold in my lungs._

_Cold through my skin and clothes._

_And I'm running._

_The demons, dark demons, they came for me._

_A palace of steel and stone._

_Your palace. Mine as well._

_An angel guides me. _

_An angel of vengeance or mercy, I don't know._

_I didn't mean to hurt._

_Never mean to do harm._

_You're the voice of my reasoning, the guide of my downfall._

_You're the salvation from disappearance._

_Choking, from my hands. _

_I can't feel it, but I can see. I can hear and I know it to be truth._

_I hurt and I mean no harm._

_I fight. I lash out. _

_Your house, your car._

_You hunt me, is this why I hunted you?_

_These fall on my hands, too?_

_Evil housed in the walls of my chest._

_Evil to ruin, evil to run off._

_But it is me and I am fire and light, pain and death._

_Everything and Nothing._

_No soul, no remorse._

_No memory so no memorial. _

_It all washes away._

_Forgive me._

"This reads like some kind of dark poetry and makes no sense at all." He mumbled after trying to figure out what it meant for over an hour.

She smirked at him, "He's crazy, Castle, there's no indication that it would ever make sense. Don't give yourself a headache."

"I just feel like I'm in high school English class again." He grumbled.

She smiled at that as she signed the last document to finish off her paperwork. He grabbed her jacket and held an arm out so he could help Beckett up.

"Castle, I have work to do." She said, but followed it up with a yawn.

He didn't budge from his position of offering assistance, "Captain Montgomery said when you're done with the paperwork you're out of here until the doctors clear you to come back."

"We both know that's ridiculous." She responded, but her tone was insincere as she reached out to let him pull her up. With a sigh, she turned to Ryan and Esposito. "I'm going home. You guys don't let everything fall apart."

Castle helped her into her coat and was so glad for her finally agreeing to go home that he didn't even bother to say I told you so.

They stepped onto the elevator with the security guards right behind them. As all four turned to look forward, he felt Kate's fingers lace with his. "Dinner?" she asked simply.

He heard the slight hesitation in her voice as if she thought he might decline, "Yes, but I'm cooking tonight."

Beckett gave him a raised eyebrow, one corner of her mouth lifting in a tease of a smile. She was trying to ask what he had up his sleeve, but that expression gave him the sudden urge to press her to the wall and kiss her until neither of them were coherent. He managed to fight the urge with the logic of their surroundings, and instead just leaned in and brushed a kiss over her hair without a response.

x.x.x

A/N: I know this was very case heavy, but there were some things that needed covered, next chapter they're back at the loft. I don't like my stories to stray from T rated, because I don't want to alienate the younger folks, but there's this naughty little plot bunny in that dark corner of the room. Maybe a companion chapter on the M side? It's up to you guys.

Sorry for ditching out on an update yesterday, I normally try to update every day on the weekend. On a related note, updates may be slower this week. I'm working an alternate schedule so I can carpool because my car broke down, which means I'm up at 5:30 in the morning, way too early for me when I don't normally go to sleep until after midnight because I'm up writing.

Review that made my day, **Bella Paige,** for reading the story the way I watch crime shows, guessing all the way and throwing out theories and thoughts. It's fun for me to know that you're engaged in the story enough to try and be a detective about it all.


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: Yes, kaybee2488, I'm borrowing another show's anthropologist because it advances my plot. It's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that they might know each other. They're both writers who are the civilian half of a crime-fighting team.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Castle wasn't surprised that the moment they walked in the house and Alexis found out they'd gotten a confession, she was ready to bolt. He understood his daughter's inclination for freedom and knew she was suffering from more than a little cabin fever. He was, however, unconvinced on the culprit and wary of letting her leave the house.

"Come on, Dad, I've been cooped up in here for two days." She told him sounding slightly desperate.

Kate came up beside him and rested a reassuring hand on his arm, "Castle, we got him, it's over." He knew she was trying to sound confident and assured, but the attempt was thwarted by a long drawn out yawn to cap the end of her statement.

"Could you just," he was flailing for excuses, he knew he was probably being irrational, but this was his little girl, "How about a compromise?" He finally managed, though he wasn't exactly sure what that might be.

After a long moment of silence, Beckett seemed to realize this was a family thing and drew back from him. His daughter waited with a questioning expression for him to present the thought and finally broke the silence, "Which would be?"

Castle was doing a mental inventory of Alexis' friends. Most of them lived in secure building with cameras, limited access, and security alarms. He could only think of a couple he would feel she could be taken from if she were to be there. "You'll stay with a friend who lives in a secure building. You'll go with two guards," when he saw her open her mouth to protest he held up his hand to stop her before she could speak, "They'll get you safely there and then leave."

Alexis was still regarding him warily, but she had reserved comment so he continued, "You'll stay inside until you're ready to come home and then you'll call for an escort home."

Alexis rolled her eyes, "You're being paranoid again, did you take your medication?" she teased him.

He wasn't feeling in the mood for teasing, not after everything they had been through in the past couple of days. He still wasn't comfortable with the idea of letting her off their home turf, out where someone could get to her. "That's the deal, take it or leave it."

His serious tone and worry must have conveyed what he had intended, because her frustration fell away and she gave him a little smile before agreeing to his conditions. She turned away from him and he thought she was ready to sprint out of the house, but instead she approached Beckett who had wandered away from them to take up a seat on the couch.

"You need help with anything before I go?" he heard as he headed into the kitchen to get things started for dinner.

As he began gathering supplies for dinner, he watched as the two of them ventured upstairs together, presumably to change Kate's bandages. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he wiped his hands off on a towel. He pulled his phone out and noted the caller was his friend with the X-rays was calling him back. "Wow, Doc, that was fast."

"I don't have anything yet." She responded simply. "I glanced through them, but I'm not at the lab. Why did you contact me?"

He sighed; she was straight to the point, just as he remembered. While they had spoken in general terms the one time they met in DC at some kind of literary awards ceremony, neither had gone into specifics and they definitely hadn't called each other. "We've been looking at this for two days and I really need an objective observer. I just want to make sure we're not missing something because we're too close to it."

"Too close? As in close to catching the killer?" she queried. "That's usually a good thing."

Castle sighed. Dinner forgotten, he let his head fall forward as images assaulted his memory. They had all been so wrapped up in everything that he hadn't had a chance to process everything they had been through and for the first time since it began he found himself talking about it. "I almost lost my partner on this one." The words felt thick in his mouth as his throat tightened and the realization of exactly what that all meant came crashing down on him.

"I understand." She responded and somehow her tone spoke to the truth of that statement.

"I just need an objective evaluation and you're the most objective person I have ever met." He responded when he felt oxygen finally fill his lungs again.

She was back to business almost instantly, the brief flash of emotional understanding buried somewhere while she focused, "I need you to refrain from making comment on the case or the conclusions you have drawn so far. My questions need answered simply without any extra information that may influence an opinion. Nothing you say would actually influence my observations, but you will likely find it more reassuring if I reach the same result without any of the back story." He heard the sound of a car door closing softly and assumed she was probably on a crime scene of her own or back at work.

She didn't seem to know how to relax, so despite the fact that it was after six, he was certain she wasn't home. The thought had him back to thinking about Beckett; she had the same kind of focus and drive. It was what had drawn him to the other writer that night, familiarity. As they talked throughout the ceremony and pretentious dinner, he found they had a lot in common. They definitely had more in common than he had with all the pompous people at ceremony where they'd met and seemed to gravitate to each other and by the end of the night were talking like old friends. He found it was the first conversation at an awards ceremony that he was not inclined to walk away from. It wasn't until several days later that he realized it was because they had spent the night talking about their unofficial jobs of solving murders.

He had only allowed himself to be distracted a moment, but he forced himself to focus. "Sure, whatever you need?"

"Do you know anything about who wore the shoe from the impression on the flesh?" she asked, her tone distracted, "The one that caused the injuries to the intercarpal and radiocarpal joints?" she elaborated.

"Yes." He said simply, following her instructions and fighting the urge to blurt out something about the man's weasel-like qualities.

"Height, weight?" she asked.

Castle remembered the conversation as they pondered the logistics of Palmer's broken nose in the observation room, "Five foot ten inches and somewhere between a competitive swimmer and an anorexic model."

"I don't want to know about your suspects, just the weight of whoever caused the injuries." She had that little lilt in her voice that he had noticed she got when someone wasn't being clear.

"That wasn't the suspects; I was just trying to say he's slim."

"I don't know what that means." She stated and he could tell from her voice that she really didn't and wasn't just messing with him.

With a breath he started his list from the mental thesaurus, "Slender, skinny, small, wiry. You know, slim."

"I meant that I don't know what it means in the context of man's weight." Her tone had become hushed as if she were trying not to be noticed.

He chuckled quietly as he remembered trying to have an entire conversation with her while avoiding general terms of speech and pop culture references. Facts, he remembered, she did well with facts. "About one hundred twenty five pounds, maybe one thirty."

"So, malnourished?" she questioned.

He agreed and she abruptly spoke, "I have to go, I'll see what I can come up with later tonight."

As he thanked her and hung up, he heard a loud crashing through the phone. It was followed by what he could have sworn was the telltale sound of a take down. Just before her end went dead, that split second, he felt a moment of blind panic similar to walking through a door behind Beckett and the boys. He was relieved as he heard a male voice in the distance shouting, "FBI! Hands in th-" just as the line went dead. If what she said about her similarly unorthodox crime-fighting partnership was true, she was in good hands.

Castle turned back to the task of getting dinner together as his heart rate returned to normal. It wasn't long before Beckett and Alexis were slowly making their way down the stairs. He noticed the backpack and duffel bag his daughter was carting and felt his stomach flip flop a little as he thought of her leaving. Putting on a smile, he greeted them as he laid out strained noodles and started layering the cheese and sauce.

"That's a lot of lasagna." Alexis noted as she made her way over to drop her bags near the door.

"I thought we'd have more for dinner tonight." He responded.

"Esposito and Ryan would probably not hate you bringing left overs tomorrow." Kate noted as she pulled up a chair at the high counter, resting her head on her hand.

He ignored the statement as he paused his actions to take in her expression. Her eyes were tired, her mouth a tight line and the crease between her eyebrows gave away the pain coursing through her. "You should take a pill and go lie down."

"I can wait until after dinner." She responded.

Alexis walked up beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder, standing on tip toe to look over the counter and get a clear view of Castle's progress. "Dad's not going to be done for about two hours." She turned to Beckett, "You really should go have a nap."

A statement that would have probably earned him a glare or a snarky comeback line got a considerate tilt of the head when it came from Alexis. "I will in a few." She responded.

Alexis seemed to accept this as she moved around the island to give him a quick hug. Castle had already sent two of the guards home and the other two were waiting patiently in the living room for Alexis to be ready. He kissed the top of her head as she leaned into him and made sure not to lay his hands against her as he hugged her so that he didn't ruin her outfit. "Be safe." He said, nit entirely sure if he was telling, asking or begging.

Alexis pulled back and smiled up at him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, "I will." She turned back when she had made her way to the door, "Thanks, Dad, love you. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye Kate, get some rest. Both of you look like zombies." The guards followed her out as he and Kate shared a look and an eye roll at the girl's comment.

Castle went back to focusing on layering the pasta. They shared a companionable silence before she yawned again. "I think I am going to go grab that nap." She said as she stood and carefully stretched, finishing on a wince.

He gave her what he hoped was a comforting smile, feeling certain it was the best idea she had in days, "I'll come get you when dinner's ready."

Beckett returned the smile, but hers was almost sad and didn't light her eyes, "Alexis is right. You should get some rest, too."

"I'm fine." He responded instinctively as he finished off the pasta a covered it heavily in a last layer of cheese.

"I bet you've gotten as little sleep as I have the last few nights." She crossed her arms and gave him a stern look.

"Less." Was all he said, and he was surprised that the word came out of his mouth unbidden. That fact alone was enough to explain exactly how tired he was.

"Get some rest. Dinner can wait." She implored, her eyes betraying a sudden sadness as if his admission of lack of sleep were somehow her fault. She already took on enough blame for things that she could do nothing about, and this little bit more ate at him.

He shrugged as he started cleaning up, "I guess you're right, but I'm going to take care of some things down here first." He gestured to the supplies across the counter and the mess. "Make yourself at home, of course."

"Castle," she started in a warning tone, but he put up a hand to stop her.

"I will, but I have to clean up first. Go. I'll rest, really." He was sincere. He didn't need to have any more slip ups like the one a moment ago. He didn't need to put more weight on her shoulders.

She seemed to accept his word and gave him a sleepy smile as she made her way upstairs.

It didn't take long for him to put a lid on the lasagna and store it in the fridge with the rest of the perishables. He put the sauce pan in the sink to soak and wiped down the counters, not as efficiently as usual.

After checking the door, he made his way up to his room. The sight that greeted him as he stepped into his doorway stopped him dead in his tracks.

Beckett was sprawled across the bed at an angle, his bed. He stood in the doorway and observed her, lying on top of the blankets and out cold, oblivious to the world. He noticed the flannel pajama bottoms and oversized t-shirt she was wearing, both of which he recognized as his own. He had plenty of time standing there to reflect on how the outfit had never looked so good.

He thought he should probably head back downstairs, maybe crash on the couch or throw the lasagna in and just make it an early bed time instead of taking a nap. He could focus on reviewing the facts of the case again, but he wasn't feeling in the mood for that just then. He couldn't find the desire to walk away, though.

Instead he found himself moving towards his bed. Carefully, he pulled the covers down on one side, shifting her legs to pull the comforter free. He shifted her gently until she wasn't as crooked across the mattress and hauled the blankets back up, tucking them gently around her shoulders.

Her eyes came open and she threw the blanket back off her and gave him a hard glare. For a moment he stood there, dumbfounded, thinking that perhaps she was hot and didn't want the blanket or she was annoyed with his attention. It took an extra second for his brain to process that she was patting the spot next to her on the bed and giving him a look that said if he didn't lay down she would probably knock him over the head just to ensure he'd be unconscious for a little while.

Castle hesitantly lowered himself to the mattress, taking comfort in the fact that he was still wearing his dress shirt and pants as he stretched out along the length of the bed. She pulled the blankets back up, this time over both of them. Somehow, the action brought her closer and he suddenly found her head resting on his shoulder.

"Ok?" she asked, still sounding half asleep.

"Yeah." He managed as he shifted his arm to carefully rest against her back.

"Sure?" she wanted to confirm, even sleepy, she was cautious to a fault.

He fought the familiar feelings of burgeoning arousal and for the first time all day he was glad for his exhausted state that prevented him from fully reacting to her proximity. "Of course."

Within moments he felt her breathing even out as she slipped back asleep. The rhythmic breath warming the material of his shirt and his skin beneath as her breath steadily passed over her lips lulled him off with her.

x.x.x

A/N: I know, I stole another show's character, but I needed her for my plot, so I will not apologize. It isn't unheard of for Castle to seek outside consultation on a case and I thought it was possible with them both being in the literary world as well as being crime solvers. Meanwhile, I'm not sure if I hate this chapter or love it, you can thank the pain killers I'm on for that inconsistency and heck, chalk everything else I messed up this chapter to that point as well.

Review that made my day, **ArianaDawn,** for encouraging me to get my butt in gear and write this.

Thanks for reading.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty-Four

For the second time in twenty-four hours, Kate Beckett woke feeling warm, content, and comfortable, despite her injuries. The feeling was brief and fleeting once her full array of senses came awake and she found herself suddenly and intensely aware of her position. She had shifted towards Castle as she slept, and found herself half sprawled across his chest, her injured leg slung across both of his, her cheek almost dead center over his heart as her left arm wrapped around his torso.

He obviously didn't mind from the way his arms were cradling her to his chest. She knew he was a very hands-on person and suspected him capable of being completely unaware of how he was holding her as he slept. That thought suddenly had her wondering if she knew what she was doing any more than he did even though she was the one awake.

They had been dancing around and skirting the issues that were obviously between them for so long that Kate wondered if there was anything left for either of them to give. She felt the weight of her decision to impulsively push forward with Castle in whatever the hell they were doing right now. Despite her earlier conviction to see this through and stop running away or pulling back from him, she felt the familiar tug. That comfortable drive to lock herself away filled her as his slow even breath fluttered across the hair atop her head.

She would probably never be able to pinpoint exactly what made her so skittish in that moment. She knew there was a possibility he would hurt her. Never physically, of course, but that was a risk she would face regardless of who she was with. There were the niggling doubts in the back of her mind that reminded her he was a playboy and a skirt chaser, but she brushed those off, too. She had gotten to know him well enough by this point to be certain that was all an act, probably something started in his days as a young novelist and continued today only for show and to drive sales with single women.

He was loyal and dependable. She trusted him with her life. So, why was she having such a hard time trusting him with her heart? She continued lying there, completely still as her mind spun with thought after thought and she wondered briefly, and hysterically, if she was channeling Castle's mind while he slept, because hers never seemed to be quite so vague and flighty as the myriad of thoughts that swirled through her just then.

She thought that perhaps it was time to go home and start cleaning up and getting life back to normal. As the thought formed, she realized the reason for her discomfort in the moment, the reason for her intention of leaving him before he woke up.

She was scared.

Katherine Beckett, decorated officer, brilliant detective, master of several martial arts and self-defense training methods, and a regular gun carrying member of the NRA, was scared. She was scared of a button pushing man-child with a penchant for slick smiles and playful innuendo. Having finally acknowledged the fact in her mind, she tried to hold onto the thought and not push it away. She wanted to pinpoint exactly what the problem was so she could either squash this whole thing because it was too much to handle, or fight through the problem.

She was attracted to him, that wasn't frightening in itself. He was a good looking man with charm, when he wanted to have it, a keen sense of style, a smile that made her melt or heat up depending on the intensity and eyes that seemed to see right through to her soul. No, the attraction to him wasn't the problem. That was a natural and normal reaction.

No, attraction to him wasn't an issue, and after kissing him, she knew that intimacy wouldn't be either. She could have expected it would feel like that to let her walls down, to let him see her, weak and vulnerable, under his touch. She had suspected, wondered, hell even imagined, what that moment would feel like. Nothing had prepared her for the emotions that washed over her. Not in that moment with his lips on hers, and not as she lay there wrapped in his warm embrace, his heart beating against her cheek and the masculine scent of him surrounding her.

She wanted him. She couldn't deny that, she just didn't understand why she wanted to. He was sweet and caring. He always seemed to know what she needed, sometimes before she did, hell, most of the time he thought of her hours before she would have made time to think of herself. Coffee or dinner, even a kind smile or a joke to lift her spirits when things got too serious.

Something was making her want to run screaming from this situation and as she delved deeper into her thoughts to find the answers, she wasn't prepared for what she'd come across. She sighed against his chest as she realized she knew exactly what the problem was.

He was a good friend. That's where her mind stopped. That's where the fear in her lay, exposing itself to her in a blatant flash of understanding. He was a good friend, a great person to have on her side, and she didn't want that to change. She didn't want to lose what they had now. She didn't want to gamble one of the best things in her life on the hopes that one or both of them wouldn't screw something up. Especially when neither of them had a particularly good track record for maintaining a healthy relationship.

She had spent a long time avoiding relationships, avoiding ties that could lead her somewhere that she didn't want to end up. Lead her to a place where she cared so much that losing whoever she cared for as she lost her mom would tear her apart again. She wasn't sure she could put the pieces back together a second time, it had been hard enough the first.

It had taken years, and possibly the most frightening aspect of it all was Castle's ties to her mother's case. She had put so much into the search for her mother's killer her first few years on the force, and then had put so much into burying her drive to pursue the case; she hadn't fully faced and dealt with all of it until Castle came along. Now, as she thought about it, if something happened to him, who would be there to ease the pain? Who would be there to lighten the mood, or tell her she's tall or silently stand beside her so she didn't crumble in on herself, crumble under the walls she had built up around herself?

She couldn't take it anymore. It was too oppressive, too hot, too much, she couldn't breathe. Gently, Kate started to move away from him, intent on slipping out of bed and leaving him asleep. Slipping out of bed, maybe out of the loft all together. Perhaps it was time to go home and get back to normal.

Before she could do more than lift her head off his chest and begin shifting her leg off him, she felt his arms tighten around her, pulling her close again. It wasn't a trapping tightness, more of an acknowledgement of his consciousness just before he dropped a kiss on her head. "It's almost ten at night and we just woke up. We wouldn't say 'good morning' since it's obviously not, but it would be odd to say 'Good Night' wouldn't it?"

His voice was husky with sleep, a little lower than usual and soft as if he was worried that using a normal tone would break whatever was holding them here, holding them together, whatever had brought them to this point. She didn't know if she wanted to laugh at his comment, so random and completely like him, or cry because she still had to go. She still had to get away. Castle holding her, firmly but gently, as he spoke in a sleep ravaged tone was both endearing and arousing. Two things she had just decided she didn't need, they didn't need.

Beckett placed her palm against his chest and pushed as she lifted her head to move herself away from him. She was feeling overwhelmed, she could say it was a natural flight instinct because she felt trapped by the feeling of his arms holding her against him, but she was done lying to herself. She was done lying to herself, but she wasn't ready to spell it out for him. She didn't even know what she would say.

Her attempt to wiggle away only resulted in him adjusting his arm to wrap around her waist as he shifted down and rolled towards her until she found herself facing him. Before she could turn away, it was too late. She found herself looking into his penetrating blue eyes and the expression on his face stopped her from pulling any further away.

"Don't" he whispered simply as his arm loosened enough for him to move his hand against her back. Slow, steady, gentle stroking motions along the length of her spine as his eyes softened just a little, but she saw the emotions warring in him as they have been in her.

In that moment, she knew. She knew he was aware of her intentions as she tried to move away. She knew from the little hint of hurt he was trying to mask in his expression that he'd let her run, even though he obviously didn't want to. She knew it scared her even more than she was a moment ago to witness from this close his willingness to put her above himself.

She suddenly didn't have the energy to move away, nor the desire. What she did have was a heightened level of apprehension and a heart rate that she wasn't sure had increased from her anxiety or the gentle caress against her back. She felt the strength of her emotions and couldn't put a name on them. She had no idea if she was angry, disturbed, blissful or just plain nervous. She did know she was confused and confusion didn't play well with her. She liked knowing. She liked rules and boundaries. She liked her walls.

When she finally found her voice, she was surprised when it came out with a hint of irritation that resulted in an almost imperceptible wince from him, "What the hell are we doing, Rick?"

His hand stilled against her back the moment her words were out.

Castle was able to cover his initial reaction to her tone with a soft smile as he started moving his hand against her again. He didn't answer her question; instead he trailed his fingers slowly up her spine. When he reached her neck he didn't move to brush down again as he had been doing. This time, instead, he let his fingers trace the curve along the side of her neck. He didn't take his eyes off hers as his fingers brushed softly up to her cheek, to her temple where he brushed a wild curl back away from her eyes.

His touch was slow and tentative, as if he were approaching a wild animal that he was worried he would spook. She didn't know if the accuracy of that imagery made her want to laugh or cry, so she simply held her ground, slightly breathless, as she waited on a response from him. After such an intense silence, his long intake of breath cut through the room and broke her out of her thought.

She figured he would speak now, some kind of answer or his side of things, but instead the breath exited him in a whoosh with a heavy sigh that seemed to wipe even that small smile off his face. She didn't know what was more frightening in this moment, going forward or going back, but that little sign of defeat was enough tighten her chest. If she didn't do something soon, if she didn't say something, he was going to be the one to leave. She was going to lose him anyway because she was too damn stubborn to move forward and so damn scared she wanted to move back.

She felt frozen in place, locked in his ice blue stare. Alexis' words came floating back to her, would she care any less if something happened to him three days ago, before all this? Would it hurt any less to lose him having never known what might come next, what they might become together? Somewhere, closer to the surface than she expected, she knew he was worth the risk. The thought that leaving now would hurt just as much as giving them a shot and having it all fall apart solidified the teen's advice in her mind.

She saw the shift in him, as if his intense focus on her expression had earned him access into her thoughts. He seemed to relax beside her just slightly as his fingers gently moved through her hair, before stopping just behind her ear, his fingers delicately brushing the base of her skull down to her neck and back up. Before she realized he was moving, he had arrived at his destination and cautiously brushed her lips with his own.

She may have thought him relaxed from his careful movement against her lips, his casual slump on his side against the mattress, everything about him was laidback, calm, reserved, but she had caught his tell. She felt his bluff in the flex of his fingers tightening in her hair. The little gesture that told her he was trying to play it cool, but he wasn't sure about any of this.

Her own thoughts had stunned her into stillness and after an entirely too short, too gentle kiss that seemed to convey a level of caring and tenderness that struck her speechless he stopped. Her sudden stillness seemed to translate as something to him and he pulled away from the kiss, though his fingers tightened considerably in her hair. She was surprised to open her eyes and find he hadn't moved, and shocked that he could be this close to her without them actually touching. The ghost of his kiss against her lips felt just as real from the fraction of space between as it had a moment before, while his breath mingled with hers.

It took her a moment to realize that a couple of those breaths against her mouth had been punctuated with quiet words, the soft sound filled with a mix of emotions so intense she wasn't sure they hadn't come from her except for the fact that she never would have found them in this moment, "I'm scared, too."

Her eyes locked with his from so close that she couldn't clearly focus, his pupils blurred into the blue of his irises, but she didn't need to read his eyes to know the truth in his statement. She didn't know why, but tears suddenly burned behind her eyes at the realization that she was fighting against something that she should have been fighting for.

Her eyes closed on unshed tears for her own stubbornness and she felt the quiver of obvious relief ripple through him as she closed the distance between them, and pressed her lips to his. His sigh against her lips and the sudden slight tremble in that hand in her hair spoke volumes for the truth in his statement. It put them on even ground.

It righted the tilt of her focus and she smiled into his kiss as he shifted them. He propped himself up on his elbow as she rolled over onto her back next to him. He pulled away just enough for her to focus on his face as he looked down at her with an expression of pure wonder and gently brushed his fingers across her cheek as if mapping her features with his fingers.

She couldn't help the laughter that flowed from her. The tension of the moments leading to this seemed so incredibly ridiculous when she thought about how much she cared about him and how much he obviously returned it.

He was grinning joyfully at her hysterical outburst. "You're so beautiful." He told her sincerely, his voice still strained with emotion, but somehow lighter.

She smirked and allowed her hand to blaze a trail up his arm to his shoulder and down across the front of his chest to rest over his thumping heart, "You're not so bad yourself." She said with a wink as she grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him back to her.

x.x.x

A/N: I don't know, but I think I really liked this one, even though I didn't let them out of bed the entire chapter. It has been brought to my attention that people think I finished this for the past couple of chapters, but I'm not done yet. I'll change the status to Complete when it's done and ramble a great big thank you to all the readers, so you'll know for sure. Until then, expect to see the rest of the story, because yes, there is more, too many loose ends still to unravel.

Review that made my day, I have some new amazing readers who have set aside hours at a time to catch up with where we are. This note goes to all you who are just joining us and setting aside 5 hours, 9 hours, 2 days to get caught up and leaving me mindbogglingly (totally not a word) proud. I also have some die-hard faithful readers who have been here since the beginning and with me every step of the way. I love all the support I get from each and every one of you and it drives me to where I want to get on my computer and work all the time.

Thanks for reading.


	35. Chapter 35

WARNING: Sorry to those with delicate sensibilities, but this chapter, while not graphic, did take a slight M turn towards the end very briefly. I have blocked that part off from the rest with a segment break of M's instead of the standard X's I've been using. It will be easy to skip, when you hit this:

M.M.M

Skip over until you see the same thing again, that will be the end of the M rated portion and you can continue reading from there. I trust you guys to figure it out. If you can avoid M stories in general, I feel confident you can skip that little part.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Castle felt like a teenager. He hadn't been so nervous with a woman since his first time and he felt entirely ridiculous about that thought. At the same time it made some strange kind of sense. He hadn't, even that first time, worried so much about everything he did, every tiny movement, everywhere he touched her.

He had spent the last several minutes in agony as he watched her try to think her way out of this, away from him, and while he could see in her eyes that she wanted to be there, some part of her was trying to flee, trying to run and hide from all of this. He could understand the instinct; he had the same thought himself more than once.

They were already so good together, just as they were. There was something about not wanting to screw up a good thing that made him balk when he was finally given a chance to move out of the 'friend' zone. It was her sudden shift in mood and her sudden attempt to run that had him evaluating his own instincts. As much as he was inclined to keep things as they were, the thought of her pulling away had been gut wrenching.

Seeing all of his doubts, insecurities, and fears reflected back at him from her had been what he didn't know he was waiting for. The level of her concern meant that she thought as much about this, about him, as he did of her. Watching her work that out had been agonizing. The fear that at any second she could turn from him and he would let her go because seeing her happy was more important to him than being with her, had set his heart in a nervous patter.

He watched, in silence, as she worked through what was plaguing her and when he saw it, he couldn't fight the joy and relief. He saw the softening of her eyes first, followed closely by the tiniest quirk at the corner of her mouth that told him she had made a decision. Then she didn't move away and he knew. He knew beyond a doubt that her decision was to stay right here.

Despite that knowledge, when he leaned in to kiss her, he couldn't help wondering if this kiss might be there last. In the state her mind was obviously in, conflicted and confused if it was anything like his own, she was in a prime position to push him away.

He didn't know why, perhaps it was because she looked so withdrawn, so afraid and more than a little lost, but as he watched the emotions barrel through her he couldn't stop himself from confessing that he was just as scared as her.

He could have sworn he saw tears form in her eyes, but none fell and they were covered quickly with the lowering of her eyelids as she moved to kiss him. Her kiss was nothing like his questioning brush of lips from a moment before. When her lips met his it was a firm touch that sent a shiver race through him uncontrollably the moment their lips met and the relief of her action was like an electric jolt through his system. It was followed a moment later with a contented sigh he couldn't have stopped if he wanted to.

He deepened the kiss, slowly sliding his tongue against her lips and she opened them almost instantly. She granted him access and met him in a wet slide of her tongue against his before he pulled back just a little and then brushed his lips against hers again as he moved her to lay on her back and propped on an elbow so he wasn't putting any pressure on her wounds, but he couldn't break the contact.

He felt her smile against his kiss and couldn't stop himself from pulling away to look at her. She looked up at him, her hair wild around her head, her eyes half closed, lips glistening as she grinned at him. He rarely saw such a pure happiness in her that he was momentarily struck with the imagery and the significance of this moment for them.

She surprised him when she started laughing, but it was just one more expression, one more sound, one more moment to lock away in his memory to pull out when life got him down. He hoped he never forgot the way it sounded. It was a release of her pent up nervousness, an expression of her exuberance, and a signifier of her relief, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling down on her. He was sure his cheeks would hurt from the intensity of his grin, but her joy was contagious. "You're so beautiful."

The look on her face when he spoke, while fleeting and brief, spoke nearly as clearly to her pleasure at his words as the tiny gasp that preceded her giving him a sexy little smirk. That little smile and the slight raise in her eyebrows was overtly suggestive and possibly the sexiest thing he had ever seen in his life.

"You're not so bad yourself." She told him in a tone that was far too sexy to ever possibly be legal. Then followed the comment with a wink that made him wonder if he should think of another way to analyze this situation, because if every five seconds she did the next thing that was possibly the sexiest thing he had ever seen, he was going to start feeling redundant. Then, he felt her touch and her firm hold on his shirt as she pulled his lips back to her still smiling ones.

This time their kisses were playful, but intense, as if they both realized that this wasn't something they should shy away from and were now barreling head first into each other. Her breathing increased against him as they shared their first kissed filled with unrestrained passion, lips pressed firmly, tongues quick and sure, both confident in their passion being reciprocated.

He didn't know how long they stayed there, lost in their own world of passion. He was content just to have her lips under his, her cheek under his palm and hair soft against his fingertips. He could see himself perfectly happy doing exactly this and nothing else for the rest of his life. Especially, when she released a deep moan from the back of her throat, or made that sexy little mewling sound when he sucked gently at her lower lip.

He knew he would never hear another sound better than that particular tiny noise she made against his lips. He was wrong.

When he finally pulled his lips free and let himself explore the soft skin along the side of her neck, she panted breathlessly as her hand tightened its grip on his shirt and her other found the nape of his neck, alternately running through the short hair there or gently dragging her nails over his scalp. Both motions seemed designed to drive him insane and hold him to her as his lips explored every tender inch of her neck.

He alternated light nipping with gentle grazing of his lips or tongue until he found a spot that elicited something akin to a whimper from her. That sound, so unreserved, so uninhibited, was like a present she was giving him. It was an expression of just how much control she was relinquishing to him, how much she trusted him.

All too soon, she was releasing her grip on his shirt until it wasn't holding him to her anymore, not that it had been necessary for several minutes. If it weren't for her other hand, firmly holding him in place against his head, he would have thought she was pulling away again. Suddenly, that hand had found a way under the hem of his shirt and her fingers were touching his bare skin.

M.M.M

Like wildfire that burned indiscriminately through the forest, her fingers brushed across his skin, burning with their heat and intensity. He had never been so painfully aroused in his entire life after hearing those sounds from her. He was shocked as he felt himself harden and expand when her fingers, at first tentative and then demanding, met his skin.

When she guided his head back up for another heated kiss and started pulling at his shirt impatiently, he separated from her long enough to remove it in record time. He settled more fully against the side of her body, his right hand back into her hair to help guide the angle of their kiss while his left settled on the soft cotton shirt, rubbing gently across the taut lines of her stomach to her hip, guiding her to roll back towards him until their bodies were flush against each other.

Their kiss broke apart when they both let out matching gasps from the full body contact. He felt her body, soft yet firm against his and his cock pulsed in its confined space, almost violently twitching in anticipation. Before he even registered he was moving, his palm was flat against the skin of her lower back, having hastily pushed the shirt up to touch her. He had to feel her.

The moment his fingers brushed her skin, she seemed to jolt from the contact, her pelvis rocking against his, instinct driving her movement and her movement driving him to act on instinct. He brushed his hand up, shifting to gently run the length of her from the swell of her hip to just below the curve of her breast and back down, surprised yet delighted when he confirmed she wasn't wearing anything under the shirt.

It took two more passes before she tore her mouth from his long enough to gasp, "Please." in a tone that made him ache all the more from its quiet desperation.

He grinned against her mouth as he slowly trailed his fingers back up and finally let them brush gently along the swell of her breast. The satisfied sigh she let out and the way she bit his lip as if warning him to stop teasing her, emboldened him and he brushed his thumb across her nipple, surprised to find them already tightened to firm nubs. The shiver that shook her from his gentle touch was nothing compared to the way she ground herself against his straining erection when he capture the delicate flesh between his thumb and forefinger and gave a gentle squeeze.

"Castle," she gasped out, straining against him and he almost laughed with joy at just how amazing it sounded to hear that name on her tongue just like that; gasping and breathless, a plea and a demand, so much in just two syllables.

M.M.M

Kate shifted against him and threw her leg up over his hip. The sound out of her mouth this time was like falling through the ice into a lake. She gasped in pain and he was suddenly brought back the knowledge of her injuries.

He didn't know how he moved so fast, but his hand was out of her shirt and he was standing beside the bed before he had fully registered that he had shifted away from her.

"Oh, Kate, I'm sorry." He told her, raking a hand through his hair as he tried to regain his breathing and his senses. He couldn't even bring himself to look at her, worried about the rebuke he might find in her eyes, the accusation of his obvious need to think about himself over everyone else. "I. . ." he didn't know what to say. Frozen in his own thoughts of pushing her when not long ago he had told her he wouldn't do that.

"I forgot." He finally managed. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry."

She didn't acknowledge his apology, the room silent except for their ragged breathing as he turned from her. He made his way through the house towards his kitchen to put the lasagna in the oven and had a moment to realize that he ran out of the room so fast that she hadn't really had a chance to.

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry that a lot of this was a repeat of what we went through last chapter, but Castle wanted to tell his side of events.

Meanwhile, I've never written anything M rated before, so I'd really like to know if I did alright with it and should do more later, or if I should just leave that to people who know what they're doing. Technically I could have left the entire M section out and it would still read basically the same, so if you prefer I do that next time, let me know.

Review that made my day, Wow, there are so many of you now, it's hard to choose. Today it was **NatesDate, **who sent an apology to her husband for burying herself in my story for so long to catch up. It reminded me that I have a wonderful husband who not only accepts all the hours I spend writing, but encourages me to do so because it makes me happy and he loves to see me smile.

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	36. Chapter 36

Ok, same as last chapter, easy to skip if you want to.

Chapter Thirty-Six

She found him on the floor in the kitchen.

Castle was sitting with his back against the island, his head buried in his arms, folded over his bent knees. He looked like a scared child, hiding from punishment or danger and it caused a new twisted feeling in her gut.

He had her spinning in her own head, stomach tight with knots of nervousness and intense arousal just minutes ago and now she was wondering if she might break down and cry at the sight of him looking so small, miserable, if she had to give the look a word.

"You shouldn't make me chase you right now." She said. She tried to inflect a joking lightness to her tone, but knew she had failed miserably when his head snapped up to look at her before he jumped to his feet asking if he could get her anything, if there was anything he could do.

He had covered it quickly, but too late. She had already seen the expression on his face and it was permanently burned into her. Like any physical scar on her body, the emotion of fear, guilt and pain that knitted his brow, turned down his lips and softened his eyes would be with her long after this moment had passed.

"I'm fine, Castle."

He glared at her from his position, now leaning against the island in the kitchen as if it would hold him upright, as if he needed it to do just that. "You're not."

His tone cut at her. It wasn't anything she was used to hearing from him. He sounded just as mad now as he had in her apartment two days ago when he slammed Esposito against the wall for not telling him she was all right. This anger, however, was not directed at anyone but himself.

"You're right." She said, as she crossed her arms and moved to stand next to him at the counter. He turned towards her, but when he opened his mouth to respond she glared him into silence. "I'm not fine." She allowed her frustration to bubble out of her, but couldn't seem to rein it in with him looking at her like he was scared she might fall over dead or simply disappear. "I'm not fine, but I'm not some weak woman, either, and you have to stop treating me like I can't take care of myself."

He scoffed, "Right, because we know how well you do that." He said sarcastically.

"Wow," she responded, her sarcasm equal to his. "Now I'm left wondering which of us is the _girl_ in this relationship." She emphasized the word 'girl' as a challenge and watched his eye spark with the intensity of his reaction to it.

"I think I clearly proved I'm a man just a minute ago." He responded, stepping menacingly closer to her as his intense gaze bore into her.

With a hint of a smile tugging to be free, she let her eyes drift slowly down his shirtless body, coming to rest briefly just below his waist before leisurely drifting back up to his eyes. "Maybe I'm not convinced." She was trying to get to him, but the act of devouring him with her eyes had left her slightly breathless herself and her voice was nearly unrecognizable in her own head.

She saw it, the fact that she had chosen the right words by the way his pupils dilated and his breathing increased just slightly, his chest heaving as if each pull of oxygen was conscious.

"Well," he started, but had to clear his throat before continuing to get the words out, his voice still gruff even after the effort. "As soon as you're feeling better, I'll clear up any doubts you might have."

"Maybe." She shrugged, doing her best to give him an innocent expression with just a hint of a pout. Kate reached her hand up and let a single finger run slowly across his collarbone to the hollow of his throat. As she continued speaking, she let the digit run down his chest slowly, leaning in until her breath washed across his cheek and ear as she whispered, "Then again, maybe I'm not a very patient person." Her finger passed down over his stomach, the soft hairs brushed tantalizingly against the pad of her finger. Slowly, she let it pass his navel, brush along the top of his dress pants until she reached the first belt loop and hooked it with the traveling digit, pulling him closer against her.

Castle released a throaty groan, his body tense everywhere she was in contact with him. "Stop, please." He finally managed, his plea ragged with his restraint and she knew she was making progress.

Kate pulled back just enough to look in his eyes and cocked her head to the side as she considered him with what she hoped was a sultry smile, "Why?" she questioned, her tone falsely light as she gave another gentle tug of the small strip of fabric her finger was looped in, allowing their lower bodies to come into contact, but leaning back enough to see his expression.

"I don't want to hurt you." He told her earnestly, asking for her understanding with his eyes, but not moving away from her.

She shrugged as if this was a light subject and hoped that her next statement wouldn't send him running before she could finish, but it was the lead in she needed to pull him out of this negative mindset. "Maybe you already did."

Her words had the desired effect of shocking him, she needed him in a hyper-aware state in order for the follow-up to have the proper affect, and she just hoped he wouldn't try to pull away. She hoped her proximity and the slight teasing quality in her voice belayed the words she spoke. "I apologized."

"No, you didn't." she responded and the mix of confusion and annoyance in the furrowing of his eyebrows told her he was right where she wanted him, ready to be pushed over the edge. "You said you were sorry for me being careless up there, that's not what I'm talking about."

"Then what the hell are you talking about?" he asked, but didn't wait for her to answer as her words finally sank in, "And you weren't being careless, I was the one that. . ." Kate cut him off with a finger against his lips.

"You were the one that touched me." She told him on a suggestive whisper. She let her finger slowly trail off his soft lips, down over the prickly stubble on his chin before tracing a line along his jaw to end up with her fingers splayed across the back of his neck. "You were the one that got me so achingly aroused that I forgot the entire world, including my own limitations."

She watched his eyes darken and his mouth open slightly to pull in a long breath. "God, Kate, you can't say that to me right now." Their bodies still in slight contact from the waist down, she felt the affect her words had on him and smiled. "Especially not while your touching me and definitely not with that expression on your face." He finally choked the words out and she might have laughed at his struggle to form the sentence if it weren't for the fact that she was having trouble herself.

She turned slightly until she had maneuvered him so that he was between her and the kitchen island so his escape options were more limited as she leaned more heavily into him, "What are you going to do about it?" she teased.

He watched the tether on his control snap as he leaned towards her, but before his lips met hers his eyes suddenly snapped closed and he tilted his head back. He leaned more heavily against the counter as if trying to get away from her and he grabbed the edge of the counter behind him tightly. He was trying to rein himself back in. "Nothing." He finally responded.

"I don't think I like that answer." She practically purred, but then a sudden wave of doubt overcame her and she wondered why she was suddenly throwing herself at him. Sure, there was the nagging heat and pressure, the realization that he was who she wanted to be with punctuated by exactly how hot he had gotten her.

She was practically panting with desire when he had snapped away from her and practically ran from the room. She had been so aroused that it took a moment for his stuttered apology to filter through the blood racing through her veins and by then he had been gone.

"Like it or not, that's the answer." His eyes finally met hers again as his hands came up to rest on her shoulders as he leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "You'll just have to wait."

When he pulled back from brushing his lips across her cheek, she took a step away from him. Instantly she missed the contact, but forced herself to take one more step until his hands fell away from her shoulders.

With a nonchalance she didn't feel, Kate shrugged and turned to head out of the kitchen, "I'm not waiting for you, Castle."

She made it to the bottom of the stairs before he snapped to and caught up with her. "Don't do this, Kate. Don't run away now, not over this."

"I'm not running away. I don't think I'll be running anywhere for a while." She told him, completely aware of the double meaning, but not sure if he'd take it as a reference to their burgeoning relationship or her recent injury.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about." He told her as he followed her toward his bedroom again and she realized he had taken it in reference to her injuries. She was getting sick of her injuries being the focus of everything.

She was not the type to cower from anything, pain was temporary and it would pass and someday this would all be a big morbid joke for them all to laugh about down at the precinct. In the grand scheme of things it was very minor in comparison to the other issue they were skirting.

She ignored him until he followed her back into his bedroom, but standing next to his bed she finally turned toward him. Trying to display her most authoritative expression she straightened her shoulders, propping her hands on her hips as she glared him down.

"Please, talk to me." He was the one that broke the silence.

She didn't change the expression on her face as she asked, "What do you want me to say?"

He sighed, "I don't want you to be mad about this." He finally told her, seeming to cower just a little from the wilting effect of her glare.

She almost felt bad for putting him through this, but she was so tired of his reserved attitude. She wanted the unrestrained, passionate Castle back. The one that had worked her to such a frenzy that she barely remembered her own name. After everything, that moment of blissful escape had been heaven and she was tired of everything being so serious all the time. She didn't want serious. She wanted hot. She wanted fun and heated. She wanted that moment of blissful ignorance back.

"I'm not mad." She told him, letting her arms fall loosely to her sides as she relaxed just a little. "But I do think you should leave." She told him.

Castle's laugh cut through the room, she smiled back, because it held nothing but pure humor, "You do remember that this is my room, right? My house? You can't kick me out."

She shrugged at him and reached for the hem of her shirt, starting to slowly inch it up over her stomach, pausing a moment to speak with him, "I understand, but if you're not participating I didn't think you'd want to stick around."

"Wh-What?" he stuttered, his jaw dropping just slightly as he obviously tried to determine what other meaning her words could have, because the place his mind went was definitely not what she meant.

Yet, that was exactly where her mind was. If he wasn't going to relieve the ache he had put in her, then she would do it for him. She wasn't going to sit around for days, possibly weeks without dealing with something as overwhelmingly pressing as the current situation she found her body in. She was fairly confident she wouldn't have to, but if she had to she would.

Shrugging off his question, she slipped the shirt over her head, tossing it onto the dresser so she could get it when she was done. Standing so near to him, topless while he watched her with his equally bare chest moving shakily with each breath, she had the sudden desire to feel his bare skin against hers, but she fought it.

If he was afraid to touch her because he might hurt her, then she was going to respect that. Odd as it was, she hoped he would stick around, even if he was afraid to hurt her. Maybe if he saw it himself, that she was alright, maybe next time he wouldn't shy away from her.

Her eyes took in his expression as his eyes roamed her body a moment before coming back to lock with her own. Once she got caught in his piercing blue eyes, she felt her hands move of their own volition to pull the drawstring on the much too big flannel pants she had borrowed and in a moment they were pooled at her feet. She felt a slight wave of shy awkwardness as she was left with nothing more than a pair of panties, but she pushed it away. She stood in front of him, confident and nearly naked, but his eyes stayed locked on hers until she moved and though she turned her back to him, she felt the heat of his eyes roaming her body.

She was taking a huge risk here, not usually one to put herself out there, she was feeling just a little uncomfortable as she slowly maneuvered herself back into nearly the same position she had left earlier. She was alone in the bed this time, but a quick glance from under her eyelashes told her that she still had an audience. She knew that he needed this as much as she did. He needed to see her as more than a victim and she needed him to want to see her.

She let her eye flutter closed briefly as much to focus on sensation as to hide from the slight hint of embarrassment sweeping through her as she brought her own fingers up to touch her neck, slowly trailing them down the length of her neck and between the valley between her breasts.

M.M.M

Castle's stunned, "Oh. My. God." as he suddenly seemed to fully realize what she was up to almost made her break character and smile or laugh or simply open her eyes to drink in the expression that was sure to be on his face. Instead she let her fingers continue exploring and caressing her breasts as she brought her other up to brush gently across her lips.

He gasped as if she were touching him when her fingertips gently grazed the peaks of her nipples. The sound sent a shudder through her and a fresh wave of moisture between her legs. The already insistent desire throbbing through her was made that much more desperate by his vicarious participation.

She alternated her attention between her two breasts while she brought her other hand to her mouth. She let her thumb run the length of her lips before slowly slipping it into her mouth and then back out, running her tongue along the textured pad of the digit while the smooth nail slowly slipped across her top lip as it came out of her mouth. She heard his shaky breathing from just a little closer as she moved the moistened thumb down to brush over and swirl around one of her nipples.

He released a small sound in the back of his throat that sounded remarkably like a whimper and she was glad her eyes were still squeezed shut, because she knew that if she could see the state he was in, she would either lose the nerve or the will power to keep doing this alone.

It wasn't until several moments later when one of her hands had slowly snaked down her stomach and was running slowly over the waistband of her panties that he finally said something that wasn't an unintelligible sound.

"Wait." He gasped out, "Oh God." He panted and she finally let her eyes open. She didn't take her hands off herself, but she did still them as she took in his expression. His eyes were bright and more than a little wild with desire.

"I told you," she said, shocked at how low and husky her own voice was, "I'm not waiting for you, Castle." She finished the statement with his name more than a little breathless on her lips as she slowly slipped a finger just barely under the last piece of clothing she had.

She watched as whatever internal struggle he had been having was pushed away and he was obviously realizing what she had been saying the first time she spoke those words. His grin was slow in crossing his lips, but so sexy with a mixture of relief and confidence that she shuddered.

"Need a hand?" he finally asked after a long silence. His tone was a slightly husky version of the same one he had used so many times to suggest something she had always turned him down for. As she removed her hands from her body and looked up into his intensity, she wondered, not for the first time, why she had said no so many times.

With a smirk of her own she raised an eyebrow at him, "I thought I was on my own tonight?" she asked with mock innocence.

Castle shook his head, "I just don't want to hurt you." He told her, not for the first time as he took the last step towards the bed tentatively.

"You won't." she held a hand out to him.

He accepted the hand and brushed his fingers over her knuckles. "You don't know that."

"I trust you." Kate responded as she pulled gently on his hand, asking silently for him to come to her.

"When you touch me, I don't trust myself." He said softly, almost sadly as he settled next to her, not letting his body come into contact with hers, but reaching out to trail his fingers over her temple and tuck away an errant curl. "You're all-consuming."

She was more than a little concerned that she might actually cry from the tenderness and sincerity in his voice. "I know the feeling." She responded as she brought his hand with hers to brush the side of her breast with his knuckles and her eyes drifted closed again involuntarily for just a moment. "What if I promise not to touch you until you ask me to?"

Castle seemed to ponder this a moment and then he nodded slowly, "But only if you promise to tell me when to stop or if I do anything that hurts you."

"Deal." She responded, before a gasp shot from her mouth as his free hand move to gently toy with one of her nipples.

Her last coherent thought before the magic that was his hands and fingers stole her breath and ability to think was that he had to have been paying attention, because a few minutes of watching her and he knew exactly what she liked and every way to move.

M.M.M

x.x.x

A/N: Wow, I broke 100,000 words last chapter. That totally snuck up on me, I had no idea this had gotten so long. Thank you to everybody who has made it this far, hope I don't bore you before we get to the end. Not sure about this one, it's late and I'm tired, but I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Should I change the actual rating of this fic to M? That way no one is too shocked with things like this? I'm still really new to fanfic (only my 3rd story after all and my first with anything blatantly mature) so I'm not sure on the etiquette here.

Review that made my day, **pkl, **because I missed being called evil so much, this was nice. Maybe I should do another cliffhanger, just to see if you'll put it in all caps next time. Perhaps next chapter I'll do something to Alexis while she's out of the watchful eyes of security? Ooh, that would be evil. J/k, that's not in the cards, unless my subconscious works out some weird plot twist just because I mentioned it. Darn it all. If that happens now I'm sending all my readers after you for inspiring it. ;)

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: Sorry for the lengthy delay, I've been struggling with this internally because of the nature of the last two chapters and how this chapter wanted to be written. I finally decided to stop fighting with myself and just change the rating so I don't have to worry about things anymore and can just let things unfold as they will.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Watching Kate Beckett, uninhibited in the bed next to him as his fingers slipped inside the waistband of her panties for the first time, her expression seared in his brain. Her mouth was slightly parted, her eyelids at half-mast as if unable to fully open them.

One tentative stroke against her heated flesh and she arched her back, lifting her hips to meet his touch. At her movement he shifted his hands, placing them both on her hips, gently holding her down to the mattress.

"Don't move." His tone had been serious, commanding and his implied threat of stopping if she didn't listen had been enough to still her hips.

He could tell from the sounds escaping her when he was doing something she wanted him to do again and the power of that knowledge was almost more than he could contain. He could feel her shifting beneath him. He knew she wanted more than his slow gentle touch, but that's all he gave her. He could tell she didn't think it was enough, she wanted more, and then he felt the moment when it became enough, more than enough, and he felt her let go

Castle was breathless with the wonder of watching her. He had never seen anything as amazing as what he had just experienced. Now that he was lying beside her afterwards he couldn't fully wrap his mind around what he had just been privileged enough to witness, much less participate in.

She seemed frozen in place, head still thrown back, eye squeezed shut. The way she had panted his name as she fell over the edge had nearly sent him over with her, though he had reserved himself to just touching her, the most gentle of touches, soft caresses that had driven her insane. She had been true to her word and kept her hands to herself, though he had watched her struggle with it.

She didn't seem thrilled with being the center of attention without being able to give as good as she got, but he knew she would keep her word. Kate Beckett did not make promises lightly. He had savored the experience. It had been an amazing change of pace to have her hand herself over to him in such a trusting manner. Mind boggling, and that didn't have anything to do with the feeling of her skin under his touch or how hot and wet and ready she had been if they had taken things further.

To avoid that problem exactly, he had explored her without reciprocation and didn't let either of them remove any more clothing, not that she had been wearing much by the time he joined her. Despite his desire to see her, all of her, he had restrained himself.

He slipped the tip of his fingers into his mouth, that single digit that had just driven her crazy, tasting her on himself as he waited for her breathing to come back down. She was completely flushed and he was nearly exhausted watching her come apart under his touched.

When her eyes finally opened again, the look on her face made it clear that she was planning to reciprocate the pleasure he had lavished on her. As she reached for him, he knew it was time to make a hasty retreat. He managed to move away just before her hand touched his skin. Even now, after her release, perhaps even more so now than before, her touch was dangerous.

He couldn't risk losing himself in it, in her; he couldn't risk seeing hurt in her eyes or pain knitting her brow because he couldn't control himself. For the first time in his life he wanted to walk away from something wonderful where normally he'd want to embrace and bury himself in it. The risk was too great and as much as it hurt to walk away, he still managed to push himself up and away from the bed.

His legs felt slightly unsteady, as if he were the one who had just had an earth shattering release. In some ways he had. Tension, worry, stress, every negative feeling that had been coursing through him for days flew away as she came apart under his fingers. He had been there with her through every breath, every moan, every cry of 'Castle!' in a tone that he was worried he would hear in his head whenever she called him by that name. The thought of her tone morphing in his head would prove distracting and highly inappropriate at a crime scene if the affect was as painfully obvious as it was now.

She was looking at him with a raised eyebrow and the hint of a frown starting. He didn't want the image of her blissfully content to be replaced with the confusion and possibly disappointment he saw starting to sweep her features.

"I'm going to hop in the shower, dinner will be ready soon." He didn't care that his voice was tight or that he was throbbing with an intensity that physically hurt to ignore. Somehow he made it away from her and into the shower, the water striking him like pins of ice as he leaned his forehead against the shower tiles and tried to breathe.

His breath caught when he heard the bathroom door open followed by Kate's voice calling to him. "I'm going to need some help changing my bandages." She told him, her voice level not indicating that she was mad or upset at all, oddly recovered from her prior state of relaxed breathlessness.

"I'll be out in five minutes." He told her, not lifting his head from the tile and looking down his body, willing the cold shower to do what it was supposed to, but her voice had brought it all right back and he thought about amending that with ten minutes or just turning the water warm and taking care of it the normal way. Somehow, though, now that his hands had been on her, it felt like a weird form of cheating to use them on himself.

He was so lost in his internal debate that he didn't realize the water had gotten warm until it began to feel a little too hot against his chilled skin. He started to turn around, but a firm hand on his shoulder stopped him in place.

"You're not moving a muscle until you tell me what the hell is going on." Her tone was firm and he suddenly felt like he was in the interrogation room, across the table from her.

Castle fought the impulse to lie or brush her off, feed her some kind of story so that he could get her out of there and try to work through this on his own. He knew from her tone, though, that she had the same intensity as when they had a murderer on the line and she was going to keep pushing until she got the answer to what seemed to be the most important question in her life: Why?

"I just," he took a long breath and exhaled heavily before he continued, "I just can't do this right now."

He almost bolted from the shower, probably would have if she weren't between him and the door, when her hand started to move off his shoulder. She trailed her fingers lightly down his back; the water made the touch smooth and sent a shiver through him. Her hand started back up, joined by the other and then they both snaked around to lie against his stomach as she leaned in to hug him from behind. He felt her rest her head against the back of his shoulder and tried to focus on that instead of the rest of her skin touching his from behind.

"Why?" she asked quietly.

Oh, she was good. She'd get a confession out of him yet. Torture was obviously on the table as an option as her fingers started to move in a little circular pattern against the skin on his stomach.

He started to move away and her hands were suddenly on either side, holding him in place by his hips as she took a step back from him. "Hands on the wall."

He responded to the commanding tone without a second thought and then registered how much it felt like she was about to arrest him from this position and he couldn't help laughing, and she laughed with him for a moment, letting her head come back to rest against his back between his shoulder blades.

"Can we just have this conversation once I'm out of the shower?" He asked after the laughter died away. Castle was trying his best to rein himself in, but he was unable to keep his frustration from seeping into his response.

"After what you just did, you still think you can't control yourself?" her tone was soothing, but he heard the notes of humor and then he wasn't sure if she was speaking anymore because one of her hands has migrated around from his hip to rest just below his navel, dangerously close to contact they shouldn't be making right now.

"It's not worth the risk." He spoke quietly into the wall.

Beckett shifted again, lifting her head and her lips came to rest on his neck, kissing and licking along to trails of water running over them. "You think you might hurt me, but you're not capable."

Her words barely filtered through, but they impacted and he felt himself relaxing under her confidence in him. "Kate." He said on a heavy breath as her teeth grazed along his neck, her breath almost cold in the steam filling the shower.

"Don't move." She told him, her other hand sliding along his hip, lazily up then back down. It didn't slip his notice that she had chosen the exact words he had spoken to her earlier. As she had relinquished her control to him, he felt the last of his slip away.

With a groan, he let his head rest against the wall as he looked down his body to watch her hands move on him.

x.x.x

Lying on the couch, watching Kate watch a movie as he held her in his arms, he could have cared less that it was nearing midnight. He felt a sense of completion, a contentment that he didn't know he was capable of. He thought it might be an awkward transition for them, something they stuttered stepped through, but after drying off and getting Beckett's bandages back in place, they simple went downstairs and ate dinner.

They laughed and teased, almost like nothing had happened. Only almost, because to find himself touching and being touched throughout dinner for no reason other than contact, had been a definite shift in things for them. He didn't know what any of it meant. He knew what he would like it all to mean, but he was happy just to have this moment with her and worry about tomorrow when they got there.

His phone started singing and he knew the ringtone for the bone doctor as "The toe bone's connected to the foot bone, the foot bone's connected to the ankle bone, the slide is connected to the trombone. . ."

Kate was laughing as he wriggled his arm out from under her so he could get up. "What?" he asked as he made his way to the kitchen to grab his phone off the counter.

"The Animaniacs? Really?" She asked with a hint of sarcastic surprise.

He laughed, "You're the one that recognized it." He teased as he swiped his phone off the counter. Hitting the button to answer it, "What's up, Doc?" he asked, falling into the familiarity of cartoon land.

"I wanted to make sure you were awake before I sent you the number for a video chat, we have some results." She told him, no nonsense as always.

"Go ahead, I'll sign on to my laptop and see you in a minute." He told her. She hung up without further comment.

Kate was looking at him strangely, but he held up a finger so that she would wait while he grabbed the laptop out of his office. He joined her on the couch again a moment later. As the computer was booting up he received a text and explained to Beckett that he had sent the x-rays and crime scene photos to a friend.

"Is this the friend from the story you were going to tell me about later?" she asked, remembering his phone call earlier.

He nodded, "She's interesting, in a kind of weird way that fascinated me right from the beginning."

"Oh yeah?" she asked, a teasing note in her voice and he was once again struck by the subtle changes in her. She wasn't being snarky about him knowing some woman, just asking with a genuine hint of curiosity.

As he went through the process of getting online and logging into the chat he explained how he had met her at the awards ceremony in DC, their similar jobs as civilian crime fighters by day, novelists by night. "So, I was introduced to her with the title of Doctor in front of her name and my first thought was, great another boring technical writer, some kind of medical journal or something got her here. I said to her, 'Hey, Doc, I got this rash.' You know, joking of course and she's completely serious as she tells me, 'I am not a medical doctor.' I tried to explain to her that I was joking and she said something along the lines of 'I don't know what that means.' Fascinating. She's like an evolutionary leap backwards in the pop-culture timeline."

Kate looked ready to ask a question, but just then the video chat opened up and he saw her with a backdrop that looked entirely like work, and he thought Kate had a problem with dedication to her work.

"Good to see you're in one piece." He said by way of greeting.

"What do you mean?" she inquired through the screen and he saw the tips of Kate's lips turn up slightly as she began to get an understanding of the other woman's innate quirkiness.

"When we got off the phone earlier there was a loud crash, sounded like you were in the middle of a raid or something."

"Yes, of course, I did not intend for you to hear that. I'm sorry if I worried you." Her tone was even as if she were passing on the apology more from what he had heard her state was a 'social norm' than because it was even necessary.

"Hopefully you caught the guy." Castle said.

"Not yet, but we will." She gestured off camera and a moment later another woman came into the screen beside her. "This is Angela, she works with me and she put together what you're about to see."

Castle gestured for Kate to scoot over closer to him as he made introductions, "This is Detective Beckett, the reason I called. Beckett, this is Dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian."

"I know." She told him before turning to the screen. "I've read your books, they're really good."

Acknowledging the comment with only a cursory nod, Brennan clicked something and a video of the inner hand bones played on the screen showing various cracks, shatters and breaks in sequence. Brennan explained, "There are multiple transverse micro fractures along the Radius, the trapezium suffered a multi-fragmentary fracture, resulting in six or seven pieces, though it is not clear from the X-rays. The scaphoid was pushed into the lunate causing a compacted fracture and that may also account for the transverse fracture that appears to be on the Ulna."

"Ok, so he broke his wrist, we knew that." Castle said, trying to get to the point.

"Angela has designed a recreation of events based on the information we have available." Brennan continued, ignoring his initial question. "As you can see, the shoe was forced onto the hand with a distinctive motion. It indicates the person who caused this energy was moving very heavily on the balls of their feet."

As she explained another graphic played across the screen and it only took a minute for realization to strike. "He wasn't stomped on, he was stepped on."

Kate's eyes met his suddenly, "Tripped over." She elaborated.

Brennan interrupted, "That is one of the scenarios we posited and the one with the most logical interpretation to match the crime scene photos."

"Palmer didn't do it." Kate interrupted, looking at him with concern on her face.

Castle, while usually glad to be told he was right, especially coming from her, simply shrugged and turned back to the anthropologist, hoping she might have some more insight.

"Is there any chance you'll detach the limb and send it here for processing?" she asked, sounding completely certain.

"Sorry, Bren, our guy has a little much flesh to be throwing in that boiler you told me about." He responded.

Once they had ended the conference call he felt Kate's hand squeezing his as she considered him with an expression of surprised realization, "What about Alexis?"

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry. I got a little hung up not knowing where to start this chapter because I didn't want the story to turn into a giant smut-fest, even though the characters have their own ideas and are fighting with me to stay in bed. So I took a break and wrote the epilogue for my other story that I'd been meaning to write since this one sucked me into its evil vortex of sleep deprivation last month.

Hope I didn't lose you all with the ratings change, but I don't think I'll be able to get these two to behave now that I've done that to them.

Review that made my day, **sarahlovesa, **for some incredibly inspiring words that make me just a little nervous that I'll let you all down.

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Castle was laughing at her and she couldn't figure out what he thought might be even remotely funny. They had just found out that the guy who told them he had strangled their victim likely happened on the situation during or shortly after the man's murder. They had just found out the man had lied or been deluded in his confession, which as she thought of it wasn't much of a confession.

They had just found out that whoever had run her off the road and trashed her apartment, whoever had made veiled threats towards Alexis, was not the man they currently had in psychiatric lockup. Whoever had been after them was not safely tucked away under lock and key, they were still out there.

This was serious and he was laughing. It wasn't a full bodied laugh, more of a chuckle and she thought perhaps she detected a hint of nervousness to it.

Not only was he laughing, but he was moving her legs carefully back onto the couch so they were stretched along the length of it as he adjusted himself to sit behind her and pull her close, his chuckles vibrated through them both.

From this angle she couldn't even glare at him without nearly turning around and she found it frustrating as she tried to scoot away and he held her in place. His daughter had left to a friend's house, away from the guards and the safety his private security provided and he was sitting here trying to cuddle and laughing about the whole thing. Then it clicked and she made the effort to turn and glare at him, "You never sent them home, did you?"

She watched him shake his head as the laughter finally died away and a serious expression took over, "You think I would call for an outside expert opinion because I have doubts and then let my little girl head off without someone watching her back? Not a chance in hell." He told her and then his eyes glanced towards the front door and back to her. "Two guards are still standing in the hall here, two more in the lobby of the building where Alexis' friend lives."

He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her so she was facing away from him again, her back against his chest as his hands moved to rub her neck. His deft fingers helped release the sudden tension of a moment before. "He confessed, though." Beckett told him, her need to explain why she hadn't seen any other option for the killer. Even to her own ears it sounded like a cover for her sudden realization that perhaps she really should have taken the time off right away. She felt a hint of shame at her inability to see what had been right in front of her.

"Did he, really?" Castle asked gently and she wondered if that tone was in reaction to her own. His soothing voice pitched low as he dropped a kiss on her head before starting back to work on the muscles in her shoulders.

"Yes, he did." She responded, not sure why she was so frustrated. "You left the room, Castle. While he was filling out the papers he was muttering to himself. Somewhere amidst his rambling he said, 'I choked the life out of him' and he apologized for running me off the road."

He didn't have a response for several seconds and the silence was entirely too much time for her to think through it all. "He used your own words?" Castle finally asked breaking the silence.

As she thought about it, she had described the crimes in exactly those terms. David Palmer simply grabbed onto her words and her conviction that he was guilty. He didn't have any idea what he was saying when he repeated them. As she thought about it, his tone had been shaky, but she had attributed it to his other pronounced mental problems. Now she knew it was because he was trying their version of the facts on like a new suit and she was suddenly furious with herself for not seeing it sooner.

"I hate cops like that." She finally said, the entire ordeal making her feel weary and worn down. "Cops that take the surface answers and go for the easy solve. He's crazy so he must be guilty." She heard the disdain in her voice and felt a sickening disgust with herself. "I fed him his damn confession and then accepted it when he parroted it back to me."

Castle hands stilled on her shoulder and moved away, for one brief moment she wondered if he was as disgusted with her as she was with herself. Almost before the thought fully formed, his arms were reaching around her midsection, gently pulling her back flush with his chest. His head came down, his cheek brushed against hers and then he stilled there a moment while they both breathed in the silence.

"That's why we make a good team." He finally told her, his soft tone soothing, but she heard that he was setting her up to tease him.

She let the opportunity pass and felt him sigh from the motion of his chest and the air skittering across her cheek. He was trying, but apparently didn't know how to deal with her like this. She wished she could help him, but she didn't know how to break out of this downward spiral any more than he did.

It was warranted, so there really was no need not to beat herself up about it. She screwed up.

"You know what I think?" he finally asked, his tone serious and she felt a moment of panic from the slight edge in it.

She was giving herself enough crap; she didn't need him to heap it on too. At the same time, she almost hoped that he would. She could have put him and his daughter in more danger because she called this one case closed when it wasn't. "What?" she finally asked, the frustration falling away a little as she felt a soul deep wariness taking hold. She almost didn't want to know what the next phrase out of his mouth would be.

As she silently waited his response, the one that was taking entirely too long for him to formulate, she felt herself on edge. Would he tell her she screwed up or remind her that it wasn't the first time? Was he going to tell her it wouldn't be the last time she made a mistake or remind her that someone could have been killed because she was that same type of bad cop just because she was tired?

She was sore and exhausted and more than ready for this who ordeal to be over, so she had jumped right on board when David Palmer was brought in. She let her own desire for the case to be solved get in the way of her pursuit of the truth. In her opinion that was unforgivable. She would understand if he felt the same way.

"I think," he finally said, breaking the silence and giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek, "That it's time for dessert."

"What?" How that man could think about sweets at a time like this she would never know. Sometimes he was absolutely the most ridiculous man, and she loved it.

"Come on, Beckett. Live a little." He said as he held her away from him so he could get his leg back from between her and the couch. When he turned to her he had a smile on his face that she couldn't help but return. That damn boyish charm worked every time. "You want to make a sundae or should I just grab a can of whipped cream?"

After a moment, his enthusiasm and that smile wore down her self-loathing. "Let's go with option two, I'm still pretty full from that lasagna."

His grin grew as he headed off to the kitchen, returning a moment later with the can of whipped cream as well as some water and her pill bottle.

"I'm not taking those. I need to be alert." She told him firmly as she sat up fully and snatched the whipped cream from him instead of the glass of water he was offering her.

"You can't be comfortable." He told her, "You haven't taken anything since this morning."

She rolled her eyes as she shook the can, "I think I've held up quite well, don't you?" she asked suggestively, letting her gaze drift down his body and back up slowly. The look in his eyes told her she was likely to win this argument. Beckett tipped her head back and sprayed some whipped cream into her mouth.

He was still giving her an intensely serious look by the time she swallowed, but he set the glass down on the table and took a seat next to her. Castle snatched the can from her hand and had a shot of whipped cream himself, the glare finally falling off his face. It was probably more to do with the sweet treat filling his mouth than her reassurance.

"Would you actually take it if you needed it?" he finally asked, passing the can back to her.

Kate shifted to rest her back against his side and stretch her legs out over the length of the couch. His arm came around her as he shifted so she was leaning more steadily against his chest. She burrowed in a little more closely before responding, "This is all I need right now to feel like everything's fine."

He kissed her head as his fingers played with the ends of her hair, twirling it and running through. "You didn't answer my question."

She had been about to have more whipped cream, but stopped with the can tilted up to look over her shoulder at him. "Yes. I did yesterday and this morning. If I need help with the pain I will take some. I really don't like how they make me feel." She finally explained.

"Is that all?" he asked, that teasing note in his voice, "Because I thought you were cute as hell hopped up on pain killers."

"Cute or not, I don't like feeling out of control."

He laughed, "Believe me, after today, I will never doubt that."

"Funny." She replied sarcastically and finally had some more whipped cream before passing the can back to him.

"How about something that's not a narcotic? I could get you some ibuprofen." He offered.

She agreed to the compromise and he disappeared, putting the whipped cream back in the fridge and coming back with another bottle of pills. She took three with the water he'd brought and then stood up.

"Lay down." She told him. He gave her a strange look, but complied. Carefully she crawled back onto the couch, lying on her right side with her back to the couch, her left side and injured leg supported over his body. "This ok?" she asked.

He nodded, shifting just slightly as if getting comfortable. "Are you going to sleep? Because we could go upstairs."

Kate propped her chin on a hand over his chest so she could look at him while she shook her head, "Not ready yet." She explained and he simply smiled and nodded in response.

Castle stretched out to grab the remote off the table and settled back next to her. He turned on a movie, but she didn't make it through the opening credits before the sound of his heart, strong and steady combined with the gentle motion of his hand caressing her back, lulled her to sleep.

x.x.x

A/N: Some of you were wondering about Kate's question at the end of the last chapter concerning Alexis, I hope this cleared up that she had been concerned about the girl on finding out that they really didn't catch the bad guy. I didn't lead into it very well thanks to it being almost midnight when I got to the end and I had been up since 5am, I'm surprised any of the last half of that chapter was coherent at all.

I started a new story today, I know I shouldn't have done that since I'm not done with this one yet, but this one is getting close to the end and that idea popped into my head. I couldn't shake it. This will still be my main focus, and I will try to keep that one as just a side project while I finish this one up. This is just a warning that I may drop a day of updates here or there when that storyline gets to me.

Reviews that made my day, all of you who appreciated the Bones cameos, I was a little concerned that bringing in another show's characters would be too distracting, but they are just playing a small guest role that advances my plot, so I shouldn't have been so worried.

Also, those of you who said don't worry, it's not bad as far as smut and I shouldn't worry about the M rating. Thanks for the encouragement, but I was still restraining myself, getting warmed up to the idea I guess. That M will be fully earned in future chapter(s), I think.

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Castle held Kate gingerly as she relaxed into sleep. He couldn't get his mind to turn off, however.

When he wasn't running facts of the case he was reliving their time together. It was an odd amalgamation of thoughts as case facts combined with shower steam. He would be scouring his brain for clues in the 'confession' now that Palmer was a potential witness instead of the killer and then he'd feel Kate's warm breath heat the fabric over his chest and an erotic vision of her in bed would push the previous thought away.

He spent entirely too long thinking about the feeling of her hand wrapped around him and the way she alternated strokes from almost tentative to firm and confident. The way her breath washed hot across his neck. He couldn't control his reaction to the memories, especially when her body was soft and warm against him.

He tried to push the thoughts away, but couldn't seem to focus on the case with his mind buzzing. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to focus again with hot memories of the woman curled next to him. Tonight, even having only gotten somewhere around third base, it had been more incredible than his most outrageous fantasies.

She was a commanding presence in life, confident and strong, opinionated and sometimes a little bossy. Those attributes had usually found their way into his fantasies, but tonight had been something else entirely. She had been shy, but insistent.

When she headed to his room he actually thought she was going to gather her things and walk out. When she started to strip and suggested what he never thought he'd hear her say outside a fantasy, he found himself frozen in place.

As he watched her climb into bed, his eyes locked on her bandaged injuries and it brought him down from the moment. It didn't last long, however, because as soon as her hands started to explore her body his only thought was imagining how each part of her would feel.

When she slipped her thumb into her mouth, sucking gently before removing the now glistening digit, he thought he might explode from the number of visuals that single move inspired. He couldn't believe how hard he had become from just watching her.

When the wet finger came down to swirl around her erect nipple, he had a moment to wonder what it would feel like to have his mouth in place of that. He still wondered, since he hadn't allowed them to progress past hands. He imagined having his mouth on her would be something else entirely. He didn't think she would complain, since it would certainly shut him up for a long while to trail his mouth on all the spots he wanted to feel or run his tongue over every curve and dip of her body.

The thought alone had him hard as steel as she shifted next to him, mumbling something incoherent in her sleep. He willed the thoughts away again, but since he wasn't able to focus on anything even remotely productive to their situation and it was too late to start calling around for Esposito and Ryan to let them in on the new developments, he closed his eyes and waited for sleep to take him.

It was a long time coming as heated moments flashed through his memory. The feel of his fingers sliding over the evidence of exactly how aroused she had gotten. Feeling her sigh against his skin. The sounds she made as he ignored her attempts to get more from him and the low growl when she realized he wasn't going to comply.

He had intentionally avoided any type of penetration. The first time he felt that he wanted them to experience it together, but she had apparently been of an opposite mind set. He loved that she had let him touch her and thrilled at the way she reacted to that touch. She might have been frustrated with his slow pace and gentle touch, but that had only lasted so long before she was falling head first into the experience with him.

He fell asleep with thoughts of her hot breath on his face as she panted his name, the way she had earlier.

When he woke, sometime later, the apartment was bathed in a blue glow from the DVD menu. The TV was the only light in the room and the darkness blanketing them was enough to indicate that it was still some time before morning. He was tired, but couldn't figure out why he had woken up.

It took him another moment to register the shift in Beckett. She had been lying mostly next to him, curled around him in an almost innocent way. Now, she was lying almost on her stomach across the left side of his body, her leg tucked between his and he felt the feather light touch before he realized that she was awake.

Her fingers moved against his skin, just under the hem of his shirt. The electric touch was low on his stomach. Her gentle grazes and slow caresses across the little trail of hair just above his pajama pants was slow and soft, but still that level of confidence from earlier permeated the gesture.

He couldn't believe how easily she turned his control levels down so much that he wasn't able to stop a reaction to her. He had been 'not reacting' to her for years and now, suddenly, because he knew exactly how amazing she was, he couldn't stop his reaction anymore.

Conversation seemed a good distraction, "How long have you been awake?" he asked his voice low with sleep.

He felt her shift against him as she turned her head, probably to look at the glowing numbers on the DVD player. "A couple hours." She responded quietly.

"Hmm." He responded as he shifted his arm from behind her to run his fingers through her hair. Now that he was allowed to touch her, he didn't want to stop. "You could have woke me up."

He felt her shrug against him. The haunting sadness in her voice disturbed him, "I keep trying to put it all together."

He smiled wryly, "Stop trying so hard and maybe something will click." He suggested.

"I just keep wondering how I got so far off track." She sighed against his chest, "It's pissing me off that I gave up so easily, that I accepted the easy answer, the quick resolution." He felt her anger in the way her fingers dug just a little more firmly into his skin.

"You've been on pain killers, been under a lot of stress, and experienced a trauma." He explained to her, feeling a sense of déjà vu.

She chuckled against his chest, "Yeah, starting a sexual relationship with you would traumatize anyone." She teased, her touch softening against his skin again at the familiarity of falling into banter.

"Oh, so funny." He responded sarcastically, then something struck him, "Is that what this is?" he asked, "A sexual relationship?"

Beckett turned her face to nuzzle into his chest a little more closely, "Are we seriously going to have this conversation at three in the morning?"

He didn't know how to respond to that. "We could just go back to talking about the case." He suggested, an out to steer them away from this if she wanted to postpone the conversation.

"I've been thinking about that for two hours, trying to figure something out, trying not to drive myself crazy and failing miserably on all counts." She finally responded. "I don't want to think about anything right now."

Her finger brushed tantalizingly lower on his stomach, dipping below the waistband of his already low slung pants, causing his body to react instantly. When her fingers brushed a little lower beneath his clothes again, they were met with engorged flesh. The tips of her fingers, brushed almost tentatively over his tip and he let out a throaty groan at the contact.

From the position they were in, he could feel her smile against his chest as the sound emboldened her to repeat the motion again. This time, however, far from an unexpected brush of skin on heated skin, her fingers slowly moved over the very tip of his cock with such torturous leisure as if the pad of each finger was trying to memorize the sensation.

"Rick?" she asked him breathlessly.

He opened his eyes, surprised to realize he had been squeezing them shut, and looked down to see her watching him.

"Take me to bed." Kate whispered as she shifted to press her body against his as she met him for a slow and thorough kiss.

He knew he was lost the moment she said his name, he could deny her nothing.

Their progress to the bed was leisurely as she clung to him for support and they stopped to kiss or caress several times along the way. As he pulled back the covers and helped her get situated on the mattress, he felt her tug gently at the hem of his shirt and he pulled it quickly over his head, before assisting her removing her own shirt.

He knew from her faith in him and her earlier persistence not to let him run, that he wasn't going to hurt her. The fear was still there, but it was pushed far enough back from his thought process that it barely registered as he stripped the last bits of her clothing from her. Light from the attached bathroom washed over them and he wished he would have thought to flick the light switch for his bedroom so that he could watch her.

He was feeling more comfortable with her and more confident in himself. Perhaps it was the fact of what they had shared earlier; perhaps it was the knowledge that she was strong and persistent, or perhaps it was just that he was partially asleep still from just minutes before when they had woke together on the couch. He was actually pretty sure that it was the fact that she needed him. She needed a distraction and she had asked him to provide that for her.

He could tell that she was having trouble with this one. He had been around long enough to know how much she despised cops who shirked their duty. He knew she was convinced she was the same as all those lousy cops she had to clean up after through the years, and no matter what he said she wouldn't be convinced. He could try again in the light of morning, but she was vulnerable in the twilight hours as exhaustion wore into her and sleep evaded her grasp

She asked him for a distraction and he was more than willing to provide it. Though he was still puzzling through how he ended up here with her. Whatever it was that had brought him here, he was glad for that little thing as he lay beside her, taking in her full beauty. He let his hands explore her soft skin; avoiding all the places she really wanted him to touch her.

After a long moment of relishing the sight and feel of her he leaned in to capture her mouth with his. She moaned into his mouth as he deepened the kiss and brushed the back of his fingers down her side to her hip. She buried a hand in his hair, her fingers brushing across his scalp as her other hand moved to run over the plains of his chest.

When he shifted to trail kisses across her chin and down her neck, her hand traced a path back up his chest to join the first in his hair.

He dropped kisses slowly along her shoulder and down to blaze a trail across her collarbone. Her moans of pleasure were enthralling, but he could tell that she was getting frustrated with his teasing. He finally leaned down to take one of her nipples in his mouth, tenderly sucking as his tongue flicked out of his mouth to brush across the coral colored flesh he found there.

Her fingers tightened in his hair as she moaned and arched her back, encouraging the exploration of his mouth on her body.

After he had lavished each breast with considerable attention, he started to kiss a path down her body, but she stopped him. Her insistent tugging on his hair to come back up and face her was frustrating when all he wanted to do was explore with his mouth as his hands had explored early.

He relented and met her in a heated kiss. Her breathing was a ragged as his own as she slipped her tongue in his mouth to slide against his. Before he realized what she was up to he was on his back and she was blazing a heated path down his body with hot open mouthed kisses, her breath and lips burning across his skin.

Absently he helped her when she tucked a thumb into his pants to draw them down and he kicked them away as she kissed back up across his chest. When her mouth met his again he was lost to the world until the heat of her skin on his jolted him like an electric shock. He realized they were really here and this was really happening as she settled over him. He felt her right knee come to rest on the mattress beside his hip and her injured leg was straight along the length of his, their feet brushing.

She was light against his chest, but as she pulled away with her hands braced against the bed on either side of his head, her hips ground into his and he moaned from the feeling of her heated flesh against his.

He felt his cock throb almost painfully against her slick folds and seemed to realize for the first time that they were both completely naked and he was one shift of either of their hips from being buried in her. The thought was like a lightning bolt that jolted him to sudden awareness and he plowed his fingers into her hair, holding her head from both sides so that she would look at him.

Her green eyes were mesmerizing and he almost forgot why he had stopped her as he got lost in them shining down on him. "Are you sure?" he finally asked.

He watched as she bit her lip and wondered if this was the moment she pulled away. He both hoped she would and wouldn't. When her grin widened until the lip was free of her teeth he knew the answer she would give him, but still he waited, not daring to move as anticipation joined the other sensations boiling through him. "Yes." She finally responded, her tone a breathless gasp of the word as she shifted her hips in some kind of rocking motion and he found the head of his cock enveloped in her hot center.

His hips bucked slightly on instinct and he was buried a little further in her, surprised by the intensity of sensation, the heat, the extreme slickness that met him, the startled gasp from her on his shallow thrust. Every nerve ending in his body seemed to fire simultaneously as a heavy moan was ripped from him.

Kate settled against his chest, not taking more of him in, but not moving away as he felt her whisper seductively against his ear, "Are you sure?" before taking his earlobe between her teeth and nipping then sucking it.

"God, Kate." He gasped, his hands moving to her hips so she didn't get any more funny ideas about moving. "You can't ask me that question when I'm half buried in heaven."

She pulled back again until her face was hovering just above his and he could see the playful smile on her face in the dim light, "I just did."

He brought one hand slowly up along her spine, wrapped around behind her and held firmly to the back of her neck as he pulled her body back flush against his and kissed her. Accepting that as the only coherent answer he was able to give, he felt her shift her hips and in a moment he was fully submerged in tight flesh. Her walls squeezed at the last of his resolve as his shaft was enveloped to the hilt.

He let her set the rhythm because he still didn't trust himself not to do something wrong. His hands roamed her body as their tongues dueled and she rocked against him slowly. Like the lapping of ocean waves on a calm summer day, she slid against him almost torturously slow. She moved up his body until he was sure he would pop out of her and then just as achingly slowly she sank back onto him, taking his full length before starting again.

When he pinched her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, she let out a sound like a growl as her hips bucked against his in mid down stroke and they both gasped from the sudden full penetration. It was like flipping a switch and she began rocking her hips more quickly, more insistent. "Rick." She gasped, but that's not what he wanted to hear.

"Say it." He told her breathlessly.

As if his words were some kind of trigger, he felt her tense above him before she dug her nails into his arms and sank fully onto him, her back arching as she threw her head back and practically yelled, "Castle." as she quivered around him. Her walls like a vice as her orgasm rippled through her, threatened to end their night right here, but he rocked with her slowly as she came down.

He had to see her do that one more time if it killed him.

When she finally came down she was giving him the most incredible smile, "That was," she stopped mid comment as he rock into her again, "Wow." She finished.

"You're amazing." He told her as he felt the shift of her moving away. It took him a moment to realize that she was rolling them. He followed her lead and noticed she kept her injured leg straight out and angled away from them as he settled over her, positioning himself back between her legs and she bent her uninjured leg up to cradle against his hip.

He kept his eyes locked with hers as he reached between them to run the head of his cock along her slick folds, teasing them both before positioning himself. He was waiting for her to tell him to stop, to mention an ache or pain, but she just gazed up at him with heavy eyelids and a satisfied smirk.

He positioned himself and slowly sank back into her. From above, he wasn't able to touch her as freely, but the ability to move instead of being pinned down was a shocking trade off. He slid out of her only to plunge back in; the moisture that accompanied his invasion was still astounding to him. He couldn't believe how shockingly slick and wet she was or how intense her reactions to each tiny movement were.

He continued his slow assault on her senses and his own until he felt one of her hands snake around and grab a firm hold on his ass as she thrust her hips up to meet him. "Easy." He told her, still more than a little concerned about hurting her.

"No." she answered, rolling her head from side to side, "More." She demanded.

He began to move more steadily, sliding out and back in without any pause in between, but still slow and careful strokes that were starting to make him ache with his restraint.

"Castle." She gasped out as she began raising her hips to meet each of his thrusts until he gave in to her persistence and started to plunge into her more insistently.

He felt himself nearing explosion. His cock throbbed on each thrust as he tried to bury himself in her more completely. He shifted to a slightly angled position, mindful of her injured leg being far enough away that he wouldn't cause her pain.

He gave her one hard thrust, experimentally and didn't have to wait for her reaction. It wasn't a sound of pain that escaped her lips, it was a long drawn out, "Yes."

With a smile at her reaction he set a harder rhythm, faster, but still cautious. Each time he pulled out she seemed to whimper at the loss; each time he thrust in she'd encourage him with another breathless, "Yes." Until he thrust in and was met with a sound of surprise. He thought he had hurt her and stilled instantly, but the sound was followed by her breathlessly calling his name as her walls pulsed and squeezed more intensely around him than her first orgasm.

He started moving again as she clamped down on him rhythmically and it was only two thrusts later when he felt himself swell inside her. He called her name as he slammed deep into her before he stilled and the aftershocks of her climax milked his from him.

The intensity of sensation and the knowledge of who he just had this experience with were enough that he almost blacked out as his cock twitched and pumped the last of his release deep inside her still quaking body. He stayed there a long moment as their breathing returned, before he shifted himself and pulled out.

Somehow he found the energy to roll them until he was on his back and she was nestled against his side. Holding her to him as she made an effort to get comfortable with a sweat slickened leg draped over his. "Wow." She said again and they both laughed.

He hugged her to his side, not sure if he would ever stop smiling. "You can say that again." He finally responded.

He felt her lips press against his chest where her head was resting, "I already said it twice, wouldn't want to over inflate your ego."

Castle laughed, "That's what I love about you. You never shy away from putting me in my place."

Kate had suddenly gone very still next to him. He wondered if she was finally feeling the aches that were sure to result from what they had just done while she was supposed to be taking it easy and recovering. It took him a moment to realize what he had said and he could have kicked himself for the slip up. There's no way she wasn't going to run now.

There were no more words and very little movement as they lay there. Eventually, he felt her relax into sleep. He followed shortly after, though he had fought sleep, knowing that if he was sleeping when she woke up, she would be gone before he could even get out of bed.

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry about that, it got a little long in the bedroom, which I was only going to reference in passing, but perhaps I should spend less time writing and more time in bed with my husband, because that got entirely off topic.

Review that made my day, **daphnebeauty**, whose mind went to dirty places when they broke out the whipped cream last chapter. Apparently a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste and it's contagious. Who'd've thunk it? ('it' is the only real word in that sentence). Yes, I'm tired, can't you tell?

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter Forty

Kate woke as the first rays of sun were starting to peek through the windows. She was in a state of relaxed contentment that left her feeling deliciously languid. Despite the aches in her muscles, and a stinging in her leg, she felt incredible. She knew a good deal of that had to do with the man whose body she was twined with.

She felt herself smile at the memories of just how amazing they had been together. She knew that it would only get better from here, as her injuries healed and her range of motion was restored. She was confident that she would show him a thing or two that he'd never seen before and he'd stop holding back.

The night they'd had was incredible. She didn't know how it could be much better than that, but she was confident if there was a way, the two of them would find it. She was still smiling at the thought when her brain flashed on his words from the night before.

She knew it was a common turn of phrase. It was not like he'd actually come out and confessed some kind of undying love for her or proposed or anything like that. She was probably being ridiculous and overreacting to words that were said so often about just about everybody. Some people said that to their barista. "That's what I love about you, you make my coffee just right." Or any of a hundred other times when people made that comment every day.

It didn't have to mean anything. It probably didn't mean anything at all. She allowed herself the briefest of moments to wonder if that was her problem with the statement all together. Was her problem that he had said the word 'love' in reference to her, or was it that he had said it so casually that he probably hadn't meant it?

She brushed off the thoughts. She knew this was all too new for her to even be considering that he might have meant anything more than a simple turn of phrase. Thinking about how new things were had her mind right back in the gutter, and her cheeks flushed hot against his bare chest as she considered just how amazing they had been together.

Her mind played through the events of the night before, the feeling of his lips on her body, his body under her touch. The way he filled her just right, or how he was so gentle and caring. He didn't once push her; in fact, she had to do a little pushing herself.

She was reliving the delicious feeling of feeling him enter her that first time, stretching her as her body accommodated his entry. The thought caused a fresh wave of desire and she shifted her legs unconsciously as if that might relieve the pressure that had started building there.

It wasn't pain or off hand statements of love that had her stilling this time, however, it was a sudden, sickening, realization of the one thing they hadn't talked about last night or planned for. She started to do mental calculations in her head, mood officially killed as she counted days.

Beckett breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she realized the timing seemed ideal for this kind of whoops and she would be fine. She was scolding herself for how ridiculously stupid their actions had been. She couldn't believe that this man never ceased in driving her absolutely, certifiably crazy.

That thought had her suddenly poking him in the chest, hard, as she propped herself up on an elbow to watch him twitch and snap his eyes open, turning a disgruntled expression her way.

"What the hell?" he asked.

Beckett glared at him, "You drive me crazy." She explained, her tone angry and she watched him flinch a little, but something about his eyes said he had been expecting her anger. She couldn't figure out why he'd think she would be mad at him, but that was a question for another time. She was in the middle of a breakthrough. "You piss me off when you run your mouth, when you're cocky or when you smile that way that puts butterflies in my stomach. I hate that you have some kind of sick power over me. I hate that when you touch me I lose all sense of rational thought, common sense. I forget the entire world when you kiss me. It all just makes me so angry sometimes that I swear I want to strangle you."

She had finally finished her rant, feeling a little winded from the whole thing and he was looking at her with a puzzled expression. After the briefest of moments he caught on to where she was going.

"It's a good kind of crazy, like a drug high, and when it's gone you feel like there's nothing left. Striking out at the person who caused the pain, who took it away from you." He told her and something about the serious expression on his face told her that he was right with her and they finally had a seemingly solid motive for the killing of Charles Cooper. "We have to find that blonde girlfriend." He mentioned in a slightly more off hand tone.

"It had to be Annie, Castle." She responded and watched him flinch at the suggestion. "Listen to me, reminding you of Alexis and actually being Alexis are two very different things."

Castle's throat moved as he seemed to swallow heavily as he gave the idea a moment to sink in. "Oh." He said and then his eyes got big, "The fire on his head, the cardinal." He referenced Palmer's 'confession' note.

"Her orange hair was hidden behind the victim's head because the killer had pulled them both to the ground when they heard Palmer coming."

Castle took over, "She would have been lying under him, he would have been dead instantly, but she couldn't move with someone watching."

Kate nodded, "Perhaps Palmer started muttering some of his babble and not making any sense, so she figured out he was crazy and took off from the scene."

"Rose from the dead." He explained, "She stood up from beneath his dead body." Castle propped himself up on his own elbow, mirroring her position before he recited another portion, "Two eyes breathless. Two eyes piercing."

"Yeah," Beckett countered, "He didn't mean the same two eyes. He meant there was two of each kind. The victim was the first, our killer was the second."

"And the white breaths." He added, "He wasn't counting down the victim's last breaths, he was there when Cooper stopped breathing. He was there to watch two people breathing turn into only one person, 'the fire' as he described them."

"Annie Marks." Beckett reiterated.

Castle shook his head, "She seemed so upset." He said.

Kate nodded and reached a reassuring hand out to lay flat against his chest, feeling the tempo of his heart pick up just slightly from the contact. "And she probably was." Then she smirked at him, "I know if I was in her shoes I'd be upset too."

Castle simply cocked his head to the side in a silent question.

"You know," she continued, "If I had to kill you for some reason. I mean, seriously? Who would get my coffee?"

As expected, Castle whined good-naturedly, but his chuckle broke the affect. They continued to build their case against the young woman in question as the sunlight further brightened the room.

As conversation of the case fell away and silence stole a moment, she watched the light shift in his eyes. "I'm about to say something absolutely ridiculous and I just wanted to preface it with a disclaimer so you can prepare an eye roll." He said, his tone suddenly quiet.

She feels her heart start beating wildly in her chest as she wonders what exactly he is about to say. Did he just happen across that memory from last night just before they fell asleep? Was he going to repeat that or was there something else entirely. She waited with baited breath, and he smiled softly at her, seeming content to keep her waiting.

"Watching you lie there so casually with those little crinkles on the side of your cheek from the imprint of whatever you slept on and your hair a complete disaster," he started and she couldn't help the sudden desire to go brush her hair and maybe put on some make-up, before his tone softened to where she could barely make out his words as they rumbled deeply out of his chest, "I have never seen anything more breathtaking."

"Funny." She replies sarcastically, because she doesn't believe a word of it. On some level, the opposite is true, but she really doesn't think she can handle sweet Castle right now, not when it was nearing six in the morning and they would need to get to the precinct soon and pull their suspect in for questioning.

His hand reaches up so he can run the back of his fingers down her cheek and she closes her eyes, as much from the contact as from the completely consuming expression in his piercing blue eyes. Silence engulfs them and it takes her a while to realize that he must be waiting for her to open her eyes. It still takes her a moment to build up the courage to face the intensity of his gaze.

When her eyes finally meet his again he smiles, "You have no idea how absolutely beautiful you are, do you?" he asks honestly, but she doesn't have an answer for him, not that he gives her time to respond. Even if she could, she doesn't even have time to breath as he continues, "You're strong and compassionate. You're more dedicated and loyal than anyone I have ever met in my life. You're shy sometimes. Mostly times like now, when someone is complimenting you. It's because you don't think you're worthy of the praise. It's because you don't do things for bragging rights or awards. You don't do things for money or fame or even because you think it will earn you a place in heaven."

It's not the first time in the past two days when she thought she might cry, and for some reason as she looks into his eyes and finds only sincerity, wonder, and a very distinct sense of awe, she is certain it's probably not going to be the last. This man could drive her crazy, but the more she thought about him, about them, the more she wanted to believe it could work.

His gaze met hers and she finally identified that something she had been seeing from him so often through their years together as he spoke. It was pride, his pride in her. "You don't do things because it's what's expected of you. You do things because they are right. Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing, but you never waver, you never deviate. You expect others to do the same and sometimes they let you down or break you down, but sometimes you make them better people."

Suddenly she knew where he was going with this and she wanted to stop him and wanted him to continue. Sometimes she hated her brain and it's more than fickle tendencies.

"Sometimes what you expect of them makes them realize that they are capable of so much more than they ever thought. That's what makes you beautiful." He told her with a smile full of wonder. He leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her lips before pulling back and giving her a teasing grin, "Well, that and the fact that you're lying next to me completely naked and looking all 'morning after'. It really is hotter than hell."

She laughed. It was what he expected of her and she didn't realize that she needed it so much. She knew he had been completely serious and she was more than a little touched by his words. He also seemed to know her well enough that he expected her to want to have an out of something so serious so he made a joke. This morning she didn't want a joke, though. This morning she wanted to know what this all meant to him and she had a fairly good idea that he had just given her the answer to that question.

"Are you thinking," she stated, trailing the hand over his heart slowly down his chest, "that we should turn this morning after," her hand continued inching down his stomach so slowly as she felt his breathing change, "into a morning of?" she finished as her fingers brush along the little trail of hair below his navel, inching lower still until she just barely grazed him as if by accident and she started making her way back up his body.

"I'm thinking," he said, a devilish grin on his face, "That you are trying to kill me."

She gave him her best innocent wide eyed look as she reached his chest and started back down. "We wouldn't want that." She responded, a teasing sultry tone taking over without her consent, "Who would make the coffee, then?"

They laughed as their conversation came full circle, but then a suddenly serious expression stole his features as he leaned in and kissed her. The passion was sparked in an instant and it was as if they were right back to where they had left off the night before. Touching and tasting, sharing kisses until the act stole their breath.

When Castle finally pulled back and grinned, throwing the covers off both of them to look at her in the full light of day, she watched the passionate flush of his features wash away under suddenly ashen skin as he paled and a gasp escaped his lips.

She looked down to see what he could possibly be fussing about and probably turned a little grey herself as her eyes fell on what used to be white sheets under the comforter. The fitted sheet beneath them and the flat sheet over, were both stained red, blood smeared on her legs and his as she seeped through the gauze from the stitches she must have pulled the night before.

x.x.x

A/N: I was a little worried about last chapter coming across as too much, so I was so glad to hear from all of you letting me know that it was well received.

Review that made my day, all of you who said you required a cold shower afterwards, or reminded me that posting at almost midnight on Saturday meant you read right before church. Whoops. Those points felt like a major compliment since I felt more than a little out of my element last chap.

**daphnebeauty**, Are you trying to kill me? Public reading, yeah. That was freaking hysterical you dirty perv! And your kind words were inspirational.

**Dee Hensley**, "that's what she said" you crack me up!

**GhostWriterLost**, yeah, my editor eyes get pretty tired after a twenty hour day of working on a computer and then writing, but I'm not a big go back and fix things kind of person. I went ahead and did it this time, just for you :) but probably won't do that in the future. Fanfic is my tool to break my obsessive editing habit, so I force myself to live with what I write and always move forward instead of back.

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter Forty-One

Initially, when he saw the red smeared across his sheets and her legs, his breath caught and he was certain he was going to throw up. Not because of the blood, of course, he wasn't squeamish or he wouldn't have lasted a day following her around to crime scenes. It was more to do with the fact that he had done this to her and that felt like a kick to the gut.

Fortunately, she had snapped at him while he sat there staring and he went to work fixing the problem. She was quick to point out that she didn't need to go to the hospital because the bleeding had nearly stopped and elaborated by saying, "It doesn't even hurt that much, so how bad can it be?"

"You're probably in shock." He had replied, slightly panicked.

She rolled her eyes, "I'm not in shock, would you just get the damn butterfly bandages Alexis told me you guys have?"

He tried to argue the point, but she just waved him off to go find the bandages. He threw on a robe and headed out to the medicine cabinet in the hall.

After rushing back with bandages, gauze pads and towels he had started cleaning her and assessing the situation. When they managed to get the dried blood cleaned up, they could more clearly see that she had popped a few stitches along one of the smaller cuts on her leg. It had almost stopped bleeding by the time they woke.

When he tried to push her about going to the hospital again, she rolled her eyes and explained that, while it had made a pretty big mess, most of the staining was from smearing and not actually soaking through. The blood loss was minimal. She had smiled at him and said, "I promise to drink some orange juice and eat a good breakfast, but this is less than I donated last time the mobile blood bank came by the precinct."

Looking at her, smiling and healthy, rolling her eyes and joking around had eased his nerves a little, but he still felt on edge. He was certain it would be a long time before the sight of her blood spilled on his white sheets left his head, if it ever did.

Once he was done cleaning her up, because he had steadfastly refusing to allow her to take a shower with fresh wounds that hadn't fully closed yet, he changed her bandages.

Since they were going to be headed into the precinct, she had convinced him to help her put on something more professional than the pajama pants and t-shirt he was trying to get her to wear for comfort. Everything seemed to be a battle with her this morning, and he was starting to wonder if the sarcastic barbs were an attempt to drive a wedge.

It took a while for him to realize that it was the same type of arguing they had been doing for years before this morning and he felt a fond smile at the thought that she wasn't retreating, just sticking to something familiar and comfortable. She wasn't pushing him away, it was her attempt at settling him down and damn her, but it was working.

The argument was a nice transition out of the awkwardness that had enveloped them on discovering she was bleeding. Once he had her settled downstairs with a glass of orange juice as she promised, he ran up to take a quick shower. Somehow the water got turned up too hot as he watched her blood swirl down the drain, and he didn't realize he was scrubbing so hard until his legs started to sting under the heated spray.

Switching off the water he had dressed in record time, opting for a slightly more casual look to match hers so she didn't have to feel like the only person underdressed today.

Making his way to the kitchen, Castle was finally able to admit that he _may_ have overreacted just a little. Until he walked in and found Beckett cracking eggs into a bowl. "What are you doing?"

"Breakfast." She responded easily as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Damn, but you can even make stubborn look sexy." He remarked with a teasing grin, as he moved around the island to attempt taking over the job. "Go sit." He commanded.

"I can take care of my own eggs." She told him, holding the spatula behind her out of his reach.

He was about to make a joke about her eggs when he realized with a start that there was a question he had forgotten to ask last night.

The expression on his face must have given him away because she responded, "Its fine, Castle, nothing to worry about."

He was continually amazed that she could read him like a freaking book, and he let out the breath he had been holding in a relieved sigh, "Good, because next time I'd like to have the whole kid thing planned out in advance. Alexis is great, don't get me wrong, but. . ."

"Next time?" she cut him off. "Alexis is practically grown and you're planning to start all over again?"

Castle shrugged, the surprise on her face mixed with a sudden uneasiness and he thought it suited her. He liked to see her flustered, and with that in mind he asked, "Don't you want to have kids?"

Her surprise at the turn in conversation gave him the edge to sneak a quick grab for the spatula, succeeding in stealing it from her. He turned to the stove to take over on the scrambled eggs.

"I think it's entirely too early in whatever this relationship thing is for us to even be having this conversation, Castle." She told him, the warning clear in her voice.

"What?" he tried to sound innocent. "If I asked last week you wouldn't have thought it was inappropriate. Annoying, yes, but not inappropriate."

"I haven't given it much thought." She responded lightly, not meeting his eyes as she grabbed the butter and stood beside his toaster.

"Liar." He said in a sing-song voice, watching from the corner of his eye as she pulled the toast out and slathered butter on it with a little too much vigor.

"Castle." She said, the warning clear in her voice as she popped in two more slices of bread and put the first ones on a plate. She spun to face him, brandishing the butter knife in his direction.

"What? You already said you're crazy about me." He teased.

Beckett rolled her eyes, "I said you drive me crazy."

"Same thing." He responded casually with a shrug as he scooped eggs onto her plate next to the toast. He set the plate on the counter near her, ignoring the glare she was giving him, but enjoying the fact that she didn't seem to have a response to that. It inspired a certain hope in him for a future with her.

He knew he shouldn't be pushing her, but he couldn't stop himself with that thought fresh on his mind, "You know we're going to have this conversation sooner or later, so we may as well just get it out of the way now while you're in such a good mood." He told her, sarcastically as he tried to hide his smile at how uncomfortable she was with this conversation. "Dr. Laura Schlesinger says you should know your partner's view on kids and marriage and all that before you get too serious. You know, to avoid problems later." He said in an off-hand tone as if he were making conversation about the weather. "Oh, and pets. Are you a dog or a cat person?"

"What if I said I was never going to have kids, was completely opposed to marriage, and would never own a pet, purely on principal alone?" she countered, finally relaxing just a bit as she teased him back.

He shrugged as he accepted the toast she passed him and moved around the counter, as much to sit down as to step away from her. Even if all she was wielding was a butter knife and a fork, she was dangerous and he couldn't remember a time when he'd ever pushed her quite so far and he was about to push again. "I'd call you a liar for the second time in ten minutes." He responded, taking a bite of his eggs and reaching for the pepper to sprinkle some on, "Besides. . ." he knew he was about to launch into the ridiculous and he watched as she had obviously finally had enough with this conversation.

"Castle." She interrupted. The warning was clear. "Enough. Can't we just live in the moment for a while and not over analyze everything?"

"It was just a question." He responded, with fake remorse at the seriousness in her tone. He knew laughing at the fact that Kate Beckett wanted to live in the moment, probably wouldn't go over very well. "People have these conversations all the time, Kate."

"Can we just not have it right now?" she asked on a sigh.

Castle nodded and then feeling about five years old he slowly counted to ten in his head and let the silence engulf them before he asked, "How about now?"

"Castle." This time her tone was no nonsense, pure unadulterated, Beckett-fury and his follow-up joke died in his throat. "If you say a single word about babies or marriage or even getting a freaking dog in the next year, those will be the last words out of your mouth."

"So you're a dog person, then?" he asked.

Beckett groaned in frustration and bowed her head to eat.

The move was not quick enough however, to mask the amused smile she was trying to hide. He'd put up with all her argumentative tendencies, happily risk verbal flogging for his immaturity, and gladly face death by semi-sharp kitchen objects, as long as he got to see that smile light her face, even if she was trying to hide it.

"Am I allowed to talk about other people's babies and weddings?" he finally asked, lopsided grin in place to meet her when she looked up. Her insincere glare faltered as she caught sight of his grin and her mouth curved up in an indulgent smile, obviously waiting for him to continue. She knew him well enough to know he was like a dog with a bone. He wouldn't let go. "I've been thinking about Cooper and his mistress."

She looked surprised by the sudden change in conversation, but covered it quickly. "Which one?" she asked sarcastically.

Castle gave her a 'duh' look and responded, "Annie." With a nod, Beckett told him to continue. "I've been trying to figure out why she would come after you, why she would threaten Alexis."

"We're on the case. We're the ones on the frontline trying to solve a murder she committed." Beckett supplied, but he just shook his head.

"If that's all there is to it, then why did she go after you, make specific references to you backing off, but not me?"

"I'm the one that's actually a cop, Castle." She responded, not following his logic.

He shook his head, trying to clear it, or make something click. "Even in the note left for Alexis, she's talking about you, not me. And the more I think about it, I don't think that last line about Alexis was a veiled threat, I think it was a compliment."

"Where are you going with this?" Beckett finally asked and he sat a moment, contemplating whether he even knew the answer to that question.

"Oh, man." He finally responded as something clicked, "She might be crazier than Palmer. I'd say it was the hormones, but I don't want to get smacked on behalf of the male population for the comment."

"You do realize you still made the hormonal woman comment and that little bit tacked on the end really didn't save any grace?"

He rolled his eyes at her this time, "Not a hormonal woman, a hormonal expectant mother."

Beckett laughed, a sharp sound of disbelief, "Where do you come up with this stuff?"

"She's pregnant. I didn't make the connection at first, but there was a baby name book on her shelf, she was intentionally wearing clothes that were way too big for her and when she leaned into me outside the precinct, something fired, but didn't stick. It was definitely a little baby bump." He explained. "So, she's going to have Cooper's kid and she goes to tell him." Castle feels his eyes losing focus as his conscious mind moves to focus internally so he can play out the story for Beckett. "They meet for dinner and go for a walk in the park. That's where she tells him the news."

"Supposing you're right," Beckett cut in, "She would expect him to leave his wife for her, but we know his wife is on a death sentence and he's not willing to leave her."

Castle jumped in, "Annie's not willing to wait for him, or maybe she doesn't know the circumstances of his marriage. Maybe she doesn't give him a chance to explain because she's so upset."

Beckett shakes her head at him, "That doesn't make any sense. Why would she kill the father, and what does that have to do with me?"

"She probably didn't mean too, or maybe she just snapped. Either way, it's too late. Now, she's looking for a surrogate in her own crazy way." he responded. "Did you see her book collection? The things she reads?" Beckett nodded, but he could tell she was trying to recall what had actually been on the woman's bookshelves. "She was a complete introvert. Its possible Cooper was her first and if not actually her first, than probably the first who was actually nice to her. The first who treated her even remotely like he cared."

"So, let me get this straight." She said, and he could hear the humor seeping into her voice. "You're actually implying that she came after me because you were nice to her? You think you're her choice for Cooper's replacement to be the 'Baby Daddy'?"

"Outside her apartment, before yours was trashed, you comforted me in the car." She nodded, but he could tell she wasn't buying it. "The night you got run off the road, we weren't any closer to catching the killer, but I kissed you. Right there, out in the open, for anyone to see." Her nod this time was a little slower as her brows knit together just a bit in contemplation.

After a moment, Beckett picked up the thread, "And then she came into the precinct and made those comments, pretty much saying she was completely over Cooper and didn't know what she ever saw in him."

"Then, when I walked her out," Castle cut in, "she called me 'Rick' and kissed me on the cheek." He watched Beckett's eyebrows go up a fraction, but he didn't have the energy to that bit right now. "It wasn't just a kiss on the cheek. I didn't think about it just then, because I was still thinking of her like I thought of Alexis, but the way she did it, it was the same as the way you did the night before." He pushed his plate away; cold eggs were not very good. "She put her hand on my shoulder, same hand, same shoulder, and leaned in the exact way you had."

"She didn't get the same reaction that I got. That probably pissed her off." Beckett responded.

"Yeah," Castle said, suddenly contemplative, "I don't understand why she wouldn't have tried something else by now. She seemed to have been escalating."

Beckett shrugged, "Maybe that's because you're wrong." She supplied.

He just shook his head in response. "Not this time, she's going to try something."

A sudden loud piercing noise began steadily beeping, the noise so loud he had to shout to be heard clearly, "Fire alarm for the building." He explained.

Beckett punched him hard in the arm as she stood up, "You just had to freaking say that, didn't you?" she said as she moved to grab her jacket and holster her gun. She grumbled about how you're never supposed to say that something couldn't get worse, because it always did.

It took him a minute to realize that it really was the fire alarm and he was glad that at least they were both up and dressed. "It's probably nothing, there's a sprinkler system in every apartment." he told her, as he grabbed his jacket and threw it on. Even so, he sprinted to his office, "Check the hall and let the security in." he told her as he came back out, tucked the unmarked book in his jacket and ran upstairs, back in a flash with a tattered stuffed animal, the whole building could burn, pretty much everything in the house could be replaced, was in a fire protected safe, or was backed up somewhere, but not his current book of Alexis and not Monkey Bunkey.

Beckett gave him a funny look as he flew out the door into the hall where they were waiting for him. She glanced at the stained, sewed, tattered mess of a stuffed animal, then held open the large side pocket of her jacket and raised an eyebrow. As they walked slowly, keeping pace with Beckett to the fire protected stairwell, he handed her the monkey and she stuffed it carefully in the large pocket.

x.x.x

A/N: A response to **GhostWriterLost**: The answer is No. I know how illogical that is, it took me a year and a half of actually _trying_. That was a cruel way to lead into the conversation in this chapter and spark a thought on the case. Beckett got to think about it first so when Castle asked this chapter, she'd have an actual answer for him. That way we could skip the whole awkward freaking out scene and she could just tell him it's nothing.

You don't want my opinion of how that only happens to teenagers and that's just because they tell their parents it was one night so they don't have to tell them that in actuality they had been fucking like bunnies for months. Really, so many things have to line up exactly right that the odds are rather astronomical. However, kids who are reading this and shouldn't be because of the rating, Yes it does only take once if your luck is really shitty. In closing, wrap it up, every time, unless you're a fictional character, then just do what your writer says, sometimes they'll freak you out a little just to advance their plot, because writers are evil and you are our pawns. Mwahahahahaha! Wow, ramble much?

Review that made my day, ** Dee Hensley**, and I thought retirement plans were boring, glad I could help you get through a day that felt like 'watching paint dry'.

**Daphnebeauty**, go back and read chapter 27 as an answer to your question about the book.

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter Forty-Two

Once the door closed behind them, they were enveloped in a cocoon of soundproofing that dampened the incessant screaming of the fire alarm. "I guess you never have to worry about sleeping through a fire." Beckett joked as she grabbed the rail and started slowly down the stairs.

She could already feel the strain on her injuries as she hit the third step and stared moving just a little slower, both feet on each step, leading with her injured one so that she wouldn't have to bend it as much in the descent.

Castle turned his head to smile at her, as he looped his arm around her waist to help support her down the steps. "This is not the first time we've had to clear the building. Every six or eight months, Mrs. Sullivan on the fourth floor forgets that she's cooking and takes her cocker spaniels for a walk. A little smoke and an awful smell is usually the worst of it."

They continued a half a flight of stairs with the security guards preceding them to keep a watchful eye out for anyone coming up while everyone should be headed down and away from danger.

One excruciatingly slow and annoyingly painful floor down, Beckett's phone started to ring. Without missing a beat, Castle reached in her pocket and pulled it out. He flashed her the screen indicating it was Esposito then had the call answered and on speaker without missing a step. As she thought about it, that wasn't a terribly impressive feat considering how slowly they were progressing.

"You're on speaker with Castle and Beckett." He said by way of answering the phone.

"Hey, Beckett," Esposito started and she almost laughed at the indignant little grunt from Castle at being ignored. "We ran those checks that you asked for this morning. So far, nothing on Annie Marks, but get this," he paused and there was rustling of papers and Ryan's voice in the background. "There was an altercation about a block off the park, right around the time of the murder. Turns out someone matching David Palmer's description smashed a tourist's camera and roughed the guy up a little."

"So that's why he said he didn't mean to hurt anyone." Castle theorized.

"Apparently," Esposito continued without comment, "the suspect was heard shouting at the man just before the attack. Something about being under surveillance."

"Were you able to get him back in the box yet to get anything out of him about what he might have seen?"

Esposito's laugh held very little humor, "That guy is madder than a monkey on a trike. He couldn't pick anyone out of the books, and he wouldn't say if he saw someone, just kept rambling about the cardinal and the angel of death."

"It was worth a shot." She responded, "We might have a situation at Castle's place." She continued and heard silence from the other end as all the humor left the other detective. "The fire alarm has sounded and we're making our way down the stairs now. If you go now and hit all that morning rush hour traffic, you'll probably arrive before we even make it to the ground floor."

"Ryan, let's roll." He said and then continued. "We'll be there in twenty minutes."

Castle chimed in, "As slow as she's walking, we'll still be a few stories up by then."

Beckett paused on the next clearing and snatched her phone out of his hands. "See you soon." She told Esposito as she hung up and put her phone away, glaring at the writer.

"What?" he asked with mock innocence, "It's true."

She gave him a quick jab in the ribs as a response and hooked her arm around his shoulders for support as they continued down.

"This has been nice, you know?" Castle spoke after a brief stint of silence as they continued down the stairs.

"What?"

"You know," he responded, gently squeezing her to his side. "This."

She glanced at him, not sure what to make of the sudden change in conversation, "Are we seriously going to have this talk right now?" she asked with a shadow of an amused smile.

"Why not?" he countered, slowing her down when she tried to move to quickly and her breath hissed through her teeth, "We're going to be in this damn stairwell for at least the next week as slow as we're moving."

"You're being facetious."

Castle was grinning when she glanced over, "Nice word." He responded. "Did you know that facetious and abstemious are the only two words in the English language that have all the vowels in the correct order?"

She scoffed, "Oh, Castle, how I love it when you're wrong." She smiled back at his confused expression. "Arsenious." She provided simply.

"That's not even a word." He told her, giving her a look that said he wasn't going to buy what she was trying to pull on him.

"It refers to something containing arsenic." She rolled her eyes, "For someone who deals in words and death, you think you'd know that one."

"I still think you're making it up." He responded, the wariness in his tone indicated that he wasn't ready to believe she wasn't trying to pull a fast one on him.

"Google it." She said with a shrug.

She felt the sway in his shoulders as he nodded his head. "Oh, believe me; I'm going to do exactly that." He looked over at her accusingly. "You're changing the subject." He teased, trying for a light tone, but she wasn't buying his fake nonchalance.

She could tell he was nervous about something. Perhaps he thought she'd run, but she wasn't doing that anymore. She wouldn't do that to him, or herself. There was no going backwards now. She could admit that she was scared; more than scared she might actually be willing to call the feeling terrified.

She hadn't intentionally moved her walls to make room for him, but he had wormed his way in a little bit at a time through cracks in the mortar. She had been more than a little stubborn on the subject of a relationship with him, and he had stopped trying so hard, really the last time he had actually asked her to start something with him was their first case. Sure he had hinted or made jokes and threw innuendoes around like they were going out of style, but never just come right out and asked.

She still thought about that first case sometimes. The way he had driven her crazy and insinuated himself in her work. The way he complimented her eyes in the interrogation room, with open admiration and that charming smile. How he managed to get inside her carefully crafted walls and see through to what brought her to a career in law enforcement. The gift of his novel and that kiss on the cheek. Those were surface memories that didn't hold nearly as much weight in her initially spark of respect for him from that first case. Those surface details that didn't speak to the man behind the jokes.

He had proven himself for the first time on that case. He had pushed when she was certain the case was over, sure of the suspect they had arrested. In her defense, both then and now, there had been enough evidence to stick a needle in the arm of each suspect, if not for the fact that both were rubber walls material, nuttier than squirrel shit, and likely to spend the rest of their lives in some mental hospital on an insanity defense.

If not for Rick Castle on that first case, they would have put the wrong guy in prison and the real killer would have walked. She had initially written him off as a pain in the ass who was just trying to weasel his way into the case with the sole purpose of wearing down her defenses until she was willing to sleep with him.

His persistence after they caught the suspected killer was her first glimpse into the man-child who loved to be right. She knew it wasn't just that, though. He had spoken with such sincerity and calm certainty about her having the wrong guy that it had her right back at the murder board wondering if she had done the best she could for the victims and their families.

It was the first time he had really pushed her and the more she thought about it, she was glad that he had never stopped pushing, never given up.

Initially she had been annoyed by him using his connections to force his way onto her team and into her life. His thoughts scattered like dust in the wind and he was flashy, more than that, no matter how hard she tried to get rid of him, he just kept showing up. The man was glitter. The sudden silly correlation between Rick and an art supply had her laughing. That being the only reaction to his comment about the subject change for several steps had him stopping to look at her with a raised eyebrow.

She didn't stop with him and her arm around his shoulders meant he had to keep moving with her as she took the next step. She took pity on him and answered his silent question, "I got a little distracted thinking about our first case and realized why I thought you were so annoying back then."

"Just back then?" he asked, pretending shock that she would admit he didn't annoy her anymore, but obviously humored her choice of phrase. After another moment of silence he asked, "Are you going to share or is that the extent of it."

"You're glitter." She said simply.

When he laughed, she realized that they were oddly on the same page. "Alexis used to love glitter. We'd do these all sorts of arts and crafts with glitter. It would start as a heart or something, but by the time we were done the whole page would be covered in all different colors of glitter." She noticed that he had that fond smile he always got when he was talking about the things he and Alexis used to do when she was little. It was endearing. "Months after a craft project I'd find a fleck of glitter on my arm or forehead or something. That stuff never goes away." His fond smile turned down in a little frown as he continued. "Glitter is the herpes of the craft world. I don't know if I should feel insulted or flattered that you think I'm glitter."

Kate shrugged and they shared a smile that was full of silly humor as they rounded the corner at the bottom of another flight of stairs. They had been basically alone with the security in this stairwell for the past five minutes. It seemed that everyone else had already made it out. The loud clomping of feet hurrying down the stairs that had been filtering up steadily was replaced with near silence after the final bang of what was probably the emergency exit door on the main floor.

The security guards, always a few steps below them, barely made a sound and even the fire alarm had been turned off, replaced with a periodic beeping every twenty to thirty seconds instead of the incessantly blaring siren sounds that had been filtering through the wall twenty minutes ago.

When they reached the fourth floor, the smell of something burning became far stronger than it had been to that point and the further down they moved the thicker the smell seemed to be. "That's not Mrs. Sullivan's tuna casserole." Castle mentioned as they rounded the turn that would take them down to the second floor, almost out of there.

Another beep of the alarm sounded through the thick walls of the stairwell just as they moved around to the second to last flight of stairs. Beckett had just grabbed the rail with her right hand when a soft click sounded behind them. A door, she realized almost instantly.

Before she could react, there was a feral sounding growl that ended in a screech as someone slammed into her from behind. Her legs almost gave out from the impact, but her firm grip on the rail kept her mostly in place as she was knocked sideways into the wall. She knew a split-second later that she was going down the stairs when she felt Castle's arm tense around her as he struggled to regain his balance. He had obviously not been struck as directly as her, but was spun almost sideways to fully face her.

Beckett watched in seeming slow motion as terror flashed across his features while he teetered precariously at the top of the flight of stairs. Before she could react, tighten her grip on the rail, on him, his coat, anything, she felt his arm go slack, releasing his hold on her as if he thought that if he didn't they would both go down. He was probably right, but he didn't have to give up so easily. She watched as he fell backwards, trying desperately to turn his body somehow to minimize the impact that was certainly coming.

The security guards had just begun to turn from their positions at the commotion from behind them when Castle crashed into them, sending all three men to the bottom of the flight of stairs in a tangled heap.

Everything happened so fast that by the time Castle was falling, Beckett had already tried to lash out at whoever had crushed her against the wall. Her elbow missed the target. As Castle crashed into the guards, Kate tried slamming her head back into her attacker, but met with only dead air. As the guards and Castle hit the bottom of the stairs, fresh pain lanced through her skull as her hair was grabbed viciously and her head slammed against the cold concrete wall once, twice, and she stopped counting, stopped being able to count as everything dimmed and became fuzzy.

The screaming from behind her was high pitched and strained. While she'd never heard the ferocious voice and strong language from Annie Marks, the screaming of, "You Bitch!" was unmistakably the small red-headed woman. She found herself oddly thinking that's why her elbow aimed at who she assumed was a larger attacker's nose had missed completely. The force of the impact had felt like a woman much larger than the petite Miss Marks.

She felt tugging on her pants near her hip and it took her a moment to realize that despite her attempts to fight, Marks was trying to take her gun.

One last slam against the wall and she felt weightless. She felt like she was floating for just a moment before she realized she was falling. The push from behind had been abrupt and she desperately grasped to maintain her hand hold on the rail.

Kate caught sight of Castle, dazed and looking more than a little confused as he scrambled to pull himself out of the tangle of limbs with the two guards. He looked up just as she lost the last of her grip on the rail and their eyes locked. Panic swiped the confusion from his face in an instant as she fell.

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry for the delay, I really wanted to have this up last night, but I couldn't get it to cooperate. This is the first part of the scene that inspired this whole fic, fighting in a stairwell.

Review that made my day: **Beetlebug**, because I love similes and having my story compared to a napkin made me smile.

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter Forty-Three

Castle was reveling in the sound of Kate laughing. He wasn't sure what she found funny because she had fallen silent after he accused her of changing the subject. He knew she was being contemplative from the quirk of her eyebrows, but he never expected that she would be lost in that that ended with her comparing him to glitter.

He thought she was just trying to distract him, but when he caught her eyes he noted that there was some level of sincerity beneath the humor.

He was amazed at how quickly everything went to hell.

One moment they were starting down another flight of stairs in their seemingly endless descent, joking about her perception of him. The next moment there was a scream and he was teetering on the edge of the stairs after being slammed into.

In the split second after impact his mind jumped through a hundred thoughts. He thought about the number of concrete stairs, twenty, because each floor was half a flight of stairs a turn and another half flight. The expression on Beckett's face, surprise, but a definite tinge of fear in her wide eyes as he flailed blindly for a moment. It was that same feeling when you leaned a little too far back in a chair and felt it start to tip. He caught sight of her tight grip on the rail and knew in an instant that she wasn't going to fall, except for his grip around her waist that had instinctively tightened when he started teetering on the edge.

He knew if he tried to hold himself up by holding onto her that they would both fall and that knowledge made him disregard exactly what he knew it would feel like to hit the concrete steps from full height. His arm slacked on her and he saw in her eyes that she realized what he was doing too late.

Falling backwards from the top step seemed like slow motion as he tried to rotate so that he wouldn't land on his back or his head and snap his neck on initial impact. He watched her as he fell. Beckett was pinned face first to the wall with a wide eyed Annie Marks behind her. He knew he'd be almost upside down by the time he impacted, but he couldn't pull his gaze away from her.

Castle watched helplessly as Annie grabbed Beckett's hair and slammed her face into the concrete wall of the stairwell, she was struggling, but she didn't seem to make contact with her attacker.. A sudden impact jolted his eyes off her as his body came forcefully into contact with something solid, but still softer than the stairs he had been expected. As he continued tumbling backwards he realized that he had fallen into the guards and as they tumbled over each other he felt a sudden sickening panic in the fact that Beckett was alone at the top of the stairs and even the security wouldn't be able to help her.

The initial softer landing gave way to a tumble as the guards fell too. He tried to turn his body sideways so that he could roll the other direction and not roll back on his head. That shift was only successful in pinning him beneath the two guards as they rolled together. His head was pressed heavily against the corner of one of the steps as a guard's shoulder rolled over him and he was certain his brain would pop right out the top of his skill from the impact.

Castle's ribs ached from the same impact as an elbow that felt like a hammer forced his spine across another stair. At one point he felt his foot get wedge with one of the guards and the force of the tumble was enough to completely rotate his body as his leg tried to follow the movement of the trapped foot unsuccessfully.

The sound was like cracking knuckles, only sickeningly loud and it foretold the pain that lanced up his leg and his entire left side a moment later. He was practically on top of the tangle when they hit the bottom of the flight of stairs.

The wind was completely knocked out of him when he landed at the bottom of the stairs with the security guards. Somehow he had ended up completely tangled with the two men. He didn't think there was a single part of his body that didn't hurt just then. He wasn't sure if he or the guards or all of them were responsible for the groaning as his head spun and throbbed.

"You bitch!" he heard from the top of the stairs and it snapped him into some attempt at action.

Castle tried to scramble out of the pile of limbs, every movement sent lancing pain through him, but a sudden adrenaline surge made him wonder if he had been wrong and nothing was broken and in the same breath he wondered if it was possible to break everything in a fall like that. He had almost freed himself from the guards when he finally was able to focus on the women above them.

He saw Marks grappling with Beckett and was inordinately relieved that the woman wasn't still smashing Kate's face into the concrete. That relief only lasted a moment before he saw the yank and shove.

As Kate fell forward, grappling desperately for the rail, his eyes locked with her a moment before her grip on the rail combined with her downward motion caused her body to rotate. He should have been relieved that she was able to turn her body and bring her arms up to cover her face as she rolled down the stairs, certainly more gracefully than he and the two guards had, but he couldn't find relief. The first impact of her legs on stairs and he knew she was doing a hell of a lot more damage to her wounds than they had done last night.

She had made it halfway down, each smack of her limbs or head felt like a physical jolt to him as he continued trying to move, hoping in vain that he might be able to catch her or something. He couldn't make it the couple of feet to where she was falling quickly enough to prevent that final impact against the stone landing at the base of the stairs.

Somehow he tore his gaze away from her and glanced at the top of the stairs as he heard the security guards rustling and one shouting something he couldn't decipher from next to him. When his eyes caught sight of the woman at the top of the stairs he thought his heart might actually stop.

Glaring down from the top of the stairs with a wildly aggressive look stealing her previously gentle features Annie Marks looked every bit as crazy as he hadn't fully been able to convince himself that she was. Even with all the theorizing, he was certain they would find that it was someone else. It wasn't the cold hatred in her eyes or the satisfied smirk on her thin lips that sent his heart racing.

He finally registered what the tugging had been just before Beckett was shoved down the stairs as he stared up at the woman who was pointing Kate's weapon down the stairs. He heard what was likely the cocking of a gun behind him where he had left the half conscious guards, but he didn't wait to see what they would do or if they would do anything.

Ignoring the pain shooting through his entire body he propelled himself to his knees and threw his body over Beckett's. The impact caused them both to exclaim in pain and the sound of her strangled cry seemed to swamp every other sound in the stairwell, but it couldn't mask the loud Bang! that echoed through the stairwell.

It sounded like there may have been more than one shot, but he couldn't be certain as the initial sound was so loud to his already throbbing head that he jolted in pain and felt his entire body complain at the movement. The echoing sound continued as the ringing in his ears.

He found himself moving until he could look up the stairs and see the crumpled body of Annie Marks at the top of the stairs. He turned back until he was looking down into Kate's eyes. She was looking back up at him and for a moment he lost himself in her eyes and his intense relief.

"You ok?" he finally choked out, not surprised to find that he was having trouble breathing, much less talking. He was certain that it would be a long time before he was able to breathe easy again. Not just because his ribs were burning, but because he had never seen or been through anything quite as frightening as what had just happened.

He knew that the entire ordeal couldn't have lasted more than a minute, but it had felt so much longer and he knew when this event played over and over in his nightmares that it would last the same eternity that he had thought passed while it was occurring.

She looked passed him as if assessing they were safe, and he watched her confusion as she registered that the woman was no longer a threat to them, "Not really." She responded, looking back to him. The sound of the door downstairs slamming against the wall and footsteps rushing up greeted his ears and he was glad, because it meant he wouldn't have to stand up on his probably broken ankle to get out of the building before it burnt to the ground.

"You?" she asked.

It took him a minute to figure out what she was asking him and he finally responded, "Oh, yeah, me? I'm good."

She was smirking at him with a raised eyebrow, "So, you think you could get off me, then?"

"You weren't complaining last ni. . ." he wasn't able to finish his sentence as he shifted himself to roll off of her, but putting weight on his right arms to push up and away sent a fresh pain shooting through him. He felt his mind go completely fuzzy from the intense ache that shot through him. Castle collapsed against her with a whoosh as everything around him dimmed.

Sound filtered back in first, followed by the world tipping as he felt Kate's hands on his chest, pushing him to the side off of her. "Castle?" her tone at first was curiosity laced with confusion, but suddenly she was using an entirely different tone and he wasn't sure he had ever heard that before.

His eyes came back into focus in time to see her strained movements as she pulled her hand from behind his back and he saw the thick red blood covering her palm. "Castle?" she shouted.

The footsteps that had been rushing up the stairs finally reached them and somewhere in his haze he realized that Ryan and Esposito were with the firemen or whoever was making all that noise. He tried to move so he could greet them, but his body didn't seem to be complying.

He knew it wasn't good when he heard the normally fun-loving and cheerful Detective Ryan let out a strangled, "Oh, God."

It sounded like the tone one would get if they walked in to catch someone strangling a nun or drowning a sack full of kittens. That's when it fully registered that something was terribly wrong.

His eyes shifted until he caught sight of Beckett, wide eyes staring at him as she seemed frozen in place just staring at him. He was more frightened by the tears brimming in her eyes than he had been by Ryan's comment.

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I got a little stuck, but more than that I finally convinced my sister to give Castle a shot and she was hooked after the first episode. We've been having a Castle Marathon since Friday after work. Her entire busy house quieted down to watch the show, two adults, two teens, and six kids, though you can't count my daughter because she's already seen it. My poor kid probably has the craziest nightmares for a five year old, but she loves crime shows as much as I do and already wants to be a writer of crime fiction just like her mommy (if life as a country singer doesn't work out of course).

Review that made my day: **daphnebeauty**, for identifying the Demetri Martin glitter is herpes reference. I laugh about that every time I buy a birthday card for the office and make sure to get one that has glitter on it because it will get on everyone that signs it.

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter Forty-Four

As Beckett fell down the stairs she was surprised it wasn't nearly as painful as she would have expected. She assumed adrenaline had something to do with that, though her leg wounds were screaming at her. Her head throbbed and vision blurred, but she wasn't sure if that was from having her head bashed against the wall or the tumble down the stairs. It was probably a combination of the two.

Beckett's elbow caught against the edge of a stair and sent a jolt of pain through her as it was whipped back and away from protecting her head, pulled beneath her as she rolled the last rotation before striking the floor on her back. Her vision swam a moment before she was able to focus again and instantly her eyes shot to the top of the stairs.

Annie was glaring down at them all with a gleam in her eyes and Beckett's service weapon grasped tightly at her side. Kate saw the movement as she started to raise the gun, pointing it down the stairs, but the next moment her field of vision was obscured by a blur of red and brown. It took her a second to register the fresh pain and pressure against ribs that she was certain were at least bruised before she understood that the weight on her chest was Castle and panic filled her again.

He had a superficial head wound that was dripping blood across his forehead and his pupils were so large she would assume he was on drugs if she hadn't spent the morning with him. Her mind momentarily blanked out as she tried to see around his head to the top of the stairs, but he was blocking her vision.

The sudden sound of gun fire was shocking, and she felt Castle jerk against her chest. Her breath hitched, not just from the pain of his sudden movement against her injuries, but from the knowledge that he must have been hit. Silence followed the echoing sound of the gun fire and her brain instantly deciphered there had been three shots, ears picked up the sound of Castle still breathing, felt him shift.

She was relieved to see him prop himself up on his left elbow to look down at her a moment before he turned his head to the top of the stairs. "You ok?" he asked once he looked back down at her with a bit of relief gracing his features.

Now that he was looking directly at her, Beckett could fully take in his appearance. Despite the swollen line along the left side of his face and the blood trickling from his forehead he appeared to be fine. The relieved note in his voice was a nice touch, too, though she could detect the pain lingering behind the comment.

She was certain that fall had probably been extremely painful, but she appeared to be wrong about the shooting. Beckett shifted to look past Castle to the top of the stairs where she could see the top of Annie Marks' head, her hair and right arm both hung limply over the top step and she swept her eyes down, spotting her weapon a couple of steps below the motionless woman.

She let her relief that the gun shots had obviously been the security guards taking out Marks at the top of the stairs seep into her. Finally, she allowed her brain to register the various parts of her body that were sore and banged up as she smiled weakly up at him and responded, "Not really." She watched him flinch from her words and the worry that crossed his features so she was quick to change the subject, "You?" she asked.

He didn't respond for a moment as he stared down at her. He was either confused by the question because of a blow to the head or he was mentally checking over his body before he answered. "Oh, yeah, me? I'm good." He didn't sound very sincere, but he smiled down at her and she allowed herself to bask in the warm relief of seeing the familiar smile on his face.

She returned his smile, hers a little wry, "So, you think you could get off me, then?"

His eyebrows rose slightly and his smile turned teasing. Despite the situation, she felt a warmth move through her from that expression. "You weren't complaining last ni. . ." he didn't finish his sentence. She watched him shift to push himself off her with his right arm and saw the smile fall off his face and the blood drain an instant before he collapsed against her chest.

Her breath was knocked out of her from the sudden impact of Castle collapsing against her. Frantically she pushed against his chest to get him off her so she could move. Castle was laying on his left side, staring at her, a mix of confusion and pain straining his features. Her hands moved quickly, gliding over his shoulders, around to his back where she suddenly stopped.

Moist warmth met her hand at the back of his chest and she pulled it back towards her as if not touching it would make it any less real. The sight of his blood, thick on her palm and fingers, made her breath catch. She hated herself the moment she pulled her arm back around his body and saw him spot the red dripping from her hand. She wanted to undo her movement and spare him the worry, but it would have been pointless as Ryan came up the stairs with Esposito and two firemen and she heard him exclaim, "Oh God."

Kate watched Castle' eyes widen as if he realized the potential implications of the blood and Ryan's exclamation. Esposito slid past the other detective and moved up the stairs with his gun at the ready to check the woman down up there as a fireman leaned down to examine Castle's injuries. The other fireman was waved up to the top steps, apparently Marks was still breathing.

She caught eyes with Castle again as he winced from the pressure being placed against the wound on his back. She watched his eyes flutter and barked at him, "Rick!" His eyes snapped back open as the firefighter called for more medical personnel. Ryan made sure he specified that there were officers down.

Castle opened his mouth as if to speak and she shushed him. "Don't talk. Just breath, you're going to be fine."

He groaned and tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it fell away on a cough. She was shocked by the red and the sudden wetness on her face as blood came out of his mouth on the violent exhalation. The tears that had been threatening to spill fell over, mixing with his blood on her cheeks.

She watched his expression shift and he tried to give her a weak smile, "Sorry to go all Exorcist on you." He said weakly.

Beckett would have punched him for trying to reassure her in such a ridiculously inappropriate time, but instead she faked a laugh in the hopes that it would keep his spirits up. She could tell it wasn't effective when he frowned at her so she decided on another tactic, "Shut up and breathe."

He gave her a halfhearted little grin, obviously somewhat comforted by the familiarity of her telling him to shut up. It was the last move he made as she watched his eyes roll back in his head and he lost the battle to stay conscious. "Castle!" she tried to get him to open his eyes, to move, to speak, but all he did was let his head loll to the side as a thin trail of blood dripped out of his lip.

She shot up from her lying beside him to a sitting position so quickly that her head spun and she felt herself fading. She was surprised when she didn't fall, only to realize that Esposito had come back down the stairs and caught her against his chest.

"Take it easy, Beckett." He told her in a strained voice, "Help is here, everything's going to be alright."

Time passed in an odd assortment of slow motion and fast forward as more firefighters swarmed the landing with medical equipment. They did a quick patch job on the wound and had Castle strapped to a rescue board before she even fully realized they were working on him. It seemed that before she could blink he was being lifted and then he disappeared down the stairs.

"Ryan, stick with Castle." Esposito told the other detective who followed down the stairs on slightly shaky legs.

That's when time started to crawl. It seemed ages of leaning against Esposito's chest as he tried to comfort her. Beckett was certain she was having a mental breakdown that would embarrass her later, but right now she could care less, much less control the reaction. She couldn't stop her mind from formulating nightmare situations and outcomes.

She was pissed at herself for waiting so long to open herself up to him and how now it looked like she may have started too late. Perhaps if she hadn't spent the past two days opening herself to him than this wouldn't hurt so bad to try and breathe through. She knew the thought was idiotic, because she felt the same way about him now as she had two days ago. The only difference now was that instead of imagining how good they could be together, she knew for certain now.

She wasn't sure which was worse, but for some reason, despite the hurt she might face, she couldn't find a single thing she would have changed about their time together. Getting closer to him hadn't been a mistake and she cursed her brain for trying to convince her that perhaps she would hurt less without the physical bond on top of the mental. There was no way that she was going to let anyone disparage what they had shared, not even herself.

She felt the cracks in the last bit of her resolve as her silent tears turned into painful wrenching sobs that shook her body and burned through her lungs. Esposito didn't seem to be able to ease as she lay curled against him. Her eyes fell on the book, in the corner of the stairwell; it must have fallen out of his pocket when he tumbled down the stairs.

It seemed an eternity before she was finally pulled from Esposito's grasp and strapped to a rescue board. She gestured for the book and he swiped it up, passing it to her as the firefighter's lifted her and started down the steps.

Beckett clutched the book to her chest as if that could keep him close to her as well.

Everything became a haze as drugs were poured into her body once she was loaded in the ambulance. Esposito gave her a theory on Annie setting the fire to sneak passed security since everyone was on their way out, but she didn't care about that woman anymore. She wasn't worth another moment of Beckett's time as far as she was concerned.

EMT's moved frantically around her, hooking her to IVs, sensors, poking and prodding. She tried to respond, but she felt a numbness overtake her.

The next time her eyes opened she was in a white tube, a voice talking to her and telling her to lie still, but she was panicking from the enclosed space and the steady whirring of the MRI machine stopped. The table slid out of the tube and she watched a nurse stab a needle into the line running her IV into her arm. Suddenly she felt her anxiety drain away replaced with fatigue and she felt a raging fury with the damn nurse for drugging her.

The fury didn't last long as she succumbed to the liquid lethargy the nurse had pumped into her. She was slid back into the tube. The next time she was cognizant, Lanie was standing over her, giving her a weak and weary smile. Beckett didn't much care for the look in her friend's eyes, but she faded back out so fast that she didn't have the chance to achieve a level of consciousness that would give her the capacity to ask about Castle.

She was in another room when she woke again, a regular room, small, but private with a little love seat against one wall. Esposito was sitting on the small couch with Lanie sprawled across his lap sleeping. Her hand was warm.

Looking to the other side she found a smaller hand grasping hers and her heart restricted as she recognized the flow of red hair. If Alexis was here with her, she didn't want to let her mind finish the thought it had started, so she squeezed the girl's hand. It was enough to have her raising her head to meat Kate's eyes and she saw the sadness there.

Kate opened her mouth to ask the question that might change everything, but nothing came out as she too in the red and bloodshot whites of her eyes that told of the crying the teen had been doing.

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry for the delay and the cliffy, had to stop here or we'd have to wait until late tomorrow night for the update. I'll try to get more up Monday.

Review that made my day: **Funkysocks**, I'm glad to hear that you think I've kept them in character, even in this highly emotional and difficult time, that makes me feel like I've accomplished my goals a little.

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter Forty-Five

Kate saw the surprise in Alexis' eyes as they widened and the girl gasped. But she had to tear her eyes away, because she didn't seem able to ask the question she needed to ask while looking at the tear stained face of the red-headed teen.

Beckett heard the increased beeping of her heart monitor as the pressure in her chest magnified. She needed to calm down; she knew she did, especially when she heard the scraping of the chair legs on the floor as Alexis leapt to her feet. The pressure on Kate's hand increased along with the high pitched beeping and Alexis was talking, but Kate couldn't make out the words.

Her gaze fell on Esposito and Lanie, stirring awake at the commotion and she had a moment where she wondered why they looked so awful. Esposito had a light growth of stubble and they both looked like they hadn't slept in a week. That was something else she hated about hospitals, the space set aside for visitors was not conducive to any kind of sleeping. She wondered why they didn't just go home and get some rest; it wasn't like they could do anything for her there.

Alexis dropped her hand and Kate turned her head to see the girl hurry out of the room, presumably to wave in a nurse. Beckett lost focus on the teen when her eyes locked on the doorway. She saw her father walking in beside Martha. They were carrying coffee cups and talking like they were old friends, but when Alexis reached them the conversation died away as Martha took the girl into her arms.

Some words were exchanged and the women both left, but the roaring of blood in her ears didn't dissipate and she still couldn't make out what anyone was saying. Jim Beckett stood alone in the doorway.

Once the two redheads were gone, Beckett's eyes fell on a man standing behind her father. He looked pale, but from what she could see over her dad's shoulder he was wearing white and he seemed to glow with an iridescence she had never seen on him. He smiled at her from behind her father in the doorway. It was a soothing, reassuring smile and Kate couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes on seeing him standing stock still behind her dad.

She didn't believe in ghosts, but for just a moment she was certain that if anyone would come back to haunt her it would be that damn irritating man that she loved. She tore her gaze away from her father and the image of Castle, unable to delve into the delusion her obviously strained brain was presenting her with.

Kate squeezed her eyes shut and heard the commotion as a nurse rushed in followed by the Alexis and Martha. She didn't want to open her eyes, but the nurse said she had to check her pupils and gage her reflexes.

Her eyes opened and he was there again, standing at the foot of her bed. As the nurse shined a light in her eyes and checked her over, she saw Lanie and Esposito standing on one side of her bed with Ryan beside them. She wondered where the other detective had come from since she hadn't seen him a moment before.

Martha held Alexis on the other side, standing near her dad as Jim ran a soothing hand over Kate's tousled hair. The nurse didn't seem bothered in the least as she moved around the small crowd. The woman was checking her over and trying to make idle chit chat, but she couldn't figure out what the nurse was saying. Kate's eyes were locked on a set of blue ones that she had been worried she'd never see again.

It took her a moment to see through the tears that had gathered in her eyes, but she blinked them away. She wanted to savor the sight of him standing slightly away from everyone else as if he thought he might be intruding, or perhaps it was too painful to stand with the ones you loved in life when you couldn't comfort them in their hour of need.

The nurse had finished checking her over and while she seemed disheartened that Kate wasn't responding to her questions, she smiled kindly at her. The nurse mentioned that a doctor would be in to see her shortly, before she left them again.

Silence filled the room as her gaze swept across all of them standing quietly over her as if expectantly waiting for something. Always, they were drawn back to the man who seemed to be hiding in the background.

"Castle?" she finally managed and watched the spark light in his blue eyes from across the room.

Before she knew it, he was standing beside her and warmth enveloped her hand on that side. She didn't think ghosts could touch things, they just floated through walls and people, but she didn't care. She could feel his hand on hers and that's all that mattered.

When she finally managed to tear her gaze away from his eyes she was confused to see the sling that immobilized his right arm tightly against his body. When Castle's voice filtered through the haze, everything started to make sense again and she felt like she could breathe for the first time since she opened her eyes.

"Oh, Kate." He sounded far away, but his breath felt warm on her cheek as he leaned in close, unable to achieve more than a hoarse whisper as he kissed her cheek gently. "Don't scare me like that." She felt the tense emotion, nervous energy, and relief rolling off him in waves as he spoke to her. "It is good to see those beautiful eyes again."

Castle pulled back to a standing position and smiled at her, looking weak and teary eyed, but happy and she allowed herself a moment to truly believe that he was alive and standing there. It didn't make sense that he would have bled so much in that stairwell and he'd be the one standing over her bed worried that something was wrong with her. It was like she was dropped into some kind of alternate reality. She felt like laughing, that sounded like a silly theory that Castle would give.

Despite how little sense it made, he had to be alive. He had to be the one standing over her. Nothing else made sense. Ghosts don't need slings or walk with a limp; they don't have warm breath and warm hands; they certainly wouldn't have a black eye or swelling in their jaw or the need for a gauze bandage on their heads. Ghosts definitely didn't make your face moist from a tear dropping off their pale cheek.

"What. . ?" she started, but her voice cracked over the word and her gaze swept the now cautiously smiling faces of her friends and family, "What happened?"

After a long pause where everyone seemed to look at each other as if waiting for someone else to speak, Ryan finally asked, "What's the last thing you remember?"

She glanced at him, but her eyes moved back to Castle and she addressed her answer towards him, "She shot you."

Castle nodded with a reassuring smile, "I'm good, though. Nothing major." She read the lie on his face, but she wasn't going to push him, not when nothing made sense and she was just glad to see that he was alive.

"You saved me." She stated simply.

Castle nodded his confirmation, "You'd have done the same for me."

"How did you?" it was all she could manage, but she hoped he understood. She was so confused and nothing seemed to make any sense. Alexis sidled up to her father, wrapped an arm around his waist and burrowed into his chest before she turned towards Beckett and placed her free hand over hers and Castle's on the bed.

Kate was starting to get frustrated with all the tense silences that seemed to drag on for far too long. What the hell was going on and why didn't anyone want to just give it to her straight.

Lanie was the one who finally broke the silence, "You had intracranial bleeding. The blunt force trauma caused a subdural hematoma and they had to operate to relieve the pressure caused by a cerebral edema." She told her, not quite able to maintain calm professionalism, though Kate could see that her grasp at the technical terms was her failed attempt to distance herself from the situation.

Esposito pulled her friend into a hug and finished for her, Beckett was certain it was so that Lanie didn't have to say anything more while she was visibly upset, "You've been in a coma for eleven days."

It was a weird feeling to suddenly find herself both more confused and less confused than she had been a moment before. She didn't have long to contemplate the new knowledge. The sudden feeling of floating really didn't help the matter any.

Despite her eagerness to learn more about what the hell was going on, and her willingness to spend the rest of her life enjoying the sight of the man who was leaning heavily against the left side of her hospital bed as it that would keep him upright, she couldn't do it. She closed her eyes against the spinning of the room and darkness stole the moment as sound faded and she fell into a restless sleep.

x.x.x

Castle felt like he could breathe again and it had nothing to do with the functionality of his lungs. Even though she had passed out after such a short time awake, he couldn't help the wave of relief that flooded him on seeing her break into consciousness after so long.

They said she should wake within forty-eight hours of her surgery, so he had lay back in his own hospital bed for that period of time and waited for the news from Ryan or Esposito that said she was awake. It hadn't occurred to him in those first two days that she might not wake up. While the painkillers that kept him asleep for most of the time had made him nearly incoherent whenever he was awake, he couldn't shake his confidence in her.

She was strong. He knew that there was no way she would be anything but fine.

On the third day, when he got his chest tube out, he made the nurses take him in to see her. She was supposed to be awake and she just wouldn't wake up. By day five he was released from the hospital, but he couldn't leave. He overheard the doctor talking on day seven and he couldn't sit there anymore.

That was the first time he'd left all week. He didn't know what else to do. For the first time since that day in the stairwell he was back in his apartment building. It was likely his imagination that made the halls of his building still reek of fire.

When he finally made it into his apartment, he was glad that his mother and daughter had stayed behind with Beckett in case she woke up. There was plenty of company to watch over her at night, but during the day she was alone without anyone while the guys and Lanie were working. He and his family were the connection tethering her here in the daylight hours. He would have felt awful leaving her alone in the middle of the day without Alexis and his mother, but he couldn't stay there with the doctor's words shooting through his head.

The walking cast for his broken ankle made getting around difficult, and not having the use of his dominant hand pissed him off as he tried to find something, anything that would distract him from the words that seemed to be stuck on repeat in his .

While mobility was not a problem when he was sitting around in a hospital room, suddenly everything he wanted to do pissed him off and nothing he did seemed to distract him from the words the doctor had passed on to his medical student outside Beckett's room while he was stretching his legs in the hall.

Most of what they said was medical jargon he didn't understand. It seemed an opportune moment for the doctor to test his student's knowledge of head injuries. If Castle hadn't been in the hall, it would have been a fine moment, but he was there and he heard enough to have him running home. Looking for a safe place to hide out from his new knowledge of what might lie ahead. "C_hronic vegetative state. . . Loss of motor skills. . . Diminished cognitive function. . . Amnesia. . . Post-traumatic epilepsy. . . Death."_

Feeling defeated, and unable to distract himself, Castle had crawled into his bed, their bed; it was hers as much as his after that night that changed everything. The night that marked him as hers, though if he were honest with himself, he had been marked by her from the beginning. Marked to be hers. He tugged the blanket around himself and pulled the pillow she had slept on into his arms. Burying his face in the pillow, he could still smell her on the bedding and memories of her drowned him as he finally broke.

He couldn't lose her, not now, not after they had finally moved forward. He was angry at the world, angry at Annie Marks, angry at himself for not protecting her. He was angry at the doctors for talking about her as if she were some kind of experiment. But the anger passed and he was left with a hollow broken feeling that ate at his soul as he crumpled on himself.

Castle couldn't remember the last time he had cried himself to sleep, but somehow the fear and anguish lead to tears that soaked her pillow, the tears brought on sobs that burned his injured lung, until mercifully his exhaustion pulled him into a dreamless sleep.

He woke to darkness; moonlight filtered through the curtains and the scent of her surrounded him. For a moment he actually believed the whole mess was a nightmare and he would roll over to find her lying beside him and he would watch her sleep or kiss her awake. When he moved, the pain brought it all back to reality, but somewhere in the hours he slept his mind had worked out what he had been unable to see after hearing the doctors talk about all of the 'what ifs' for her.

She was strong. She was a fighter. Katherine Beckett would not give up and he wasn't going to give up on her.

It had been the last time he left the hospital. He would sneak a shower in the bathroom attached to her room, he would go with his mom or her dad or Alexis and get food at least two times a day, but he was never far away. He was always close, just waiting.

When he heard Alexis tell his mom that Beckett was awake, instant relief flooded him, but those damn doctor's voices in the back of his head kept cycling. What if she didn't remember him or what they had come to mean to each other? What if she couldn't function at her job or tie her own shoes? What if she wasn't Beckett anymore when she woke up?

So, when she finally woke, he offered her a smile and watched confusion cross her features.

As everyone gathered around her, Castle kept his distance. He wasn't scared, that was not the reason, or perhaps it was the lesser reason. He wanted to be right there holding her hand, telling her everything would be alright, but some part of him kept him back. He didn't want to push her. If she didn't remember the past two days, being overly familiar would freak her out and so he hung back.

She wasn't speaking and he was starting to worry as she looked around at everyone and then brought her eyes back to his. There was sadness there, in her eyes, a fear that he was not used to seeing and it broke his heart to watch her struggle.

Then, the most beautiful thing happened when she called out for him. He was at her side in an instant and she was confused, but she remembered the shooting and that meant she probably remembered him. He couldn't stop the sudden tears of joy hearing his name from her had brought and one escaped to splash against her cheek.

She was unconscious again so quickly that if it weren't for the fact that the room had been full of friends and family, he would have thought he had imagined the entire thing. Spirits bolstered, that night ended better than any of the past week and a half. Esposito took Lanie home a while later, after Ryan left to see Jenny. It seemed the brief moment was enough to have everyone clinging to those they loved and cherished.

Martha managed to talk Kate's dad into having dinner with her and Alexis, knowing by then that Castle wasn't going to leave. Jim Beckett shook his hand and asked for a call if anything changed. "Anything at all." He had been firm to point out.

Castle nodded, he had gotten to know Jim very well over the past week and a half and he was certain the older man knew he had a keen understanding of what it felt like to worry about your child. "You know I will." He responded, and waved as the last of them left.

He was alone with her again; this had become a nightly occurrence. She would probably tell him he was creepy if she had any idea how long he had sat beside her watching her for any sign of movement over the past several days. Tonight was different. His hope was grounded in the knowledge that she was sleeping tonight. She wasn't brain damaged and comatose, she was sleeping under heavy sedation and probably a whole slew of pain medication.

He couldn't fight the smile that had plastered itself to his face hours ago when she had looked up at him with so much confusion and a sense of wonder. He kissed the back of her hand and felt her fingers tighten around his involuntarily. She didn't do that in her coma and he felt certain that if they could make it through this, they could make it through anything.

She was tough as nails and while he might be a little soft around the edges, he would be there every step of the way as long as she needed him.

x.x.x

A/N: Just a note, when I give you guys days and times they are US Pacific Time. Also, oh you guys have no faith in me! I wouldn't give you so many pages, suck you into a story so deeply, and then kill someone. That's just mean, and it would make me cry.

Review that made my day: **ArianaDawn**, I didn't mind the 'fangirling' as you called it, and I imagined how long and drawn out that 'No' must have been with all those O's.

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter Forty-Six

The next time Kate woke, the lights in her room were dim, her head had stopped spinning and she found she was able to focus on each thing her eyes landed on. It was a welcome relief. Moonlight shined through the blinds, casting a soothing glow across the room and cut the sharp lines created by the single bulb burning over a sink near the door.

She had always liked moonlight, the way it seemed to soften the hard edges of everything it touched. Watching it now, sweep over the man sleeping in what had to be an uncomfortable position in a chair beside her bed; she had never appreciated it more. The pale blue white light that glowed against his cheek made him look serene and peaceful.

Unfortunately, it also made him look pale and while his hand was warm where it held hers against the bed, she couldn't stop herself from tugging it to make sure he was still with her.

Castle's eyes snapped open and he looked into hers for a moment before a large grin spread across his face. He winced and the grin turned into a half smile, obviously the right side of his face was still sore. She was certain from the line of bruising along his jaw and cheekbone that it would probably be a while before it didn't hurt to smile. As much as she wanted to see him do just that, his half smile was equally charming.

"Hey." She said as a greeting, breaking the silence with a hoarse whisper.

"Hey." He responded simply. Castle seemed to read her mind and grabbed a cup from the rolling table beside her bed. He held the glass for her so she could have a sip from it and it was the best thing she ever tasted.

Logically, she knew that lukewarm water was probably not that highly rated a beverage, but in this moment, she couldn't think of anything better. Until he pulled the glass away and the expression on his face, the care in his eyes, no, that was better even than water. She could drink that in and live happily with nothing else.

"Did you draw the short straw tonight?" she asked, trying to get him talking, wanting to hear him to make sure he wasn't a figment of her imagination.

Castle just smiled at her a moment, raising his hand to brush gently over her cheek, "I rigged the draw." He responded, "Put in all full sized straws and bent mine over when it was time to compare."

"How self-sacrificing." She responded with good natured sarcasm. She felt lighthearted with the conversation until it struck her that he was always doing that. He was always saying something sweet in such an offhand manner and she felt a frown forming as she contemplated that she had missed all the subtle cues for so long. Of course, she had intentionally let some of them slide by, but no more. She wasn't going to let fear dictate her life and she wasn't going to back burner happiness just because something might put a stop to that.

"You alright?" he asked, drawing her attention from the wall she had been staring blankly at. He wasn't smiling anymore and actually looked worried, possibly on the verge of running out to grab a nurse.

"Yeah, just got a little lost in thought." She said, quietly, looking at him as a melancholy passed over his features. "What about you? You ok?"

He shook his head to tell her no, but a strained silence settled over them as she waited for him to elaborate.

"Are you in pain?" she asked, looking for an explanation for the sudden shift in him.

Castle shook his head, but when he spoke his tone was thick with emotion as if he were fighting not to have them take over, "Not physically."

That's all he seemed capable of saying at the moment, but it was enough. She pulled his hand up to place a kiss in his palm and then smiled up at him, hoping it was reassuring. She was about to break their silence when a quiet knock sounded and the door to her room opened.

The nurse was glad to see her awake and made quick work of checking her over. More coherent on this visit from the older woman, Beckett was able to converse with her. She answered the nurses questions, which seemed to delight the woman whose smile sparkled as she asked if there was anything that she needed.

"Actually, I had a question." Kate said, speaking before she could talk herself out of it. "Can I scoot over and make room for Rick? I sleep better when he's with me."

The nurse's eyes sparkled with understanding as she set down Beckett's chart and moved over to help get her adjusted, "As long as he's careful of all these cords and wires, that shouldn't be a problem. If I were in your place, my Emit wouldn't have spent all those nights cramping his back in a chair, coma or no coma."

Once Kate was situated and had been given a rundown of exactly how she could as well as how she shouldn't sleep, the nurse gave her a fond smile and a moment later they were alone again. Castle was looking at her with a wary expression and she just patted the new expanse of space beside her.

"I don't want to hurt you." He responded with a shake of his head.

"You're going to get hurt if you don't get over here." She told him as sternly as she could manage with a voice still ravaged by lack of use. Kate watched a hint of a smile tweak his lips, but he still wasn't moving so she had to break out the big guns. Reminding herself that honesty was her new policy she tried again with calm sincerity, "Please, Rick?" she asked, "I just want to feel your heart beating." She didn't realize how true that was until it came out of her mouth and she thought about how close she had come to losing him.

With a sad smile he stood and lowered the plastic rail from the side of her bed, "I don't think there's enough room."

She scooted over a little further and gingerly rolled so her back was propped against the other bed rail. Castle gave her a look she couldn't identify, something between concern and frustration before he turned and walked away from her. She wondered what had driven him to walk out and felt a wave of sadness as she watched him limp towards the door.

Before he walked out, he stopped and she realized there was a cupboard along that wall. He pulled out two pillows with his uninjured hand and came back to the bed with a gentle smile. Castle helped her roll a little more so that he could position the pillows between her and the guardrail before he carefully climbed into the bed and pulled the rail on his side, locking it back into place behind him.

They lay there, facing each other silently and Castle carefully pulled her hand up to place it over his heart. The thick material that was holding his arm tight against his chest dampened the feeling of the beat under her fingers, but as she lay still and breathed slow even breaths, she registered the steady thump against his ribcage.

"How bad is it?" she finally asked, sliding her hand out from under his to run slowly over the brace.

"I'll never be a pitcher in the major leagues." He joked, but her glare had him smiling at her apologetically. "I have a shiny new metal plate where a piece of my shoulder blade used to be and nearly had the pleasure of finding out what it felt like to drown in my own blood." She knew he was using that tone as a way to distance himself, but she tried to pull him back when her eyes met his. After a moment he sighed, and he became earnest. "It was bad. Touch and go for a while, I guess. I almost didn't make it out of surgery."

Kate's free hand fisted in the sheets of the hospital bed at his words and she felt the breath leave her as if she had just been punched in the gut. After a moment, she felt his fingers moving against the skin of her cheek and she met his eyes again.

"It's ok." He told her, "We made it." he was trying to soothe her, but his eyes misted over as she watched him, seemingly mesmerized watching his fingers on her skin. "Kate," he finally whispered, a harsh, sad tone taking over the reassurance of a moment before. "We made it." he repeated, but it sounded like an entirely different statement in that tone, as if he was just realized that they really were both still here.

"I thought I lost you." She responded in a quiet whisper

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Good." she responded, nuzzling into his touch. "And not just because of the coffee." She said referencing their conversation from what seemed ages ago.

"I know," Castle responded smugly, looking as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders as he gave her a teasing smile. "It's because you're crazy about me."

Kate opened her mouth to rebut the statement on instinct, as she had last time he made that comment, but shut it again a moment later. Her brain seemed to shift into high gear, replaying her thoughts and feelings from their time together. Rick stayed silent, watching her with a perplexed expression as her inner monologue took over for a moment. "You know what?" she asked rhetorically before she continued, not waiting on a response, "I really am." She enunciated carefully so there would be no misunderstanding. Her tone was light, but she was surprised by the level of calm and sincerity in her own voice that had felt so weak since she woke.

"I certainly hope that's not the potential brain damage talking, Kate, because," he paused a moment, as if putting a lot of thought into what he was going to say, "I'm just going to say it," Castle took a deep breath as if bracing for something difficult before he continued, "No take-backs."

She grinned at him, he was such a child sometimes, but she really did love that about him. "Wouldn't dream of it." she responded before he leaned in to place a gentle kiss against her lips.

"Good." He smiled softly at her as he adjusted himself back to his side of the bed.

His eyes hadn't left hers, happiness shining through clearly and she couldn't stop the relief from overtaking her as a single tear built and rolled out of her eye into the pillow. She hoped he didn't see it make its short journey from the corner of her eye to the bedding, but when his hand shifted around to brush the remnants of it off her temple she knew he had.

"Please, don't cry." He begged her earnestly. The concern in his features portrayed just how much that little tear seemed to hurt him.

She turned her head slowly, so as not to cause the pain or dizziness from earlier to come back and placed a kiss against the inside of his wrist as he continued to slowly stroke her face with his fingers. "What if they're happy tears?"

His eyes brightened just a little as he leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers as they lay there, enjoying each other's company. "Then you have to tell me first, so I don't feel like my heart is being torn out of my chest."

His whispered statement brought conversation to an immediate halt as she tried to rectify whether he was being overdramatic or if that's what his expression had meant a moment before when he asked her not to cry, "Are you being facetious?" she asked him, watching as the word brought a smile out of him.

"You were right about aresenious." He responded, momentarily ignoring her question.

"I still can't believe you doubted me." She teased back, more than a little relieved that they were moving away from the heavy conversation.

"I meant it, though." He finally said, breaking their silence and shifting back a little so he could look into her eyes. "It kills me to watch you hurting, even though now you'll let me be here for you. Maybe more now, because I feel like there's something I could be doing. Something I _should_ be doing. I just don't want to say or do the wrong thing."

"You wouldn't." Kate told him.

Castle gave her a wry smile, but she could see in his eyes that her faith in him had a powerful effect on him, "How long have you known me?" he quipped, "I say the wrong thing all the time."

"It's different now." She informed him, but could see he wasn't buying it.

"I'm not, though."

Kate shrugged, "But _we_ are." He looked at her a little hopefully as she smiled back at him, "Look, you might not always say the right thing, but sometimes saying the wrong thing is exactly what I didn't know I needed to hear." She took a breath and continued, "I love that you sometimes speak without thinking, how you screech like a girl when you're scared, or the fact that, without fail, you will bring up the CIA every single case, even if it's just peripheral. You're good for me, because you keep me from being too serious and you can make me smile when the only thing I want to do is curl into a ball and cry."

He was giving her that boyish half grin by the time she stopped talking, and she was more than a little worried about what he might say, "Is this the part where I get to list all the things I love about you?"

Kate rolled her eyes to cover the momentary widening of them. She hadn't even realized she said it and now they were slipping into dangerous territory. "I don't know. Are you going to be long winded?" she teased, hoping it would pull them back a little.

He just grinned at her, "No, I can be concise." He said, inflecting the right about of mock astonishment to make her smile and ease the tension just a bit.

"Don't try to charm me with that smile." She admonished.

His face lit with a mischief grin, "Why, is it working?"

Kate rolled her eyes at him again, but had to smile. He really did make life a lot of fun. If she'd never met him and was lying in this hospital bed, she would probably have her friends and her father, but she would not be smiling or joking around. She would probably be grumbling about spending a week and a half asleep and how that must mean that she was ready to get home. After which she would make life miserable for the people who cared about her because she hated being idle.

It was strange that she felt she was actually doing something just lying here with him. Talking was never 'doing something' before Castle, and in this moment she would categorize it as one of her favorite things to do. They didn't have to talk about anything important and they rarely did. Even so, if they were on an important conversation, he would always throw something funny out that broke down the seriousness of the situation. She had come to think it was a challenge he set for himself. Kind of a 'see if you can make Beckett smile' game he played.

It was odd for her to be so focused on the past, looking back over their time together, all her misconceptions and everything she did under the guise of self-preservation. She had been unsuccessful at keeping him at a distance. She had been unreasonable with him at times. She had been ungrateful for everything he'd done for her. Actually, she had always been grateful; she just hid it in that little box inside her. Not just behind her wall, because he'd already made it through there, but in a little steel lockbox deep in her heart where it stayed until she took it out late at night to examine things, usually after a night of drinking with Lanie.

She would examine his actions while she lay in bed, alone, and wondered why she didn't just go and tell him how she felt.

A sudden realization hit her as that thought passed her mind. She felt her heart start beating heavily against her chest as if each thump was the muscle trying to break free. She took a moment to breathe and smile to ward of his suddenly concerned expression.

"You ok?" he asked, looking behind her to the monitor that had started beating more rapidly.

"Yeah." She finally responded, "But we need to talk."

His quizzical expression turned slightly blank as if he was preparing to show no emotion, as if he was preparing for the worst possible thing to come out of her mouth. "Ok." He said simply his tone clipped and then he was silent as he waited for her to continue.

She could see the tension in his jaw and she wondered if she had really been so guarded that even now he thought she was going to run. If not physically then mentally or emotionally check out of the situation, because that's what was easy for her. She didn't want easy anymore.

She didn't want quiet or calm. She wanted loud and crazy with lots of laughing and kind smiles when she was feeling down. She wanted this crazy man who was lying beside her, because she asked him to even though he was scared. She wanted his charming smile to fill her days and his active mind to talk about cases with her. She wanted his tender side that always seemed to be looking to protect her, even when she was the one with a gun. She wanted his fiery side that she was certain she had only experienced a fraction of that night with him.

She wanted Richard Castle, and he didn't have a damn clue. That would have made her balk even to think about directly not so long ago, but she swept it away as one thought played through her head. He didn't have a clue and he was scared. All those times that he was there for her and now he was the one who needed her to tell him it would be ok. The confession spilled out of her quietly as she stared into his eyes, "I love you." She told him simply with a little quirk of her lips at how good it felt to get that off her chest.

It took him a moment to process what she had said, giving her time to reflect on and relish the moment when her mind and heart stopped bickering with each other and finally joined forces.

His smile was wide and he was obviously ignoring the pain of that grin or he could feel no pain as he leaned into her again and pressed a firm but brief kiss to her lips. "I love you, too, Kate." He told her on a hushed but fervent tone with barely suppressed emotion pushing to break free. She hoped never to forget the way it had sounded.

She smiled at him and he returned it. This time it was her reaching up to brush a single tear away from his skin. "Is this a happy one?" she asked quietly, as if returning to a normal tone might burst the little bubble they had created for themselves.

Castle nodded in response, swallowing hard as if unable to speak. After a long moment he finally asked, "Can we talk about getting a puppy, now?"

"Castle." She admonished and watched his eyes light up upon hearing his name in the reprimanding tone she used so often. "That year just started over. And every single time you try again, that year will start over. Do you understand me?"

Castle smiled at her fondly, "So, that's a no on the puppy?"

Kate rolled her eyes, because that's what was expected of her when he said something like that, but the smile she couldn't shake softened the gesture.

x.x.x

A/N: So. . . Do we end it here, or should we explore a little further into recovery and get some more info on the crazy Annie Marks? Who wants an epilogue and who wants a few more chapters first? I don't want to bore you all dragging this out now that the action is over, so I'll let you all decide.

Either way it won't be until this weekend for the next update, because I have this other story that I've been ignoring while I put you all through cliff-hanger Hell this past week. I felt the need to focus all of my energies towards this story, so that I wouldn't wake one morning to find myself hanging from a tree by my toenails. As a result, my other story is feeling neglected.

Review that made my day: **Lily978**, Who found out about my story from a friend on twitter. Wow, that blew me away! I've never been tweeted about before, or at least not to my knowledge. I'm sure there have been a few stray "Drove next to a crazy lady singing along way too loud to her car stereo" tweets about me, but do those really count? So this was a really cool moment for me. Thank you for sharing that with me.

Thank you, everyone for reading.


	47. Chapter 47

A/N: OK, this was hard to get back into once I realized the time line I had set up. If you recall, Castle pulled Alexis out of school just before Winter break. Between the case and Kate's coma, we've completely skipped over Christmas. Enough rambling, you've all waited long enough for this chapter.

Chapter Forty-Seven

When Castle woke up, he had an overwhelming feeling of contentment. He had slept great and for the first time since he was in a drug induced haze he didn't wake prematurely from a nightmare. Instead, he had slept through until morning with Kate curled against his chest.

He smiled down at her, watching her sleep and ignoring the pain in his shoulder that reminded him that he should take a painkiller. He would, once she woke up, but he wasn't going to be the one to disturb her. It was almost half an hour later when there was a light knock on the door and it opened, Jim Beckett and a sheepishly grinning Alexis came in, each carrying a box that they stacked in a corner before coming over to greet him and a rousing Beckett.

"Good morning." She said sleepily as she looked up at him with a small smile.

"It is." He replied and watched as her gaze passed him to land on her father and his daughter. He watched the blush creep across her cheeks as she realized their position and who was in the room with them. Kate Beckett, blushing. That was an intriguingly adorable sight that would not be purged from his mind any time soon.

"Hey Dad, Alexis." Beckett finally greeted the two visitors as Castle carefully tried to maneuver himself into a seated position with only one arm.

Jim moved to the bed quickly and braced a hand against Castle's back; helping him to sit as his other hand deftly dropped the side rail on the bed, "You look a heck of a lot more rested than I've seen you all week." He said as he gave Castle's uninjured shoulder a gentle squeeze before he helped him carefully stand and find his footing.

"You, too, Jim." Castle responded, taking in the more relaxed set of the older man's shoulders and the sparkle in his eyes. Castle had some understanding what the man must have been going through, not only from his own personal connection to Beckett and the worry he had been facing, but also his knowledge as a father. He never liked to see Alexis in pain and to think about how he would feel if she were in the situation Kate had found herself in made him shudder.

Unfortunately the shudder ended in a wince as pain from his shoulder and ribs shot through him and he grabbed the rail of the bed with his good arm to stay upright.

"Castle?"

"Dad?"

"Rick?"

Three sets of concerned voices rang through the air at the same instant and despite the pain he had to laugh, but the laughter made the shooting pain pulse and he took a moment to breathe and calm himself. "I'm good." He finally said after a moment. "Just, need to get a pain pill."

Alexis was looking at him like she didn't buy it. Jim Beckett was lobbying a concerned but understanding expression his way. It wasn't until his gaze fell on the fearful eyes Kate was casting towards him that he felt the need to stand up a little straighter, fight the feelings and put on a smile. "It's fine, really." She acknowledged his statement with a nod, but he could tell she was still upset. He wanted to comfort her, but he also wanted to give her some time with her father.

He heard the rustling of fabric to his side and looked to find Alexis rummaging through his jacket that had been hung over the back of a chair. She pulled the bottle out with a triumphant smile on her face and shook it towards him. "Come on, Dad. Let's go get some breakfast since you can't take this on an empty stomach." She suggested lightly, but he saw in her eyes that this entire ordeal had been a lot for her to handle.

Casting a glance in Beckett's direction he gave her a fond smile and a thumbs up as he allowed Alexis to lead him out of the room.

They were only a few steps down the hall when he was suddenly struck with the events of the previous evening and he felt his lips curl up in a smile as he looped his arm with his daughters.

"What are you all smiley about?" she asked. Her tone was light and while he knew this experience would weigh heavy on all of them for a long time, he relished the little light of joy she got in her eyes to see him happy.

"She loves me." He said, hardly believing the words, though he had heard them several times straight from Kate's mouth.

Alexis grinned as she led him onto the elevator and pushed the button for the main floor where the cafeteria was located, "I know." Was all she said as she returned his smile and leaned into his side to hug him, careful of his injuries.

x.x.x

Kate enjoyed spending time with her dad. It was relatively quick and painless to get through the emotional start of their conversation once Castle and Alexis left. Both needing to reassure and be reassured, but once that moment passed, they had slipped easily into conversation.

They had been talking and joking for almost half an hour when her dad teased her about Castle. When Beckett responded with, "Yeah, that's Castle. Man child to the extreme." Her father became suddenly serious.

"He was worried sick about you." His tone soft and suddenly serious as his gaze drifted from her to look towards the window and watch the snow fall gently outside. When he spoke again his voice was rough as if fighting tears and his gaze came back to her confirming that as they brimmed in his eyes but didn't fall. "He saved your life, almost cost him his, but he sat in that chair and barely ever left your side. He's been hurting pretty bad and it has nothing to do with getting shot."

She didn't know what to say to that, but she thought she should try. She almost smiled when her dad cut her off with a glare, the kind she had mastered from all those years being on the receiving end of them.

"Don't." he told her, probably certain she would be making another joke about the writer, "He loves you, Katie."

Kate nodded, "I love him, too, Dad."

Jim Beckett, normally stoic and unflappable, gave her an expression of pure shock. It lasted a brief second, before he followed it with a warm smile. "I'm glad you're finally letting yourself admit that." He responded. Silence enveloped them as he took her hand in his, but it wasn't uncomfortable. They were each enjoying a moment of introspection and the company of each other after so much had gone so terribly wrong.

It was a few minutes later when Jim finally spoke again, "So," his tone was seemingly casual, but she knew that tone. He was about to say something he was certain she wouldn't like, "Is it too early to ask about grandkids?"

Pulling one of the extra pillows from beside her, she threw it at him. She also made a mental note to keep her dad and Castle away from each other. One of them giving her a bright smile was hard enough to handle, both of them together would be damn near impossible.

The rest of the day seemed to pass quickly as Castle and Alexis returned. Jim and Alexis were secretive about the boxes, promising that 'later' they would deal with them. After a while, Lanie and the boys rolled in and Castle took Alexis and Jim out 'for lunch' while Kate visited with her three co-workers.

Of course, Kate was interested in the case, but Esposito and Ryan spared her most of the details.

It was disheartening to hear that one of Castle's body guards had been such a good shot, because Annie Marks hadn't survived the trip to the hospital. Not that Kate cared if the woman lived; as far as she was concerned she got what had been coming to her. No, it was the fact that Castle had been right. She had been pregnant and that innocent life that had nothing to do with the crazy mixed up dealings of its parents would never have the chance to rewrite the family history.

Lanie was quick to change the topic to Castle and despite the fact that Kate remained tight lipped about it and got the focus shifted back to her visitors doing most of the talking, it was a successful ploy. It had allowed them to move from the oppressive talk about a woman that none of them wanted to think too much about.

It was almost three when exhaustion hit her like a ton of brinks. Visiting with her friends, strong medication, trips down the corridors of the hospital for testing, it all finally caught up with her and she found herself nodding off while Ryan was in the middle of telling a story about the complications of planning a weekend getaway with your fiancé and her parents.

When she woke, it was much later. She knew from the darkness through the window, but she was struck with the change in her room. Castle, Alexis, her father, and Martha were huddled around a small table, playing what looked and sounded like a trash-talk heavy game of Texas Hold 'Em. That wasn't the change that had her grinning, though.

Somehow, while she had been out, they had strung lights and Christmas decorations throughout the room. She wondered about the kind of strings Castle probably had to pull to get permission for this little stunt, but it was wonderful to open her eyes and see all the festive decorations.

It didn't take long for Castle to glance her direction and she wondered if it had become a habit for him to check on her every few minutes because his head turned so casually towards her and was turning back to the game when it seemed to register that her eyes were open.

He excused himself from the game, and was at her side in a moment. Three pairs of eyes followed his movement and she received smiles from each of them before they turned back to bickering over their game as if they were giving the two privacy. It was a laughable notion considering they were sitting only a few feet away, but it was a nice gesture.

"Why does it look like Christmas threw up all over my room?" she asked him, but her smile conveyed that she really wasn't annoyed in the least.

Castle leaned over to kiss her on the forehead and then stood to give a grand sweeping gesture with his left hand, "Do you like it?" he asked, "It was all Alexis and Jim." The two conspirators looked up to her with smiling eyes and then shared a knowing grin with each other before diving back into a heated round of betting.

"We all kind of skipped Christmas while we waited for you, so they thought it would be nice to share it now."

She nodded, she could understand that logic, but the thought of her family and friends having to worry about her over Christmas, the thought of Castle missing Christmas with his daughter and Mother, thinking about her father alone for the holiday, and everyone worried that she might not make it, had her suddenly teary eyed.

Castle leaned in close, resting his forehead against hers gently as he gave her hand a squeeze. "Those don't look like happy ones."

She shook her head, confirming that they definitely weren't, but she didn't cry as she finally explained, "It's just such a horrible time to have put everybody through all this."

Castle laughed then, and his humor brought a smile to her lips, even if she didn't understand the reason behind it. "Seriously, Kate? You should just be glad that you got to skip over all the awkward first Christmas together stuff."

Kate did laugh then, because she always could trust Castle to find the silver lining even in the darkest of clouds.

x.x.x

A/N: Sorry for the long delay, inner turmoil from writing a story with crazy angst and coming back here to write this kind of got away from me as I was unable to switch mindsets easily. Fortunately, this one is complete now. There's still an epilogue floating around in my head, but it will be a little while before I get the chance to solidify the thoughts in chapter form.

Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed this story along the way. It really is great to be back to writing again after so many years and you all made this journey so fun and rewarding for me as a humble writer. I loved watching this unfold, since it really went somewhere I had no idea it was going to go. This was the first story I had ever plotted all the way through before I had written a single chapter… of course the title stopped making sense once the entire plot shifted out from under me, but I think it turned out alright anyway, even if it was nothing like my plot outline.

Thanks again to everyone for reading.


	48. Epilogue

Epilogue

Kate came to consciousness slowly, the strong scent of coffee pulling her pleasingly to wakefulness. When her eyes finally opened she could see Rick's face as he grinned at her over the rim of the steaming coffee cup. This was a weekend morning routine that never got old. Those few days when she was able to sleep in, Rick almost always seemed to wake before her to slip out of bed and return with a cup of delicious wakefulness.

The act had been one of the high points in his arsenal of reasons for her to move in months before. It had taken her a while to relent, not that they had spent many nights apart, but looking back she couldn't see them any other way than they were right now.

As she slid up to lean against the headboard and took the cup from his hands, she spotted the shiny red and green wrapped present in his other hand and rolled her eyes at him. She knew something was coming today and despite her rolling eyes, she couldn't quell the sudden increase in her heart rate. She had been counting the days since she knew Castle would have been counting them as well.

True to her instructions a year ago today, he hadn't brought up much in the way of permanence besides his not so subtle hinting after a month that she should move in that lead to an eventual onslaught of nearly epic proportions including a rather juvenile PowerPoint presentation on the big screen in place of movie night six months before. She may have thought it was cute as hell, but she had refused to admit it to him and actually let him get through his entire presentation complete with twenty minutes of puppy dog looks and an over-dramatized pouty lip before she caved. He didn't stop grinning for three days.

Now, months later, he was still living up to the fourth slide in his presentation with the steaming cup of caffeinated goodness cradled delicately in both of her hands as she took a careful sip followed by a longer swallow when it was the perfect temperature to be hot without burning her. She should have been used to it after all the mornings he had managed to sneak away and bring her coffee in bed, but old habits die hard.

After that first long pull, she finally let her eyes travel back to the excited grin that Castle was wearing as he pulled up space on the bed beside her and folded one leg beneath the other so he could face her more directly. The package was still in his hand and she knew there was something significant inside the unassuming red and green wrapping.

She had been a little worried he would try something over Christmas, but her presents from him had been nothing in the way of presumptuous. She should have expected this a few days after Christmas, marking the one year point from the time she had told him he couldn't bring up anything of permanence for at least a year. However, as she let her eyes casually take in the package in Rick's hand she was relieved to see it was too large for a ring, so perhaps this was to be the shot across the bow. Maybe he was starting the same kind of subtle hint campaign that had lasted about four months between him first broaching the subject of her moving in and when he had finally convinced her that it was a good idea.

"Did Santa forget one?" she asked tilting her head slightly to indicate the gift in his hand and for a moment he looked at her with confusion. He seemed to finally remember he was holding something so gave a mere shrug to her question and then held the small box out to her. It was a rectangle, the size and shape not giving away any details about the present itself.

After taking another long drink from her coffee, dropping it to just below half empty, she held the mug out to him and he set it on the bedside table before handing the present over. The twinkle in his eyes was still there and she could tell that he seemed so pleased with himself over whatever was inside.

With her own, indulgent smile, she accepted the gift from him and then lost herself for a moment in his kiss as he momentarily distracted her from the task at hand. Finally, he pulled away from her lips, though it seemed a very reluctant move made of far more uncertainty than he had expressed previously.

Kate slipped a finger beneath the edge of the wrapping on one of the shorter sides, carefully pulling the gift wrap away from the present in that way he had previously expressed drove him crazy.

"It builds anticipation." she had explained when he grumbled that she should just tear the paper and despite how much she wanted to fall right in line with his way of thinking, she found herself intentionally procrastinating through any and all presents he gave her.

This one, however, wasn't something she was sure she wanted to see at all. The man had a way of getting under her skin in ways she'd never known before and while he had respected her 'nothing elaborate' rule for Christmas, his gifts to her had been heartfelt and impressively personal. Despite the fact that she had practically lived with him for the past year and officially so the last six months, she was still sometimes surprised by just how well the man knew her.

Castle continued to be an enigma to her, but a wonderful set of surprises to be sure. He had done something for her that no other man had put the effort into doing, and in hind sight it was such a simple thing. No one before him, however, had even tried to know her to the extent that he did, no one before had seemed interested in digging deeper than those surface details that she gave to everyone and perhaps a few sexual aspects and culinary favorites.

Castle was a cut above on that. He had her tastes and preferences down and even seemed to be able to gauge the type of mood a day set her in like he had some sixth sense that existed solely to read her. He tried to explain it to her when she had been baffled by it enough to bring it up one night. He explained that there were certain outfits she wore if she woke up in one kind of mood or another; there were small mannerisms she employed only under certain circumstances and in certain mindsets. He had describe the different ways she ate her lunch at mid-day and what each of them meant for whether he needed to cheer her up, cool her down or just leave her alone.

To her surprise, the man was obviously right, because he seemed to know what she needed and when and that was what he would become in those moments. The rest of the time, however, when he wasn't defusing a situation with her, he had changed over the year in subtle ways himself. Love made him soft, not that he hadn't been two shots of pressurized air away from being a marshmallow already, but it was something different. It wasn't immediately obvious, though she did spot the change in the way he looked at her or just the way he looked. Love had given him something that seemed to lift a weight from his shoulders and left Mr. Carefree Exuberance in rare and spectacular form on more than one occasion.

She had nearly decked him when he'd followed through on his promise that he would shout his love for her from the rooftops so there was no mistaking that he wasn't a single available man anymore. That, after she had an admittedly ridiculous reaction to some crap published about him in some garbage rag gossip magazine. Still, she had to explain, in rather harsh words and a very firmly poked finger in his ribs, that the rooftop of the precinct where she had to work every day was not the ideal location for him to find roof access to do as he had proclaimed. Castle had merely shrugged her off, explaining, "They already know, it's the rest of the world that's still in the dark."

It had been the thing that shattered her last issue with them keeping their relationship out of the papers and out of the public eye. It hadn't taken long, as Castle had assured her, for the paparazzi to grow tired of them being boring together and move on to the next drug addicted star or party animal. She still had yet to admit to him that he was right about that and it had been nearly ten months since that particular conversation.

Thinking about where they had been a year ago left her feeling a little uneasy. They had gone from friends to lovers who were in love, or at least finally willing to cop to it out loud with each other, so quickly that sometimes she thought back and wondered if they had missed out on some things. There had been no real dating until they had been together for a few months. They had both been a mess and going out in public was not their idea of a good time. Still, thinking back she wondered if they had missed out, especially with her moving into his place.

It still shocked her sometimes to think of the loft as her home. She had never been the type to move in with another person. On more than one occasion a man had gotten close enough to her that he practically lived in her apartment, but it had never worked the other way around before Castle. Before he showed her that there was no need for home field advantage because he wouldn't let her push him away any more than he was willing to let her walk away. That had been in his little slide show, too, the only slide that had left her feeling almost nauseous as the statements swam before her on the large projection screen.

He had promised not to let her push him away and to always chase her when she ran. It was as if he was already planning for the moment when she would try to fight against all of this. It was a little disheartening, but she was able to talk herself out of making an issue of it under the knowledge of exactly how true the line of thinking had been. She had only run once and it hadn't really been him she was trying to get away from. Still, despite how he'd done nothing wrong, Rick followed through on his promise to always come after her. After having a mini-meltdown (that she can look back on now and realize was an over-reaction) from feeling like she was part of a family again and being shocked in that realization, she had left almost mid conversation over dessert one night.

Rick had found her and she'd surprised herself by feeling relief over the frustration she had been certain would be present if he imposed on her quest for solitude.

"It's alright to be scared." he informed her as his not so quiet footsteps approached on the rough gravel roofing near her perch overlooking the city.

"I'm not scared." she had denied almost immediately, not needing to see his expression to know that he was looking on her with disbelief. When he remained silent and slipped up behind where she was sitting, resting strong hand on her shoulders, she felt them sag beneath the warm touch. "I'm not." she tried defending.

"It's alright." he reiterated, though she hadn't been sure if he meant it as acceptance of her fear or her denial. Either way, he was right, but she wasn't ready to admit it.

Castle's breath against her hair, seeping through the strands to tingle against her scalp pulled her out of her own thoughts more than the words he was speaking as he explained. "I'm sure I know what's going on in that head of yours." his tone was soft, though his words seemed mocking and she had to fight to not take them at face value. "It's not necessary, though."

"What are you talking about?" she'd asked, not sure until that moment just how much faith she'd had in him and his perception of her. She found herself turning to him more often than not in matters such as this and he never disappointed. He had an ability to look at her life and reactions objectively and come up with a theory that seemed to fit. Unlike his take on crime scenes, however, these thoughts shared with her, usually under cover of night, were enough to expand that warm fluttering in her chest and ease her worries. She'd found herself hoping he would that time as well.

"We're just being a family, Kate." he'd explained. "They care about you nearly as much as I do and they just want to include you in things."

Kate felt the heat in her cheeks as she thought about the way she had walked away from all three of them a short time ago and how that must have felt to both the older and younger women in Castle's life. "I didn't mean anything by that." she finally managed to breathe into the cooling night air.

"Hmm." he agreed wordlessly before giving her shoulders a squeeze and leaning fully into her back, suffusing her with warmth she hadn't realized she'd been missing up on the roof. "They know."

Her quiet gasp had him wrapping his arms fully around her as she let herself melt back into his embrace, closing her eyes against the glittering city lights and counting his heartbeats vibrating against her back as she tried to wrap her brain around everything that had changed. "I don't think I know how to do this, Castle." she finally admitted, her tone as unsure as she had ever heard it echoed in her ears above the distant sounds of the street traffic below them.

Castle's laugh against her shook their bodies as if they were one and had her twisting to get away from him so she could try to read exactly what he was thinking in his expression. He didn't release her, but tightened his arms and leaned down to press his lips along her neck. When he shifted back it was only as far as her cheek before he whispered, "Of course you don't." as if it were the most natural and obvious thing in the world. "No one expects you to know where you stand when your center of gravity has been shifting for so long."

It had taken her a long quiet moment to decipher exactly what this crazy man was talking about, but when she did she had to chuckle, too. Why should she have expected everyone to think she would master this on the first try? She knew she put too much pressure on herself, but this was being a little ridiculous. The first reference to them being her family and she was running scared, but to hear Castle tell it, they had been expecting this for at least some time.

"We still love you." he explained softly, his tone nearly silent, words floating the short distance from where they were quietly spoken against the skin of her cheek. It was so quiet she wondered if she was supposed to have even heard it, but it had been enough.

"Let's go home." she'd told him, finally succeeding in pulling herself away enough to stand up and take his hand in hers.

Love, they hadn't gone back on their use of that word in the previous year, no matter how much she had felt the need to back pedal after the pain killers wore off. She was still amazed at her own restraint for not shutting him out that first day her doubts shifted through so strong that she was nearly sick with it. Then, to hear it as a group statement to encompass more than the changes between just him and her, had pushed her resolve not to fight this. It was love and she felt it, too. It was family and she had to stop running from the one thing she had thought she wanted since it was stripped away from her so long ago.

That night, on the roof, she'd finally let herself fall without restrictions, fall without limits and without skipping all the labels that had been swimming in her mind, dangerously mocking her with negativity. That night she went home with the man she loved to the two women she loved as her own family and gave them something she had been keeping in her heart for so long that it almost hurt to release it. That affection that had been stripped away by brutality when she was just a teenager was found again and shared in dozens of ways over the past several months.

She and Martha took to having lunch sometimes when she had a day off and she found she enjoyed the company of the quirky older woman. She'd had to work a little harder to build something with Alexis, but to her surprise it had only taken a couple months before the teen would walk into the living room while Kate was reading and drop onto the couch beside her. At first it felt too close, but as Kate forced herself to stop fighting it, she got used to the feel of the smaller woman burrowing into her side or dropping a head to her lap and rehashing a particularly grueling day at school. Not only used to it, but those became some of her favorite times Castle's daughter. The moments they could steal away for just the two of them.

Still, despite how comfortable she was and how intensely positive she became that this was what forever was supposed to feel like, the present in her hands slowly being unraveled still unnerved her. She didn't know if she was more concerned that it would be a declaration of his intent for a permanent future together or that it wouldn't be. She had spent the past couple of weeks convinced that he had something up his sleeve for today and had managed to work herself up over it just a bit.

Lanie had taken to giving her crap about it on a near daily basis and the more her friend needled her about wanting that permanence, the more she was convinced that she was right. Still, the thought of what all of this meant was enough to leave her hands slightly shaky as she finished with the paper and pulled it back from the plain white box beneath the wrapping.

She wouldn't have put it past him to hide a box in another one, he'd proven his proficiency with quadruple wrapping presents to keep Alexis guessing just a few days before on Christmas and as a result of watching the nesting doll style of wrapping he had employed, she was still nervous about what might lie under the unassuming flap of cardboard.

The tension in her chest coiled tighter as she flicked her gaze up to his for the briefest of glances to notice he was intently focused on how her finger was slowly moving beneath the lid to open the package. His expression was nearly unreadable, almost blank but it seemed to be hiding an undercurrent of nervous energy that he was trying to rein in. That didn't help her at all. He had been like an excited toddler all through Christmas morning as he watched with joy as presents he had chosen were opened. He seemed to find more joy in watching his gifts to others be enjoyed than he had been in opening his own presents.

It was something that still made her smile because she might not have believed it if she hadn't seen it herself. He was such a kid sometimes that she had expected that excitement to be focused on tearing into his own packages.

When his eyes shifted back up to her face, she quickly averted hers back to the task at hand and made the move to pop the tape on the last side holing her box closed. With shallow breaths her only option from the tightening in her chest, she carefully pulled back the lid to reveal the contents inside.

A mixture of relief and disappointment filled her as her eyes fell on the item gently nestled on a veritable nest of tissue paper as if it were a priceless artifact. The moment lasted but the space of a blink before she felt laughter bubble in her throat and escape into the room as she fell forward into his chest, disregarding the box for a moment to place a quick kiss on Castle's neck. "Really?" she asked him, sarcasm nearly dripping from the single world as she leaned back and reached into the box to pull the pink collar free from its packaging.

"What?" he asked, his tone as fake innocent as she had ever heard it. "You said we could get a dog and I always figured you'd be the type to like a big dog over a little one named Princess Buttercup or something."

She was about to chastise him for his assumption that her statement on talking about it in a year was permission when the feel of cold metal hit her fingers and she realized the collar already had a dog tag on it. She almost groaned at the thought that not only had he made this decision but he had either already given the dog some ridiculous name or he'd already bought it and this was just how he was presenting it too her. She figured it would be the first if anything and looked up at him with a subdued eye roll as she felt the weight of the collar in her hands and let her fingers find the rough patch where the dog's name was engraved. "If you named this dog Darth Vader, you can just forget about me ever agreeing to its existing outside the realm of your imagination."

His exaggerated look of feigned shock was enough to bring the lightness back as the tightness in her chest finally eased completely. She felt him shift on the bed beside her as she returned her gaze to the collar in her palm. Instead of a standard oval, circle, or even dog bone shape, it was a simple silver heart. She smirked at the man's ridiculous sense of romance as he tried to ply her with a little heart on a pink collar and flipped the tag over to read the inscription.

Kate's breath caught in her throat as her eyes finally adjusted to read the tiny cursive print. Her gaze shot to him to find that the shift in the mattress she had felt a moment before was Castle rising up slightly on the knee he had folded on the bed between them.

Rick stayed there, poised in silence, his eyes searching hers for a long moment before her gaze fell to the small velvet box open in his hand between them. Light from the open curtain caught the stones in the ring, making it sparkle as if it were glowing just for her, just for this moment and she felt the need to look away. Searching out his eyes again she was relieved to see the air of nervousness surrounding him as he waited silently for her answer.

Her mind was awash in swirling thoughts and conflicting emotions, but one thing stuck in the forefront. That brief moment of disappointment spoke volumes to how much she had been expecting this and had been just a bit crushed when it wasn't what had happened.

Following his lead, Kate finally managed a watery smile, surprised but not embarrassed by the moisture gathering in her eyes as she gave him an answer just as silent as the proposal had been. The tiny nod was enough to pull a huge smile from his lips. With hands that looked more than a little unsteady, Castle pulled the simple ring from its perch between the folds of black velvet and caught her eyes for a long moment as he gently moved it into position on her finger.

She shouldn't have been surprised that it was a perfect fit or that it was not some giant monstrosity verging on the ridiculous, but she was. The simplicity of the cut, the way it lay nearly flush in the setting showed just how much he knew about her. It was the type of ring she could put under a pair of rubber gloves and that simple act of skipping the chance to flaunt his wealth with ornate and unnecessary decoration in favor of something she would likely not take off even to work was more than enough to bring that warm glow back into her chest and spill the twin tears of joy out of her eyes.

The ring box was quickly discarded in favor of his hands being free to frame her face, thumbs wiping gently at the tears as he leaned in to touch his mouth to hers. It was a simple kiss, something small and careful, but a promise nonetheless. She felt his smile against her lips a moment before he pulled back to look into her eyes. "I love you, Kate."

His smile was bright and more free than she had seen it in weeks as if he had been carrying a weight with him. Perhaps he hadn't been sure of her answer, but something in her was surprised by that. "I love you, Rick." she parroted back, watching the joy overtake him before passion filled his eyes and he caught her mouth in a kiss far more heated than the one moments before.

It was several moments and many articles of clothing later when Castle's hand reached into the bedside table in a gesture that had become commonplace to them both over the past year. He stilled in his pursuit and she watched his brow scrunch in confusion as he felt inside the drawer before leaning over to peek inside. His expression was a mixture of amusement and delight as he pulled the little box from inside and flashed her a grin. "What's this?" he asked raising an eyebrow at her.

With a shrug and a forced nonchalance Kate let her eyes flick to the box and back to his face, "I just figured it was as good a day as any to mark as our anniversary." she explained, watching his eyes darken as that level of lust they had achieved ramped back up a bit. However, not having found what he'd gone to the drawer for, he pulled back after another heated kiss.

"Happy anniversary." he whispered, pulling in a breath and letting it out slowly. Finally, he managed to pull himself away from her enough to prop up on the bed on an elbow with the little box between them. "It's a watch." he guessed and she smiled at him. He had done this all through Christmas and was surprisingly accurate in his guesses nailing nearly two out of three.

She just smirked at his guess trying not to give away the answer and forcing herself to keep it together just a few moments longer. "Open it and see." was all she managed before letting her gaze drop to the box as if she were as interested in its contents as he was.

Kate watched as he tore into the paper, an act made more difficult by the fact her was trying to do it one handed. When he'd finally pulled away the paper to reveal a rectangular jewelry box his smug look was almost overbearing. Certain that she hadn't gotten him a necklace as the shape and size suggested as another option, he was obviously feeling very confident in his guess. Mouth dry with anticipation, Kate finally pulled her eyes away from the package as he grabbed it by the lid and shook gently to pull the top off one handed.

Her eyes reached his face and watched the subtle play of muscles beneath his skin as he smiled. She felt the moment the shaking stopped and knew it was finally open, but didn't move her eyes from his face. She watched as the smile dropped completely to be replaced with a slack-jawed expression that was almost completely blank, to the point of scaring her a little. She had just long enough to think that she shouldn't have given him this today before shocked eyes moved to hers and his face split in a grin that rivaled the one from a moment before.

"Seriously?" he asked, his voice pitched slightly higher than normal with surprise.

She could do nothing but nod before he was on her. His mouth claimed hers possessively as his hands roamed her skin before settling against her still flat midsection. She could feel the grin against her mouth at the contact and felt herself smiling in return. It was a short moment later before he seemed to regain himself and he pulled back to look down at her. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice breaking slightly with the power of emotion bestowed upon them this morning.

She could only nod and a moment later she had to roll her eyes at his quirked eyebrow that signaled he was waiting for a real answer, "That's the fifth one and they're all about 99.9% accurate." it wasn't until he gave her a little glare that she realized that wasn't the answer to his question. She had to laugh at how serious he was, though thinking about it she'd had almost two weeks to adjust to the information. "No, I'm not 'sure'." she finally responded and watched his face fall almost immediately. "I'm thrilled." she amended quickly with a shy grin that felt odd to her.

The answer he had apparently been looking for was enough to have him pulling her into his chest, tightly. His eyes were suspiciously moist when he took a moment to pull back and gazes into hers before he leaned in to capture her lips again. Gentle kisses led to loving caresses progressed to passionate actions and resulted in both gift boxes being knocked out of bed.

His pink pet proposal lay beside her pregnancy test proclamation and neither was moved for several hours as the occupants of the bed lost themselves in each other and gave up any desire to leave the nest of warmth and comfort they had created together.

x.x.x

A/N: I know it took about a million years to get back to do this epilogue, so I hope you enjoyed it. Though it was likely not worth the wait considering it's been nearly a year. I hadn't intended this to be almost real time lapse of a year between end and epilogue, but it is what it is, I guess...

I know, I know, get to work on Your Last Day and Karma's Hand. I'm on it, but sick and busy so not sure on when that will happen. Soon, though.

Thanks again to everyone for reading.


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